Mommies vs Daddies.

[AmberRaven]

Controversial but realistic take. Started this thread when I wanted to respond to another one, but decided this would be more appropriate.

Everyone has their own preferences whether mommy or daddy. But in the abdl space from what i have seen, mommies are very rare and you're very lucky if you find one. 1 due to so many guys wanting to find mommies, 2 most of them are scams. 3 mommies have to many options to choose from. 4 women tend to be more submissive, hense less dominant, making it harder for some women to be good mommies. There are some good mommies out there, you just have to be very special to them to get one, or have a lesbian mommy, since it eliminates all guys and girls get more options that way.

As for daddies although a lot more common, they also have bad apples
1 They don't know what they are doing and ruin the experience for their Littles 2 they are creeps 3 They tend to go for girls more then guys 4 More aggressive and could create a toxic environment for the Littles. Just like mommies, there are good daddies out there. Although for daddies they have more options with guys, it is more likely they are looking for a girl.

BabyGirls have a lot more options then babyboys. It makes sense, what baby boys can do is help eachother and their own tendencies or create something special with a mommy or daddy or have a lot of money, that's your best bet.

For babygirls you have a lot more options and you are more free to explore whoever you may like, that being said. Be careful who you talk to and have your own red flags to follow, ask questions. A good dom will answer without judgment and understand your concerns. Open up and be vulnerable when you can trust the daddy or mommy you are talking to. Ask friends and try to figure out if it is what you want and who you want to be with. Don't be unrealistic, no daddy or mommy is going to be a model or have a lot of money.

This is my realistic take on mommies and daddies. It is easier for girls, but girls have to always be more careful. If you don't agree or have your own opinion or expirience on the matter don't hesitate to reply.

 

[Forced]

Sounds about right

 

[babadada]

I was really sad to read this. I’m quite new to being a daddy and didn’t realise there was such mistrust and weariness towards us. It’s a shame that the bad ones give the ones who are trying to give littles a rewarding experience a bad rap. I would challenge that daddies are mainly looking for littles who are girls instead of guys. Whilst I am in the gay community and will meet more littles who are boys as a result, I certainly have no issue with caring for little who is a girl. (right now, I look after two little boys And a non-binary little). Unfortunately, it’s just the fact that men can act like creeps and littes need to be mindful of this sadly. I wouldn’t like to think that any girl who wanted to little with me was apprehensive about the idea that I could just be a typical, toxic male who is just in it for their own kicks, and can understand why they would be weary.

I do think that some daddies are in it for themselves. For a little, being with a daddy is about being vulnerable, and without a lot of care and compassion some daddies can abuse the trust the place in them for their own end. It’s such a shame some people can be so irresponsible. And the idea that a daddy could be aggressive is really upsetting.

I am a little too, so it gives me an insight into what a good carer should do for their littles. I think the main thing is to create a open and positive environment where there is no judgement. The one time I went to a professional carer, I felt I was just been pushed into a bunch of activities that suited them and didn’t get much input. When I have a session with a little, I shape is around what they want as best as I can. I don’t just say “You can have a nappy change, and play with some toys and story and that all I’ll do because it’s what I like,” I want to collaborate with them to let them be open and show the little side of themselves that is often hide. Sometimes a little just wants to be held whilst they drink a bottle and have their hair stroked, and doing that can mean the world to them, and so satisfying for me knowing that I’ve really made a connection. Sure, you can do some of the more typical stuff, or have something that’s a little bit more kinky, But it has to start with little and what they feel lets them be themselves. Any daddy who doesn’t see this really shouldn’t be looking after Littles.

We can have such a positive influence on reducing shame that a lot of littles feel about being ABDL, and whilst having fun is central, we can do so much to make the lives of littles better.

 

[mammalun]

Yep that's my experience. My Little found me purely at random. And the more I hang around in the community the more rare I realise I am (female form, although I consider myself gender fluid I'm always female in a sexuell context), somewhat dominant, bit of the (soft) sadistic exhibitionist and happy to play mommy. Those of us "non-professional" types are also more likely to only really want to cope with just one Little at a time too. In part that's because women need, in general, to form a close emotional bond with a person in order to play the role effectively. I know from my own perspective I'd have a very hard time considering doing any of this with someone else (for various reasons).

Women are actually more dominant than even women themselves realise. But you have to wipe out often decades worth of societal training. Assertive women are generally labelled as aggressive. Girls get assertiveness trained out of them. Being dominant is frowned upon. If I had a dollar for the number of guys I've met who think being a dom is about just spanking their butt and then complain if this dom happens to be confident and independent in real life (yes I did actually have someone tell me "oh I don't want you to be assertive in real life" - well, you're gonna be disappointed there then buddy). Yes the "I want you to spank me for 5 mins in the bedroom and then I want to dominate every aspect of your life outside it" brigade. I'm a dom because that's who I am.

BUT having said that, I'd also say not all Littles are the same either. They come with the full spread of "quite nice" to "dishonest scam", or as babadada said "typical toxic males" too. As a female dom/ CG I get contacted by no end of people expecting me to basically be a free prostitute (or at least, that's how they make me feel). Then there is the "my wife doesn't know" brigade. Really? You want me to start up a relationship that relies on a much higher degree of trust than vanilla but you can't be bothered to be honest with your wife OR even worse, be bothered to tell me that she exist? Way to disrespect absolutely everyone in the triangle, including yourself.

 

[Curiositykilledthecat]

Female domme and mommy here, I totally relate with @mammalun experience.

My subs/littles are still occasionally suprised that I'm not just dominant in the play but also outside. Now, I don't necessarily see myself as dominant, I'm just outspoken and direct.
Guess I haven't get my assertiveness kicked out of me during childhood

When I started in the abdl scene (after almost a decade in the regular kink scene, where female doms are not super rare but also not in the majority)
I was told that woman like me are rare, and I honestly didn't actually believed until I went to meetings. On a group of 100, there are usually only 2 or 3 mommies.

What annoys me are the guys or girls who contact me, with the hidden motivation that maybe I could be their CG.
Some guys even offered money, now, I'm supportive of SW's. I even send people to SW's (mostly guys who wanted to experience the submissive/little role, I'm not going to waste my emotional energy on them)
but it feels very impolite and rude to offer money. Like if the thing I'm good at doing and love to do, after developing an emotional bound, is something that's for sale.

I met my fair share of littles, and what kinda annoys me, are the ones who only think about their needs. Kink wise speaking, there is a strong 'topping from the bottom' in the abdl scene.
I understand some women like playing CG as a service role, but for me it is correlated with being the dominant in the relationship.

 

[Unorthodoxengineer]

I've been a Daddy a couple of times - and it has been a wonderful experience on many levels.
However, it's very hard to find Little Girls who are prepared to accept that an otherwise dominant 'Daddy' wears nappies - even when it's for medical reasons. Somehow, that just doesn't compute!

In both cases for me, I had to keep them hidden. I still wore them, but I would change in private and always wear shorts over them so they were inconspicuous. They were never, mentioned, discussed or talked about. We would just pretend they were not there. That made me feel a bit sad! I never wanted them to be a 'Mommie', only to accept that they were a part of me.

It just seems odd that in a relationship that's quite unconventional, it has to exactly fit such a conventional framework.