Looking Younger Than You Are

[sissybaby34]

I find the US has strange ways when it comes to IDing people. My son was in Boston a few weeks ago and tried to buy drinks for both himself and his partner. He got asked to show ID, as it turns out his UK photo driving licence was not good enough for the bar they went to. He is 38 and she is 37!

 

[longallsboy]

I am chronologically in my mid late 40s and I look seriously much, much younger than I really am. I easily look like I'm 21 or 22! I was getting carded even 3 years ago. I hardly ever drink, though. I used to more often with my old math college instructor before COVID 19 happened. Never been drunk ever and never had more than one cup in a meal, but I like raspberry margaritas. If I go to a restaurant that I never been to before, they will definitely card me. For sure. I look very young. Maybe it's partly because I'm of Asian American background but I don't think it's just that, as my close female cousin who is my age has been using hair dye for a while, her hair is actually gray. It's probably also likely due to possibly being Autistic as some people with Autism look somewhat frozen in age. And maybe some of it might have to do with being around toddlers and preschoolers a little bit too much during my lifetime. I was an assistant volunteer / co-host at Preschooler Storytime for 16 years at my library, until COVID destroyed that. Me and my old librarian friend (she's now in her mid 60s) used to have quite a few preschoolers (and their parents) that we would eat lunch with too. I've had quite a few friends who were 3-5 years old. My mom has told me maybe if you act like a child and look at things from the point of the view of a young child, you might end up staying looking young. Even though she is not too crazy about adults who don't act their age, at all. Even though I have Autism and can't help myself as acting much younger is a character trait of Autism. Emotionally and socially, most Autistic people are like younger children. Of course, not academically. But even most college graduates with Autism, I realized through reading medical research papers and scientific journals, are like 7 to 11 years old emotionally and socially.

I was a high school substitute teacher 20+ years ago. I was maybe 25 then, but I seriously looked like I was 15! So I obviously gained no reputation for being strict looking or carrying any weight of authority, as I looked younger than a lot of high school kids. I got mistaken for being a 15 year old by not only students at the schools I subbed for, but often even by the staff members and teachers. I could probably have pretended to be a high school kid!

Depending on what I wear, I can look even younger than 21 or 22. I look 22 even if I don't shave that well and wear a shirt, slacks, and loafers. If I'm wearing something like long-alls and a peter pan collar shirt with kneesocks and T strap buckle shoes (similar to Mary Janes), like some little boys in Alabama and the Deep South wear, I seriously can look way younger than 18. I've had other friends who are parents tell me I look I'm 12 or something when I wear long-alls. Never had a jon jon (short version of a longall) made for me, but I'm positive I'd look virtually like a child wearing that. Plus since Halloween 2019, I've had a bowl haircut. I did get a children's hairdresser to give me a bowl haircut in October 2019, but because of damned f#$&@#@ COVID, I wasn't able to go to a barber. So my mom cut my hair (I live with my parents still) all this time and the only haircut she knows how to do is a bowl haircut, which is how I looked as a toddler, as she cut my hair before 3rd grade. Being still treated like a 5 year old by my parents doesn't help me think I'm older, either. That happens to anyone, even if they aren't Autistic, if they live with their parents. Danielle Steel, a popular author who has written hundreds of books, wrote that when she visits her parents, they treat her like she's 10. A friend of hers had a successful career and was independent and said that he was treated like a 5 year old when he visited his parents and stayed with them. I guess to your parents, you are always a child in their eyes, even if you are a successful adult. And I am certainly not a successful adult even. I hardly think I qualify as an "adult". Most of my old college instructors probably would say I act like a 5 year old!

My parents think my nephews who are 6 and 10 are more mature than me. Sadly, that may be true. Even the Autistic friends I know who are 12 or 13 years old emotionally and socially (chronologically in their 30s and 40s) on their own observation, think I act like a 5 year old.

I went to a July 4th parade last year about 15 miles from where I live, along with my dad, and some of the bands that played at the band were junior high and high school bands. I saw some band members of a junior high school and these 12 year olds and 13 year olds looked taller than me - and older than how I looked!! And I'm not even short, I'm almost 6 feet tall. But there are a lot of tall kids. No....when I wear long-alls and T strap shoes, I look like a very tall grade schooler perhaps even, I have been told. I probably really would have looked like a baby or toddler right now if I was a proportional pituitary dwarf, seriously. Not all pituitary dwarfs look like children. But there are quite a lot that do. I definitely would look like a toddler. I look like a tall child even being almost 6 feet tall as it is!!

- longallsboy

 

[puddlefeet]

Unfortunately, I have a grumpy resting face and intimidate most!

if only they knew what a baby I truly am.

 

[LittleAndAlone]

What's this little kid wave? Like barely hold your hand up short and wiggle it or like the one handed clap toddler bye bye?

 

[LittleAndAlone]

Unfortunately, I have a grumpy resting face and intimidate most!

if only they knew what a baby I truly am.

Similar. Large frame with wide neck and shoulders and a default "don't even think about it" face and scruffy look. Though I've stopped buzzing off my hair and let it grow long in the front. With a colorful shirt and fresh shave it's kinda childish from 10 feet I guess.

 

[puddlefeet]

Similar. Large frame with wide neck and shoulders and a default "don't even think about it" face and scruffy look. Though I've stopped buzzing off my hair and let it grow long in the front. With a colorful shirt and fresh shave it's kinda childish from 10 feet I guess.

Yeah... too much masculinity! hahaha sigh

 

[rainbowpenguin]

Me! I'm 26 years old, but look like I'm 15 years old.

 

[puddlefeet]

What's this little kid wave? Like barely hold your hand up short and wiggle it or like the one handed clap toddler bye bye?

I'm thinking like open hand, fingers spread apart, and super fast wide wave arm movement from left to right... very obnoxious lol

 

[I12BLittle89]

I was regularly carded and mistaken to be 16-18 before I joined the army at 25. After joining the army I almost never got carded. Getting 5 hours of sleep a night for 2 months straight. Eating processed food the whole time. Then spending 7 months in technical training. Going to school at night. I came back with bags under my eyes and wrinkles on my forehead and crows feet around my eyes. It got worse when I deployed in 18-19’. In a desert environment eating subpar food and working nights for 9 months. I’m 33 now and look more my age. I’ve had a few people think I’m 25-28. But most think I’m older than I am. My stress has been through the roof since I joined. Keeps getting worse. So yeah my baby face is a thing of the past.

 

[Howler]

"...because you look about twelve years old."

Wow, I wish i could pull that off. my beard stubble always gives me away Rock the twelve year old look for as long as you can. it's a blessing no matter how you look at it.

 

[longallsboy]

Me! I'm 26 years old, but look like I'm 15 years old.

Maybe it has to do with being Autistic. You mentioned in another post that you had Autism, I think. I looked all of 15 when I was 25 or 26, too. I'm in my mid late 40s and easily look 22 or 24 or so, and that's even when I wear "normal" clothes, which is most of the time, as my mom won't allow me to wear long-alls except at my county park (a former mansion and gardens of a former senator). I don't see why I can't wear to my community college.... actually during most of COVID, there were more people at the county park than my community college. Even before COVID 19, my community college sometimes felt like a morgue because there weren't that many students. In the heyday 30 years ago, they used to have about 15,000 students. They had about half that amount by 2019. And now because of COVID 19, even though restrictions have let up quite a bit, half of students are distance learning. So I don't see what the problem is. Besides my dad has snuck me in the past 3 years to other places wearing my longall and T strap shoes, like a flower nursery several times, another county park, a smaller outdoor shopping center, different places. I think my mom is just trying to run my life and being overprotective (and perhaps domineering somewhat, too). No one ever said anything negative to me about my wearing a longall. In fact if anyone did say anything, it was positive. But I actually also do look like I'm Autistic. Some people have realized I was Autistic without me saying one word, wearing regular clothes. Some people can somehow mask their Autism, but it isn't easy. But some people like me and this 9 year old boy I know in North Carolina who has Autism and ADHD, you can tell almost right away. Some Autistic people just have a look to them. And I look like a child in my face, and that doesn't help as to thinking I'm Autistic.

- longallsboy

 

[longallsboy]

What's this little kid wave? Like barely hold your hand up short and wiggle it or like the one handed clap toddler bye bye?

Like this toddler girl in 1:01-1:04 in this Sesame Street short called "Hand Talk"? Look at how she waves her hand "bye", almost like she is covering her mouth like she's blowing kisses. The child must be in her mid 30s now (or even older), as that was from the early 1990s on Sesame Street.



- longallsboy

 

[blaincorrous]

Pushing 40, but despite my height, I can usually pass for about 30 between my fairly youthful face, voice, and interests. My hair is starting to show grey under certain color temperatures and going to start thinning out on top. I’ll probably catch up before too long, but I don’t feel the need to resist the onward march of age.

 

[BobaFettish]

As a passing thought, Ive always wondered if induldging in diapers was the secret to a youthful appearance (as silly as that is). When people usually guess my age they're always between 5-10 years off. Currently 33.

I have had vanilla friends gift me things you would next expect to receive from another adult, and I'm like low-key wondering if they pick up that I'm Little? Is Vanilla me giving smol vibes?

I was talking about this with a former Big. She told me she thinks some of my close Vanilla friends pick up on wonder and whimsy. I like that. It makes sense.

I think that blends over to acting younger/looking younger/having a more youthful vibe.

 

[lilSorcerer]

I'm crying bitter tears of envy...

I'd really love to look cute and young but my appeal is rather... masculine. Being six foot two, big boned, with a powerlifting hobby tends to do that.

At least I do look closer to college age though than someone who's graduated and been in the workforce for nearly 10 years, so I'll take that as a win.

 

[BuddyBoy]

I was at the grocery store last night, doing some shopping at the self checkout. For context, I was wearing an astronaut t-shirt with stars and planets on it with light blue jeans and converse shoes. Among my groceries was a bottle of ready to drink margarita mix (watermelon flavored). The self checkout machine announced that I needed associate approval to confirm my age (21 or older here in the USA) before I could finish checking out. A clerk in her late sixties came over and I showed her my ID. "I just need to make sure..." she started - inspecting the card "...because you look about twelve years old." I laughed at this. She suddenly realized how outspoken that must have sounded "I don't know, was that an insult or a compliment?" She asked me. "I'm sure it will pay off even more later on - when I'm older." I replied and smiled. "Have a great one!" I waved to her like a little kid, and she said goodbye. A lot of people might have been insulted by a comment like that - especially when it delays something they feel entitled to - like getting a drink. Honestly though, I really appreciated hearing that from her. Definitely made me feel little - even when I was trying to purchase groceries like an adult!

I was dating a woman who was 50 when I was 40 but looked ten years younger. She was asked more than once if I. was her son. We were at a social when I was introduced to one of her lady friends. I made the mistake of addressing her by her first name. She brought me up short: "Young man I do not allow children to call me by my first name!" Another lady commented, "He hasn't been across a lady's knee enough." I was mortified. My lady friend took me aside and explained that these ladies and gentlemen were ten to 15 years older than I. They were the adullts in my life when I was growing up and should be shown the respect due their age. She patted away my tears and led me back out. I apologized to the lady and promised I would never make that mistake again. She forgave me and asked for a kiss which I was grateful to give her. We became good friends and I accompanied her shopping on occasion. Even at middle age it's never to late to learn your place.

 

[longallsboy]

I was dating a woman who was 50 when I was 40 but looked ten years younger. She was asked more than once if I. was her son. We were at a social when I was introduced to one of her lady friends. I made the mistake of addressing her by her first name. She brought me up short: "Young man I do not allow children to call me by my first name!" Another lady commented, "He hasn't been across a lady's knee enough." I was mortified. My lady friend took me aside and explained that these ladies and gentlemen were ten to 15 years older than I. They were the adullts in my life when I was growing up and should be shown the respect due their age. She patted away my tears and led me back out. I apologized to the lady and promised I would never make that mistake again. She forgave me and asked for a kiss which I was grateful to give her. We became good friends and I accompanied her shopping on occasion. Even at middle age it's never to late to learn your place.

I'm in my mid late 40s but easily look 22. And act like a 4 1/2 year old emotionally and socially because of my Autism. I have a habit of calling all my old college instructors Mrs. and Mr. One of my old math teachers from community college, now that I am in my mid 40s tells me it's okay to call him by his first name (Steve), but I keep insisting on calling him Mr. _______. He's in his early 70s now. I've known him 28 1/2 years, and I was in my late teens when I took his class. When I call him and ask for "Mr. _______", he comments to his wife somewhat half laughingly, "I told him it was okay to call me Steve, but he just keeps insisting on calling me Mr. _______". Anyway I don't feel like I'm in my mid 40s at all. I still live with my parents because of my Classic Autism and ADHD. I haven't done a lot of things normal 20-, 30-, or 40 years old have done. I have no girlfriend, no wife, never had any kids, hell I don't even drive a car because of my attention span is so bad I can't even concentrate 20 minutes barely. I feel sometimes like I'm less than a normal nonautistic 4 or 5 year old. There are preschoolers who have better social skills and better understanding of nonverbal facial cues than I do. Most of my friends are either elderly people now (ranging from old college instructors from the past to surrogate grandparent like figures, to old librarians) or they tend to be (at least until COVID 19 happened) toddlers / preschoolers and younger children. I have been bullied by high school and college age kids too long and even by people my own age. Actually from many research papers, it also isn't unusual for Autistic "adults" to have mostly friends who are either children or elderly. Then again, my brother is normal and has 2 boys (my nephews, who are 6 and 10). My brother is a few years younger than me. He loved to play basketball in junior high and high school and he sometimes plays basketball with kids in their mid to late teens in his neighborhood at the basketball courts.

Also if someone perceives you as a child, they might treat you like one, even if you are the same age as them. I substitute taught high school for a short time 20+ years ago. I was a complete and total failure because I failed to control the kids. The thing is, the high school kids and even the junior high school kids knew I didn't have any authority. In the first place, I am emotionally and socially like a child. But aside from that, at age 25 and 26, I looked easily like a 14 or 15 year old. In some high schools, not only the students mistook me for being another student, but the STAFF and ADMINISTRATION as well! My mom and I were told by a parking staff member at one high school that "Once you park, you can't leave until 7:30 AM!!". I was like "What??!! I'm a substitute teacher". The guy said "Oh....never mind then". LOL. I saw the parking guy later in the day (he looked to me to be 50). He told me he was sorry for mistaking me as a high school kid. We both had a good laugh over that one. LOL. In another high school, I was at the school library walking behind the librarian into one of the staff areas. She turns around and scolds me saying "You know you're not supposed to be back here!!". I said "I'm not a student for crying out loud, I'm a substitute teacher!". She laughed and said "Never mind. This is the SECOND time I made this mistake today." Sigh. It's so hard to have any authority with school kids if you look like you are that age. But high school is difficult to teach especially if you are a substitute. I've known parents of preschoolers who told me there's no way on Earth that they would substitute high school. My old math teacher (Steve) taught high school for one year about 45-50 years ago. One year there was already enough to drive him insane to the point where he decided to teach community college instead.

I'm not sure how much authority I would have even with preschoolers or kindergartners. I think they would perceive me to be their age. There have been many, many, many times where I have wondered if it would have better off for me - and everyone else - if I had just not grown up at all, not just developmentally or emotionally / socially, but if I had been a proportionate pituitary dwarf that looked like a 3 or 4 year old. I think people would also be a lot more understanding of me. I'd also would have enjoyed still being able to ride Power Wheels cars, amusement park rides for children, and some of the more adorable children's clothing like long-alls and T strap shoes. I also doubt I'd get bullied. I had all sorts of problems with my attention span and even remembering to do my homework all through school from kindergarten to past high school. I'm probably a poster child of someone who should have kept in preschool like forever. I was actually an assistant volunteer co-host at Preschooler Storytime for 3-5 year olds at my library alongside my children's librarian friend (who is now in her mid 60s) for over 16 years until COVID 19 happened. COVID 19 was the absolutely the worst and most terrible experience of my life - I hardly got to go out at all, it was quarantining like heck. I didn't see some of my friends and even relatives for almost 3 years!

- longallsboy

 

[longallsboy]

Pushing 40, but despite my height, I can usually pass for about 30 between my fairly youthful face, voice, and interests. My hair is starting to show grey under certain color temperatures and going to start thinning out on top. I’ll probably catch up before too long, but I don’t feel the need to resist the onward march of age.

Some dads that used to take their preschoolers to my library's Preschooler Storytime that I co-hosted had gray hair!! And they were younger than me! LOL . My cousin is my age (mid 40s) and she dyes her hair because she had so much gray hair. In contrast, my hair hasn't changed color at all! I've met people in their mid 30s who look a lot older than me. If I was a pituitary dwarf, I'd most certainly look like a toddler or preschooler and would be easily mistaken for one, as I look so young even now, even though I'm nearly 6 feet tall. I do have facial hair, but if I shave that off (which I always do when I go outside), I look like I'm 21 or 22 easily. Probably even with my facial hair, I'd probably still look 21 or 22, like some young adult who just started growing facial hair a few years before like at the end of high school. When I wear a longall and T strap shoes, I might even look like a very tall 12 year old!! . Should have worked as a cop as a undercover narc who pretends to be a high school kid and busts them for drugs in mid semester.

- longallsboy

 

[BuddyBoy]

I'm in my mid late 40s but easily look 22. And act like a 4 1/2 year old emotionally and socially because of my Autism. I have a habit of calling all my old college instructors Mrs. and Mr. One of my old math teachers from community college, now that I am in my mid 40s tells me it's okay to call him by his first name (Steve), but I keep insisting on calling him Mr. _______. He's in his early 70s now. I've known him 28 1/2 years, and I was in my late teens when I took his class. When I call him and ask for "Mr. _______", he comments to his wife somewhat half laughingly, "I told him it was okay to call me Steve, but he just keeps insisting on calling me Mr. _______". Anyway I don't feel like I'm in my mid 40s at all. I still live with my parents because of my Classic Autism and ADHD. I haven't done a lot of things normal 20-, 30-, or 40 years old have done. I have no girlfriend, no wife, never had any kids, hell I don't even drive a car because of my attention span is so bad I can't even concentrate 20 minutes barely. I feel sometimes like I'm less than a normal nonautistic 4 or 5 year old. There are preschoolers who have better social skills and better understanding of nonverbal facial cues than I do. Most of my friends are either elderly people now (ranging from old college instructors from the past to surrogate grandparent like figures, to old librarians) or they tend to be (at least until COVID 19 happened) toddlers / preschoolers and younger children. I have been bullied by high school and college age kids too long and even by people my own age. Actually from many research papers, it also isn't unusual for Autistic "adults" to have mostly friends who are either children or elderly. Then again, my brother is normal and has 2 boys (my nephews, who are 6 and 10). My brother is a few years younger than me. He loved to play basketball in junior high and high school and he sometimes plays basketball with kids in their mid to late teens in his neighborhood at the basketball courts.

Also if someone perceives you as a child, they might treat you like one, even if you are the same age as them. I substitute taught high school for a short time 20+ years ago. I was a complete and total failure because I failed to control the kids. The thing is, the high school kids and even the junior high school kids knew I didn't have any authority. In the first place, I am emotionally and socially like a child. But aside from that, at age 25 and 26, I looked easily like a 14 or 15 year old. In some high schools, not only the students mistook me for being another student, but the STAFF and ADMINISTRATION as well! My mom and I were told by a parking staff member at one high school that "Once you park, you can't leave until 7:30 AM!!". I was like "What??!! I'm a substitute teacher". The guy said "Oh....never mind then". LOL. I saw the parking guy later in the day (he looked to me to be 50). He told me he was sorry for mistaking me as a high school kid. We both had a good laugh over that one. LOL. In another high school, I was at the school library walking behind the librarian into one of the staff areas. She turns around and scolds me saying "You know you're not supposed to be back here!!". I said "I'm not a student for crying out loud, I'm a substitute teacher!". She laughed and said "Never mind. This is the SECOND time I made this mistake today." Sigh. It's so hard to have any authority with school kids if you look like you are that age. But high school is difficult to teach especially if you are a substitute. I've known parents of preschoolers who told me there's no way on Earth that they would substitute high school. My old math teacher (Steve) taught high school for one year about 45-50 years ago. One year there was already enough to drive him insane to the point where he decided to teach community college instead.

I'm not sure how much authority I would have even with preschoolers or kindergartners. I think they would perceive me to be their age. There have been many, many, many times where I have wondered if it would have better off for me - and everyone else - if I had just not grown up at all, not just developmentally or emotionally / socially, but if I had been a proportionate pituitary dwarf that looked like a 3 or 4 year old. I think people would also be a lot more understanding of me. I'd also would have enjoyed still being able to ride Power Wheels cars, amusement park rides for children, and some of the more adorable children's clothing like long-alls and T strap shoes. I also doubt I'd get bullied. I had all sorts of problems with my attention span and even remembering to do my homework all through school from kindergarten to past high school. I'm probably a poster child of someone who should have kept in preschool like forever. I was actually an assistant volunteer co-host at Preschooler Storytime for 3-5 year olds at my library alongside my children's librarian friend (who is now in her mid 60s) for over 16 years until COVID 19 happened. COVID 19 was the absolutely the worst and most terrible experience of my life - I hardly got to go out at all, it was quarantining like heck. I didn't see some of my friends and even relatives for almost 3 years!

- longallsboy

Thank yo so much, longallsboy, for that honest sharing of your experiences. What you said about being seen as younger is very much like my own experiences with the older women who I called "Aunty." It was obvious that her friends saw me as a child. At first I was insulted but in time I came to accept my status. It gave me permission to act younger and not be held to adult standards. By acting like a child I confirmed their original impression . Like you, I gravitated toward her grandsons who were in their preteens and supervised by her granddaughter who was 12. At first there was some conflict and tantrum on my part but Aunty was firm: if I wanted to play with the boys I had to accept her granddaughter's authority. If not I could stay with Aunty and her friends which I found boring. I relented and things went smoothly after that.

 

[Bnuuy]

I find the US has strange ways when it comes to IDing people. My son was in Boston a few weeks ago and tried to buy drinks for both himself and his partner. He got asked to show ID, as it turns out his UK photo driving licence was not good enough for the bar they went to. He is 38 and she is 37!

Restaurants/stores can get in extremely serious trouble if they ever serve/sell alcohol to minors, so some have the policy of carding everyone even if they're obviously not minors. It's also pretty common for them to reject any form of identification that they don't accept as valid or even just aren't used to verifying, which basically means anything other than US drivers licenses. It's pretty common for restaurants to even refuse to accept US passports or state non-drivers-license IDs as IDs even though those are both things that should definitely be considered valid.

I would imagine that in a place like NYC restaurants would be more use to accepting ID from other countries, but there are even occasionally dumb stories about things like bars in other states refusing to accept Washington DC drivers licenses because some Americans incorrectly think that nobody actually lives in Washington DC.

That said, probably most restaurants will only card people if they look like they could be under 21, and it's more common for stores like supermarkets to have the policy of carding everyone.