Seeking advice and answers

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Arashi

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I have a concern that's popped up in the last few days, I'm worried/anxious that other users on this forum think that my boyfriend and I shouldn't be together because i get so anxious about his abdl side. Is this a deal breaker for some? It could just be my anxiety talking (i have sought out professional help for this and other non related personal issues). As I've stated in my previous posts, I love and adore this man and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I'm willing to do whatever it takes for me to be able to not have this sort of reaction to it. Although it has been getting better in the last few months. I'm hoping that he will continue to allow me to take things slow and ease myself into it but I also know that he gets excited and tends to "push" me past my boundaries before I'm ready to move past them.This scares me into thinking that he'll leave me if i'm not immediately on board with abdl, as he wants me to be heavily involved in all of the aspects that he enjoys and that it is a sexual turn on for him.
 

littlemoosey

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In a committed relatioship this will only work if both of you are on board. If he is pushing you beyond your comfort zone that is not right.

I applaud your efforts thus far; and that you are on here seeking advice is a good thing as well. To me it shows that you are legitimately trying.

It sounds from your post he needs to drop it down a few notches. Even if he manages to reluctantly “drag you forward”, this will never sit right with you. You will resent it, you will hesitate, he will feel that and get frustrated pushing ever harder. This is certainly not the way to go into a marriage.

Both of you have to be 100% onboard and abide by each other’s ground rules. If he can not do that no matter how much you love him, this will not work.
 

egor

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In a committed relatioship this will only work if both of you are on board. If he is pushing you beyond your comfort zone that is not right.

I applaud your efforts thus far; and that you are on here seeking advice is a good thing as well. To me it shows that you are legitimately trying.

It sounds from your post he needs to drop it down a few notches. Even if he manages to reluctantly “drag you forward”, this will never sit right with you. You will resent it, you will hesitate, he will feel that and get frustrated pushing ever harder. This is certainly not the way to go into a marriage.

Both of you have to be 100% onboard and abide by each other’s ground rules. If he can not do that no matter how much you love him, this will not work.
I will second littlemoosey on this one.

If he is concerned for you he will accept the boundaries and rules that are laid down.

It is what works with my wife and I.
 

Arashi

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I have a concern that's popped up in the last few days, I'm worried/anxious that other users on this forum think that my boyfriend and I shouldn't be together because i get so anxious about his abdl side. Is this a deal breaker for some? It could just be my anxiety talking (i have sought out professional help for this and other non related personal issues). As I've stated in my previous posts, I love and adore this man and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I'm willing to do whatever it takes for me to be able to not have this sort of reaction to it. Although it has been getting better in the last few months. I'm hoping that he will continue to allow me to take things slow and ease myself into it but I also know that he gets excited and tends to "push" me past my boundaries before I'm ready to move past them.This scares me into thinking that he'll leave me if i'm not immediately on board with abdl, as he wants me to be heavily involved in all of the aspects that he enjoys and that it is a sexual turn on for him.
What I'm trying not so eloquently to say in this post is that, I'm afraid that users on this site think that me and my boyfriend shouldn't be together because of my anxiety (that has been getting better thanks to professional help) toward his abdl side.
 

littlemoosey

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What I'm trying not so eloquently to say in this post is that, I'm afraid that users on this site think that me and my boyfriend shouldn't be together because of my anxiety (that has been getting better thanks to professional help) toward his abdl side.
“And tends to push me past my boundaries”.... you are sending “mixed” messages here, if you are comfortable great! What are you looking for then? Reassurance? Based on your original post, that was not the message I got.

I hope things continue to move forward for both of you in a positive way at “your speed”.
 

SpAzpieSweeTot

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What have we done to make you feel we think you aren't a good pair?
 

Safariwolf

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I recommend you talk to him about how you feel and about boundaries along with what your comfortable with as of right now being in a relationship is a team effort and communication is key to a successful relationship
 

Arashi

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Hi everyone, I'm sorry about all of the confusion with how I worded things in this post. To be honest my brain was all over the place when i posted this and I didn't know what I wanted out of it. I still don't. I don't think anyone in this forum had said any thing to make me think that me and my boyfriend shouldn't be together because I get anxious about abdl. It was my brain telling me that (I.e. my anxiety). So I apologize again for any confusion or any mixed signals I was sending with that last post. I'm still learning how to make forum posts.
-Arashi
 

RubberJin

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You just sound anxious to me, worried that you're not good enough, not doing it right...

You're being really GREAT, and it's likely your BF is pushing a bit too hard because he's so excited that you're OK with this and (I'm taking a guess here) you might be a bit shy/anxious about telling him you'd like to slow down a bit.

He's opened up to you about his ABDL side, you need to be open with him about what you need - and he needs to take that on board as well as you're taking his stuff on.
 

dogboy

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There's no reason why you and your boyfriend shouldn't be together. I'm sure he's aware of how lucky he's found someone who will not just tolerate, but work with being AB/DL. Getting used to someone who is AB/DL takes time, months and months. He's the one who needs to be patient and give you time to adjust to this. Good marriages are built on compromise: give and take. I think you and he will be fine because you are making a great effort. He needs to realize that he has to make as much effort in taking in slowly.
 

ieyasu

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Arashi,

I hope that it all works out. The two of you are off to a great start! Open communication will keep it going well. Every relationship has things that have to be worked out and communication is the key to doing that.

Best of luck,


-Ieyasu
 

Slomo

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IF you were completely closed to him being abdl, then no you shouldn't be together. You are though. And you say you're trying to work through your anxiety over it, so that shows you DO belong together.
 
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