Wife is getting dangerously close.

[Calico]

Ok, so I have time to sit and write now. First, let me explain the dynamic regarding my incontinence. I have been experiencing incontinence issues for about 5-6 years with it gradually getting worse. When it started I didn’t tell my wife about it because I was embarrassed and didn’t think it was that big of a deal. It started with dribbles here and there. Then in April 2020 I told my wife I wanted to wear diapers all the time. But I didn’t tell her about the IC issues. Then after about a year I told her and she believed they were due to me wearing diapers even though it started before them.

So fast forward to the last six months, I have had urodynamics done and I’ve been diagnose with OAB and Urge IC. She still believes that wearing diapers has caused this. I explained that the urologist said this isn’t the case and even let her read my paperwork.

So that’s the IC issue.

Last night I talked to her once our daughter was in bed. I asked her why she did that in front of our daughter and she said that she honestly didn’t think about it. I brought up the last trip to see our son. That I had to stop every hour of the drive to pee and while sitting in the truck with my daughter in the back, asked me why I wasn’t wearing my pampers. My daughter laughed and said “dad doesn’t wear Pampers, he’s not a baby.”

She said that she forgets that our daughter is getting older and can figure things out. That she’s just trying to have fun with it and needs to pay more attention.

I asked her if she wants our daughter to know and she said no way, that she would be very embarrassed if she told others about it. I said it wasn’t a matter of if, but how many people. She agreed to not make the comments anymore and that if my daughter finds out that we will tell her it’s because of health reasons.

This topic is extremely hard for me to discuss with my wife because I’m afraid she will just tell me to stop wearing them. I explained that I am beyond that point and can’t go very long without a diaper. I reminded her that the other day she commented about how many times I use the bathroom and I explained that I go every 45 minutes to make sure I don’t have an accident when not wearing a diaper.

Did it also start out with needing to go all the time and not being able to pee in the toilet and then it happens eventually? Did you have to strain your muscles to go to be sure your bladder was empty?

 

[Calico]

Also, my wife knows that I am trans, but I don’t do anything with it. She told me it would be the end of our marriage if I pursued it.

You gotta pick between your happiness and her. Then get a divorce lawyer and go for joint custody. I would consult a lawyer first before making the transition to a woman. You never know if there will be discrimination in court from the judge regarding transgender.

 

[BabyHailey1977]

Which is why I used Dad pronouns with your daughter because I assume she doesn't know and still sees you as a he and Dad. I didn't want anyone here thinking I was being transphobic or misgendering you purposely.

I caught that and really appreciate it.

 

[BabyHailey1977]

Did it also start out with needing to go all the time and not being able to pee in the toilet and then it happens eventually? Did you have to strain your muscles to go to be sure your bladder was empty?

It started out with me needing to go all the time as well as getting only a few minutes warning.

 

[BabyHailey1977]

You gotta pick between your happiness and her. Then get a divorce lawyer and go for joint custody. I would consult a lawyer first before making the transition to a woman. You never know if there will be discrimination in court from the judge regarding transgender.

Yes, I have talked to a lawyer and my therapist as well. My therapist told me she has been a witness in a lot of custody hearing and the judges do not discriminate against transgender.

 

[Calico]

It started out with me needing to go all the time as well as getting only a few minutes warning.

Sadly I think I am heading that direction. I get urges to pee but can't go but I wear a diaper and feel better and I eventually go. I just don't want to sit on toilets in my free time to avoid diapers or leakage.

 

[BabyHailey1977]

Sadly I think I am heading that direction. I get urges to pee but can't go but I wear a diaper and feel better and I eventually go. I just don't want to sit on toilets in my free time to avoid diapers or leakage.

I understand that. I hate using the toilet, but it’s a necessary evil.

 

[odd1inSyde]

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. You’re in a very difficult position, and I must echo what Calico said. Your wife does not allow you to live your truth - not just as an ABDL, but as a trans person. Denying you the ability to express your gender identity without repercussions is not what a loving partner would do.

 

[PaddedPonyboy]

Also, my wife knows that I am trans, but I don’t do anything with it. She told me it would be the end of our marriage if I pursued it.

i'm so sorry hailey, as a trans man this made tears well up in my eyes. that's not fair to you at all, that's who you are, it should be your choice to pursue transition, not hers. that really hurts my heart hailey, i am so sorry this is happening- and especially with how she's behaving in front of your daughter. it honestly doesn't matter what age she is, when she was younger it would've served as good practice to just get in the habit of making sure she's not exposed to your wearing so it would become easier once she got older. i'm so sorry that she's overstepping several of your boundaries like this, i hope you can get across to her that it's not okay to tease you about your wearing in front of her, even if you're incontinent

 

[BabyHailey1977]

i'm so sorry hailey, as a trans man this made tears well up in my eyes. that's not fair to you at all, that's who you are, it should be your choice to pursue transition, not hers. that really hurts my heart hailey, i am so sorry this is happening- and especially with how she's behaving in front of your daughter. it honestly doesn't matter what age she is, when she was younger it would've served as good practice to just get in the habit of making sure she's not exposed to your wearing so it would become easier once she got older. i'm so sorry that she's overstepping several of your boundaries like this, i hope you can get across to her that it's not okay to tease you about your wearing in front of her, even if you're incontinent

I appreciate everything you said. The one thing that I continue to think about is my daughter promising me that we never get divorced. I’m so close with my daughter and it would literally kill me if I couldn’t see her every day. It would really hurt her as well. I’d rather go through hell than have one tear fall from her eyes.

 

[BabyHailey1977]

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. You’re in a very difficult position, and I must echo what Calico said. Your wife does not allow you to live your truth - not just as an ABDL, but as a trans person. Denying you the ability to express your gender identity without repercussions is not what a loving partner would do.

I completely agree. She has done a lot of things that in the right world would guarantee that I could get full custody, but I have zero faith in the legal system when it comes to moms.

 

[HoneySnow]

I appreciate everything you said. The one thing that I continue to think about is my daughter promising me that we never get divorced. I’m so close with my daughter and it would literally kill me if I couldn’t see her every day. It would really hurt her as well. I’d rather go through hell than have one tear fall from her eyes.

Divorce is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. It hurts so many and the effects last longer than you would like. You said you had a therapist, has your wife gone with you? I don't agree with what your wife is doing, her behavior isn't appropriate. But I do know the pain of having the person you love most change and want another life that doesn't include you. So she may be struggling with some stuff and not handling it well. Maybe you guys could go together to help keep your family together, because clearly there is love there, and that's worth fighting for especially to be with your little girl.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

My experience: one can promise their daughter anything regarding their marriage...but the other partner may have different ideas. Just let your daughter know you'll always be there for her, no matter what.

 

[odd1inSyde]

I completely agree. She has done a lot of things that in the right world would guarantee that I could get full custody, but I have zero faith in the legal system when it comes to moms.

I totally understand your dilemma. I will say, that I have a friend who had an extraordinarily similar situation as yours. A transwoman/ABDL. Her ex-wife did not support the transition or her little side, and it ended in divorce. They have two children. Despite the ex’s attempts to make my friend look like a “freak,” my friend managed to get shared custody. She has her kids every other week… And, I’ll also say, they like going with my friend a lot better than they like being with their bio Mom!

Good luck to you. Just know that you are a valuable person, and you deserve every bit of happiness in the world.

 

[PaddedPonyboy]

I appreciate everything you said. The one thing that I continue to think about is my daughter promising me that we never get divorced. I’m so close with my daughter and it would literally kill me if I couldn’t see her every day. It would really hurt her as well. I’d rather go through hell than have one tear fall from her eyes.

i'm glad you love your daughter so much, that's so touching, that also brought a tear to my eyes... that's very touching that you're willing to give up so much for her there's a lot of parents out there who aren't willing to give up anything for their kids, just know that i wish you didn't have to do that, okay? i wish you could be yourself and be able to be there for your daughter, too. i hope things get better for you somehow, hailey, you deserve to be with someone who respects you and your boundaries, and your identity. i hope your wife at least listens to your concerns about her making inappropriate comments about your diapers around your daughter. take care of yourself, okay? we all care about you here, we see you for who you really are

 

[BabyHailey1977]

So this morning following my shower I was in our walk-in closet putting a diaper on. My wife walked in and said “oh what a cute butt” and smiled. She acted like it was second nature. As I was leaving to get my allergy shots she gave me a hug and patted my butt. This is the confusing part lol.

 

[Calico]

So this morning following my shower I was in our walk-in closet putting a diaper on. My wife walked in and said “oh what a cute butt” and smiled. She acted like it was second nature. As I was leaving to get my allergy shots she gave me a hug and patted my butt. This is the confusing part lol.

Does your wife do splitting behavior? She now accepts it and teases you about it in a affectionate way but before you were all of a sudden this sick person who liked diapers and got himself (herself) incontinent from using diapers too much.

My ex did splitting behavior. I was his only thing and he couldn't stand to be apart from me but then all of a sudden he be disgusted with me and acted I was mentally impaired and he can't give e me attention because he feels he is with a baby.

 

[BabyHailey1977]

Does your wife do splitting behavior? She now accepts it and teases you about it in a affectionate way but before you were all of a sudden this sick person who liked diapers and got himself (herself) incontinent from using diapers too much.

My ex did splitting behavior. I was his only thing and he couldn't stand to be apart from me but then all of a sudden he be disgusted with me and acted I was mentally impaired and he can't give e me attention because he feels he is with a baby.

Yes, I have long been convinced of this. It all depends on her moods.

 

[PaddedPonyboy]

Yes, I have long been convinced of this. It all depends on her moods.

do you know if she has Borderline Personality Disorder, or anything like that? splitting behavior is really common in BPD, that could explain why she's so hot and cold with her behavior towards your wearing. (I have BPD, so not looking down on anyone, but it can make communication really hard sometimes.)

 

[BabyHailey1977]

do you know if she has Borderline Personality Disorder, or anything like that? splitting behavior is really common in BPD, that could explain why she's so hot and cold with her behavior towards your wearing. (I have BPD, so not looking down on anyone, but it can make communication really hard sometimes.)

Yes!! Me, and her siblings have tried so hard to get her to go see a therapist, but she flat out refuses.