Non accepting wife...

[dazednconfused]

I don’t understand how an object can actually make you feel more love and pleasure than a human connection. And if it’s as simple as you said, so much bliss from a simple garment, then why even be ina relationship with a woman if your not attracted to women unless there is a diaper on their body?

as for comparing it to a man crawling into bed with me, there are certainly things that make me feel far more loved and secure and fulfilled than that..? But even that seems so strange…. How can an object hold equal significance to a person? As for the whole “men never get to feel secure” thing, lol who DOES? As a woman I would bet I have a lot more legitimate thrreats to my security day to day than the average man. I don’t expect to feel secure like a baby, why would I, what does that even mean? As for your comment that men need to learn that diapers don’t replace a human woman, it’s genuinely hard for me to even read that sentence without being frustrated and bewildered. Not only can a diaper not replace a person, but how can you even compare the two as being in the same category? Is it that without a diaper you don’t find women sexually appealing ? I truly can’t wrap my mind around the idea of thinking so little of your spouse to compare them to a diaper in terms of importance, and still want to have the perks of a relationship while treating them like they’re less than an object,., very hurtful and sad and shocking for me to even think about

For

I don’t understand how an object can actually make you feel more love and pleasure than a human connection. And if it’s as simple as you said, so much bliss from a simple garment, then why even be ina relationship with a woman if your not attracted to women unless there is a diaper on their body?

as for comparing it to a man crawling into bed with me, there are certainly things that make me feel far more loved and secure and fulfilled than that..? But even that seems so strange…. How can an object hold equal significance to a person? As for the whole “men never get to feel secure” thing, lol who DOES? As a woman I would bet I have a lot more legitimate thrreats to my security day to day than the average man. I don’t expect to feel secure like a baby, why would I, what does that even mean? As for your comment that men need to learn that diapers don’t replace a human woman, it’s genuinely hard for me to even read that sentence without being frustrated and bewildered. Not only can a diaper not replace a person, but how can you even compare the two as being in the same category? Is it that without a diaper you don’t find women sexually appealing ? I truly can’t wrap my mind around the idea of thinking so little of your spouse to compare them to a diaper in terms of importance, and still want to have the perks of a relationship while treating them like they’re less than an object,., very hurtful and sad and shocking for me to even think about

Forgot to say that security and maternal love are totally NOT the feelings I am seeking to experience with a romantic/sexual partner. I don’t get where feeling secure crosses into feeling horny.. it would feel traumatizing for me to treat a grown man like a baby while in a se y’all context, I’m very nurturing and very sexual but they are totally separate

 

[dazednconfused]

intolerance is ugly and unfortunate, that's about all I can say.

Being uncomfortable does not equal intolerance.

 

[odd1inSyde]

I don’t understand how an object can actually make you feel more love and pleasure than a human connection. And if it’s as simple as you said, so much bliss from a simple garment, then why even be ina relationship with a woman if your not attracted to women unless there is a diaper on their body?

I guarantee you, nobody on this site - nor your partner - actively chose to have this kink/fetish/coping mechanism/whatever. Many of us, myself included, have spent most of our lives trying to get rid of it through various means of therapy/other treatments. It doesn't go away.

Also:

Being uncomfortable does not equal intolerance.

Ha. "I don't get it and you people are disgusting, but I'm TOTALLY not intolerant."

 

[AtPeace]

I don’t understand how an object can actually make you feel more love and pleasure than a human connection. And if it’s as simple as you said, so much bliss from a simple garment, then why even be ina relationship with a woman if your not attracted to women unless there is a diaper on their body?

as for comparing it to a man crawling into bed with me, there are certainly things that make me feel far more loved and secure and fulfilled than that..? But even that seems so strange…. How can an object hold equal significance to a person? As for the whole “men never get to feel secure” thing, lol who DOES? As a woman I would bet I have a lot more legitimate thrreats to my security day to day than the average man. I don’t expect to feel secure like a baby, why would I, what does that even mean? As for your comment that men need to learn that diapers don’t replace a human woman, it’s genuinely hard for me to even read that sentence without being frustrated and bewildered. Not only can a diaper not replace a person, but how can you even compare the two as being in the same category? Is it that without a diaper you don’t find women sexually appealing ? I truly can’t wrap my mind around the idea of thinking so little of your spouse to compare them to a diaper in terms of importance, and still want to have the perks of a relationship while treating them like they’re less than an object,., very hurtful and sad and shocking for me to even think about

You don't understand, no diapers do not replace a human connection. They're two very different kinds of love and one does not replace the other. You are comparing yourself to your man's attraction to diapers, you must have been doing that before I ever said anything. You need to know, there is no comparison, but the love for diapers goes very deep, although it is in a different manner from love for another person.

Honestly it seems like you are just looking for reasons to think that diapers can and will replace you, and you are projecting these fears in your responses.

 

[dazednconfused]

I guarantee you, nobody on this site - nor your partner - actively chose to have this kink/fetish/coping mechanism/whatever. Many of us, myself included, have spent most of our lives trying to get rid of it through various means of therapy/other treatments. It doesn't go away.

Also:

Ha. "I don't get it and you people are disgusting, but I'm TOTALLY not intolerant."

I never said or suggested you chose to develop/have this urge/fetish in the first place. People have all kinds of fetishes, they generally don’t feel a deep need in their soul to have to act out every single one of them or have one dominate their life. Some are not even physically possible or healthy or achievable. And most people would never put a sexual kink over the whole of their romantic and sexual relationship. That is what I don’t comprehend. As I already asked, why even enter relationships (that you didn’t both go into knowingly as ABDL) in the first place if diapers/AB etc are more significant and is what you are sexually attracted to and consider a need on whatever level?

the second part of your statement is immature, ignorant rude and completely NON-factual. I didn’t simply say “I don’t get it” . Not understanding something is NOT the same as intolerance. I have not said anything to imply you shouldn’t be “allowed” to partake in ABDL activities privately. If you one day found out your wife wanted you to have passionate sex with other men in front of her, you being totally uncomfortable, grossed out and not at all open to wouldn’t make you you a homophobe. Not wanting to engage in gay sex and being personally turned off and unwilling to contemplate doing it doesn’t mean that you are intolerant of actual gay people. The same applies here. Considering this is significantly more “out there” and not the same as being gay, I know it’s not a one to one analogy but I think you’ll see my point. As for the “you people are disgusting” comment that is again, hurtful and rude and a misrepresentation of my words and character. I don’t refer to groups or individuals as disgusting. Saying the idea of an activity is disgusting to me is not the same as saying “YOU PPL are disgusting” I did NOT say that and would not say that. I don’t see anyone as disgusting except for rapists, paedophiles, murderers, and anyone continuously and unrelentingly violent or abusive to other ppl/animals/nature.
Wanting someone to be”tolerant” of you is not the goal I would have assumed by the way you choose to address my comments

 

[dazednconfused]

You don't understand, no diapers do not replace a human connection. They're two very different kinds of love and one does not replace the other. You are comparing yourself to your man's attraction to diapers, you must have been doing that before I ever said anything. You need to know, there is no comparison, but the love for diapers goes very deep, although it is in a different manner from love for another person.

Honestly it seems like you are just looking for reasons to think that diapers can and will replace you, and you are projecting these fears in your responses.

you’re certainly right that I don’t understand! Maybe a better way to explain my feelings would have been to say “compare” rather than replace. I mean a diaper and human are simply not comparable to me, which you also said. it’s like someone comparing “love” of any capacity to say a Kleenex or toothpaste or toilet paper… like it just doesn’t even equate in my mind. A functional object with a specific use, and a human being with all their intricacies and history and uniqueness and the dynamic of connection between two beings. It just doesn’t connect in my head. How can you have a “deep love” for an inanimate object? I mean sure we might say oh I love this shirt or I love this couch but that’s just a figure of speech. Not expressing anything related to romantic or sexual love. I know you said they aren’t comparable, but I would say feeling a deep love towards something that turns you on sexually is how most ppl would describe feeling about a sexual and romantic partner. So it’s hard not to compare. And the fact is, there are many varied things that I like sexually, I don’t pursue them all because my love and my relationship mattered far more. If they truly aren’t comparable than why wouldn’t the choice be simple? You can enjoy sex in lots of ways unless this is literally the only thing you are turned on by. I’m not exactly sure what you mean by afraid of being “replaced” as obviously diapers can’t suddenly take on the actions of a human female lol, but I am very confused and afraid of my needs and desires being disregarded while theirs are fully pursued regardless. Afraid of the betrayal and what this speaks to. The selfishness of hiding this while pursuing it. and of all the small things I see now in a different light then I did before and how weird I feel about it all. I feel like I was living in a deception that never took into account my feelings or what I want. I was not told, I found out piece by piece. As for projecting my fears in my responses, forget projecting, I have been very open that I am TERRIFIED by this entire situation. The whole thing is especially retraumatizing as I have a history of abuse from adults when I was a kid/teen. My own and his mother are both very abusive. The idea of this all has me literally crying off and on for almost three weeks

 

[AtPeace]

you’re certainly right that I don’t understand! Maybe a better way to explain my feelings would have been to say “compare” rather than replace. I mean a diaper and human are simply not comparable to me, which you also said. it’s like someone comparing “love” of any capacity to say a Kleenex or toothpaste or toilet paper… like it just doesn’t even equate in my mind. A functional object with a specific use, and a human being with all their intricacies and history and uniqueness and the dynamic of connection between two beings. It just doesn’t connect in my head. How can you have a “deep love” for an inanimate object? I mean sure we might say oh I love this shirt or I love this couch but that’s just a figure of speech. Not expressing anything related to romantic or sexual love. I know you said they aren’t comparable, but I would say feeling a deep love towards something that turns you on sexually is how most ppl would describe feeling about a sexual and romantic partner. So it’s hard not to compare. And the fact is, there are many varied things that I like sexually, I don’t pursue them all because my love and my relationship mattered far more. If they truly aren’t comparable than why wouldn’t the choice be simple? You can enjoy sex in lots of ways unless this is literally the only thing you are turned on by. I’m not exactly sure what you mean by afraid of being “replaced” as obviously diapers can’t suddenly take on the actions of a human female lol, but I am very confused and afraid of my needs and desires being disregarded while theirs are fully pursued regardless. Afraid of the betrayal and what this speaks to. The selfishness of hiding this while pursuing it. and of all the small things I see now in a different light then I did before and how weird I feel about it all. I feel like I was living in a deception that never took into account my feelings or what I want. I was not told, I found out piece by piece. As for projecting my fears in my responses, forget projecting, I have been very open that I am TERRIFIED by this entire situation. The whole thing is especially retraumatizing as I have a history of abuse from adults when I was a kid/teen. My own and his mother are both very abusive. The idea of this all has me literally crying off and on for almost three weeks

Oh I'm sorry...this response was much more open than your other ones. I'm sorry this has you in such a difficult position. And I understand what you mean about the Kleenex comparison. But the nature of a diaper is very different than a tissue. Diapers hug the genitals and keep them warm, and they are very soft. A lot of it might also simply be a sexual reaction to the physical feelings that diapers bring. It could be that the sexual function in us was activated at a young age, whether by abuse or something else, and that it was directed towards diapers because they brought us love and security at a very young age. I have thought a lot about this and there will never be a way of knowing what started it.

I don't think you need to be afraid that diapers can replace you. Diapers do not in any way replace human love and I suppose I shouldn't have made it seem that way. We hide this because we don't know how we can bring this to our partners. Deep down we intrinsically know that this isn't quite right. But he wasn't hiding it because he is not fulfilled by you. This is a very complex fascination, even though it is an inanimate object. I know it doesn't make sense, this level of fascination shouldn't be focused on something as mundane and otherwise undesirable as diapers.

So you're pretty much completely right about how strange it is. But we know too. And we don't know why either, and half the time we are appalled by it, but with us, the feelings don't go away. We still like diapers. So this is why it is important to have compassion first, because your bf is probably way more scared right now than you are.

 

[PetPuppyAlex]

So I need some guidance on what to do. My wife gave me an ultimatum the other night about my diaper wearing. She said that it is a huge turn off for her and it makes her unattractive to me which is affecting our intimacy. To have her grown man husband wearing diapers for a want not a need. She said if I had a medical need for them that would be different to her and it wouldn't bother her. But the fact that I wear diapers because I like them and get comfort from them it repulses her. What can I do? It's a double edged sword for me because on one hand I may end up losing my wife because this and on the other I'll be denying myself of who I am and what I like if I stop the diapers all together so I feel stuck right now.

Leave her dude. A marriage isn't worth paying with your true self.
There is someone out there who will love and take care of the REAL you. If she doesn't love ALL of you, she shouldn't be your wife. Why would you marry someone if a whole side of them is repulsive to you?

If I were you, tbh, I'd be out. But only because I've done that whole thing and stuck around before. It doesn't get better. If it stands a chance to get better, I second everyone who said couples counseling. But, honestly, your soul will be freer for just leaving. If you have children and stuff, I understand. But honestly, excuse my language but I must be pointed -- F*ck anyone who tries to get you to sacrifice yourself to fit their mold.

Now, if you think your Little side is disruptive and she's not grossed out, but actually is concerned about your ability to be in an adult relationship... That's another problem. But, based on the info here, it seems like she takes issue with strictly your diapers and your lack of medical need. I wasted half a decade with someone like that once. I won't waste another minute. I hope you see the other side of this, my friend.

Sincerely,
A person who was almost married after a 5-year relationship with a woman who clearly didn't care for my ABDL side.

 

[dazednconfused]

Oh I'm sorry...this response was much more open than your other ones. I'm sorry this has you in such a difficult position. And I understand what you mean about the Kleenex comparison. But the nature of a diaper is very different than a tissue. Diapers hug the genitals and keep them warm, and they are very soft. A lot of it might also simply be a sexual reaction to the physical feelings that diapers bring. It could be that the sexual function in us was activated at a young age, whether by

I don't think you need to be afraid that diapers can replace you. Diapers do not in any way replace human love and I suppose I shouldn't have made it seem that way. We hide this because we don't know how we can bring this to our partners. Deep down we intrinsically know that this isn't quite right. But he wasn't hiding it because he is not fulfilled by you. This is a very complex fascination, even though it is an inanimate object. I know it doesn't make sense, this level of fascination shouldn't be focused on something as mundane and otherwise undesirable as diapers.

So you're pretty much completely right about how strange it is. But we know too. And we don't know why either, and half the time we are appalled by it, but with us, the feelings don't go away. We still like diapers. So this is why it is important to have compassion first, because your bf is probably way more scared right now than you

Ok so this is long I know but I will still need to go into some more details in the thread I want to post. But to reply for now, I really do get what you said and I appreciate you reaching out and hearing your take on this whole thing. The thing is… though I admit I am grossed out (always hated poop stuff!!) and weirded out and rather shocked personally by this particular fetish, it isn’t really the diaper itself as an undergarment or the other /props/cuddling/being silly/ dom sub stuff being unusual or so “strange” that is eating away at me. I am really quite a sexually adventurous person, I don’t like labels but I’ve been with guys and girls, experimented with things I immediately loved and things I didn’t. Tried stuff for partners (current included) that I hated but tried for their benefit. Ive enjoyed several threesomes, done some bdsm, pain, spanking ,choking, rough sex, taking control, relinquishing control, tantra, exploring all parts of the body, exhibitionist stuff, light bondage and sensory deprivation, been to a sex club, and I was even a sex worker at one time. We can compliment hot girls together and I don’t feel threatened. In the relationship I’ve had with my boyfriend of over 8 years, many of these things we have explored together, and ones that he didn’t feel comfortable with or I just felt wouldn’t work well or feel right in our particular dynamic, I have chosen to go without. There is no resentment on my part, he has always been so sexy to me in a way so special to him that although sure I’d looooooove to get dommed by two hot guys whenever the urge strikes, it would make him feel hurt in the relationship and has more jealousy than me typically. And I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing or missing out just because I can’t meet all my urges all the time. Plus the acceptance that being who he is, he can’t give me things he doesn’t have in him ( whether that’s rough bdsm with him as dom or simply having girl stuff to have fun with ahaha). Also I am a true romantic as he has always been for over 8 years and we have always spoken a lot about our romantic ideals and dreams of spending forever with each other, our most beloved. We had a little saying we use a lot “til never do us part” when we’re being cute and shit ahahaha corny I know but we have both always been kinda freaky but very much wanting a long, beautiful love. But let’s just say, during the past six months things have gone from the way I described to him suddenly and progressively spending more and more time alone, spending at times 3 hours in the bathroom at night which I now know was him taking pictures in my makeup and underwear and videos pooping in a diaper and cleaning up in our bathroom on fetish porn sites. Getting mad when I ask him about odd behaviour, not giving me hugs and cuddles like he always used to. I realize now he has been wearing a lot and probably didn’t want me to realize by hugging him. That kills me. He bought and hid diapers and women’s underwear. Lied to my face constantly that nothing was wrong, nothing was going on. He has been talking to girls on these sites, and he said on one “I just wish I had a loving mommy to clean me up in my messy diaper “ and that he’s so glad to share his darkest secrets for the first time and that he gets super hard thinking of her pooping her diaper in public. He wants to take something to make him poop himself in public in a diaper. That’s his main obsession it seems. Or it started with that but went from anal to scat to diapers to sissy stuff in a few months…. He stopped initiating sexual contact and when I do he either has struggled getting hard (which he’s had infrequent issues with in the past but not anything major or regular at all, and also he was on opiates back in the day which he said decreased his sensitivity and that once he got in his head about it he psyched himself out. ) so either lately that, or he gets hard but comes super fast. I also saw he’s been looking at a fetish thing called female orgasm denial. Which made my mind go down a dark spiral I didn’t want to go down. I’m so lost this is all swirling in my head and he knows I know some of it but still has confessed nothing to me. I’m having to process everything from years all at once. It’s so much to take in and so much is so painful and reality shattering that it’s affecting me mentally and physically. Here’s the kicker, although I know now that he’s had these urges for a long time, it seems like something he maybe went to like once or twice a year? Maybe? If that? But around the holidays we had to cut full contact with his mother after her stalking behaviour increased. She abused him sexually emotionally mentally and physically, always said creepy weird comments to him and his brother, insults me, got drunk and destroyed my wallet I’d and threw cleaning liquid all over my books. Harassed and made up lies to my family. Showed up at my work. Told him she’d buy him an apartment if he broke up with me. Went in my stuff and left out a pregnancy test and sex you on our bed. Drugged them through childhood, choked slapped and screamed. She has poisoned the food of an ex husband ex bf current bf both sons and myself and that is all we know for sure. When staying at their house for half a year I had horrific unexplainable symptoms that began suddenly and had stopped completely by the end of a week after leaving. Same for my bf. His dad left partly for the reason he believe me ahe was messing with his food. His health immediately improved. The health of the brother and bf in the house still continue to decline. She tried to bring us soup which smelled strongly of chemicals and a book called “love you forever” that depicts a mother breaking into her adult sons house in the night to cradle him….. this was it for us and we told her to stop all contact or we will be forced to involve police or restraining order. I felt a huge relief and some safety for the first time in years feeling like she can’t hurt me anymore. But then this all began and it scares me so much that this is related to his mother. My mother wasn’t Munchausens or drunk like her, but she was bipolar and on meds and violated my physical space and all my boundaries and privacy relentlessly. She felt ownership over my body and forced me to view her genitals as “sex Ed” and examine any part of me whenever she liked. She was a psych nurse and used to straight jacket me with a blanket to pluck splinters out. She was very mean and demanded perfection. I was so exhausted I had strep over 20 times from age 6-16. I also don’t even remember wearing diapers at all, I know she used cloth ones and I remember her criticizing how there were still boys my age when we were 3 in pull-ups. I have one vague memory of being pottytrained but it’s just a flash. So their isn’t any nostalgia or comfort attached to diapers in my brain. Purely grossness and not being independent. Me and my sister were both very eager to learn and we both talked walked and potty rained extremely early. Im sure knowing me I was just thrilled for less dependence on her and more freedom of movement. I don’t associate being “mothered” with love or comfort at all. We weren’t even allowed to call her mommy or mom as she hated those words, we said mum like British ppl lmao. I always felt anxiety to get away from her and the longer I’ve been free the better and stronger I feel. I am however very nurturing towards others, I am a bleeding heart for anyone in pain or distress on the street who needs a hand, animals included! I like to volunteer with homeless and elderly ppl and I’m going to school for child related work. I adore caring for my cats and my plants and one day more animals and perhaps kids…. I always thought he would be the perfect dad and I don’t know anymore…… I love to nurture those in need and it brings me joy. But the idea of being a baby seems like the total opposite of safety or comfort in my eyes. That makes me more protective over those who can’t protect themselves. But the thing is, with my own trauma around sexual invasions and emotionally neglectful baby care, as well as later sexual abuse and molestation as a young teen domestic violence from a Controlling dominant partner as an older teen, the idea of sexualizing that sort of nurturing or helplessness is innately repulsive to me and in total honesty it makes me feel angry. Then add in that HIS mother abused him AND me. Layers of messed up I know. To treat someone as a baby that is my SEXUAL partner would traumatize me I would break down and cry I feel. I’ve always loved his sensitive side and we both are gentle and comforting with each other when the other needs that, but being loving and caring to a romantic and sexual partner, is NOT the same to me as the type of caring for someone who has basic needs they cannot meet them self, and vulnerabilities they’re unable to defend themselves from. The way I feel coping at my cat in my arms is NOT the same as the way I feel holding my man and running my fingers through his hair. I know he is still physically a man, but him WANTiNg an adult woman to be sexual with him while treating him like a baby makes me feel uncomfortable and honestly hurt and dirty to think he’s fantasized about me or rly anyone in that context. How can he want me to a baby or mommy when both of those titles make me think of pain and anger and longing for control. That this is likely caused my his mother the woman who hurt us both, especially him so very very much is making me sick and heartbroken. I thought I was so beautiful to him and that I drove him crazy. I’m not tryna be an asshole but I have always gotten a a lot of attention for my looks, we’re both very attractive, and it may seem cocky but this is the first time I’ve had to contemplate that just me being a sexy woman that loves him isn’t what he wants or appreciates or even how he sees me.I keep thinking how he’s I gnoring precious time he could be using these past few days and BEGIN any type of honesty and kindness to me, and instead he’s upstairs in a diaper wishing his mommy was changing him. He doesn’t know fully what I do or don’t know but knows I found items and that I was crying all night after he left a fetish page up. He seems to be throwing it in my face to force me to have to be the one to address it and I’m just dying inside like where is my lover my heart my support through so much ? How can this even be happening how is this real is something I think over 50 times a day. Sorry for being so rambling it’s just so hard to describe the backstory of nine years and why this all is making this whole thing a nightmare come true for me

 

[dazednconfused]

Maybe better now to update further/provide more details on a separate thread or post I didn’t mean to hijack this persons

 

[GeorgeG]

My wife found out last year when she found a pack of nappies in the boot of my car. I had to come clean and she took it very badly at first. She too didn't want to think of her man in nappies. I have a professional job, I play a lot of sport, go to the gym etc and it's something she can never imagine me being into. She knew about the fact I wore nappies/pull ups quite late as a child and the issues I had growing up using the toilet but had no idea this led to my love of wearing nappies. The thing that bothered her most was the fact I hid it from her for so long. She started to question what else I had not told her over the years (we've been together for 14 years) and said that maybe she didn't know me at all. We had numerous conversations over the following weeks and I told her about how it helps me deal with stress and anxiety etc. She still doesn't understand it, and probably never will. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to see me wearing, doesn't want me to wear around her and doesn't want to see any nappies in the house. She does however now somewhat accept that it's something that I enjoy, and something that has been a part of me for so long it's not something I can simply give up. At first she did mention maybe I should see someone about it, like a therapist as I think she wanted "to cure me" but she hasn't really pressed this subject since. Now she knows that when I'm home alone I'll often wear but I'll change before she gets home so she doesn't have to see. She never asks about it, or even mentions it and I think for her "its out of sight, out of mind". For me this is somewhat of a win, as I can continue as I always have but at the same time I'd like her to be more accepting. I don't expect her to be involved in any way, but maybe just be open to discussions about it and not simply ignoring it.

I think if she ever asked me to stop and gave me an ultimatum I'd find it really difficult as it's something that has been a part of me for so long... I'd like to think it would never happen but if she can't accept me, including my kinks and flaws then I'd certainly start to question our relationship.

That is a really good post !

 

[AtPeace]

Oh I'm sorry...this response was much more open than your other ones. I'm sorry this has you in such a difficult position. And I understand what you mean about the Kleenex comparison. But the nature of a diaper is very different than a tissue. Diapers hug the genitals and keep them warm, and they are very soft. A lot of it might also simply be a sexual reaction to the physical feelings that diapers bring. It could be that the sexual function in us was activated at a young age, whether by

Well I don't want to give advice when I don't know you or him. But it sounds to me like this is one of those things where, if he doesn't stop, you're not sure you can keep going with him. It's strange to me that he started this very suddenly. Has he always liked diapers and just didn't tell you? Because if it came on suddenly then maybe it will leave.

But yeah. I totally understand what you're saying and it seems like this is completely incompatible with you on a very deep level. And that's ok. You've been with him for a long time but if you read what you're writing, it sounds like your relationship is already coming undone because of this. In my opinion, and you will find many people here who disagree, but everything he has done with this fetish is something I'd never dream of doing. I've uploaded diaper videos online but I stopped when I started dating someone seriously. And then there's the fact that he's kind of cheating on you by talking to another girl in complete secrecy.

Have you talked to him and told him everything you're telling me? You really should.

 

[Honeywell6180]

Oh I'm sorry...this response was much more open than your other ones. I'm sorry this has you in such a difficult position. And I understand what you mean about the Kleenex comparison. But the nature of a diaper is very different than a tissue. Diapers hug the genitals and keep them warm, and they are very soft. A lot of it might also simply be a sexual reaction to the physical feelings that diapers bring. It could be that the sexual function in us was activated at a young age, whether by

Looks like both you and your boyfriend suffered quite a bit of trauma from parents, especially his mother. Reading your long response, the fantasy you are describing that he has, especially when he's out in public, could be a psychological disorder in and of its self. And for that reason, he may have to learn to not act on those fantasies. Any time someone has the desire to become socially unacceptable, they are setting themselves up to undo hardship later. I don't think you want to give up on him, but I am sure he would be far better off if he got some professional help.

 

[Deleted member 49306]

So I need some guidance on what to do. My wife gave me an ultimatum the other night about my diaper wearing. She said that it is a huge turn off for her and it makes her unattractive to me which is affecting our intimacy. To have her grown man husband wearing diapers for a want not a need. She said if I had a medical need for them that would be different to her and it wouldn't bother her. But the fact that I wear diapers because I like them and get comfort from them it repulses her. What can I do? It's a double edged sword for me because on one hand I may end up losing my wife because this and on the other I'll be denying myself of who I am and what I like if I stop the diapers all together so I feel stuck right now.

I’m in a similar fix, I have a medical need but my wife believes I’m faking it.
she was with me during several conversations with both my neurologist‘s when my prognosis was discussed.
and still believe‘s I’m faking it.
I suspect there is more to the problem than she is letting on. I hope all works out.

 

[Honeywell6180]

I’m in a similar fix, I have a medical need but my wife believes I’m faking it.
she was with me during several conversations with both my neurologist‘s when my prognosis was discussed.
and still believe‘s I’m faking it.
I suspect there is more to the problem than she is letting on. I hope all works out.

Items like this are what cause many to ignore their doctor's recommendations, forego their prescriptions and durable medical equipment orders, and then go on to suffer for it. Or, lose their acceptance in society over the hygiene problems caused by the implementation of clothing that is unfit for the person's needs. As a janitor, I have seen it many times when having to change out waste baskets in public restrooms. It shouldn't have to be that way, but it is.

 

[PonderStibbons]

Why is it reasonable to make assumptions at how you believe she has to feel about something she never wanted to be a part of? And what do you mean exactly by acceptance/embracing?

* Including original post quote for response context. *

"I personally seek more than mere tolerance from my spouse. While I consider it reasonable to expect at least contempt-free tolerance; I hope for more acceptance/embracing through time." - OP

My partner's feelings and emotions are Her own. I make no claim on Her.
Gaslighting any person's subjective disgust, sadness, anger, desire, etc. is not ok with me.

Having voluntarily entered into a covenant 22+ years ago we both fully understood that we will change over time. Libido, habits, hobbies, interests, appearance, and hobbies wax and wane. Some we'll like, others are meh, and yes, some we'll absolutely detest.

So, understanding that I don't find it to be, "reasonable to make assumptions...about how She has to feel" (your words not mine), let's look at what I did say.

​

"I personally seek more than mere tolerance." An expression of subjective want/wish/desire.​

At present, my partner IS tolerant and makes time and space for me to explore this dimension of myself. I am grateful.​

​

"...reasonable to expect at least contempt-free tolerance..." Our covenant has no room for contempt, which is a chosen expression of an emotion/feeling; not a feeling or emotion in itself.​

​

"...; I hope for more acceptance/embracing through time." Again, a subjective desire to share with my covenant partner things that give me joy. An expression of a craving for greater connection. For a redeeming love, if that idea is easier to grock.​

My partner chooses to love me in-spite of the things I do that annoy, disgust, frustrate Her. I don't mandate her emotive response, nor feel entitled to Her participation in the squicky things I like.

• I encourage Her to mind Her conscience.
• I hope that some day She'll be able to offer more than mere willingness to endure; preferring enthusiastic participation (acceptance/embracing something that gives me great comfort) -- I'm not holding my breath.
• I understand that this may be a perpetual unresolved conflict and fully expect to engage in a healthy dialog with Her about it from time-to-time until death do we part.

Who wouldn't want to share experiences which consistently yield extraordinary personal fulfillment with others? How much more so then, might one desire to share this experience with your chosen lover.

Best wishes in your journey dazednconfused.

 

[GeorgeG]

* Including original post quote for response context. *

"I personally seek more than mere tolerance from my spouse. While I consider it reasonable to expect at least contempt-free tolerance; I hope for more acceptance/embracing through time." - OP

My partner's feelings and emotions are Her own. I make no claim on Her.
Gaslighting any person's subjective disgust, sadness, anger, desire, etc. is not ok with me.

Having voluntarily entered into a covenant 22+ years ago we both fully understood that we will change over time. Libido, habits, hobbies, interests, appearance, and hobbies wax and wane. Some we'll like, others are meh, and yes, some we'll absolutely detest.

So, understanding that I don't find it to be, "reasonable to make assumptions...about how She has to feel" (your words not mine), let's look at what I did say.

​

"I personally seek more than mere tolerance." An expression of subjective want/wish/desire.​

At present, my partner IS tolerant and makes time and space for me to explore this dimension of myself. I am grateful.​

​

"...reasonable to expect at least contempt-free tolerance..." Our covenant has no room for contempt, which is a chosen expression of an emotion/feeling; not a feeling or emotion in itself.​

​

"...; I hope for more acceptance/embracing through time." Again, a subjective desire to share with my covenant partner things that give me joy. An expression of a craving for greater connection. For a redeeming love, if that idea is easier to grock.​

My partner chooses to love me in-spite of the things I do that annoy, disgust, frustrate Her. I don't mandate her emotive response, nor feel entitled to Her participation in the squicky things I like.

• I encourage Her to mind Her conscience.
• I hope that some day She'll be able to offer more than mere willingness to endure; preferring enthusiastic participation (acceptance/embracing something that gives me great comfort) -- I'm not holding my breath.
• I understand that this may be a perpetual unresolved conflict and fully expect to engage in a healthy dialog with Her about it from time-to-time until death do we part.

Who wouldn't want to share experiences which consistently yield extraordinary personal fulfillment with others? How much more so then, might one desire to share this experience with your chosen lover.

Best wishes in your journey dazednconfused.

Well done for your 22 years.

 

[irnub]

Maybe better now to update further/provide more details on a separate thread or post I didn’t mean to hijack this persons

Like a bunch of us have been telling you to do since you've been on the site.

 

[dazednconfused]

Like a bunch of us have been telling you to do since you've been on the site.

Was that needed or necessary? You’re the one clogging the thread at this point .

 

[dazednconfused]

* Including original post quote for response context. *

"I personally seek more than mere tolerance from my spouse. While I consider it reasonable to expect at least contempt-free tolerance; I hope for more acceptance/embracing through time." - OP

My partner's feelings and emotions are Her own. I make no claim on Her.
Gaslighting any person's subjective disgust, sadness, anger, desire, etc. is not ok with me.

Having voluntarily entered into a covenant 22+ years ago we both fully understood that we will change over time. Libido, habits, hobbies, interests, appearance, and hobbies wax and wane. Some we'll like, others are meh, and yes, some we'll absolutely detest.

So, understanding that I don't find it to be, "reasonable to make assumptions...about how She has to feel" (your words not mine), let's look at what I did say.

​

"I personally seek more than mere tolerance." An expression of subjective want/wish/desire.​

At present, my partner IS tolerant and makes time and space for me to explore this dimension of myself. I am grateful.​

​

"...reasonable to expect at least contempt-free tolerance..." Our covenant has no room for contempt, which is a chosen expression of an emotion/feeling; not a feeling or emotion in itself.​

​

"...; I hope for more acceptance/embracing through time." Again, a subjective desire to share with my covenant partner things that give me joy. An expression of a craving for greater connection. For a redeeming love, if that idea is easier to grock.​

My partner chooses to love me in-spite of the things I do that annoy, disgust, frustrate Her. I don't mandate her emotive response, nor feel entitled to Her participation in the squicky things I like.

• I encourage Her to mind Her conscience.
• I hope that some day She'll be able to offer more than mere willingness to endure; preferring enthusiastic participation (acceptance/embracing something that gives me great comfort) -- I'm not holding my breath.
• I understand that this may be a perpetual unresolved conflict and fully expect to engage in a healthy dialog with Her about it from time-to-time until death do we part.

Who wouldn't want to share experiences which consistently yield extraordinary personal fulfillment with others? How much more so then, might one desire to share this experience with your chosen lover.

Best wishes in your journey dazednconfused.

When I said assumptions about how she should feel, I was referring to situations where people who do not tell their partner this part of their life prior to marriage while assuming tolerance as the only fair option once they are made/become aware. I don’t have time to respond to your msg in full detail but I also wonder if you would have the same attitude if she came to you with any type of fetish or sexual desire?