Is late potty training becoming increasingly normalized?

[Diaperman95]

When I was in India I had about a 3-4 hour drive from the city I flew into and the city I was staying in. About half way there I had to go (#2) and after figuring out how to tell mydriver what I wanted, we pulled over. I saw my first ever squat toilet. It was basically just a hole in the floor with a big bucket of water next to it. All of a sudden I didn't have to go anymore.

I think I would rather wear my own shit in my diaper than use that. I would of told the driver sorry but you are going to want to open a window now. Lol

 

[Riddy]

A research idea I had was comparing toilet training ages with the following variables in countries that have diverse, heterogenous populations that allow us to get a representative sample of multiple different demographics:
1. Parental age
2. Number of children in household
3. Household income
4. Religious affiliation
5. Political alignment
6. Family structure: single vs married parents, two incomes vs one income, presence/absence of other family members in the child's life, etc
7. Immigrant vs natural born status of the parents
I hypothesize that earlier toilet training age would be associated with parents who are older, are not considered high income, identify as being more devout in faith, and have other family members present in the life of their child.

People say that when parents have less time on their hands due to working long hours keep their kids in diapers longer, but I think that it depends on their socioeconomic standing. Diapers are EXPENSIVE. A single parent working an ungodly amount of hours at a low earning job has an immense economic pressure to get their child out of diapers as fast as possible, whereas a married couple of high earners who work long hours, like an investment banker married to an emergency physician, would be able to afford to keep their child in diapers for as long as they would like. While daycare may attempt to train a child, if there's no continuity between school and the home, the child will not be trained.

I also feel like religious beliefs play a role here too. For example, Islam is obsessed with cleanliness. This goes beyond people who are devout, practicing Muslims. My (Iranian) family is not religious, but my mom raised me with an obsession on being clean. I was raised to never sit on the ground, put my hands on the ground, eat any food that had fallen on the floor, or share a cup/straw/bottle with anyone. When I went to school and was told to do push ups/sit ups on the blacktop, sit down on the multipurpose room floor during school assemblies, and saw my friends eating stuff that had fallen on the ground, I was aghast. I basically got culture shock in my own country (USA). This obsession over cleanliness extends to toilet training. Diapers are seen as a necessary evil and there's massive societal pressure to get kids into underwear ASAP. I feel bad for all the kids abused in Iran because of their parents' desire to save face in front of the family. Goodnites and their equivalents do not exist in Iran. Heck, pull ups for toilet training didn't exist until the mid 2010s, and that was just because of a desire for families to look Western. The idea of your 12 year old son wearing a diaper to bed because he wets the bed is incomprehensible to Iranians. They blame the child instead. Even in Qatar I couldn't find boys Drynites 8-15 at Carrefour. They had the girls version, but not for boys. I saw a map at the beginning of the pandemic of a study done in Europe asking people if they regularly wash their hands after using the toilet. The Christian countries had shockingly low percentages of yes responses, but Turkey and the Muslim countries in the Balkans had over 99%. I think in the Netherlands half of people said yes and half said no.

I will not comment on the political alignment variable due to forum rules, although I do have a prediction. And no, it's not a dichotomous "left this, right that" prediction.

Could be hard to tease out for any of those variables that correlate with each other.

 

[Mehrabad98]

Could be hard to tease out for any of those variables that correlate with each other.

Yeah, one variable would have to be chosen and studied on its own.

 

[boredofwheelchair]

I've been having a few thoughts and I think first of all it will come down to the individual child but I would say most children between 2 and 3 should be able to master potty training, I was a little bit of a late bloomer at 3 and a half but was IC at 18 (thanks Cerebral Palsy) and I must preface this by saying I am not a parent but I think Just in Case nappies should be acceptable up to about 6-ish if in certain situations such as travelling and visiting a city where you don't know what the public toilet availability situation is like or a theme park but that would be more down the the individual child and parent sort of thing,

I recently replied to a threat on r/CerebralPalsy subreddit where a mother was asking for advice on toilet training their 6 year old, I gave what I thought was pretty measured advice however I also wish I had been a bit more forthright on the need for acceptance and accepting that her child might not be able to get out of diapers and for the child to accept that they need diapers and to be confident in needing diapers as her child "is increasingly aware that he depends on diapers, mainly my because of his peers and their responses", it's not helped by the fact that the child's doctors can't see why he won't be able to be potty trained sort of thing but on the other hand she also says in a comment that she feel progress should have been made, but to me it feels like her expectations might be a little bit too high and it might not be as realistic as hoped . I hope the child can be potty trained but I also think you have to be realistic that they might not be, not for the want of trying

 

[FootiePJ]

I should also mention that, while talk of disabilities tends to focus on Big Things, technically, if you have autism or ADHD, you are also disabled. It's not insurmountable, obviously, but those can make it harder to potty train.

In addition to ASD or ADHD, there are some spinal conditions like spondylosis that could cause nerve compression, which could cause incontinence, and if a person has all of the above it could make it especially hard to toilet train.

 

[12srepaid]

I was really late potty trained at age 11 because I was starting secondary school soon. I suppose my case isn’t normal

I'm interested in your story. Maybe there is some insight that people are not seeing. Did you wear pull-ups or tape on diapers to school?

 

[arctic]

I should also mention that, while talk of disabilities tends to focus on Big Things, technically, if you have autism or ADHD, you are also disabled. It's not insurmountable, obviously, but those can make it harder to potty train.

I totally agree. People do not understand how significantly ADHD and autism can impact toilet training . . . and bedwetting . . . and a whole bunch of other things.

 

[JonahAteAWhale]

I think you can get too worried and caught up about age, which is an arbitrary number. If the kid is happy, the parents are happy, does it really matter if he's in nappies and age 4 or 5? Some kids are late developers, I was, I couldn't read or write until I was 8 or 9, but now I have a degree. If I had kids I would be one of the "no pressure, take it easy parents" because I'd rather my kids be happy and relaxed than cause a load of stress to conform to an arbitrary deadline someone set.

 

[sillygirl]

I'm interested in your story. Maybe there is some insight that people are not seeing. Did you wear pull-ups or tape on diapers to school?

I was always a pain in the ass to potty train because I’m autistic. I basically used to refuse by not using the potty. They used to try every so often but in the end they made me potty train.

When I was at school I often wore a tape up.

 

[Hell2DaNaw]

I think you can get too worried and caught up about age, which is an arbitrary number. If the kid is happy, the parents are happy, does it really matter if he's in nappies and age 4 or 5? Some kids are late developers, I was, I couldn't read or write until I was 8 or 9, but now I have a degree. If I had kids I would be one of the "no pressure, take it easy parents" because I'd rather my kids be happy and relaxed than cause a load of stress to conform to an arbitrary deadline someone set.

I get that, and I agree that the potty training age is somewhat arbitrary. However, due to state regulations many schools simply cannot accommodate kids who are still wearing diapers past age 3. While I don't have kids yet, I would be a "low pressure" parent when it came to potty training, but you have to also remember that kids are around their peers all day and still being in diapers or pull-ups can cause them to face ridicule or teasing by their friends.

 

[JonahAteAWhale]

I get that, and I agree that the potty training age is somewhat arbitrary. However, due to state regulations many schools simply cannot accommodate kids who are still wearing diapers past age 3. While I don't have kids yet, I would be a "low pressure" parent when it came to potty training, but you have to also remember that kids are around their peers all day and still being in diapers or pull-ups can cause them to face ridicule or teasing by their friends.

I hated potty training myself. My mum did it to me, but my Granddad put me in nappies, and I was in nappies and pull-ups throughout my childhood when he was looking after me, no other kid ever noticed. I was also a bedwetter and wore nappies at night until age 10 when my stepdad put a stop to it, no kid I knew who slept over ever cared about me being in nappies. Unless my stepdad was looking after me that day, therefore I wasn't allowed to wear a nappy, then I'd usually wet myself, which was way worse. For example one time there was a magician doing tricks, and I was just peeing, I was say 8 or 9, and my stepdad swoops in and picks me up and carries me to the toilet and it disturbed the whole show. The other kids didn't care though, but if my grandfather had been looking after me, I'd have been in a nappy and just enjoyed the show. No other kid ever noticed I was in a nappy or pull-up, or if they ever did maybe they didn't care, because I was never once bullied for that reason. I would often wet myself in school and stuff though where I did not wear a nappy. There were lengthy investigations by the doctors with no cause found. I've just always had a weak and small bladder I guess, and it has come back in later life with a vengeance, either triggered by my medication or something else I don't know.

 

[foxkits]

I hated potty training myself. My mum did it to me, but my Granddad put me in nappies, and I was in nappies and pull-ups throughout my childhood when he was looking after me, no other kid ever noticed. I was also a bedwetter and wore nappies at night until age 10 when my stepdad put a stop to it, no kid I knew who slept over ever cared about me being in nappies. Unless my stepdad was looking after me that day, therefore I wasn't allowed to wear a nappy, then I'd usually wet myself, which was way worse. For example one time there was a magician doing tricks, and I was just peeing, I was say 8 or 9, and my stepdad swoops in and picks me up and carries me to the toilet and it disturbed the whole show. The other kids didn't care though, but if my grandfather had been looking after me, I'd have been in a nappy and just enjoyed the show. No other kid ever noticed I was in a nappy or pull-up, or if they ever did maybe they didn't care, because I was never once bullied for that reason. I would often wet myself in school and stuff though where I did not wear a nappy. There were lengthy investigations by the doctors with no cause found. I've just always had a weak and small bladder I guess, and it has come back in later life with a vengeance, either triggered by my medication or something else I don't know.

Were you a preemie born early.
I have a lack of nerves in my body.
A urologist told my mom that my bladder had a lack of nerves.
Because nothing was wrong.

 

[JonahAteAWhale]

Were you a preemie born early.
I have a lack of nerves in my body.
A urologist told my mom that my bladder had a lack of nerves.
Because nothing was wrong.

I was born premature and also dead.

 

[12srepaid]

I get that, and I agree that the potty training age is somewhat arbitrary. However, due to state regulations many schools simply cannot accommodate kids who are still wearing diapers past age 3. While I don't have kids yet, I would be a "low pressure" parent when it came to potty training, but you have to also remember that kids are around their peers all day and still being in diapers or pull-ups can cause them to face ridicule or teasing by their friends.

Where do these kids learn to be mean like that? Possibly from their parents or other adults. Maybe these kids never had any interaction with special needs kids in Special Education. Are teachers allowing these kids to be bullies? If their friends are teasing and ridiculing them, they're not really their friends.

 

[12srepaid]

BTW, I'm not saying that a dild still in diapers, is in SE automatically. I understand there are other reasons, that has nothing to do with potty training.

JonahAteAWhale, you were dead?

 

[foxkits]

I was born premature and also dead.

I very much understand what you may be dealing with some what I was two months early 3 pounds.
Now they did not have the drugs to help me like they do now .
At one point I was at death's door.
It was a 50 50 chance to live.
Most of my childhood was hard health wise some what and school wise.I have to wear glasses because incubator for 2 months back then they didn't cover the eyes.
Pinned to a board so I could breathe. Lungs are kinda weak.

 

[FootiePJ]

I find lndian families keep their children in nappies for as long as possible. Anybody else noticed?

I know an Indian family at my church who didn't want their then 4.5-year-old daughter to participate in children's choir, because she wasn't toilet trained. They told me when I was trying to recruit their daughter to grow our pre-school choir.

 

[JonahAteAWhale]

BTW, I'm not saying that a dild still in diapers, is in SE automatically. I understand there are other reasons, that has nothing to do with potty training.

JonahAteAWhale, you were dead?

Yes I was dead. They had to resuscitate me. I had weak health in childhood but I am fine now

 

[JonahAteAWhale]

I very much understand what you may be dealing with some what I was two months early 3 pounds.
Now they did not have the drugs to help me like they do now .
At one point I was at death's door.
It was a 50 50 chance to live.
Most of my childhood was hard health wise some what and school wise.I have to wear glasses because incubator for 2 months back then they didn't cover the eyes.
Pinned to a board so I could breathe. Lungs are kinda weak.

I am glad you survived and you are blessed to have this World and we are blessed to have you

 

[12srepaid]

I am glad you survived and you are blessed to have this World and we are blessed to have you

I'm glad that both you and Foxkits are doing alright.