Non accepting wife...

TSladeDL

Learning to except myself as a DL...
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So I need some guidance on what to do. My wife gave me an ultimatum the other night about my diaper wearing. She said that it is a huge turn off for her and it makes her unattractive to me which is affecting our intimacy. To have her grown man husband wearing diapers for a want not a need. She said if I had a medical need for them that would be different to her and it wouldn't bother her. But the fact that I wear diapers because I like them and get comfort from them it repulses her. What can I do? It's a double edged sword for me because on one hand I may end up losing my wife because this and on the other I'll be denying myself of who I am and what I like if I stop the diapers all together so I feel stuck right now.
 
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Does she want you to give it up totally or would she be okay if you limit it an make it less apparent to her?
 
Can I ask if this is something she just found out about recently?
 
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This all depends on how much you value your wife and family. My wife outright threatened to divorce me when I told her and I was in fear of loosing my loving family that we had both created. Now I love my nappy time but hell it wasn’t worth loosing everything for least of all my marriage and my kids, so alas I chose to take it underground and put the genie back in the bottle, I know I’m not being true to myself but I think that’s a small price to pay to be able to come home to my loving,caring,safe and happy environment that we have created, ok I don’t get to wear as often as I would like but I can wear when they are out and nobody knows (which nobody knew anyway) so for me it was a sensible compromise, hope this helps in making your decision ! Good luck !
 
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Wet the bed a few times with her there. Maybe she will change her mind. 😁😁 I have been going through that similar with the wife right now. She keeps thinking and saying it's just a phase. Good thing she doesn't realize all the diapers I have hidden away. Also help that I do kind of have a health issue when my IBS acts up.
 
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Firstly, both of you need to understand that it's a fetish, and about as hard to change as sexual orientation. Basically, it's not going to go away. The psychology community recognizes fetishes as benign, as long as they're not interfering with your ability to live an otherwise normal life (e.g. you're not quitting your job to stay home and wear diapers all day)

Secondly, acceptance is mandatory, participation is optional. It's just as acceptable for your wife to be turned off by them as it is for people like us to be turned on by them. The two of you need to talk and find a middle ground. Maybe that means wearing when she's not around, or maybe it means picking a few times during the week you can do it and she'll just know not to pay your butt or look to closely at your waistline during those times.

The one thing that shouldn't be happening though is her kinkshaming you for it. If she's adamant about you not wearing at all, or that you're somehow a worse person for your preferences, it's probably time to see a couples therapist. And not just for the kink stuff, but because that level of not accepting a partner is a big warning sign.
 
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My wife found out last year when she found a pack of nappies in the boot of my car. I had to come clean and she took it very badly at first. She too didn't want to think of her man in nappies. I have a professional job, I play a lot of sport, go to the gym etc and it's something she can never imagine me being into. She knew about the fact I wore nappies/pull ups quite late as a child and the issues I had growing up using the toilet but had no idea this led to my love of wearing nappies. The thing that bothered her most was the fact I hid it from her for so long. She started to question what else I had not told her over the years (we've been together for 14 years) and said that maybe she didn't know me at all. We had numerous conversations over the following weeks and I told her about how it helps me deal with stress and anxiety etc. She still doesn't understand it, and probably never will. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to see me wearing, doesn't want me to wear around her and doesn't want to see any nappies in the house. She does however now somewhat accept that it's something that I enjoy, and something that has been a part of me for so long it's not something I can simply give up. At first she did mention maybe I should see someone about it, like a therapist as I think she wanted "to cure me" but she hasn't really pressed this subject since. Now she knows that when I'm home alone I'll often wear but I'll change before she gets home so she doesn't have to see. She never asks about it, or even mentions it and I think for her "its out of sight, out of mind". For me this is somewhat of a win, as I can continue as I always have but at the same time I'd like her to be more accepting. I don't expect her to be involved in any way, but maybe just be open to discussions about it and not simply ignoring it.

I think if she ever asked me to stop and gave me an ultimatum I'd find it really difficult as it's something that has been a part of me for so long... I'd like to think it would never happen but if she can't accept me, including my kinks and flaws then I'd certainly start to question our relationship.
 
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Loosing your wife and possibly other family members if they find out you wear diapers is not worth it as all will come out in the divorce court, I wear for need but I do enjoy ordering and picking up my diaper shipments so,I can see the draw of wearing diapers for want vrs need I would be out of diapers if possible and I would never choose them over my wife.
 
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mantilla said:
Does she want you to give it up totally or would she be okay if you limit it an make it less apparent to her?
She pretty much made it clear that as long as there were diapers, there would be no intimacy because she can't get past the fact of her healthy husband wanting to wear diapers.
 
PaddedInEastvale said:
Can I ask if this is something she just found out about recently?
Yes she just found out about a year and a half ago. It took me 4 years of the relationship for me to get the courage to tell her. I had been wearing in secret when she wasn't home.
 
irnub said:
Firstly, both of you need to understand that it's a fetish, and about as hard to change as sexual orientation. Basically, it's not going to go away. The psychology community recognizes fetishes as benign, as long as they're not interfering with your ability to live an otherwise normal life (e.g. you're not quitting your job to stay home and wear diapers all day)

Secondly, acceptance is mandatory, participation is optional. It's just as acceptable for your wife to be turned off by them as it is for people like us to be turned on by them. The two of you need to talk and find a middle ground. Maybe that means wearing when she's not around, or maybe it means picking a few times during the week you can do it and she'll just know not to pay your butt or look to closely at your waistline during those times.

The one thing that shouldn't be happening though is her kinkshaming you for it. If she's adamant about you not wearing at all, or that you're somehow a worse person for your preferences, it's probably time to see a couples therapist. And not just for the kink stuff, but because that level of not accepting a partner is a big warning sign.
I'm looking into couples counseling for me and her. This is something that is a part of me and has been most of my life. I don't want to lose my wife and split our family up. I've never been not accepting of any part of her. I just want the same in return.
 
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LittleScotty said:
My wife found out last year when she found a pack of nappies in the boot of my car. I had to come clean and she took it very badly at first. She too didn't want to think of her man in nappies. I have a professional job, I play a lot of sport, go to the gym etc and it's something she can never imagine me being into. She knew about the fact I wore nappies/pull ups quite late as a child and the issues I had growing up using the toilet but had no idea this led to my love of wearing nappies. The thing that bothered her most was the fact I hid it from her for so long. She started to question what else I had not told her over the years (we've been together for 14 years) and said that maybe she didn't know me at all. We had numerous conversations over the following weeks and I told her about how it helps me deal with stress and anxiety etc. She still doesn't understand it, and probably never will. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to see me wearing, doesn't want me to wear around her and doesn't want to see any nappies in the house. She does however now somewhat accept that it's something that I enjoy, and something that has been a part of me for so long it's not something I can simply give up. At first she did mention maybe I should see someone about it, like a therapist as I think she wanted "to cure me" but she hasn't really pressed this subject since. Now she knows that when I'm home alone I'll often wear but I'll change before she gets home so she doesn't have to see. She never asks about it, or even mentions it and I think for her "its out of sight, out of mind". For me this is somewhat of a win, as I can continue as I always have but at the same time I'd like her to be more accepting. I don't expect her to be involved in any way, but maybe just be open to discussions about it and not simply ignoring it.

I think if she ever asked me to stop and gave me an ultimatum I'd find it really difficult as it's something that has been a part of me for so long... I'd like to think it would never happen but if she can't accept me, including my kinks and flaws then I'd certainly start to question our relationship.
It's been very difficult for me. I've always been accepting and supportive of anything with her. No matter what it is.
 
Your wife's reaction is very similar to what I had initially.
TSladeDL said:
She pretty much made it clear that as long as there were diapers, there would be no intimacy because she can't get past the fact of her healthy husband wanting to wear diapers.
In terms of intimacy my wife first questioned as to whether nappies were purely a sexual thing for me which I explained they weren't. They're more a comfort and give me a sense of calm and wellbeing that I can't seem to get any other way. I told her that I always turned to them for stress and anxiety relief more than anything. There are times where I do get excited in them and in those moments they can become sexual, but overall they're a way to relax and forget my worries.
At first when I undressed she said she imagined me wearing them and it instantly turned her off but she eventually moved past this and our intimacy was only affected for a about 6 weeks or so.
TSladeDL said:
It's been very difficult for me. I've always been accepting and supportive of anything with her. No matter what it is.
I'm definitely the same in this respect too. I dont think there's anything that I wouldn't try to understand and try to get on board with. I love her and no matter what I'll accept anything that she throws at me no matter how odd or obscure I may find it.

I guess I'm lucky that my wife has chosen to overlook her discovery and learnt to put it out of her mind. I hope you can find someway to resolve your situation that best suits you both.
 
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TSladeDL said:
She pretty much made it clear that as long as there were diapers, there would be no intimacy because she can't get past the fact of her healthy husband wanting to wear diapers.
Diapers where? On you at the time? Visible in the room? In the house in general?

Also, does she understand about fetishes in general? Say like if you were into one of the more mainstream ones like feet or bondage or something?
 
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LittleScotty said:
Your wife's reaction is very similar to what I had initially.

In terms of intimacy my wife first questioned as to whether nappies were purely a sexual thing for me which I explained they weren't. They're more a comfort and give me a sense of calm and wellbeing that I can't seem to get any other way. I told her that I always turned to them for stress and anxiety relief more than anything. There are times where I do get excited in them and in those moments they can become sexual, but overall they're a way to relax and forget my worries.
At first when I undressed she said she imagined me wearing them and it instantly turned her off but she eventually moved past this and our intimacy was only affected for a about 6 weeks or so.

I'm definitely the same in this respect too. I dont think there's anything that I wouldn't try to understand and try to get on board with. I love her and no matter what I'll accept anything that she throws at me no matter how odd or obscure I may find it.

I guess I'm lucky that my wife has chosen to overlook her discovery and learnt to put it out of her mind. I hope you can find someway to resolve your situation that best suits you both.
Its not that I want to make her uncomfortable or creep her out with my diapers. They've always given me comfort and helped me cope with my anxiety and kept it under control without needing meds. They give me a sense of peace and normalcy in my life because it's something that I am in control of. It's not just a sexual thing for me either. It's mostly for the sense of peace and comfort with them. I've always accepted every part of her and never not once judged her for any of her things. I just want the same in return. If it's something that makes me feel and be a better person in general then why should it be a problem.
 
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irnub said:
Diapers where? On you at the time? Visible in the room? In the house in general?

Also, does she understand about fetishes in general? Say like if you were into one of the more mainstream ones like feet or bondage or something?
Just diapers being around her in general. At the house, on me, or while going out in public. She doesn't have a problem with someone wearing them if there is a physical need for them, it's the fact that her perfectly healthy man in her life is wearing diapers for the want of it not a need that weirds her out and is repulsed by.
 
It genuinely seems your wife has reacted exactly the same way as mine did however mine has slowly started to look past it and somewhat accept it's a part of me that she can't change. There are clear boundaries I stick to, I don't wear around her, I don't keep them where she sees them and we don't really discuss it.
Is this not something she can do? It's no different you doing anything else whilst on your own? It's like when my wife takes a long bath, I don't understand why she spends hours in there and what she does but I know it makes her happy and feel relaxed so that's good enough for me.
 
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TSladeDL said:
Just diapers being around her in general. At the house, on me, or while going out in public.
That's an issue then, because if they're not in sight (e.g. inside a box in the closet she knows you keep them in) but still bothering her, how is that any different from it not bothering her that they were in the room in the past, or on you in the past, or even going to be on you in the future. It sounds like she just wants you to not have or acknowledge the fetish anymore, which is pretty unreasonable.
 
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@TSladeDL - Sorry to hear about this. It a very difficult situation for you and your wife; but mostly you. I've been through the same thing with my wife; your story sounds A LOT LIKE MINE. Excellent marriage, we never fight or argue, we have fun doing things together, we have kids, we are kind and compassionate. I work FT, work out daily, take the family camping, boating.... all the typical man shit... ya know.

I wear diapers purly for comfort and security; lifestyle. I opened up to her about my DL side and she lost it, she called me a pathetic freak. The bombardment continued. My manly hood went down the drain. There was no convincing my wife and there was no altering her perception.

We are now separating and are moving apart. Bitter sweet.

I don't have any good news for you. You have three options; and odds are your DL side is strong and you cannot simply give it up 100%.

  1. GO TO COUPLES THERAPY!
  2. Give up diapers and repair the damage that has been done
  3. Discuss separating

Stay strong bro.
 
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LittleScotty said:
It genuinely seems your wife has reacted exactly the same way as mine did however mine has slowly started to look past it and somewhat accept it's a part of me that she can't change. There are clear boundaries I stick to, I don't wear around her, I don't keep them where she sees them and we don't really discuss it.
Is this not something she can do? It's no different you doing anything else whilst on your own? It's like when my wife takes a long bath, I don't understand why she spends hours in there and what she does but I know it makes her happy and feel relaxed so that's good enough for me.
I'd be fine with setting boundaries and give a little bit, but I just want to know she's accepts me for me even the parts she doesn't understand.
 
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