Calico said:
Dylan, some ABDLs will claim this label to justify their kinks in publish and argue this is not sexual for them. This is something that is always something big and political in the ABDL community. They want to expose their ABDLism to non consenting people.
People with disabilities that make them feel younger do not do this at all and don't claim dysphoria to justify it. That is just something made up by the ABDL community on Fetlife and lot of those people would get kicked from groups. That is where the term "age dysphoria" came from, it's a counter label to justify ABDL in public and expose others to it who are not consenting. That is where the term came from. fetlife was even the first place where I heard the term.
I also think people will claim age dysphoria to get out of responsibilities and get out of adulting. Even Rosalie Bent has tried this as well acting like ABDL is just like being trans and she has gotten lots of criticism for it on Reddit and Fetlife. No one is going to want to take care of someone 24/7 just because they want to live like a infant or toddler 24/7.
It's fine if you want to regress as a way to relax, many people do things that relaxes them but to claim this is a dysphoria, I don't agree with it. I don't agree you are that age inside you identify as because kids at that age don't work or vote or drink or drive, same as for toddlers.
I once wrote in my blog post if age dysphoria was like being trans and I wrote how you would have to change your year you were born every year and you lose all your adult rights and human rights. No more smoking, no more drinking, no more driving and voting and you lose your income too because kids can't work. After all you are seven. I doubt any ABDL would want this.
Like I say, if being an adult stresses you out so much and having to pay bills and stuff, get help to find the root cause. My online friend knows someone who was a friend of his and her boss put so much stress on her she suffered a nervous breakdown and it left her permanently like a toddler for the rest of her life and her partner became her caretaker. But her partner was wealthy enough to hire another caretaker to take care of her for her so she isn't doing it 24/7 and she can still work. I wouldn't say this lady here has age dysphoria just because she now functions at the level of a 4 year old. But she was ABDL before her nervous breakdown. But she had other issues too like ADHD and possible autism. She was diagnosed and had many symptoms of autism as well.
And don't forget that one lady who came out as trans and decided to live as a 6 year old for the rest of her life and had some family adopt her so that meant she dropped all her adult stuff and life. Also claimed age dysphoria to get out of adult responsibilities so she wouldn't have to adult anymore and pay bills and work. I honestly think there is more going on than "age dysphoria." Worst of all, an actual child is involved in this. The parents that took this woman in also had a 7 year old. Of course this lady claims age dysphoria so she can do it in front of the kid and all the other adults in the world. Now if she had the mentality of a child, that is another story and not ABDL nor age play. But let's make up a new label to justify this right so we can be ABDL in front of kids and non consenting adults.
Now you know why I have strong disdain towards the word.
Calico
Thank you for your considered post. It gives me a better understanding of why you have an issue with the term age dysphoria. I respect your reasons. Your post helps in clarifying where we agree, and where we may disagree.
I concur that dysphoria is not a defensible basis for ABDLs avoiding adult responsibilities, involving children as spectators to our identity, involving non-consenting adults as spectators, or for pedophilia.
I accept that misconceptions about dysphoria have been used by some who wish to denigrate those with non-conforming identities (the latter including transgender people, or ABDLs).
I believe that the small minority of ABDLs who identify as a biological child in an adult’s body and on that basis wish to live 24/7 as a child, eschew adult responsibilities and become completely dependent on others are placing themselves at psychological risk.
All that being said, the fact that dysphoria in ABDLs is not well understood, and can be wrongly cited as excusing conduct which is not defensible, does not mean that dysphoria is not a real issue. I believe that dysphoria is an important issue for at least a substantial proportion of ABDLs, whether they understand it or not. I refer to dysphoria rather than age dysphoria as the latter term has some of the negative or erroneous connotations you identified.
For those ABDLs affected by it, dysphoria arises from the strength of their involuntary identification as a child in diapers. The large sample surveys of ABDLs indicate that identification as a child in diapers is one of the three main motivations for being ABDL (the other two being deriving emotional comfort, and sexual pleasure). Like the other motivations, identification as a child in diapers varies in strength between ABDLs.
This motivation was corroborated by the most authoritative survey of ABDLs, the Fuss study conducted by psychiatrists and psychologists at the Institute of Sex Research at the University of Hamburg. (‘Self-Reported Childhood Maltreatment and Erotic Target Identity Inversions Among Men with Paraphiliac Infantilism’, Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy Volume 45, 2019, Issue 8. Fuss, Joannes., Jais, Laura., Grey, B. Terrance., Guczka, Sascha R., Briken, Peer., Biderman, Sarah. V.) B. Terrance Grey (or BitterGrey) of understanding.infantilism.org was one of the authors.
Respondents were asked if they were sexually aroused by the thought of being a baby (using a 5 point Likert scale from 1 = always to 5 = never). 62% answered at least ‘rarely’ (unfortunately the results were not published for each point on the Likert scale). I believe the 62% who identify as a child in diapers is grossly understated. This is for a range of reasons including 1) it asked about this identification only in the context of sexual arousal, and many ABDLs enter ‘Little space’ without sexual arousal 2) the identification is involuntary and many ABDLs are not consciously aware of it – I believe any ABDL who derives emotional comfort from wearing diapers is tapping into psychological processes (Transitional Objects) that involve an unconscious identification as a child. There is corroborating evidence from the other three large scale surveys of ABDLs and the psychology of Transitional Objects but for the sake of brevity in this post we will confine ourselves to the above.
For some ABDLs this identification with a child in diapers is strong, and is a source of dysphoria. Let me explain. ABDLs have two sides of their psyche – a functional Adult side, and the diaper loving side of themselves. The salience of the latter in the psyches of ABDLs varies. For many it is the junior partner (the typical DL for example), but for others it is more like an equal partner (a more full-on AB for example). The strength of the identification as a child in diapers is related to the salience of the diaper-loving side in the psyche of the ABDL. Whatever the strength of the identification it is largely involuntary.
For some a strong identification as a child in diapers involves experiencing themselves as inhabiting the bodily form of a child. Mindlessly Diapered’s experience of body dysmorphia fits this category. But for many it is not as straight forward. They may imagine themselves, though still in an adult physical form, having some of the emotional and psychological characteristics of a child young enough to need diapers. As we referred to above, they might experience themselves as emotionally vulnerable, in need of nurturing, and being open to receiving nurturing from others in emotional and physical ways they would not normally allow themselves in their usual adult persona. In short, they might experience themselves in fantasy as taking on some childlike or childish characteristics, emotionally transformed, not necessarily also physically transformed.
For those with a strong involuntary identification as a child in diapers the dysphoria arises because of the conflict between that subjective experience with their objective experience of being an Adult. Being ABDL is a closeted identity. The interactions of ABDLs with almost everyone else validate only their adult self. For many their lack of self acceptance and conflict about being ABDL further invalidates their diaper-loving side. For those ABs where the diaper loving side is more like an equal partner with their Adult side, they have compelling attachment needs for nurturing and emotional comfort from their diapers which we associate with a young child, not with an adult. The lack of validation for this important side of themselves can lead to strong feelings of dysphoria.
I believe those dysphoric feelings are behind the ABDL fantasies of permanent regression to a 24/7 lifestyle as a Little. These tropes are commonplace in ABDL stories and erotic fiction which means they appeal to many ABDLs. In the fantasies, permanent stands for real; tangible not ephemeral. The fantasy is affirming and validating the compelling power of living with a the subjectively real experience of a diaper loving side with compelling attachment needs for emotional comfort. The rest of the world does not understand or accept many ABDL’s subjective experience. In the fantasy, it is transparent to all. These fantasies are a response to dysphoria.
The dysphoria is also apparent in the attraction of a substantial minority of ABDLs to using hypnosis recordings to induce incontinence. It represents a desire to align their subjective experience of their diaper needing/loving side with their objective Adult body, to reduce the dysphoria that arises from the conflict between the two. BitterGrey’s third survey asked respondents, “would you choose to become permanently incontinent?” 40% of respondents indicated that they would chose to become incontinent of urine, or feces or both. Further questions established that 24% had tried hypnosis “to cause a lack of control” and 29% had tried “untraining your bladder, either to become habitually incontinent or to wet the bed”. The proportion who had fully achieved their objective was low, 2% of those who tried hypnosis and 5% of those who tried untraining their bladder.
I believe ABDLs have a part of their psyche (the diaper needing/loving side) that replicates some parts of the psyche of a biological child. But that is a far short of constituting a full or accurate facsimile of the psyche of a biological child. We are Adults who remain responsible for our actions, for supporting ourselves and those who depend on us, to the extent of our abilities, and for respecting other’s boundaries. But the conflict between our subjective experience of our diaper-needing side, and our objective Adult selves, can for many ABDLs be a real source of dysphoria.
As per some of the examples you cite, a small proportion of ABDLs have deeply tormenting experiences of dysphoria and act in very dysfunctional ways. From data in the Fuss survey I surmise that at least 1% of ABDLs would fall into this category. While that does not mean we should condone dysfunctional actions, the dysphoria calls for our empathy and compassion rather than our condemnation.
The solution to the dysphoria is accepting the diaper loving side of ourselves as a permanent, valid and healthy part of ourselves.
There is a lot more that could be said about dysphoria and ABDLs but I hope the above synopsis indicates that it is a real and an important issue in the ABDL community.
Regards. Dylan.
