Hello. I have two or 3 reasons because I mess my diaper. At first, because at mornings I can't hold it, I doesn't do it on purpose in this case. It is a hassle because I often poop two times at mornings, and wery often when I think I do not have to poop anymore, and after washing me and puttinng on a clean diaper and dress up, about 20 minutes later, often outside home, I have an accident and poop in my diaper again.
Second reason, because I like it, it turns me on like a sexual thing. This fact has destroyed my couple relations because women want real man and not one who wears diapers, first for need, later found out I do it for fetish too.
And finally, for stress relief. When I have strong anxiety, get wery nerwous, begin to sweat a lot, I just need to go home, be alone and just let it go into my diaper. The anxiety relief is wery efective in my case, but I do combine it with some beer or wine, smoke tobacco and sometimes weed, and medication like alprazolam. I know alprazolam is very adictive, but a good aid for severe stress and anxiety, like happens to me. I do not hurt myself or others pooping in my diaper on purpose to relax, and sometimes just messing my diaper, a cigarette and a glas of red wine replaces te use of medication like the mentioned alprazolam, sold under tradename xanax in some coutries.
Today I fellt really really stressed and nervous, and when I arrived at home, I pooped my diaper on purpose, ended rubing it untill cu* and now I feel relaxed. But the tobacco and the wine helped too, and still I am now sitting in my wet, pooped and cu*ed diaper. But suffering about the lonely life I live, where it is not possible to share my world because I would be laught out, outside of this and other lovelly abdl comunity websites. But still alone. I need to be with somebody who understands me and gives hapines again, now after the second glass wine I'm not so bad as half an hour ago, but I reallize I'm really down and depressed. What kind of self-image can I have when I act like a stinky freak
