Part of who you are

[drive88]

I'm not what I'd consider to be a method actor, but when I'm in a play, I try to research as much as I can about my character. Recently, I was in a play portraying a husband and father who'd lost his child. Pretty heavy material. Living with my aunt while I finish school, I don't wear very often, and certainly not in front of her. I love her and she's doing me a big favor, but she's also quite nosy and known in our family as a huge gossip; couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it. But, I digress.
Getting into rehearsals, it just felt weird trying to wear a diaper, so I abstained while in the show. That hasn't always happened. I've been in shows before where my diaper activities didn't affect my process, but this was different. I have to point out that even on the occasions that I wear in public, I've never worn at rehearsals and certainly not at performances. Regardless of the character, it just never felt right. Not to mention, changing into costume and people seeing my diaper. Just not something I'm comfortable with. Anyways, the run went great; some of the best and most meaningful performances of my life. Had parents coming up to us, the cast and director, who'd lost children and told us how much our performances honored their kids' memories, as well as portrayed the honesty of what grieving parents go through.
After the play was over, I still didn't wear for a few weeks. Once I did, and went through my stash, I figured I was done with diapers. This was finally it. How many times has any AB or DL had that thought, right? I'd also been in therapy for my anxiety, due to childhood trauma, but I never discussed my DL side with my therapist. Not sure how she'd take it, but I figured it was irrelevant to my recovery. So, after a few weeks, and I found myself wanting to go buy diapers. There wasn't much of an urge or temptation. It just felt like I needed to have some in the house.
Being in my mid-thirties and a college senior is at times awkward. I'm in a few student organizations, where I'm even older than the grad students. Needless to say, trying to date has gone nowhere. So, I'm finally trying one of the more well known dating sites. I'm an atheist living in Texas, for at least one more year. And, I'm a DL. This hasn't been easy. I haven't been in a relationship, not kidding, in 20 years. A few dates here and there, but no girlfriend. It's hard enough trying to find someone whom I like and relates to being an agnostic or atheist, or at least skeptical of religion. How to find someone who will understand that diapers, however often and under what circumstances I choose to wear, are a part of who I am feels like it will be difficult, especially in the environment I live in. There are open-minded women everywhere. It just feels like there aren't as many here in Texas as there are back in Southern California, where I used to live and plan on heading back to after graduation.
I have accepted being a DL is a part of who I am, but I wonder if I will ever live without diapers. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I just sometimes feel like I'd want to move on, so to speak, but then those feelings come back. Part of it is a sexual fetish, but sometimes I just want to wear one. I've loved the feeling of the diaper against my skin, and the plastic backing, ever since childhood. Like I say, I guess it's just a part of who I am. Hope this wasn't too long-winded, you guys. I tend to ramble with the written word. Thanks for reading.

 

[RMS401]

Drive, you should never be apologetic about who you are, and your emotional attachment to diapers is a part of you. If you were really into hiking, and it gave you a sense of well-being and peace, and comforted you when nothing else did, and then met someone you cared about but asked you to give up hiking forever, would that be fair? What would you think of her if she never wanted to hear about it, talk about it, never considered going on a hike with you, and even demanded that you throw away all your hiking gear? How would you feel about your relationship then? Would you feel that she had accepted you as you are, or that she was taking only parts of you and asking you to throw away other parts to suit her tastes?

Yes, I believe that my emotional need for diapers is a part of who I am, and I'm willing to discuss that with anyone who needs to understand it. I get that it's odd, and I understand that acceptance will take time, but I will not abide those who feel they need not accept me for who I am, quirks and all.

-RMS

 

[Ceary]

I tried give up diapers beforied, I could not give But it never left me and no matter how hard I tried, I could not give up any of my tendencies. So now I am completely myself by accepting who I am. I am a diaper lover and I won't give it up, but I can completely understand how you feel.

 

[Chanch0]

Drive, you should never be apologetic about who you are, and your emotional attachment to diapers is a part of you. If you were really into hiking, and it gave you a sense of well-being and peace, and comforted you when nothing else did, and then met someone you cared about but asked you to give up hiking forever, would that be fair? What would you think of her if she never wanted to hear about it, talk about it, never considered going on a hike with you, and even demanded that you throw away all your hiking gear? How would you feel about your relationship then? Would you feel that she had accepted you as you are, or that she was taking only parts of you and asking you to throw away other parts to suit her tastes?

-RMS

Great analogy, I'd never thought of it that way before.

I too feel that this is a part of me, it's not "normal" but it's important to me. When I leave home and begin dating (not really something that's easy for a bi AB/DL living in a small town), I'll really want to find someone who is open-minded and accepts me for who I am. That said, relationships are a two way street, maybe she doesn't want you to go "hiking", period. What you need to do is find a happy medium where you can go "hiking" every now and then, and she accepts that "hiking" is a way of life for you, but you should also understand and respect her wishes. There has to be balance, and if you both love each other, the balance should come naturally.

 

[boobybird89]

Too true Chanch. Don't know what else to say that you haven't.

 

[KittyninjaW]

Great analogy, I'd never thought of it that way before.

I too feel that this is a part of me, it's not "normal" but it's important to me. When I leave home and begin dating (not really something that's easy for a bi AB/DL living in a small town), I'll really want to find someone who is open-minded and accepts me for who I am. That said, relationships are a two way street, maybe she doesn't want you to go "hiking", period. What you need to do is find a happy medium where you can go "hiking" every now and then, and she accepts that "hiking" is a way of life for you, but you should also understand and respect her wishes. There has to be balance, and if you both love each other, the balance should come naturally.

I fell that my diaper fantasies are a part of me, and I am learning to accept it more and more, also I aggree Chanch0, it is hard to find someone in a small town, even though I'm straight.

 

[drive88]

Thanks, RMS401, I never thought of it that way. And, thanks everybody for reading and responding. Even though it may seem like it to me at times, I know I'm not the only one who struggles with these thoughts. I've accepted it as a part of who I am, and even come to enjoy it, but I hope the day is not too far off where I am happy with it and am not afraid to share this part of me with someone. Even if that person doesn't partake in it also, at least for them to accept it as a part of who I am and still be happy with me. Again, thanks a bunch!

 

[ladyofshadows]

I firmly believe that it is virtually impossible to give up a fetish of any kind. It doesn't just apply to ABDL; I think it's the same for any fetish, and it is also immaterial whether that fetish is sexually related or not. If a person has a compulsion for a particular thing then I believe that they will never entirely overcome that compulsion, in much the same way that an alcoholic is unlikely ever be able to control the impulse to drink. Personally, I dislike the expression frequently used by ABDLs that is the title of this thread; it always strikes me that they are trying to rationalise the way they are, which is not something anyone should have to do, any more than LGBT folk should have to justify their sexual orientation.

No one should never have to justify they way they are, or try to give up something they enjoy, or feel is right. Certainly, I will never stop wearing nappies, even in the unlikely event that my (genuine) incontinence/bedwetting issues were ever cured.

 

[drive88]

Thanks for your response; it certainly rings true. It's true that no one should have to rationlise the way they are, provided they cause no harm to others or themselves. I admire anyone that is able to not only accept themselves, but also be happy with it. That's not to say that I'm not happy with the kind of person I am, but it can sometimes be difficult to fully accept myself due to years of mental conditioning by the status quo. It's not just with regards to my love of diapers. I'm also told that I'm too nice, that I don't project self-confidence because I don't behave like the typical alpha-male, that I'm immature because of the way I dress (jeans and t-shirts on most days), or that I'm just plain weird. Rewiring one's brain, as it were, is not as easy for some as it is for others. Even once I get to the point where I stop trying to rationlize this, I'm glad I have a place I can go, even if it's over the internet, where there are people like myself who both support me and understand the occasional struggles I go through. On a side note, I love how the Brits use the word "nappies". Though because I live in the states, I'm used to the word "diaper", which has been among my favorite words since childhood (for obvious reasons), I'm fascinated with "nappies". I don't know. maybe it's the accent. Thanks again!

 

[ladyofshadows]

On a side note, I love how the Brits use the word "nappies". Though because I live in the states, I'm used to the word "diaper", which has been among my favorite words since childhood (for obvious reasons), I'm fascinated with "nappies". I don't know. maybe it's the accent. Thanks again!

It's not just us Brits who call them nappies; I believe it's the normal term in Australia, New Zealand and South Africa as well. Probably because they were all former British colonies, I suppose.

 

[giantguy99]

I think I should say that society believes (not pointing anyone out in particular here) that wearing diapers is somehow immature. Well let's look at the definition of maturity and examine this notion. Here's a link to Wikipedia about the definition of what maturity is. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maturity_(psychological)

Now since in at least one sense that maturity is a individual's ability to respond to the environment in a appropriate manner we can start to ask questions regarding this when wearing diapers and/or AB activities are concerned based upon that definition. Tell me How is it immature of me to wear diapers when the alternative is to defecate and/or urinate all over myself unintentionally as well as other people's things or themselves? I think it's clearly obvious that it's not immature of me to wear diapers when the alternatives are considered. Medications just cause other problems that are not worth it (for me it's serious mental instability and possibly kidney failure as well as aggravated incontinence as far as side effects go when I tried that before) So I simply wear diapers 24/7 because it's the safest and healthiest thing for me to do. I don't wear 24/7 because I like too. Being IC sucks even for a AB/DL like me. I wear 24/7 because trying to live longer so I don't deprive my friends of my good company just happens to be my primary motivation that's all.

However this just explains how IC people are not necessarily immature as opposed to people who are just AB and/or DL correct? Well let's start with what we know about this. We all know that it's a part of who and what we are, that it's never going to go away or stop even if we want it to go away correct? (no I am not making any comparison between LGBT and AB/DL's either. They just happen to have those few similarities that happen to be important one's that's all) Now historically speaking based upon factual data collected by Bittergrey here on ADISC (as well as other's) trying to just suppress this side of oneself has at least without any credible instances to the contrary always proven to be detrimental to the person trying to do just that in some way,shape, or form without exception. So how is it mature to even hurt yourself like that when wearing diapers does no harm to you or anyone else when managed correctly? I think we can all say that destroying yourself slowly is not very mature especially when some useless societal standard is taken into context.