None ABDLs, does anyone accuse you of having a diaper fetish?

[hbic60]

LePew, I can also understand gretlake5. Sure, this thread developed to very, very interesting one with deep, valuable, honest (and also controversial) opinions where everyone could learned a lot. I don't want to miss such discussions, that's something why such forums exist!
But is you scroll back to the beginning of this thread and the very first replies, this one seemed to be similar to others, more or less stupid questions/posts, which come up here in IC forum from time to time by some ABDL people. I understand greatlake5's position, to keep the IC forum "clean" from such posts.
Maybe this strategy (of this thread) works better and is more smart: just take over a maybe a little stupid thread and turn it into a valuable deep discussion?

 

[InconLifer]

I pretty well figured that this was the case. I am glad to hear it anyway. I don't think I have welcomed you so I would just like to say welcome!! I love to see other incontinent folk join the group.... not that I would not welcome you all the same for being ABDL.. I hope you are loving it. We have some good people.

Thanks! Yeah, it's a bonus to be in a community that's so active. Isolation's been something I've been dealing with post-Long Covid and so it's been helping with that and it's been great to have support.

Love the profile pic! I got a Switch last year as I found the main thing about being a wheelchair user is waiting around and it's been a lot of fun getting back into the Nintendo stuff like Mario. I've got Tears of the Kingdom but haven't gotten around to playing it yet.

Wow. That wagon is giving you a rough time for sure. There's a lot of people hoping and cheering for you, and doubtless some praying for you, too.

Yeah, I know people have it worse though so I don't want to be too negative. It's just that illness/disability drove a truck through my plans and I'm trying to find workarounds and stay active. I'd love to go back to a Master's as I'd hopefully have more of a social life again and be around my peers. I'm unable to work but hoping to make a part-time MA work as I can't stand the idea that I'll just sitting around for the rest of my life. Due to my Autism and ADHD I'm waaaay behind my peers and this has really hammered it home. On social media I see people from my undergrad and work having careers, getting married, starting families etc. and I'm just back at home. I guess that given the executive function vs actual age thing I'm not actually behind where I should be but it is super frustrating how Long Covid has really set me back. Fortunately, I found a really accessible uni (where I started my MA was an absolute nightmare access wise and travel wise - I applied before I needed a wheelchair) and hoping that it'll be doable. The main question mark is whether Covid round three has caused a reset or whether I'm still recovering.

I'm hoping that going the academia route may be doable as a long-term change of plans.

Anxious about setting off for physio later on as it's always nerve wracking being out in the wheelchair after a while of being out of practice. The UK's a nightmare in a wheelchair - barring some posh parts of London the state of the pavements is shocking.

 

[greatlake5]

LePew, I can understand gretlake5.

IC members don't wear childish prints. Solid colors or cool prints? I don't wear them but you're never questioned. It's only a problem when you're a fetishist. I stand on my post (stupid). Better posted on a more appropriated forum.

 

[InconLifer]

LePew, I can also understand gretlake5. Sure, this thread developed to very, very interesting one with deep, valuable, honest (and also controversial) opinions where everyone could learned a lot. I don't want to miss such discussions, that's something why such forums exist!
But is you scroll back to the beginning of this thread and the very first replies, this one seemed to be similar to others, more or less stupid questions/posts, which come up here in IC forum from time to time by some ABDL people. I understand greatlake5's position, to keep the IC forum "clean" from such posts.
Maybe this strategy (of this thread) works better and is more smart: just take over a maybe a little stupid thread and turn it into a valuable deep discussion?

This!

I feel there needs to be a general understanding that the IC experience is wholly different to the ABDL experience and what’s ‘playful’ or ‘fun’ to the latter really isn’t for IC people. I can’t say there’s anything fun about dealing with this day in, day out. It’s essentially just a thing of trying to be as discreet and independent as possible for me.

I don’t think people would choose printed products if they didn’t have to for whatever reason (ie functionality, availability etc.) due to the price if nothing else. Living with a disability is super expensive and for me it’s all about cutting costs where I can.

 

[Ceary]

No need to apologise! I agree with your point. That was very much my philosophy pre-Long Covid complications as well which is why I found it easier to handle psychologically. My mentality was sure, I have this embarrassing condition but I'm a great runner and guitar player so that cancels it out. It was easy to manage and ultimately protection made me a lot more confident. When everything stopped working as it were and my incontinence changed to being much more severe it was harder to deal with because rather than one issue I have it became a reminder of how nothing works in my body.

The capacity thing's the key thing with the wheelchair really, due to the potential of not being able to find a toilet to change in and also wanting to really minimise the chance of leaking on my seat a high capacity is key. I do have some lower capacity, regular ones for round the house for cost reasons but they're prone to leaking and if they leak at home then I can't risk them outside.




I can really relate to this as it sounds very similar to me. I was taken out of nappies way before my bedwetting ended. I was really glad but then the reality that rather than sleeping through the night and having a dry bed and pyjamas I'd have interrupted sleep and be soaked every night kicked in, I missed the protection. Indeed, I remember wondering why being miserable was a better alternative to protection. The reason I was taken out of protection was because my Dad was embarrassed about buying nappies at the supermarket in case he saw anyone. However, then when I was ten we were staying with family friends and he was worried about the embarrassment of me wetting the bed so I was back in protection. I remember my Mum asking me if I was okay with it and I was fine. Indeed, I was actually glad to not have to worry about wetting the bed again.

My nightly bedwetting ended when I was ten but I'd still wet now and again but never told my parents as I was too embarrassed as when I became a teenager I figured I was way too old to be doing it and couldn't bring myself to tell them. However, as I knew that whilst my issues were a whole lot better that they hadn't completely disappeared, I was always super anxious on school trips and at sleepovers. I was due to go on a German Exchange and was utterly terrified of wetting the bed and did wonder about DryNites as I'd seen them advertised and knew I'd have my own room in the house but never plucked up the courage to ask and was just super, super cautious about fluids. I remember one night we were around someone's house and his parents weren't there and so they had some alcohol. I had a bit of a drink of some but then felt like an idiot as I was convinced I'd end up wetting the bed. Fortunately that didn't happen but I was super, super anxious and indeed relieved to wake up in a dry bed in the morning.

Then again in the Sixth Form at school I wondered about protection and solutions to my daytime issues as my trousers were now dry clean only and so come the end of the week they'd smell really strongly of urine. I once again wasn't able to pluck up the courage to talk to my parents and mused on trying to go to the doctors without telling them but it wasn't doable. I guess that ultimately, I'd always seen the positive aspects to protection and that's why I did eventually pluck up the courage to go back to using it and after feeling very awkward and self-conscious actually became much more confident.

Nowadays though, as I said above, my headspace is very different due to the severity of my overall condition.

It had been a challenge for me back in the day to get my parents to pay attention to my medical issues. As soon as I hit puberty my issues were happening more and more. I was fairly healthy as a kid but then it was age 14, puberty brought migraines and vision issues worsened and overactive bladder issues. I really didn't get any opportunity for insight into my issues until I was an adult and could go to the Dr. I never solved the issues but I at least could go find someone. I'm on meds but they really don't help. My bf accepts me but it's still hard.

The anxiety of bedwetting really sounds so stressful like what I've experienced. I always worried about bleeding myself and being wet. I had heavy menstrual cycles so I was always afraid with that and not being able to make it to the bathroom to pee or eventually as an adult with IBS have time to make it before my body gave out with all it's waterworks.

Having protection gives back confidence and comfort beyond words. I am grateful I can get some rest mentally in public now.

 

[ltaluv]

IC members don't wear childish prints. Solid colors or cool prints? I don't wear them but you're never questioned. It's only a problem when you're a fetishist. I stand on my post (stupid). Better posted on a more appropriated forum.

I completely get this point - I don't wear shirts with little cute animals in diapers on them because they don't present the image that I wish, nor do I wear pants with little duckies on them, nor do I wear printed diapers with those things on them. I find no appeal in any of those because I've long since moved on from baby stuff. Having pictures on my underwear simply does nothing to make my incontinence "fun."

At the same time, the original question was about whether anybody with incontinence has been called out as a diaper fetishist, and I think that's a valid question. I was accused of being a fetishist once when I called a company for information about a product - which left me wondering how they sold any of that product if asking alodyne questions about its absorbency made this phone operator think that I was a fetishist.

Part of why I won't wear ABDL prints is that I don't want anyone who does happen to see them to think that I'm a fetishist, because it may change the way they treat me. I already have to deal with the stigma of wearing adult diapers, and I don't want to add the stigma of having what most people would consider a bizarre sexual fetish. (This is not intended as a judgement of ABDLs, just an observation on the perception of others.)

I think it's worth pointing out that nobody really wears diapers fully by choice. Whether the need is physical, psychological, or sexual, it's still a need. The fact that ABDLs can choose when and where to wear a diaper creates the illusion of choice, but I really think the number of ABDLs who don't feel an extremely strong need to wear diapers is extremely small.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

I'm trying to bring back to the original thread. Why is it okay to wear graphic typed diapers when you are IC. Of course that's fine. But I think most IC (not abdl/IC people) would prefer to wear "normal" diapers. Simply I don't wear baby type diapers. Why? I just don't. I'm not fine with some of these weird diapers. Maybe it's just me. No problem with some of the abdl/IC group. Enjoy your diapers.

I'm just a little concerned when this question (an abdl member posting this on the IC forum), why don't you just move over to one of the other appropriate forums? Are you just getting your kicks posting that clearly does not support the IC members? Sorry...stupid question. We already know.

Now you're accusing her of trolling. Whether the question makes sense to you or not, there's no need to be insulting. It's pretty clear that you're not alone in the belief that the question is based on some faulty premises and doesn't entirely make sense. I think you are alone in getting really upset about it.

Keep in mind, she shared early on that she had had some experiences she felt were unfairly judgemental, and it's pretty clear (to me) that she was wondering if those in the IC community had had similar experiences, which is why she posted it here. Inadvisable? Perhaps. Insensitive? Perhaps. Trolling? No.

You said earlier that you probably should have left the question alone. I agree. I'm sorry you've had difficult and hurtful experiences, more sorry than words can say, but you're being hurtful to others now. Please stop.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

I completely get this point - I don't wear shirts with little cute animals in diapers on them because they don't present the image that I wish, nor do I wear pants with little duckies on them, nor do I wear printed diapers with those things on them. I find no appeal in any of those because I've long since moved on from baby stuff. Having pictures on my underwear simply does nothing to make my incontinence "fun."

At the same time, the original question was about whether anybody with incontinence has been called out as a diaper fetishist, and I think that's a valid question. I was accused of being a fetishist once when I called a company for information about a product - which left me wondering how they sold any of that product if asking alodyne questions about its absorbency made this phone operator think that I was a fetishist.

Part of why I won't wear ABDL prints is that I don't want anyone who does happen to see them to think that I'm a fetishist, because it may change the way they treat me. I already have to deal with the stigma of wearing adult diapers, and I don't want to add the stigma of having what most people would consider a bizarre sexual fetish. (This is not intended as a judgement of ABDLs, just an observation on the perception of others.)

I think it's worth pointing out that nobody really wears diapers fully by choice. Whether the need is physical, psychological, or sexual, it's still a need. The fact that ABDLs can choose when and where to wear a diaper creates the illusion of choice, but I really think the number of ABDLs who don't feel an extremely strong need to wear diapers is extremely small.

Very thoughtful post. Nice to "meet" you.

Dumb question maybe, but is the company who accused you of being a fetishist a company with a product where questions about its specific absorbency might be embarrassing to them? Many products have been cheapened to the point where their actual absorbency is so laughably bad that I can see where they wouldn't want to discuss it. That's not to say that the CSR wasn't being extremely rude. There was no reason to assume or inquire about your reasons for being interested in their product. Even if their absorbency is embarrassing, deflection with an accusation is horrible customer service. I'm assuming you didn't do business with them.

There's a bit of a difference between a shirt with a baby print and a diaper with a baby print in that one is clearly visible to all, and the other is generally concealed. Some find that a fun little secret, and sure, it's usually the ABs, but there are a few people who are both AB and IC, however few. Myself, I'm with @InconLifer on this issue, having worn some things in spite of the print. Prints don't do anything for me, and I wouldn't want to be known to be wearing it, for the reasons on which most (all?) here are agreed, but function over form, in the end.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Thanks! Yeah, it's a bonus to be in a community that's so active. Isolation's been something I've been dealing with post-Long Covid and so it's been helping with that and it's been great to have support.

Love the profile pic! I got a Switch last year as I found the main thing about being a wheelchair user is waiting around and it's been a lot of fun getting back into the Nintendo stuff like Mario. I've got Tears of the Kingdom but haven't gotten around to playing it yet.



Yeah, I know people have it worse though so I don't want to be too negative. It's just that illness/disability drove a truck through my plans and I'm trying to find workarounds and stay active. I'd love to go back to a Master's as I'd hopefully have more of a social life again and be around my peers. I'm unable to work but hoping to make a part-time MA work as I can't stand the idea that I'll just sitting around for the rest of my life. Due to my Autism and ADHD I'm waaaay behind my peers and this has really hammered it home. On social media I see people from my undergrad and work having careers, getting married, starting families etc. and I'm just back at home. I guess that given the executive function vs actual age thing I'm not actually behind where I should be but it is super frustrating how Long Covid has really set me back. Fortunately, I found a really accessible uni (where I started my MA was an absolute nightmare access wise and travel wise - I applied before I needed a wheelchair) and hoping that it'll be doable. The main question mark is whether Covid round three has caused a reset or whether I'm still recovering.

I'm hoping that going the academia route may be doable as a long-term change of plans.

Anxious about setting off for physio later on as it's always nerve wracking being out in the wheelchair after a while of being out of practice. The UK's a nightmare in a wheelchair - barring some posh parts of London the state of the pavements is shocking.

I am hoping for encouraging news from the doctor for you today. One way or the other, at least you'll have a better idea of what to expect, how to plan, and can stop dreading the news.

I wanted to reply to this much sooner, but I also didn't want to rush it out half considered. You've been on my mind a lot lately, and I had an idea.

Life driving a truck through your plans (I love the metaphor!) is a hugely upsetting thing, and it happens to many people in many different ways. It's always frustrating, but in your case, it did so in a way that severely limited your options, at least in the short term, for "now what?" I like your thought of getting into academia, but that's long term, as you say, and something to do now would be good for you on many levels. I was puzzling about what to suggest, when it hit me, and was so obvious I felt silly that it took me so long to come to it.

I have read things in the Guardian and on Reuters that weren't half as polished and thoughtful as what you post here every day. I don't know many of your interests, but sports and music are definitely topics with broad appeal, and you may find that either in reporting or opinion, your writing could give you both something to do, and a little extra income. If you have interest in biography or documentation, you could potentially write books as well. I'm not sure about fiction; I don't know enough about you. But I feel certain, based on the quality of the "articles" you've posted here, that you could get into paid writing, one way or another. Think about it?

Again, all the best wishes for your appointment, and getting around the old city with a less than ideal wagon. Hope to hear back from you soon. Whatever the news of your wagon, you're a great person. Never forget.

 

[sport1]

I frankly have never felt the need for "designer briefs" or similar. If I am doing things right, nobody ever sees the protection (no matter the type). My wife of course knows but I see no need to embarrass her by flaunting it around the home. So the brief can be white, or black, or blue for all it matters, though white (or TENA white with green) is my normal.

Because I also struggle with IBS-d, I sometimes "over protect", at least in my wife's eyes. She's never said it, but I sometimes thinks that I am a DL. For online, no, I have not had that problem.

I agree with your post when my wetting came back my wife and I discussed it and settled on diapers just plain ones and never flaunt it she already knows.

 

[slimjiminy]

I agree with your post when my wetting came back my wife and I discussed it and settled on diapers just plain ones and never flaunt it she already knows.

Yep, it's simple really. It makes no sense to put my IC in her face. Just like I would not want her period in my face!

 

[Pino]

@hbic60 so far the symptoms are likely caused by neurological dysfunction and the medicine for oab just doesn't seem to do much. I can't tell. The neurological dysfunction has wracked my throat, stomach, intestines, and now bladder. Vagus nerve. I've done a lot for the nerve stimulation stuff but nah. Being Incontinent with no fix isn't a bother anymore but the issue of accepting me and myself is the biggest thing. I did enjoy parts of wearing diapers as it's comforting but I didn't find the reality of it enjoyable. Now I wear to have confidence and leak protection.

Sounds like Dysautonomia to me, i have comparable problems.

 

[Pino]

So, for those who are vehemently against diapers with prints….. Let’s say you wear Better Dry diapers…. They are back ordered but Crinklz are not. They are the same diaper and price is relatevly the same. Would you go without or buy the Crinklz?

I will answer this one because i made that choice one.

I am still looking for a night time solution that really works for me, i liked to try out some "Cloudrys" ABDL, but in plain white.
They were not available, instead they had an offer for the "Baby-Bear" design for less than 90 cents, what is even cheaper than my other non ABDL diapers with high capacity. So i ordered a stash of them to try them out. I do only use them at home, i would NEVER wear them outside and for sure to now medical appointment and my next order will be plain white for sure.

 

[LePew]

IC members don't wear childish prints.

You mean “you” don’t wear childish prints. Surely you don’t represent all IC people.

i liked to try out some "Cloudrys" ABDL, but in plain white.
They were not available, instead they had an offer for the "Baby-Bear" design for less than 90 cents, what is even cheaper than my other non ABDL diapers with high capacity. So i ordered a stash of them to try them out. I do only use them at home, i would NEVER wear them outside and for sure to now medical appointment and my next order will be plain white for sure.

There’s one example.

I have seen many IC people discuss their purchase and use of abdl printed diapers. Ultimately, they’re just diapers, prints or no prints.

This thread isn’t about my experiences (I’m a DL) but for what it’s worth, I don’t wear prints either, they just don’t resonate with me.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

If I had $1 every time someone mentions AB or DL in the incontinence section of this website I’de be rich! I swear is comes up in ever other post or if the post doesn’t reference AB DL, some fetishists feel the need to comment from their baby lover perspective and turn it into that.

I think what half this thread is stating by actual incontinent people is, move all the AB DL crap, references, questions, etc. or any other forum on here but in the incontinence section. Let there be 1 spot for incontinent people to share advice and experiences without bringing in all the fetish crap.

You're correct, and also incorrect. The wish for the AB and DL stuff to stay in its own space is widely expressed in this thread, and that's a reasonable request that I think most try to honor. I don't see that many feel the need to comment from their AB/DL perspective per se. I think two things happen. One is that something said by an IC resonates with them and they respond, bringing their perspective with them unintentionally; this is just how open forums work. We all bring a perspective to a given topic, and may not realize how specific it is to a given group and irrelevant to another. The other thing that seems to happen is that an idea or practice which is not entirely specific to one group or another but much more common in one upsets some members of another. The printed diapers is a clear example of that. Most ICs clearly find them horrifying, a few use them incidentally for practical reasons, and a very few use them with a chuckle. There's nothing wrong with differences of opinion, as long as everyone is accepting of others' choices and perspectives.

I can certainly appreciate the frustration with the seemingly perpetual creep of the AB/DL ideas into the incontinence section. I wish it wouldn't as well, for lots of reasons. I enjoy the IC section because the discussions are generally much deeper and more interesting. I am trying very hard to understand and honor what sounds helpful, what sounds stupid, and what sounds offensive here because I respect that for you the ICs, this is a home; a haven; a place for you to relax, commiserate, and put aside as much outside frustration as possible. We protect our homes as much as we can, and even casual, unintentional intrusions become frustrating after awhile. Unfortunately, there is a danger of letting that reasonable frustration turn into unreasonable people shouting at the kids to get off your lawn. It may raise respect for the space, but will undoubtedly cost respect for the shouter.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

You mean “you” don’t wear childish prints. Surely you don’t represent all IC people.


There’s one example.

I have seen many IC people discuss their purchase and use of abdl printed diapers. Ultimately, they’re just diapers, prints or no prints.

This thread isn’t about my experiences (I’m a DL) but for what it’s worth, I don’t wear prints either, they just don’t resonate with me.

Well, ultimately they're diapers, but not just diapers. The print does affect perception, one way or the other. Some like it, some dislike it, some more than others.

 

[HalMidLife]

I'm jumping in here late and therefore not really replying to anything other than the OP.

I haven't been accused so much, but I do remember one of the very first times I bought a bag of plastic backed diapers, the person working at <I won't name the store> thought, I'm 90% sure, I was buying for non-IC reasons.

Long story short, after using pull ups for about 6 months, I decided to try "real diapers" but I was embarrassed about taking that step, and didn't want my wife to know, so I bought them from a medical supplier in my town using cash. Not paying much attention, I had grabbed a bag of cloth backed Tranquility Slimline and took them to the counter. The lady said to me, in a not so nice tone, "just so you know, those aren't plastic backed". I figured she was doing me a solid by recommending the better quality product, so I thanked her and got the plastic ones. I realized later that a) most DLs prefer plastic backed diapers, b) I was about 43 at the time, so somewhat younger than most people buying those and c) because I was paying with cash, she probably assumed I was buying on the sly (which ironically I was lol...) and therefore didn't have a medical need.

Anyway, not much of a story...but I'm quite sure she assumed my purchase wasn't a medical one. Because of that, I wonder sometimes what some younger folks run into when buying their products - regardless of their reasons.

 

[SeniorMan]

I only have one account, and this is it.

 

[Diaperman95]

Now you're accusing her of trolling. Whether the question makes sense to you or not, there's no need to be insulting. It's pretty clear that you're not alone in the belief that the question is based on some faulty premises and doesn't entirely make sense. I think you are alone in getting really upset about it.

Keep in mind, she shared early on that she had had some experiences she felt were unfairly judgemental, and it's pretty clear (to me) that she was wondering if those in the IC community had had similar experiences, which is why she posted it here. Inadvisable? Perhaps. Insensitive? Perhaps. Trolling? No.

You said earlier that you probably should have left the question alone. I agree. I'm sorry you've had difficult and hurtful experiences, more sorry than words can say, but you're being hurtful to others now. Please stop.

I do not see him being a troll for expressing the way he fee. The question was basically totally ask if ABDL printed diaper should make people think you are ABDL. I think it has been greatly explained that they do and will. So in all honesty it was a dumb question to post in the IC section. Calling incontinent people trolls for defending their opinions on this subject is what most people here would consider rude too.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

I do not see him being a troll for expressing the way he fee. The question was basically totally ask if ABDL printed diaper should make people think you are ABDL. I think it has been greatly explained that they do and will. So in all honesty it was a dumb question to post in the IC section. Calling incontinent people trolls for defending their opinions on this subject is what most people here would consider rude too.

You misread what I said. I didn't call him a troll, look again. That would be rude, I agree. I said he was accusing the OP of trolling, and that he was being unkind.