Wife is getting dangerously close.

[PaddedPonyboy]

Yes!! Me, and her siblings have tried so hard to get her to go see a therapist, but she flat out refuses.

awww, heck, i'm so sorry, hailey. unmanaged Borderline can be really damaging in relationships- again I'm speaking as someone who has it. I've been in therapy regularly for 9 years now, and did DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) to help me learn how to accept my emotions, and only after i went to therapy did i get better at learning how to respect other people, because i learned how to respect myself. i was very prone to taking my emotions out on my friends, i had a very hard time figuring out when people were actually trying to hurt me and when i had a warped perspective on things.

the hot-and-cold behavior is so hard to deal from the outside with because it makes you feel crazy! you don't know how they actually feel, one minute you feel they love something, then the next they hate it, it makes your head spin! i've had a few exes with BPD and that behavior was some of the hardest to deal with because one day they'd love everything i did, but the next i was a demon and i never even know what caused the change... while i know she's struggling, it's not fair that she's making the folks' around her lives harder, even if she doesn't mean to, it's been made apparent to her that she needs help. it's always so sad when someone who clearly just needs a bit of help refuses it. it's not really as scary as people make it out to be, i'm a much happier person now that i don't think so negatively about myself and everyone around me! it's a hard battle, but it's one that's worth fighting.

learning to love yourself teaches you how to love other people for who they are, no matter what

i hope that she changes her mind and chooses to seek therapy at some point. it would genuinely improve her life in ways she doesn't realize, but it would especially make your and your daughter's life easier, too. it's not okay when someone's mental health issues begin to spill out on the people around them- that's exactly what lead me to get help for my borderline. i really hope some good change happens for both you and her

 

[Subtlerustle]

Yes!! Me, and her siblings have tried so hard to get her to go see a therapist, but she flat out refuses.

That’s unfortunate. One more reason why your daughter needs you. You’re a great parent for prioritizing her needs ahead of yours. Hang in there and do the best you can with your conflicts until she’s of age.

 

[Calico]

My ex also had borderline and it was either my autism that made me be childish and like immature things or it was the ABDL and he hated it and would mock me for it. It fucked me up and mlbiw I hate anyone who acts like him and sees anything as abdl or kinky.

I wonder if it's a BPD thing now to do this BS? Sorry not nice about it because of what Jerry put me through.

 

[PaddedPonyboy]

My ex also had borderline and it was either my autism that made me be childish and like immature things or it was the ABDL and he hated it and would mock me for it. It fucked me up and mlbiw I hate anyone who acts like him and sees anything as abdl or kinky.

I wonder if it's a BPD thing now to do this BS? Sorry not nice about it because of what Jerry put me through.

that's okay, i read a bit of your blog and i saw what happened, i'm sorry you went through such a tough time with him. again as someone who's very mentally ill i make it a top priority to get myself into treatment when others tell me things aren't going well because i don't really care about preserving my own ego.

i think the issue is that sometimes when someone with BPD encounters something they don't like, they may not know why they don't like it but all they know is that they don't like it, which can lead them to snapping or just saying the meanest things they possibly can, because they don't want to be exposed to that thing, but they also don't know how to verbalize that until it gets to the point where it's too much for them. sometimes, it's because you've done something to hurt their feelings, but they refuse to tell you what you did that hurt them but they want to feel better, so they feel they have to "get back at you" by being "mean" back to you, even if you never realized you did something to hurt them in the first place. it's never okay. learning to communicate before it gets to that point is vital, snapping at other people and making them feel like crap because they do something you don't personally like is never okay- i'm really sorry he treated you like that.

i've had friends and partners with BPD who had to "get back at me" because i did things they didn't like, but they would never tell me what i did, or wouldn't tell me until after they snapped at me, if i was lucky enough to get anything out of them at all. BPD is a condition where it causes a person's emotions to feel bigger than they are, and it can cause people to become completely absorbed in their emotions and incapable of seeing the world outside of them. while it's important to take our own emotions seriously, it's never okay to refuse to see the world outside of your own emotions- other people have feelings, too, and you can't just hurt theirs because yours are hurt!

 

[AquaticDiapers]

Also, my wife knows that I am trans, but I don’t do anything with it. She told me it would be the end of our marriage if I pursued it.

I hate to be that guy, but I think your relationship sounds pretty unhealthy. Clearly she doesn't trust you or believe you, and it sounds like she's willing to throw everything away and even hurt your kid over something that doesn't matter. I'm not saying you need to get a divorce or something, just that a marriage counselor might be a good start.

 

[BabyHailey1977]

I hate to be that guy, but I think your relationship sounds pretty unhealthy. Clearly she doesn't trust you or believe you, and it sounds like she's willing to throw everything away and even hurt your kid over something that doesn't matter. I'm not saying you need to get a divorce or something, just that a marriage counselor might be a good start.

I understand your feelings. Trust me, if it weren’t for my daughter, I’d be gone. The things she’s done to me are inexcusable.

I’ve tried to get her to a marriage counselor and she is completely against it. It’s obvious because she doesn’t want to be told that what she’s doing is wrong.

She thought that telling her sister about my diapers would embarrass me, but her sister got mad at her for telling her. One night when she was really mad at me for something stupid, she sent my mom a text telling her about my diapers. My mom’s response was that she already knew and that the type of underwear I wear was really none of her business.

But then when she isn’t mad, she’s totally ok with it. It’s like she uses my diapers to try to make me mad like misery needs company. I don’t know.

 

[BabyHailey1977]

I understand your feelings. Trust me, if it weren’t for my daughter, I’d be gone. The things she’s done to me are inexcusable.

I’ve tried to get her to a marriage counselor and she is completely against it. It’s obvious because she doesn’t want to be told that what she’s doing is wrong.

She thought that telling her sister about my diapers would embarrass me, but her sister got mad at her for telling her. One night when she was really mad at me for something stupid, she sent my mom a text telling her about my diapers. My mom’s response was that she already knew and that the type of underwear I wear was really none of her business.

But then when she isn’t mad, she’s totally ok with it. It’s like she uses my diapers to try to make me mad like misery needs company. I don’t know.

Actually, her sister was really cool about it when we talked. She said she was happy that I found something safe to enjoy. She said she bet it’s helps with dealing with the stress her sister creates. She said that the entire family is happy that I’m able to put up with everything that my wife does and that it has to be tough.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

That's another reason why I'll never remarry. The 'institution' of marriage is dead because that is what it has been reduced to: an institution. Contracts. Government's rules. Business only. Love is conditional. Families are corporations now, they sure are run like 'em.

Well, to hell with 'the state'.

I have more respect for a committed relationship without the state's interference. Plus there's no longer such a thing as common-law marriage anywhere in the 50 states. And I think the numbers of unwed couples are growing, power to 'em!

 

[PaddedPonyboy]

I understand your feelings. Trust me, if it weren’t for my daughter, I’d be gone. The things she’s done to me are inexcusable.

I’ve tried to get her to a marriage counselor and she is completely against it. It’s obvious because she doesn’t want to be told that what she’s doing is wrong.

She thought that telling her sister about my diapers would embarrass me, but her sister got mad at her for telling her. One night when she was really mad at me for something stupid, she sent my mom a text telling her about my diapers. My mom’s response was that she already knew and that the type of underwear I wear was really none of her business.

But then when she isn’t mad, she’s totally ok with it. It’s like she uses my diapers to try to make me mad like misery needs company. I don’t know.

i'm really relieved to hear that her sister was mad at her for telling her that- there is never a good reason for her to tell people that to embarrass you, or "get back at you"! that's so immature. i'm glad your mom was also accepting and was even willing to say that it's not her business- she's right, it's nobody business but yours. i'm sorry she's acting like that. you're right, folks like that genuinely do believe that misery needs company, they're miserable, so you need to be, too. (but watch out, if you're too miserable, then they yell at you for "being in a bad mood all the time"!) you can't win!

i'm sorry your wife is being so awful to you about this, but i'm glad the other people in your life are not mean to you about your diapers

 

[Subtlerustle]

Well @BabyHailey1977 hang in there. I have to say based on your description of things if the marriage ever officially breaks down I think she will take it badly. That would be painful for you I’m afraid. Hopefully you’ve got strategies to keep her happy and strategies if it fails.

 

[Deleted member 78625]

This should be a secret between you and your wife.

 

[BabyHailey1977]

This should be a secret between you and your wife.

I agree

 

[unnamed]

It's really hard to read this but as a kid who's dad slowly started losing it and becoming a problem similar to this, I have some insight. My dad almost certainly has borderline personality. He refuses to see any sort of mental health professional. He refused to go to therapy with my mom. I feel like there's something to be said.

Your kid knows something is wrong with her mom and your relationship. It's almost certainly draining her too.

My mom spent the better part of a decade married to my dad "for her kids" and it honestly was worse than divorce and separation. I have no idea what a happy household looks like because I spent so much time stressed out around my dad and walking on eggshells. Even separated, that's a good supportive home half the time as opposed to never. Pulling the trigger will scare her. She might pull the "you promised" card. It's gonna suck, but avoiding a divorce/separation "for her sake" isn't actually helping her. Kids feel the tension and stress. It wears on them. They aren't dumb.

I can't tell you what to do. No one can. All I can give is my experience as a kid in a somewhat similar situation and say that staying together for your kid likely isn't helping her.

 

[Diaperedlife13]

Is your wearing for pleasure or medical

 

[BigAl2]

Is your wearing for pleasure or medical

See post 16.

 

[BabyHailey1977]

I’m happy to say that the past couple days have been really good with my wife. She hasn’t made any comments around my daughter which has been nice. She did walk up and give me a hug this morning and rubbed my butt. So that was a good thing.

I wish everyday was like this.

As always, I appreciate everyone’s support.

 

[AquaticDiapers]

I understand your feelings. Trust me, if it weren’t for my daughter, I’d be gone. The things she’s done to me are inexcusable.

I’ve tried to get her to a marriage counselor and she is completely against it. It’s obvious because she doesn’t want to be told that what she’s doing is wrong.

She thought that telling her sister about my diapers would embarrass me, but her sister got mad at her for telling her. One night when she was really mad at me for something stupid, she sent my mom a text telling her about my diapers. My mom’s response was that she already knew and that the type of underwear I wear was really none of her business.

But then when she isn’t mad, she’s totally ok with it. It’s like she uses my diapers to try to make me mad like misery needs company. I don’t know.

Yeah, I'm familiar with the behavior, I'm sorry. At least in my experience, though it was with a different subject than diapers, it wasn't something the other person genuinely cared about or thought was bad, but knew I felt badly about, and so used it to make me feel bad when they felt it benefitted them or when they wanted to. They had some mental health problems that weren't their own fault and they weren't truly a bad person, just did bad things. I'm not saying that's the case for your wife, I know very little, just that it might be good to keep in mind that bad behavior doesn't make a bad person. Keep your chin up, take things in stride, try for good communication, don't let negativity get to you, keep healthy relationships with people outside of the home. All that will go a long way towards getting your biggest concern and point of conflict sorted out. Take care

 

[Diaperman95]

Your wife should not be making such remarks in front of your daughter or anyone else without your consent.

Its easy to say but we are not perva to their agreement either. Does she even enjoy him wearing the diapers?

Personally kids are smart and I do not know how you think you are going to hide something so damn long from them. They are nosy and they like to climb in the middle of bed with us at their own choosing. I remember very well when my daughter found out about my diapers. I was at work and my wife was shopping, She put pads in the basket for her and went to the incontinent section and grabbed the depends. She said my daughter was in the basket and she put her hand on the maxi pad and said momma pad then the Depends and said daddy pad. She told my daughter a little but we had a long talk that night... and to this day she has never sold me out. But we raised a very very respectable young women. Daddy was her hero. I am diapers due to incontinence and we just explained that it is what it is and this is how adults have to deal with it too. It is not right that people judge us for medical conditions but it happens. So daddy just prefers No one knows unless he tells them.

As for the original post I I an confused if they are incontinent ABDL or all above. I am not cool with lying to kids but I think you will do way more harm trying to Explain ABDL to a 8 year old than good. If you are incontinent I would just go with that. If you are ABDL only then you go with the incontinent story or you avoid the topic all together. But kids are not dumb. They pick up onto these things. ABDl is not something that a child needs to know anything about and certainly not to be encouraged!

 

[Diaperman95]

Wow I think I am read up on that. I think you need to have a very long and serious talk with your wife. What she say's your marriage as and what she thinks will make it better. You need to ask yourself the same question. If you guys cant agree on anything you have your answer. As for the transgender have you always known and more important has she always known. How important is that part of your life? Because if you are not happy living as a married man to a married wife then you have the bigger problem. It is not the mater of right or wrong it is the matter of do we love each other. Will this marriage last or are you both telling yourself lies. But from my eyes it sounds pretty toxic and it is either going to get a lot better or it is about to get a lot worse. You owe yourself this but you owe that 8 year old happiness above all. Talking open one day a week in a safe no judgement hour with each other will let you see it for what is is and try to save it if you both wish. I know she has to have some qualities you still love and like wise for her. If you can be happy together then it will make life for a 8 year old way better. But if she cant be grown up and has to tell people something so damn personal in your life, why the effort. No matter what you do just remain civil and document everything if you think it might end in divorce.