Just lookin for some support 🩷

[ShyGirl91]

I want to start off by saying how much I love this community and I'm thankful for all of your kindness and support and friendship.

ADISC has been a safe space for me and I'm beyond grateful for this.

I've deeply been struggling lately. Having DID amplifies the struggles because each part has their own thoughts and feelings and wants and needs. I love all my parts but sometimes it can be extremely loud and heavy and hard to cope with when things are chaotic.

We are desperately trying to establish a new normal after someone the littles formed a deep attachment to moved away. There's so much I want to divulge but don't feel at liberty to due to other reasons related to the person they are attached to; however it has affected us with an overwhelming intensity.

We feel like we are mourning in a way and like things will never be the same in a negative way. Like something was taken from us.

I packed up all of the littles' things except for a few clothing items I didn't have enough storage for in my apartment. They have lost interest in their despondency.

While they are still present, they're feeling hurt, sad, angry, fearful, and even ashamed.

It has been incredibly difficult to remain sober through this. I've been abusing my medication so that I could feel sedated and my mind slowed. While I haven't taken more than prescribed per day, I've not been taking as prescribed to achieve the sedated effect. I can't accurately convey with words just what goes on inside "our" head and it can be so frustrating trying to explain it because words escape me when I try. Basically, it feels like a lot all at once and it's hard to sort it out.

The other week, a card for a deal on wine was included in a package I opened in the mail and, for the first time in a long time, I had cravings and they were strong. Along with the craving was the urge to drink, and it's a dangerous combination for me.

I'm at a place right now that I'd rather not feel a thing. I'm back to feeling like I'm just existing rather than living.
I'm very thankful I'm not back where I was before I got help; I haven't forgotten where I've come from.

I don't want to go back to that.

I'm currently in school, going for my masters and I'm dreading the spring semester coming up because I've lost interest in just about everything.

I've been decorating pacis for my Etsy shop I just opened and it's a good way to check out. Helps keeps me out of my head while the TV plays in the background.

I apologize if most of my posts lately have been downers. I don't have many places I can go to vent, places that I trust.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a good Christmas, and I wish everyone a wonderful New Year!!

 

[Littledragon87]

I want to start off by saying how much I love this community and I'm thankful for all of your kindness and support and friendship.

ADISC has been a safe space for me and I'm beyond grateful for this.

I've deeply been struggling lately. Having DID amplifies the struggles because each part has their own thoughts and feelings and wants and needs. I love all my parts but sometimes it can be extremely loud and heavy and hard to cope with when things are chaotic.

We are desperately trying to establish a new normal after someone the littles formed a deep attachment to moved away. There's so much I want to divulge but don't feel at liberty to due to other reasons related to the person they are attached to; however it has affected us with an overwhelming intensity.

We feel like we are mourning in a way and like things will never be the same in a negative way. Like something was taken from us.

I packed up all of the littles' things except for a few clothing items I didn't have enough storage for in my apartment. They have lost interest in their despondency.

While they are still present, they're feeling hurt, sad, angry, fearful, and even ashamed.

It has been incredibly difficult to remain sober through this. I've been abusing my medication so that I could feel sedated and my mind slowed. While I haven't taken more than prescribed per day, I've not been taking as prescribed to achieve the sedated effect. I can't accurately convey with words just what goes on inside "our" head and it can be so frustrating trying to explain it because words escape me when I try. Basically, it feels like a lot all at once and it's hard to sort it out.

The other week, a card for a deal on wine was included in a package I opened in the mail and, for the first time in a long time, I had cravings and they were strong. Along with the craving was the urge to drink, and it's a dangerous combination for me.

I'm at a place right now that I'd rather not feel a thing. I'm back to feeling like I'm just existing rather than living.
I'm very thankful I'm not back where I was before I got help; I haven't forgotten where I've come from.

I don't want to go back to that.

I'm currently in school, going for my masters and I'm dreading the spring semester coming up because I've lost interest in just about everything.

I've been decorating pacis for my Etsy shop I just opened and it's a good way to check out. Helps keeps me out of my head while the TV plays in the background.

I apologize if most of my posts lately have been downers. I don't have many places I can go to vent, places that I trust.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a good Christmas, and I wish everyone a wonderful New Year!!

First off your NOT alone In The way you feel I suffer from severe depression and I know the feeling of not wanting to feel nothing and be numb to the point you don't care anymore and I to started to turn to substances to do this but what I found was that talking to someone who shared in the same things I do helped a great deal because unlike therapy they actually listened and cared. So all this being said I just wanna say that if you need someone to talk to that went through what you are plz feel free to reach out to and talk to me. I'm a VERY open-minded individual and I am a REALLY good listener. If you don't wanna talk to me then I just want you to remember you are not alone there are more people out there that feel the way you do then you could ever imagine

 

[ianwee]

I want to start off by saying how much I love this community and I'm thankful for all of your kindness and support and friendship.

ADISC has been a safe space for me and I'm beyond grateful for this.

I've deeply been struggling lately. Having DID amplifies the struggles because each part has their own thoughts and feelings and wants and needs. I love all my parts but sometimes it can be extremely loud and heavy and hard to cope with when things are chaotic.

We are desperately trying to establish a new normal after someone the littles formed a deep attachment to moved away. There's so much I want to divulge but don't feel at liberty to due to other reasons related to the person they are attached to; however it has affected us with an overwhelming intensity.

We feel like we are mourning in a way and like things will never be the same in a negative way. Like something was taken from us.

I packed up all of the littles' things except for a few clothing items I didn't have enough storage for in my apartment. They have lost interest in their despondency.

While they are still present, they're feeling hurt, sad, angry, fearful, and even ashamed.

It has been incredibly difficult to remain sober through this. I've been abusing my medication so that I could feel sedated and my mind slowed. While I haven't taken more than prescribed per day, I've not been taking as prescribed to achieve the sedated effect. I can't accurately convey with words just what goes on inside "our" head and it can be so frustrating trying to explain it because words escape me when I try. Basically, it feels like a lot all at once and it's hard to sort it out.

The other week, a card for a deal on wine was included in a package I opened in the mail and, for the first time in a long time, I had cravings and they were strong. Along with the craving was the urge to drink, and it's a dangerous combination for me.

I'm at a place right now that I'd rather not feel a thing. I'm back to feeling like I'm just existing rather than living.
I'm very thankful I'm not back where I was before I got help; I haven't forgotten where I've come from.

I don't want to go back to that.

I'm currently in school, going for my masters and I'm dreading the spring semester coming up because I've lost interest in just about everything.

I've been decorating pacis for my Etsy shop I just opened and it's a good way to check out. Helps keeps me out of my head while the TV plays in the background.

I apologize if most of my posts lately have been downers. I don't have many places I can go to vent, places that I trust.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a good Christmas, and I wish everyone a wonderful New Year!!

I do understand that losing someone who you were deeply attached to can lead to you feeling that you just want to escape from it all and not feel the pain any more. But believe me (and I have been there), alcohol and drugs (prescribed medicines and the other kind) are not the answer at all, because after the effects have worn off, the pain and numbness are still there. You know that you can find support and understanding from the lovely people in this community, so try to give them a chance - and give yourself a chance of recovering and returning to a better, happier, safer place in the near future. If chatting with me might help, please do so. I try to get on here most days at some time, and I will answer any messages. Anyway, whatever you may decide to do (or not do) I wish you all the best, and hope you can 'keep on keeping on' as Bob Dylan sang, until things do get better. Ian.

 

[ShyGirl91]

First off your NOT alone In The way you feel I suffer from severe depression and I know the feeling of not wanting to feel nothing and be numb to the point you don't care anymore and I to started to turn to substances to do this but what I found was that talking to someone who shared in the same things I do helped a great deal because unlike therapy they actually listened and cared. So all this being said I just wanna say that if you need someone to talk to that went through what you are plz feel free to reach out to and talk to me. I'm a VERY open-minded individual and I am a REALLY good listener. If you don't wanna talk to me then I just want you to remember you are not alone there are more people out there that feel the way you do then you could ever imagine

thank you. I really appreciate you and your caring response. It helps to know I'm not alone but I hate that anyone goes through this. Thank you for the offer to talk. I just may take you up on that.

 

[ShyGirl91]

I do understand that losing someone who you were deeply attached to can lead to you feeling that you just want to escape from it all and not feel the pain any more. But believe me (and I have been there), alcohol and drugs (prescribed medicines and the other kind) are not the answer at all, because after the effects have worn off, the pain and numbness are still there. You know that you can find support and understanding from the lovely people in this community, so try to give them a chance - and give yourself a chance of recovering and returning to a better, happier, safer place in the near future. If chatting with me might help, please do so. I try to get on here most days at some time, and I will answer any messages. Anyway, whatever you may decide to do (or not do) I wish you all the best, and hope you can 'keep on keeping on' as Bob Dylan sang, until things do get better. Ian.

Yes, I agree with you. Alcohol and other substances only end up adding to the misery. Thank you for reaching out and giving me encouragement. It means a lot. I may message you some time. I appreciate your offer to talk.

And, yes, there are many lovely people here. I enjoy being apart of ADISC.

 

[Anemone]

You are experiencing grief, a relationship is not what it was and the world is different.

It hurts, is hard and takes time. What you are experiencing is completely normal and acceptable.

You will get used to how things are, what is important is to allow yourself the time you need to process and to not do anything major you know you will regret as that will only make it more difficult to get back to where you were.

The pain is real but it is not forever, which may not help in the moment but may be the seed of hope.

 

[ShyGirl91]

You are experiencing grief, a relationship is not what it was and the world is different.

It hurts, is hard and takes time. What you are experiencing is completely normal and acceptable.

You will get used to how things are, what is important is to allow yourself the time you need to process and to not do anything major you know you will regret as that will only make it more difficult to get back to where you were.

The pain is real but it is not forever, which may not help in the moment but may be the seed of hope.

Thank you. You are right. I just have to get settled into a new normal. I appreciate you taking time to respond. Your words are validating.

 

[PetahPetah]

I offer you a hug! And have you seen dc show Doom Patrol? Character there has 64 alternates!!! I know that's sci-fi BS, but still. I've also seen a show, the many sides of jane. And sybil. What can I suggest? Hug a plushie?

 

[KBoy]

I want to start off by saying how much I love this community and I'm thankful for all of your kindness and support and friendship.

ADISC has been a safe space for me and I'm beyond grateful for this.

I've deeply been struggling lately. Having DID amplifies the struggles because each part has their own thoughts and feelings and wants and needs. I love all my parts but sometimes it can be extremely loud and heavy and hard to cope with when things are chaotic.

We are desperately trying to establish a new normal after someone the littles formed a deep attachment to moved away. There's so much I want to divulge but don't feel at liberty to due to other reasons related to the person they are attached to; however it has affected us with an overwhelming intensity.

We feel like we are mourning in a way and like things will never be the same in a negative way. Like something was taken from us.

I packed up all of the littles' things except for a few clothing items I didn't have enough storage for in my apartment. They have lost interest in their despondency.

While they are still present, they're feeling hurt, sad, angry, fearful, and even ashamed.

It has been incredibly difficult to remain sober through this. I've been abusing my medication so that I could feel sedated and my mind slowed. While I haven't taken more than prescribed per day, I've not been taking as prescribed to achieve the sedated effect. I can't accurately convey with words just what goes on inside "our" head and it can be so frustrating trying to explain it because words escape me when I try. Basically, it feels like a lot all at once and it's hard to sort it out.

The other week, a card for a deal on wine was included in a package I opened in the mail and, for the first time in a long time, I had cravings and they were strong. Along with the craving was the urge to drink, and it's a dangerous combination for me.

I'm at a place right now that I'd rather not feel a thing. I'm back to feeling like I'm just existing rather than living.
I'm very thankful I'm not back where I was before I got help; I haven't forgotten where I've come from.

I don't want to go back to that.

I'm currently in school, going for my masters and I'm dreading the spring semester coming up because I've lost interest in just about everything.

I've been decorating pacis for my Etsy shop I just opened and it's a good way to check out. Helps keeps me out of my head while the TV plays in the background.

I apologize if most of my posts lately have been downers. I don't have many places I can go to vent, places that I trust.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a good Christmas, and I wish everyone a wonderful New Year!!

Stay strong, reach out, stay sober, don't misuse your meds.
I am clean and sober but it was not always that way.
I deal with serious mental illness and was a addict and a alcoholic for many many years
Feel free to message me, I am non judgemental open minded and forward thinking.
ShyGirl91, I had to put myself in a detox clinic 10 times to get the job done and I have been clean a long time now.
Good luck

 

[Anemone]

Thank you. You are right. I just have to get settled into a new normal. I appreciate you taking time to respond. Your words are validating.

Sometimes we all need someone to tell us that it is OK to feel the things that we don't like to feel.

I'm happy to oblige, you did the right thing by reaching out and by all means if ever you need support we are here for you!

 

[Prillprillprill]

Having DID amplifies the struggles because each part has their own thoughts and feelings and wants and needs. I love all my parts but sometimes it can be extremely loud and heavy and hard to cope with when things are chaotic.

I so relate to this. It's really frustrating because it's like i don't have my own life. People can't really understand that I'm not around/ in control all the time.
I've so internalised the pressure to appear singular that I feel disconnected from everyone cos they've seen this weird patchwork of identities. Sometimes other alters interact with my friends and either they prefer them, or hate them and equate them to me - either way friendship ruined.
It's just hard managing a group of parts to get on and live with each other. So I do get that.

Well done for not drinking. That's an amazing achievement. I've not personally touched drugs but... I did used to have a part who was an American 50s housewife and needless to say valium. That's so embarrassing to admit but I guess I admit to liking diapers on this forum so why not admit to that too. I tell you because maybe it will help. Now as far as I know we're clean, aside from having a young guy who does a bit of weed.

Idk if we've talked before but if you want to chat feel free to DM me.

 

[Rusher]

We’re DID too and are going through similar things for different reasons. My therapist of over 30 years is retiring. At first she said not until late spring early summer. However it’s been moving up. Trying not to stress about it but good therapist are hated to find

 

[Prillprillprill]

We’re DID too and are going through similar things for different reasons. My therapist of over 30 years is retiring. At first she said not until late spring early summer. However it’s been moving up. Trying not to stress about it but good therapist are hated to find

That sucks. Therapists who understand DID are so hard to find, and expensive.

 

[BBBen]

Hope you find a good one.

 

[ShyGirl91]

I so relate to this. It's really frustrating because it's like i don't have my own life. People can't really understand that I'm not around/ in control all the time.
I've so internalised the pressure to appear singular that I feel disconnected from everyone cos they've seen this weird patchwork of identities. Sometimes other alters interact with my friends and either they prefer them, or hate them and equate them to me - either way friendship ruined.
It's just hard managing a group of parts to get on and live with each other. So I do get that.

Well done for not drinking. That's an amazing achievement. I've not personally touched drugs but... I did used to have a part who was an American 50s housewife and needless to say valium. That's so embarrassing to admit but I guess I admit to liking diapers on this forum so why not admit to that too. I tell you because maybe it will help. Now as far as I know we're clean, aside from having a young guy who does a bit of weed.

Idk if we've talked before but if you want to chat feel free to DM me.

This makes sense. Thank you for sharing.
And thank you for reaching out.
I so relate to internalizing the pressure to appear singular!!

 

[ShyGirl91]

Stay strong, reach out, stay sober, don't misuse your meds.
I am clean and sober but it was not always that way.
I deal with serious mental illness and was a addict and a alcoholic for many many years
Feel free to message me, I am non judgemental open minded and forward thinking.
ShyGirl91, I had to put myself in a detox clinic 10 times to get the job done and I have been clean a long time now.
Good luck

congrats on your sobriety! It sure isn't easy.
Thank you for reaching out. It means a lot.

 

[ShyGirl91]

We’re DID too and are going through similar things for different reasons. My therapist of over 30 years is retiring. At first she said not until late spring early summer. However it’s been moving up. Trying not to stress about it but good therapist are hated to find

Yes, good therapists are hard to find! I'm sorry your therapist is retiring. I've been there before and it sucks.
I hope you are able to find another good therapist!

 

[Palle]

@ShyGirl91,
I could probably never understand the complete complexity in your situation, but you are here and I know that it's a very good thing for you.
Adisc have always delivered to my expectations and beyond, as the only forum to my knowledge. People here a r mostly very friendly and understanding, many have probably similar experience to share so you are in a good place. Please keep it up and continue to use this thread. We are a forum with people around the world so there is a good chance that you can get a friendly answer to ♥anything you may want to talk about.

Please have a wonderful New Years Eve and an extraordinarily good start on the new year, whenever it decides to come!

 

[ShyGirl91]

I offer you a hug! And have you seen dc show Doom Patrol? Character there has 64 alternates!!! I know that's sci-fi BS, but still. I've also seen a show, the many sides of jane. And sybil. What can I suggest? Hug a plushie?

thank you for the hug! I have not seen the show Doom Patrol.

 

[ShyGirl91]

@ShyGirl91,
I could probably never understand the complete complexity in your situation, but you are here and I know that it's a very good thing for you.
Adisc have always delivered to my expectations and beyond, as the only forum to my knowledge. People here a r mostly very friendly and understanding, many have probably similar experience to share so you are in a good place. Please keep it up and continue to use this thread. We are a forum with people around the world so there is a good chance that you can get a friendly answer to any anything you may want to talk about.

Please have a wonderful New Years Eve and an extraordinarily good start on the new year, whenever it decides to come!

thank you! I appreciate your encouragement. Yes, most here are very supportive and kind, and I'm glad for this!
I hope you have a wonderful New Year's as well!