SimCo
Est. Contributor
- Messages
- 192
- Role
- Adult Baby
- Diaper Lover
- Little
For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with long periods of depression that started for no apparent reason and seemed I last forever. Also from as long as I can remember from my very earliest memories, I have harbored a secret and recurring desire to be diapered. Both of these facts are an integral part of my identity.
I want to be clear at the outset - I don't believe infantilism or abdl desires in general are a form of mental illness. I believe that the abdl spectrum is most likely explained by factors that were present during the very formative potty training period of early childhood development, not from any neurological penomenon. However, I do believe that for people like me who are both abdl and suffer from a mental illness of some kind, the two things are often related in some way. I'll explain how this is so in my case.
When I was in my mid 20s, I was finally diagnosed with type 2 Bipolar disorder. People who are type 2 bipolar do not get full-blown "Charlie sheen" manic, but instead suffer prolonged periods of depression with occasional bouts of "hypomania," which is like mildly feeling awesome at all times, believing you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it, and having tons of energy and needing only a few hours sleep.
Hypomania is associated with increased sex drive and engaging in "risky" behavior. This is exactly how my disorder affects me as it concerns my abdl side. I generally have no libido whatsoever during my long periods of depression, and diapers are not even an afterthought for me during these periods. The sheer amount of work it takes to maintain an abdl lifestyle is way too exhausting to think about during these periods. But when a period of hypomania finally comes back around, I start taking unusual risks like ordering diapers to be delivered to my parents house or wearing huge diapers out in public without making any real effort to hide them (I do at least put some shorts over them, but I make no effort to hide the bulk, the crinkle, or the waddle).
As I've learned more about the natural way my mood goes through cycles, my past history of binging and purging makes much more sense looking back. Generally I go on an abdl shopping spree when I first get into a hypomanic state, and I have often bought tons of abdl gear just to use thr stuff one time in my hypomanic state, feel remorse and shame soon after I was done, and then throw everything away the day after it arrived.
As I've learned more about my illness and how it lead to an unhealthy binge/purge cycle, I've been able to overcome the negative cycle of binge/purge, not by learning to resist my urges to binge, but by resisting the urge to purge. I've come to accept that I will always have recurring periods where my abdl interests are heightened from time to time. I've come to peace with the fact that these indulgent periods are an essential part of who I am, and I have largely learned to let go of the shame I used to feel after a diapering binge and just accept myself.
Now I am still mortified by the thought of my habits ever being discovered by anyone else, but so long as I can keep my lifestyle secret, I can co-exist eight my abdl side.
If anyone else feels that their abdl side is closely related to a mental illness, I'd love,to hear your story.
I want to be clear at the outset - I don't believe infantilism or abdl desires in general are a form of mental illness. I believe that the abdl spectrum is most likely explained by factors that were present during the very formative potty training period of early childhood development, not from any neurological penomenon. However, I do believe that for people like me who are both abdl and suffer from a mental illness of some kind, the two things are often related in some way. I'll explain how this is so in my case.
When I was in my mid 20s, I was finally diagnosed with type 2 Bipolar disorder. People who are type 2 bipolar do not get full-blown "Charlie sheen" manic, but instead suffer prolonged periods of depression with occasional bouts of "hypomania," which is like mildly feeling awesome at all times, believing you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it, and having tons of energy and needing only a few hours sleep.
Hypomania is associated with increased sex drive and engaging in "risky" behavior. This is exactly how my disorder affects me as it concerns my abdl side. I generally have no libido whatsoever during my long periods of depression, and diapers are not even an afterthought for me during these periods. The sheer amount of work it takes to maintain an abdl lifestyle is way too exhausting to think about during these periods. But when a period of hypomania finally comes back around, I start taking unusual risks like ordering diapers to be delivered to my parents house or wearing huge diapers out in public without making any real effort to hide them (I do at least put some shorts over them, but I make no effort to hide the bulk, the crinkle, or the waddle).
As I've learned more about the natural way my mood goes through cycles, my past history of binging and purging makes much more sense looking back. Generally I go on an abdl shopping spree when I first get into a hypomanic state, and I have often bought tons of abdl gear just to use thr stuff one time in my hypomanic state, feel remorse and shame soon after I was done, and then throw everything away the day after it arrived.
As I've learned more about my illness and how it lead to an unhealthy binge/purge cycle, I've been able to overcome the negative cycle of binge/purge, not by learning to resist my urges to binge, but by resisting the urge to purge. I've come to accept that I will always have recurring periods where my abdl interests are heightened from time to time. I've come to peace with the fact that these indulgent periods are an essential part of who I am, and I have largely learned to let go of the shame I used to feel after a diapering binge and just accept myself.
Now I am still mortified by the thought of my habits ever being discovered by anyone else, but so long as I can keep my lifestyle secret, I can co-exist eight my abdl side.
If anyone else feels that their abdl side is closely related to a mental illness, I'd love,to hear your story.