Looking Younger Than You Are

[sissybaby34]

Restaurants/stores can get in extremely serious trouble if they ever serve/sell alcohol to minors, so some have the policy of carding everyone even if they're obviously not minors. It's also pretty common for them to reject any form of identification that they don't accept as valid or even just aren't used to verifying, which basically means anything other than US drivers licenses. It's pretty common for restaurants to even refuse to accept US passports or state non-drivers-license IDs as IDs even though those are both things that should definitely be considered valid.

I would imagine that in a place like NYC restaurants would be more use to accepting ID from other countries, but there are even occasionally dumb stories about things like bars in other states refusing to accept Washington DC drivers licenses because some Americans incorrectly think that nobody actually lives in Washington DC.

That said, probably most restaurants will only card people if they look like they could be under 21, and it's more common for stores like supermarkets to have the policy of carding everyone.

But if you want to buy a gun......................

 

[FootiePJ]

I'm in my mid late 40s but easily look 22. And act like a 4 1/2 year old emotionally and socially because of my Autism. I have a habit of calling all my old college instructors Mrs. and Mr. One of my old math teachers from community college, now that I am in my mid 40s tells me it's okay to call him by his first name (Steve), but I keep insisting on calling him Mr. _______. He's in his early 70s now. I've known him 28 1/2 years, and I was in my late teens when I took his class. When I call him and ask for "Mr. _______", he comments to his wife somewhat half laughingly, "I told him it was okay to call me Steve, but he just keeps insisting on calling me Mr. _______". Anyway I don't feel like I'm in my mid 40s at all. I still live with my parents because of my Classic Autism and ADHD. I haven't done a lot of things normal 20-, 30-, or 40 years old have done. I have no girlfriend, no wife, never had any kids, hell I don't even drive a car because of my attention span is so bad I can't even concentrate 20 minutes barely. I feel sometimes like I'm less than a normal nonautistic 4 or 5 year old. There are preschoolers who have better social skills and better understanding of nonverbal facial cues than I do. Most of my friends are either elderly people now (ranging from old college instructors from the past to surrogate grandparent like figures, to old librarians) or they tend to be (at least until COVID 19 happened) toddlers / preschoolers and younger children. I have been bullied by high school and college age kids too long and even by people my own age. Actually from many research papers, it also isn't unusual for Autistic "adults" to have mostly friends who are either children or elderly. Then again, my brother is normal and has 2 boys (my nephews, who are 6 and 10). My brother is a few years younger than me. He loved to play basketball in junior high and high school and he sometimes plays basketball with kids in their mid to late teens in his neighborhood at the basketball courts.

Also if someone perceives you as a child, they might treat you like one, even if you are the same age as them. I substitute taught high school for a short time 20+ years ago. I was a complete and total failure because I failed to control the kids. The thing is, the high school kids and even the junior high school kids knew I didn't have any authority. In the first place, I am emotionally and socially like a child. But aside from that, at age 25 and 26, I looked easily like a 14 or 15 year old. In some high schools, not only the students mistook me for being another student, but the STAFF and ADMINISTRATION as well! My mom and I were told by a parking staff member at one high school that "Once you park, you can't leave until 7:30 AM!!". I was like "What??!! I'm a substitute teacher". The guy said "Oh....never mind then". LOL. I saw the parking guy later in the day (he looked to me to be 50). He told me he was sorry for mistaking me as a high school kid. We both had a good laugh over that one. LOL. In another high school, I was at the school library walking behind the librarian into one of the staff areas. She turns around and scolds me saying "You know you're not supposed to be back here!!". I said "I'm not a student for crying out loud, I'm a substitute teacher!". She laughed and said "Never mind. This is the SECOND time I made this mistake today." Sigh. It's so hard to have any authority with school kids if you look like you are that age. But high school is difficult to teach especially if you are a substitute. I've known parents of preschoolers who told me there's no way on Earth that they would substitute high school. My old math teacher (Steve) taught high school for one year about 45-50 years ago. One year there was already enough to drive him insane to the point where he decided to teach community college instead.

I'm not sure how much authority I would have even with preschoolers or kindergartners. I think they would perceive me to be their age. There have been many, many, many times where I have wondered if it would have better off for me - and everyone else - if I had just not grown up at all, not just developmentally or emotionally / socially, but if I had been a proportionate pituitary dwarf that looked like a 3 or 4 year old. I think people would also be a lot more understanding of me. I'd also would have enjoyed still being able to ride Power Wheels cars, amusement park rides for children, and some of the more adorable children's clothing like long-alls and T strap shoes. I also doubt I'd get bullied. I had all sorts of problems with my attention span and even remembering to do my homework all through school from kindergarten to past high school. I'm probably a poster child of someone who should have kept in preschool like forever. I was actually an assistant volunteer co-host at Preschooler Storytime for 3-5 year olds at my library alongside my children's librarian friend (who is now in her mid 60s) for over 16 years until COVID 19 happened. COVID 19 was the absolutely the worst and most terrible experience of my life - I hardly got to go out at all, it was quarantining like heck. I didn't see some of my friends and even relatives for almost 3 years!

- longallsboy

I substitute taught at the middle school and high school levels before, and people would always mistake me for a student. especially if it was my first time at a school. At the elementary level, kids over 3rd grade don't believe I am an adult, and even some 2nd graders tell me I look like I am 12. When I would substitute at the kinder and prekindergarten levels, I would have kids tell me that I can't be an adult, because I am small(I am under 5 feet tall), and I like all the same things they like. For example, I've had 4-year-olds tell me that I can't be an adult because other adults don't sit on the floor and play with them, and they also said other adults don't run around and play with them on the playground. My size and facial features aren't the only thing that look like a kid. I am also socially, emotionally younger. I would say my social-emotional age is about 3-5 years old. I think some of it is due to ASD and ADHD, but most of it is due to me being of Dilantin and phenobarbital from 3-12 years of age. I should also say that when I work with my kinder babies and 1st graders in small group in a resource setting at my school, they all want to play with me, and they wonder why I have to teach them when they come to my room, so I don't have much authority with the younger kids either. I just compromise with them. I tell them we work for 20 minutes, and then we can play for 10 minutes.

 

[MudPuppy]

I'm old enough now that looking younger doesn't really move the needle enough to matter.

 

[Sourpants]

Spamming @ShyBoo81: ID please!?!?

 

[longallsboy]

I substitute taught at the middle school and high school levels before, and people would always mistake me for a student. especially if it was my first time at a school. At the elementary level, kids over 3rd grade don't believe I am an adult, and even some 2nd graders tell me I look like I am 12. When I would substitute at the kinder and prekindergarten levels, I would have kids tell me that I can't be an adult, because I am small(I am under 5 feet tall), and I like all the same things they like. For example, I've had 4-year-olds tell me that I can't be an adult because other adults don't sit on the floor and play with them, and they also said other adults don't run around and play with them on the playground. My size and facial features aren't the only thing that look like a kid. I am also socially, emotionally younger. I would say my social-emotional age is about 3-5 years old. I think some of it is due to ASD and ADHD, but most of it is due to me being of Dilantin and phenobarbital from 3-12 years of age. I should also say that when I work with my kinder babies and 1st graders in small group in a resource setting at my school, they all want to play with me, and they wonder why I have to teach them when they come to my room, so I don't have much authority with the younger kids either. I just compromise with them. I tell them we work for 20 minutes, and then we can play for 10 minutes.

Yep, that's about the attention span of a 5 year old all right. Maybe 20 minutes at the most. I'll be lucky if I can even do that. These days now, a lot of nonautistic normal kindergarten teachers are finding it hard to teach. When my generation was in school in the early to mid 1980s (I was in kindergarten in 1981, my brother in 1985), kindergarten was all about play, and dancing, and circle time, show and tell, and coloring and recess. I couldn't even do that without getting myself in trouble. My first grade teacher wrote I had "an extremely inappropriate and immature attention span for a 6 year old" in my report card. But it's even worse nowadays in kindergarten with all these common core requirements and all this. Some kindergarten teachers have become so exasperated that they retired because they didn't understand why the kids couldn't play, that it seemed every second they were learning science and math and so on. It's not like you want the kids to go to university or something when they are 6 or something. Wait till they start teaching algebra to first graders. Smh.

Yes, if I am in even a child friend's home, if there is a party or anything, I'll be the only adult running around playing with them like tag or something. One of my child friends who is now 21 years old almost -- his grandmother had a party for the grand opening of their new church back in 2011 when he was 8. They live 100 miles from me. I went there and we were sitting inside but pretty bored hearing adults talk. We decided to give our seats up to some church members who had flown in from Fort Smith, Arkansas more than a thousand miles away. Me and my friend (then 8) and his cousins (5 and 12) started a game of tag outside. I was the only "adult" playing with them. Even his uncle wasn't even playing, just sitting on a fence with his 18 year old son. The 12 year old cousin thought I was like a baby and that's when the cousin was 5!! He thought I was 19 though, not a bad guess at all really, as at age 30, I looked like a 19 year old probably. I look 22 maybe now. But most kids - MOST children under age 7 - guess that I'm 3 or 4 or something. My older nephew guessed I was 4 years old even when he was 5 (he's now 10). I usually don't cry that much and usually don't have tantrums, but plenty of 5 year olds don't, either. My nursery school teachers never complained about me probably because I was in their eyes, a well behaved 3 or 4 year old. But what passes as a well behaved 3 year old is going to be a real problem in first grade if the child behaves the same in first grade. Like I didn't pay attention in nursery school, although I didn't physically interfere or verbally disrupt the nursery or preschool teacher. But if you don't pay attention or follow directions in first grade, then it's punishment time. And remember in the 1980s, no one knew anything about Autism or even ADHD. Some of my teachers probably thought I was being purposely disobedient and so was appropriately punished. By the time they knew it wasn't my fault, it was too late to undo the damage.

I knew kindergartners and first graders in K-8 Catholic school in the late 1980s when I was in 8th grade who were actually more responsible and remembered to finish their homework. We are talking about 5 year old kindergartners, some of which wore babyish cute dresses and even T strap shoes and Mary Janes (young children were dressed differently 35 years ago). I still probably hold the record for the most missing assignment slips and resulting after school 30 minute detentions in the 62 year history of that school to this very day. I'm really not sure how I graduated from junior high or high school, let alone university. I had many professors who thought I acted like a young child. I felt like a preschooler carrying a kiddie backpack even at state university - even when I was carrying an adult backpack. I always felt I turned on the wrong fork on a trailhead and mistakenly ended up in a college classroom than a preschool. I lived in a residential housing apartment dorm at the university (100 miles from home) for 3 years in the late 1990s / early 2000s and in 2005-2006. I will say to you, I would swear that 96% of students 20-24 years old really thought that I was mentally retarded, or intellectually disabled.

The community college math instructor named Steve I had, really thinks I act like a 4 year old. No, maybe even a 2 year old. I kept talking about why I was late to his class on the first day of school at the community college. Or I'd stand up writing all his notes from the blackboard, but had no idea I was blocking everyone else's view of the blackboard. To my friend, it was like a 2 year old who unintentionally stands in front of a TV unknowingly blocking his siblings from seeing the TV. My dad had a friend who employed me as a front desk secretary for 3 months in summer 1995. He really felt that I was like a 3 year old. One of my friends at my local state university was a child development professor and even to him, he felt I acted like a 4 year old. He also was a professor for 45 years (quite a few years being a child development professor at University of Texas in Austin, to my recollection).

- longallsboy

 

[Sourpants]

*@ShyBoo81 drives up to my house*

*Sourpants: I know what is going on, "18+ sign here to accept delivery"
*Sourpants: *grabs pen*
@ShyBoo81: "ID please?"
@Sourpants: : "Really?"

(I swear I have a gray hair in my nose!) I am part Asian, too, though.

 

[longallsboy]

I substitute taught at the middle school and high school levels before, and people would always mistake me for a student. especially if it was my first time at a school. At the elementary level, kids over 3rd grade don't believe I am an adult, and even some 2nd graders tell me I look like I am 12. When I would substitute at the kinder and prekindergarten levels, I would have kids tell me that I can't be an adult, because I am small(I am under 5 feet tall), and I like all the same things they like. For example, I've had 4-year-olds tell me that I can't be an adult because other adults don't sit on the floor and play with them, and they also said other adults don't run around and play with them on the playground. My size and facial features aren't the only thing that look like a kid. I am also socially, emotionally younger. I would say my social-emotional age is about 3-5 years old. I think some of it is due to ASD and ADHD, but most of it is due to me being of Dilantin and phenobarbital from 3-12 years of age. I should also say that when I work with my kinder babies and 1st graders in small group in a resource setting at my school, they all want to play with me, and they wonder why I have to teach them when they come to my room, so I don't have much authority with the younger kids either. I just compromise with them. I tell them we work for 20 minutes, and then we can play for 10 minutes.

I wrote you a private message. I just wanted you to be aware of that.

- longallsboy

 

[Sourpants]

Does anyone here ever get belittled. Like people don't share the same privileges with you because of your young face and skinny body? I get that regularly when at meetings. I always "slip into conversations" because nobody expects a skinny intern to remind my managers/ I am 30. Look at my work ethics and then look at my record. I couldn't do this if I was in college.

 

[Sourpants]

I honestly feel like I am kept in the back of everyone's mind. Everyone knows me, but not everyone appreciates my work. Just because I am short and skinny.

 

[Sourpants]

Since I was a teenager I noticed. But I moved up in my job. I found ways to make my way.

 

[LittleAndAlone]

... I like all the same things they like. For example, I've had 4-year-olds tell me that I can't be an adult because other adults don't sit on the floor and play with them, and they also said other adults don't run around and play with them on the playground.

 

[longallsboy]

I honestly feel like I am kept in the back of everyone's mind. Everyone knows me, but not everyone appreciates my work. Just because I am short and skinny.

Seems like everyone is shorter than me. I'm almost 6 feet tall.

- longallsboy

 

[LittleAndAlone]

But if you want to buy a gun......................

You don't need a form 4473 and a NICS background check for alcohol.

You could have 20 DUIs and still buy alcohol and they'd never know, all they care about is age.

 

[mightytoddler]

I have had this problem my entire life . Sometimes I giggle other times it can be a hassle . But I’m blessed to look like a child when I’m much older , I’ll be 50 this coming June

 

[longallsboy]

I have had this problem my entire life . Sometimes I giggle other times it can be a hassle . But I’m blessed to look like a child when I’m much older , I’ll be 50 this coming June

Wow, you do look young. But I have no idea how tall you are. I'm almost 6 feet tall and easily look like I'm 22 or so. If I sent you a photo of myself, you would never guess that I was in my mid 40s. It also may be partly the way I carry myself, I mean, my general attitude, too. I have Classic Autism and ADHD. I really am more emotionally and socially like a 4 1/2 year old, or maybe not even that. Most, if not virtually almost all, Autistic people (especially those who are more severely affected) are emotionally and socially light years behind their chronological age. It isn't unusual for even most Autistic graduate college students (meaning going for a master or a doctorate degree) to be in the 7 to 12 year old social / emotional age range. I'm further behind, plus I don't think my parents being overprotective of me helped much, either.

No one would ever guess I'm in my mid upper 40s. I could likely win a zoo full of stuffed animals if I went to an amusement park where they had games where the person would guess your age or height or weight. Height and weight would be easier to guess.

I've seen 12 year olds in a school band during a July 4th parade and they were as tall as me almost and I'm not short. I wish I were small though! Then my look would match how I act. Being a proportional pituitary dwarf would actually be a silver lining in my situation with my Autism.

- longallsboy

 

[longallsboy]

"But I’m blessed to look like a child when I’m much older"

I guess.... My cousin who is the same age as me has long had gray hair. She dyes her hair. Then again, she also has 2 daughters who are 13 and 8 years old. I also was a volunteer assistant co-host at Preschooler Storytime at my library for many years - and I've met plenty of dads of 3- and 4- year olds who have gray hair and wrinkles in their faces, and they were YOUNGER than me. Like in their mid 30s to early mid 40s. Maybe when you have young children, you get stressed and your hair turns gray. But I have spent lots of time around young children and had friends over my "adult" lifetime who were younger children, and I felt like I was getting younger! Then again, I've never had to be a parent to a little kid. That is a little bit different, when you have to do the hard work, like in the discipline department. I would be completely lacking in the discipline department, I'm way too much of a softie. It's strange though because my mom was and is a no nonsense disciplinarian. LOL. I do enjoy being around children though. I don't like older teens or young college aged adults or even middle aged adults very much because I have just had a bad history with that age group. What I mean is that I was bullied a lot in later elementary school (4th and 5th grade), junior high, first 3 years of high school and the worst bullying I encountered was surprisingly in state university. You would think 20 to 24 year olds would be more mature than that. Sadly, that's not the case. If you are Autistic, you'll likely get picked on even in college. I think I've been bullied by every age group - except babies, toddlers, preschoolers and younger children - at one point or another. I'm surprised my hair ISN'T gray - it really should be with the abuse I had to take. I think maybe in addition to my Autism, being bullied may have also reduced my social / emotional age even more. Most of my friends are older people (old college instructors whom I've known many years, old librarians, past school teachers, and surrogate grandparent like figures) or they are young children. Having friendships in those age groups isn't unusual for people with Autism, either. But even some elderly people have been mean to me at times. The only people who really accept me for who I am, especially with my lack of certain social skills, are preschoolers. And most of them, if not almost all, don't stay preschoolers forever. I've had many child friends get older, mature beyond me and outgrow me totally and don't want to even be around me anymore.

But for some reason, I look perennially and perpetually young.

- longallsboy

 

[Mehrabad98]

Restaurants/stores can get in extremely serious trouble if they ever serve/sell alcohol to minors, so some have the policy of carding everyone even if they're obviously not minors. It's also pretty common for them to reject any form of identification that they don't accept as valid or even just aren't used to verifying, which basically means anything other than US drivers licenses. It's pretty common for restaurants to even refuse to accept US passports or state non-drivers-license IDs as IDs even though those are both things that should definitely be considered valid.

I would imagine that in a place like NYC restaurants would be more use to accepting ID from other countries, but there are even occasionally dumb stories about things like bars in other states refusing to accept Washington DC drivers licenses because some Americans incorrectly think that nobody actually lives in Washington DC.

That said, probably most restaurants will only card people if they look like they could be under 21, and it's more common for stores like supermarkets to have the policy of carding everyone.

Anecdotal, but I've gotten away once with ordering alcohol at a restaurant without getting carded when I was 17. It was my first time attempting it and I succeeded. My friends had also identified a few gas stations in our area that don't card. I have a feeling it has to do with my Middle Eastern genes, which have cursed/blessed me with an ungodly amount of facial and body hair. I've never had a fake, so I can't comment on that.
I've also had luck with being served alcohol in Qatar despite being under 21 (the drinking age in the GCC is 21), although I think that had to do more with the fact that the Middle East is quite corrupt, and money talks. They make laws to appease the conservative population but tell their national airline not to card any of their young solo business class travelers.
As for legal drinking, I have never been carded or questioned anywhere where I am of legal drinking age, except for British Columbia. I was going to a nightclub and the bouncer was oddly fascinated by my vertical under-21 California drivers license. I have a feeling he thought it was fake and kept checking every detail against his computer. It didn't help that I was wearing my high school hoodie.

 

[littledinogoesrawr]

I always looked younger, like 2-3 years. It was fun. And for me felt good.

Don't know why

 

[longallsboy]

I always looked younger, like 2-3 years. It was fun. And for me felt good.

Don't know why

Do you mean you looked 2-3 years younger than your actual age (like 35 vs. 33), or do you mean you look like you are 2 to 3 years old?

The latter, I have somewhat of a hard time believing, unless you meant you looked like you were 3 when you were 8 years old or something (and then you would have had to be really short, like having growth hormone disorder / hypopituitarism). Though my brother probably looked like he was 6 when he was 9. He was quite short but he caught up (he's now 5 feet 9 inches tall. I'm almost 6 feet tall. I was usually very tall for my age, even as a toddler / preschooler. When I was 9 years old, I was already 4 feet 10 inches tall, taller than a few of my mom's adult friends!). I wish I had been shorter though.

Although, it depends what you mean too. I'll admit that I am in my mid late 40s, but I easily look 22 years old even wearing normal clothes. Wearing a longall with T strap shoes actually sometimes makes me look like a very tall grade schooler, I've been told by some parents of preschoolers I know, and teachers who have known me for a long time.

Also, my face hasn't changed that much. I mean my face at age 43 was very similar to my face at age 4. Certainly my normal nonautistic younger brother who is in his early 40s thinks so. I still have quite a baby face for being in my later 40s. Maybe I played with children too much when I was in my 20s, 30s, and 40s, until COVID happened. Let's put it another way : I'm much taller now, I'm more elongated (if you want to call it that), but my face looks like I'm 4 years old, if I shave my facial hair certainly. My dad had a baby face too in his 30s, not so much in his 40s at all, and nothing like me.

But then I also need to say that I'm fairly severely Autistic and also have ADHD. Quite a few people (a lot, but not everyone) with Autism have a type of perennial childhood look to them. That's also probably partly because most Autistic people are quite immature emotionally and socially, and are more like children in that regard. I have no gray hair or wrinkles on my face at all. I used to see dads at my library's Preschooler Storytime where I was a co-host many years and they had gray hair and wrinkles even if they were younger than me. LOL. My cousin who is my age has lots of gray hair and dyes her hair. But then her kids are also 8 and 13 years old, so....maybe her kids made her age. But then on the other hand when I'm around toddlers or preschoolers, I feel even younger, to be honest. My mom reasons that may be why I'm not aging. But I guess there's also the difference of playing with kids or being friends with them versus being a parent and actually disciplining them. In a lot of families, it's the mom that is the head of the discipline department, whereas dads usually seem to be more laid back. Not always, but usually. Males usually don't "grow up" anyways, which is why you hear exasperated moms complaining they have 3 children instead of 2 children, or 4 children instead of 3 children -- because they include their husbands, when they count their children, LOL I also noticed that I hear the same fart, poop, and girl jokes from 4 year old boys as well as 88 year old elderly men!! Even from elderly 80 year old college professors sometimes!

- longallsboy

 

[Gnbw4l]

There was this thing in vegas a long time ago where they had a person guess your age and/or weight and if it wasn't within 2 years or 5 pounds I think you won a prize...they were like 10 years and 30 pounds off on their guess for me
I also remember going to the movie theater with friends and the person there asked them if I was over 13. I was in my 20's at the time, they got a good laugh out of that.