First off, I had to deal with abusive teachers and psycho students during primary and secondary education. I was traumatized by those events and had to split off my "weak" side which also became the "little" part of me and develop a thick skin persona in public so that everyone who encountered me would keep their distance. I do have High-Functioning Autism and as Nick pointed out, Not all people who are littles/ab's are Autistic.
My parents thinks it is sexual, where I do not think it is anything of the sort. My parents do not accept that part of me and think it always has to do with me being depressed/crazy. My parents also during my life tried to "cure" me from being Autistic because all the doctor's that Mom was bouncing me around wanted me to be heavily medicated to become "normal". With each passing day, I feel my outer skin starting to weaken and my "weak" side starts to take the brunt of the insults and other grief that is directed at me. I am like a rock that is eroding by an ocean. With each passing day my world and isolated self starts to break down until nothing is left, but an empty shell.
Being little, is comforting and revitalizes my security. It regenerates my outer and inner selves over time. With a break of not letting my inner-self out in a period of 2 years until I joined this forum I have been and still are to this day been using bare-minimum stopgap measures and alternate methods to try and stave off the inevitable collapse of my mental state. I have been operating on the edge of full mental collapse; and within the two years of trying to keep damage to a minimum have ended up having two incidents of explosive fallout as a result. I suppress my emotions which are contained within my inner-self to prevent unnecessary distractions and keep an objective mind in most situations. As I am breaking down by the day my mind is easily distracted and my capacity to learn and even perform actions is diminished to even inactivity. I have tried general counseling, but to no avail. Their professionalism gets in the way of getting the closure I need. I am pressed for cash because of my college situation and so I cannot address the issue in the way I want to.
Despite all this I feel that I might just lose myself as my life is falling apart bit by bit. I no longer can control my emotional outbursts and it is getting dangerous for both me and my parents to be in the same room together. If only I had the monetary resources to be little and not have to choose between being committed to an asylum, trying out a Christian counselor or committing suicide as the only remaining options. It seems that even within the small corners of these forums there is always a person that happens to attack me for what I believe in. This outside world may be filled with insanity, but I am not insane. A Non-sort and non-conformist I may be, but I fight for the right and just cause of doing what is honorable in this world. My sin of wrath has gotten me into trouble and so I say to hell with the outside world. It has caused nothing, but disaster for myself and for others around me.