How do transgenders feel about switching genders?

[ParkABDL]

I was wondering, what do people feel that compels them to switch genders? Is it a desire to present themselves as a different gender identity, or is it something else? I want to be able to confirm with myself that I have these feelings and that they aren't a part of my imagination.

Of course, this information can be found elsewhere. But I was looking for a much more personal response, and I knew this section fits what I'm looking for.

 

[boobybird89]

That we're one gender stuck in the body of the opposite. I honestly have never felt like one of the guys and feel awkward around other guys or being told that its manly to be into one thing but that it isn't manly to be in the other. I have felt female since I was about 7 years old and my feminine side has continued to grow day after day since then. What has stopped me from getting the actual switch done is financial up and downs and the feeling that I still have work to do in this world as a male before my life as a female can begin.

 

[ParkABDL]

That we're one gender stuck in the body of the opposite. I honestly have never felt like one of the guys and feel awkward around other guys or being told that its manly to be into one thing but that it isn't manly to be in the other. I have felt female since I was about 7 years old and my feminine side has continued to grow day after day since then. What has stopped me from getting the actual switch done is financial up and downs and the feeling that I still have work to do in this world as a male before my life as a female can begin.

Really? Socially, I can relate; most of my best friends have been female. I've never held a lasting close friendship with another guy (my friendship with my roommate kind of turned into a relationship, but that's not the point).

 

[boobybird89]

I relate and get along with females much better, usually within 10 years of my age group or the older crowds.

 

[Sapphyre]

For me, the clearest thing is immediate, anatomical discomfort with my body. It is shaped differently than how my brain is wired to expect it. In some limited ways, it's analogous to the "phantom limb syndrome" experienced by amputees; their body's layout no longer matches their brain's expectations.

To "present" as female -- that is, to interact socially from that role, wear women's clothing, etc -- has thus far been a "Wow, what have I been missing?!?!" kind of experience. Insofar as I've yet been able to taste it.

 

[Geno]

I was wondering, what do people feel that compels them to switch genders? Is it a desire to present themselves as a different gender identity, or is it something else? I want to be able to confirm with myself that I have these feelings and that they aren't a part of my imagination.

It's a lot more nuanced than a lot of the soundbites in activism make it out to be really. It's easier to look at this in terms of one is not "switching genders" but is instead living as their authentic self than the one forced upon them. Hence the terminology trans and cis. Cis simply means you've more or less agreed that your gender identity conforms to your assigned sex. While trans being the opposite.

It can be quite complex, and the experiences of trans people are quite diverse. It can be a lot of soul searching to figure out that answer.

 

[ParkABDL]

It's a lot more nuanced than a lot of the soundbites in activism make it out to be really. It's easier to look at this in terms of one is not "switching genders" but is instead living as their authentic self than the one forced upon them. Hence the terminology trans and cis. Cis simply means you've more or less agreed that your gender identity conforms to your assigned sex. While trans being the opposite.

It can be quite complex, and the experiences of trans people are quite diverse. It can be a lot of soul searching to figure out that answer.

Thanks, it seems like you have a lot of knowledge in this area. I'm glad I chose to post on this forum, as I believe that most other sites I would find would either be too big or too distant to connect to. It's well-read members like you that make me want to keep posting on here.

 

[fifigal]

I was wondering, what do people feel that compels them to switch genders? Is it a desire to present themselves as a different gender identity, or is it something else? I want to be able to confirm with myself that I have these feelings and that they aren't a part of my imagination.

Of course, this information can be found elsewhere. But I was looking for a much more personal response, and I knew this section fits what I'm looking for.

Hi ParkABDL,
Boobybird89, Sapphyre, and Geno have all hit upon the central reason. Sexual Reassignment Surgery is an attempt to put things ' right ', to be whole and complete. To have the " outside " match the " inside ". To have the physical body align with the the mental and emotional thoughts and feelings.

 

[ParkABDL]

Hi ParkABDL,
Boobybird89, Sapphyre, and Geno have all hit upon the central reason. Sexual Reassignment Surgery is an attempt to put things ' right ', to be whole and complete. To have the " outside " match the " inside ". To have the physical body align with the the mental and emotional thoughts and feelings.

I think you summed it up really well. I'll continue to explore my feelings towards gender, and generally just experiment and explore until I find something right.

 

[fifigal]

I think you summed it up really well. I'll continue to explore my feelings towards gender, and generally just experiment and explore until I find something right.

Hi, again ParkABDL,
I am wondering just when you began to have these feelings and questions about your gender. Most people who are transgendered knew their physical frames were mismatched at a relatively early age. Have you had these feelings a long time, but just never closely examined them ? Or, are these relatively new-found feelings ?

 

[PrincessSara]

Hi, again ParkABDL,
Most people who are transgendered knew their physical frames were mismatched at a relatively early age.

I'm sorry but I felt the need to correct you here, this is NOT always the case, in fact I know way more people that started to have feelings around the age of puberty (12-16) than childhood years. And most trans people I know did not confirm to themselves their physical exteriors were not comfortable to them until early 20's, you shouldn't instill the common stigma that if you haven't always felt this way that theres no way you can be trans because it's complete baloney and an outdated disproved concept.

An also outdated concept is that people have to hate their genitials to be trans. you can be perfectly tolerant and acceptive of your genitials and still be trans, you can only want to wear the gender's clothing you feel suits you and do NOTHING else and still be trans. transitioning in extremes (hormones/surgery/etc) isn't necessary unless you (the person questioning where you feel comfortable) deem it to be.

it really is entirely about doing what you feel will make you more comfortable in your own skin, if you feel having boobs or having significantly less body hair is something that needs to happen then get on hormones and get laser/electrolysis. If you just prefer feminine styles of clothing to ones society deems to suit you more (male clothes) then start selectively dressing more feminine and in more female-specific clothing. if you hate your junk and feel it's not the right one then look into transitioning fully (hormones being mostly involved because taking them shows 'commitment' to the silly medical community).

You do you ParkaABDL, do what you feel will make you comfortable, whatever it may be

 

[Sapphyre]

I'm sorry but I felt the need to correct you here, this is NOT always the case, in fact I know way more people that started to have feelings around the age of puberty (12-16) than childhood years. And most trans people I know did not confirm to themselves their physical exteriors were not comfortable to them until early 20's, you shouldn't instill the common stigma that if you haven't always felt this way that theres no way you can be trans because it's complete baloney and an outdated disproved concept.

An also outdated concept is that people have to hate their genitials to be trans. you can be perfectly tolerant and acceptive of your genitials and still be trans, you can only want to wear the gender's clothing you feel suits you and do NOTHING else and still be trans. transitioning in extremes (hormones/surgery/etc) isn't necessary unless you (the person questioning where you feel comfortable) deem it to be.

it really is entirely about doing what you feel will make you more comfortable in your own skin, if you feel having boobs or having significantly less body hair is something that needs to happen then get on hormones and get laser/electrolysis. If you just prefer feminine styles of clothing to ones society deems to suit you more (male clothes) then start selectively dressing more feminine and in more female-specific clothing. if you hate your junk and feel it's not the right one then look into transitioning fully (hormones being mostly involved because taking them shows 'commitment' to the silly medical community).

You do you ParkaABDL, do what you feel will make you comfortable, whatever it may be

Well said. :iagree:

 

[AshikagaNatsumeHime]

I'm sorry but I felt the need to correct you here, this is NOT always the case, in fact I know way more people that started to have feelings around the age of puberty (12-16) than childhood years. And most trans people I know did not confirm to themselves their physical exteriors were not comfortable to them until early 20's, you shouldn't instill the common stigma that if you haven't always felt this way that theres no way you can be trans because it's complete baloney and an outdated disproved concept.

An also outdated concept is that people have to hate their genitials to be trans. you can be perfectly tolerant and acceptive of your genitials and still be trans, you can only want to wear the gender's clothing you feel suits you and do NOTHING else and still be trans. transitioning in extremes (hormones/surgery/etc) isn't necessary unless you (the person questioning where you feel comfortable) deem it to be.

it really is entirely about doing what you feel will make you more comfortable in your own skin, if you feel having boobs or having significantly less body hair is something that needs to happen then get on hormones and get laser/electrolysis. If you just prefer feminine styles of clothing to ones society deems to suit you more (male clothes) then start selectively dressing more feminine and in more female-specific clothing. if you hate your junk and feel it's not the right one then look into transitioning fully (hormones being mostly involved because taking them shows 'commitment' to the silly medical community).

You do you ParkaABDL, do what you feel will make you comfortable, whatever it may be

This is exactly the truth. I'm trans, but am not interested in Gender/Sexual Reassignment Surgery. I'm on hormones, dress full time as a female, have had a full orchiectomy, and some other things done to help me transition. Some people do much less, some do far more. It's a personal thing about making your body comfortable to live in.

- - - Updated - - -

I'm sorry but I felt the need to correct you here, this is NOT always the case, in fact I know way more people that started to have feelings around the age of puberty (12-16) than childhood years. And most trans people I know did not confirm to themselves their physical exteriors were not comfortable to them until early 20's, you shouldn't instill the common stigma that if you haven't always felt this way that theres no way you can be trans because it's complete baloney and an outdated disproved concept.

An also outdated concept is that people have to hate their genitials to be trans. you can be perfectly tolerant and acceptive of your genitials and still be trans, you can only want to wear the gender's clothing you feel suits you and do NOTHING else and still be trans. transitioning in extremes (hormones/surgery/etc) isn't necessary unless you (the person questioning where you feel comfortable) deem it to be.

it really is entirely about doing what you feel will make you more comfortable in your own skin, if you feel having boobs or having significantly less body hair is something that needs to happen then get on hormones and get laser/electrolysis. If you just prefer feminine styles of clothing to ones society deems to suit you more (male clothes) then start selectively dressing more feminine and in more female-specific clothing. if you hate your junk and feel it's not the right one then look into transitioning fully (hormones being mostly involved because taking them shows 'commitment' to the silly medical community).

You do you ParkaABDL, do what you feel will make you comfortable, whatever it may be

This is exactly the truth. I'm trans, but am not interested in Gender/Sexual Reassignment Surgery. I'm on hormones, dress full time as a female, have had a full orchiectomy, and some other things done to help me transition. Some people do much less, some do far more. It's a personal thing about making your body comfortable to live in.

 

[kerry]

Transgender people (the preferred term, not transgenders or transgendered people), or trans people for short, come in all shapes and sizes...pretty much like all other people do. And because we have that extraordinary variety, it's damn hard to whittle us down to a single stereotypical bottom line life story (not that people haven't tried). When I was growing up (back when dinosaurs still roamed the earth) and the word transgender had yet to be invented, people like me were called transsexuals, and as far as anyone knew we did in fact come in a single flavor: we knew practically from birth that we were "trapped," as it were, in the body of the sex opposite to how we felt inside. Whether we acted on these emotional needs early (which was rare), killed ourselves over it (which undoubtedly occurred but how would we know?), or tried, as I did, to live with it as long as possible, thinking we had no real-world option, only to have life crash in on us at some point and need to transition after all, we knew from the start. And we were all heading for SRS, at least as an ideal goal. But then someone coined that new word and expanded the spectrum of gender to include all sorts of things, and SRS-bound or post-op transsexuals were only a small part of it.

I know many women who have had surgery; I know many who have not. All of these women consider themselves--and therefore are--women. I know many men who once were women, too, some of whom knew from childhood, some from in their teens. Some have had all kinds of surgeries; most have at least had breasts removed (though a few still bind). I know many people, too, who do not fit so neatly into the binary: people who are androgynous, people who present female one day and male the next, people who spend weeks at a time in one gender and then flip for a while, people whose presentation is not truly androgynous but rather an aggressive combination of male and female. All of these, too, are transgender in one way or another. That "T" after that LGB is almost incredibly inclusive. So, as someone else said, you do you. Be who you want to be. Whether you fit into some neatly describable stereotype or you form a unique subgenre of your own, who the heck cares? It's no one's business but yours.

 

[boobybird89]

I agree with you completely, Kerry. It isn't one size fits all, we're all unique.

 

[ParkABDL]

I know many women who have had surgery; I know many who have not. All of these women consider themselves--and therefore are--women. I know many men who once were women, too, some of whom knew from childhood, some from in their teens. Some have had all kinds of surgeries; most have at least had breasts removed (though a few still bind). I know many people, too, who do not fit so neatly into the binary: people who are androgynous, people who present female one day and male the next, people who spend weeks at a time in one gender and then flip for a while, people whose presentation is not truly androgynous but rather an aggressive combination of male and female. All of these, too, are transgender in one way or another. That "T" after that LGB is almost incredibly inclusive. So, as someone else said, you do you. Be who you want to be. Whether you fit into some neatly describable stereotype or you form a unique subgenre of your own, who the heck cares? It's no one's business but yours.

Kerry, thank you so much for that. You made me feel a lot better about who I am and what I'm feeling. Obviously you have a lot of personal experiences in this area and are a well-respected member of these forums.

 

[Entropio]

In my personal experience - I never actually realised there was any difference for years. I saw physicslly there were, but I never really put two and two together for the longest time (keeping in mind I knew a guy for over 10 years, and only JUST noticed he had dark skin last year, to name one thing) My experience with Trans people was one woman and a lot of people who called her "he" and mocked her behind her back, or just didn't understand.

My first experience with a "guy only" (and therefore "taboo") thing, was the 100m sprint when I was 13. I had to get to the Dr's and since I couldn't race in the girls race, they let me run with guys. I won 4th and was so happy because I felt I'd proved myself. (Also - if my cousin who was better than me at EVERYTHING wasn't there, I would've got 3rd)

By puberty I stopped wearing anything remotely feminine and squashed anything feminine in me, because while I still saw myself as female, I hated the thought if being a girl. If there was a "stereotypically guy" thing that needed doing, I was always the first with my hand up, and I could never understand why I wasn't called.

At some point during my teenage years, my cousin (female) had to "go" while we were at the zoo. The only nearby bathrooms were Men's and you can't exactly tell a toddler "hold it 5-10 mins while we cross the zoo to get you there" so dad checked the Mens Room. I was only too eager to accompany her, and for some reason, this taboo place felt so much more comfortable than the Lady's.

In 09 I met my first Trans people outside the family, and immediately began to question myself. At first I didn't know how to explain to my family that I was probably Trans, until a TV show came up with a Trans girl... I don't remember her name, but she sells mermaid tails now and would prolly be about 16-18... Anyways, I said to my mother "what would you do if I was like that" to which she replied "you're not"... I stayed quiet until Riley (a transgirl AB) came on TV another time, then brought it up again... Again mum said no, but that was what sealed it for me (basically - I knew then was Trans and an AB, and it was ok; before then I thought I was the only AB, and that it was only cos I was Autistic, not that it was a valid thing)

... I just realised I'm giving my life story - oh well, can't stop now XD

Where was I? ... Oh! My sister's 16th birthday was the first time I came out. The theme was "what do/did you wanna be when you grew up" so I went as a guy... And got laughed at... But I didnt care, I felt right.

Since then, I've been slowly coming out, and now live full time male; with almost everyone knowing... I would LOVE to get the surgeries, but due to my personality disorder, it's too dangerous; so I can't afford to hate my body, and as such I've been trying to live with the knowledge that I'll never be whole...

HOWEVER, since coming out I'm a lot more comfortable with myself, and am a feminine Transboy drag queen...

Yeah sorry not exactly your question, but still...

 

[JessycaNekoGirl]

However it should be noted that not all TG people feel like they need sex reassignment surgery. I am one of those. I'm perfectly happy dressing as I feel like I'm supposed to and be addressed by my female name. These two things help me feel a lot better about everything. But yes the whole feeling trans has been nailed on the head by the others.

 

[puppyfat]

I'll share my experience, which is a bit more complicated. For the sake of simplicity, you could say I'm FTM (female to male) on paper. As in, with regard to my legal documents. But my gender identity itself is not male or female; the umbrella word for this is nonbinary. I consider myself trans because 1) I physically and legally transitioned from female to male by changing my name, taking hormones, and removing my breasts 2) because I do not identify with the gender I was assigned at birth (female).

In regards to being trans, I was a relatively late bloomer-- around 16 years old when I started questioning my gender identity. My decision to transition physically was purely as a result of physical discomfort-- I didn't like my high voice, my breasts, my hips, etc. because they simply gave off the wrong message about who I am. I don't consider myself someone who relates more to men, even though I began to question my gender identity because I have never related well to women. Although being nonbinary does make things harder for me in some aspects, transitioning physically and embracing my gender identity have definitely improved my life overall. I'm much more honest with myself than I used to be. I go out more. I take more pride in my appearance because of my new androgyny that feels more true to myself.

I still have some discomfort about not fitting neatly into being male or female-- life would be easier if I did-- but I know I did the right thing for me.

ParkABDL, take your time in exploring this. Figure out what your self image is, how you want to present yourself, how you see yourself inside. It's hard to filter out the messages about how you should be. And if you find that you are trans, great! If you find that you are not, also great! And if you ever want to chat at length, shoot me a PM.