I give up, to hell with the toilet 🚽

[Raven801]

I'm still at the point in dealing with my Incontinence where I still try and get to the bathroom for #2 gave up on wetting months ago just wasn't making it in time and it always seemed the closer to the toilet I'd get the more intense it would get and we'll after so many failed runs I said to hell with it. I don't even try to pee in the toilet anymore and now I'm at that point with #2 as well. I just wish I could get more comfortable with it. There are days I'm totally fine with it and days it gets to me LoL .... What would y'all do ?
Submit and accept it and just use you're diaper or would you cling to what little control you have left ?

 

[caitianx]

I understand.
I have pretty-much gave up on the toilet and use my diapers for pee and poop.

 

[Happy2BeInNappies2]

From what I have seen here in past posts from our severely incontinent ADISC members, their most common advise is:
"Fight to hang onto every bit of continence that you have, while you still have it." or words to that effect.

(Not forgetting of course, our dear members that were born in bodies that never became continent and have had to wear protection all their lives).

In the end, it's more a process of accepting rather than surrendering.
The most important thing in the long run, is to live the best life that you can and try to obtain peace of mind, for your better mental health.

I wish you all the best @Raven801

 

[caitianx]

Anyway, I have been back in diapers full-time since age 29.
I am now 64 years old.
Other than diapers I do use condom catheters at night for pee.
Plus I have an adult plastic pail potty chair next to my bed in my bedroom.

 

[Bearcatz]

I think it's worth it to keep trying with the IBS stuff, since I think that causes you more stress.

 

[Raven801]

Well I appreciate all the comments
But I guess I should explain a little better
It's truly mentally exhausting to keep trying and fail 95 percent of the time plus trying to hold gets very painful very quickly. Its quite annoying and some days I feel like fighting it and sometimes I just feel like f it I'm just gonna relax and not even fight it at all . Today is definitely one of the days I'm like f it I don't care

 

[slimjiminy]

It's truly mentally exhausting to keep trying and fail 95 percent of the time plus trying to hold gets very painful very quickly. Its quite annoying and some days I feel like fighting it and sometimes I just feel like f it I'm just gonna relax and not even fight it at all . Today is definitely one of the days I'm like f it I don't care

If I recall correctly from another post of yours, that you use a cane. If you have mobility issues, then it's especially easy to understand the challenge of making it to the toilet. I don't think it's worth risking broken bones for. Best of luck in whatever you decide.

 

[inconsurferdude]

I don't even try to pee in the toilet anymore and now I'm at that point with #2 as well. I just wish I could get more comfortable with it. There are days I'm totally fine with it and days it gets to me LoL .... What would y'all do ?
Submit and accept it and just use you're diaper or would you cling to what little control you have left ?

I was where you're at for awhile,wish I could say "it gets easier", but it really doesn't if IBS is involved. I didn't start wearing "real" (taped-on) diapers until I was changing wet pads and pull-ups every half hour seriously for almost a year. and it wasn't until over a year after I switched before I really acknowledged there was probably no going back.

My biggest hang up before I gave in was with dating because for some reason I felt like pull-ups and especially underwear guards / pads were'nt as "weird" as diapers . After awhile I realized that incontinence is incontinence and how I handled it was more important than trying to minimize it. So accepting constant wetness actually got easier pretty quick once I figured out onesies and boosters etc. and for a year or two I felt dumb for not switching sooner.

But when I started to loose bowel control and needing plastic pants during the day it felt like worse than back to square 1. I wrote in another post about how I was still using pull-ups for exercise (with nothing else) when I had my first "big" public messy accident while out jogging miles away from home. I managed and learned but just know there is definitely a big social/dating difference between urinary incontinence and IBS issues. Even my current partner (who I live with!] doesn't know how often I'm "more than wet."

I'm not sure whats my advice except if you're already having bowel accidents to invest in lots of pairs of good plastic pants. Finally switching to diapers & onesies & eventually even boosters was a quick miracle for giving me back the daily hours I spent dealing with bladder issues, but if I 'd kept trying to maintain some control I probably wouldn't be dealing with random but increasingly frequent messy accidents now. It's hard to explain and still grosses me out if I think too much about it...after a few years I went from finding a toilet immediately/jumping out of bed when I felt an urge to letting it happen and learning to ignore it until my next scheduled change

tl,dr : I sometimes wonder if changing/explaining constant bathroom trips and 10+ wet pull-ups and pads every day while trying to get most of it into the toilet would have been easier than a changing bag and 3-5 per / day wet ( sometimes messy) diapers and also now feeling like I always have to wear plastic pants just in case :/

 

[Raven801]

I was where you're at for awhile,wish I could say "it gets easier", but it really doesn't if IBS is involved. I didn't start wearing "real" (taped-on) diapers until I was changing wet pads and pull-ups every half hour seriously for almost a year. and it wasn't until over a year after I switched before I really acknowledged there was probably no going back.

My biggest hang up before I gave in was with dating because for some reason I felt like pull-ups and especially underwear guards / pads were'nt as "weird" as diapers . After awhile I realized that incontinence is incontinence and how I handled it was more important than trying to minimize it. So accepting constant wetness actually got easier pretty quick once I figured out onesies and boosters etc. and for a year or two I felt dumb for not switching sooner.

But when I started to loose bowel control and needing plastic pants during the day it felt like worse than back to square 1. I wrote in another post about how I was still using pull-ups for exercise (with nothing else) when I had my first "big" public messy accident while out jogging miles away from home. I managed and learned but just know there is definitely a big social/dating difference between urinary incontinence and IBS issues. Even my current partner (who I live with!] doesn't know how often I'm "more than wet."

I'm not sure whats my advice except if you're already having bowel accidents to invest in lots of pairs of good plastic pants. Finally switching to diapers & onesies & eventually even boosters was a quick miracle for giving me back the daily hours I spent dealing with bladder issues, but if I 'd kept trying to maintain some control I probably wouldn't be dealing with random but increasingly frequent messy accidents now. It's hard to explain and still grosses me out if I think too much about it...after a few years I went from finding a toilet immediately/jumping out of bed when I felt an urge to letting it happen and learning to ignore it until my next scheduled change

tl,dr : I sometimes wonder if changing/explaining constant bathroom trips and 10+ wet pull-ups and pads every day while trying to get most of it into the toilet would have been easier than a changing bag and 3-5 per / day wet ( sometimes messy) diapers and also now feeling like I always have to wear plastic pants just in case :/

Sounds like you went through the same things I am dealing with.. however I moved to tape on diapers a little quicker

 

[inconsurferdude]

Sounds like you went through the same things I am dealing with.. however I moved to tape on diapers a little quicker

If I could do it all over again I would have immediately started wearing diapers full-time instead of just at night and not given into messy laziness. Looking back my bowel incontinene quickly got worse after I started using the plastic pants I only wore to bed over my daytime diapers. Something about not feeling the need to change immediately told my body to give up. Usually I don't even feel it until after, but I still I feel really ashamed whenever I do feel an urge and just let it happen, since I know that even now I could probably make it to the bathroom in time if I cared enough/wanted to :/

 

[Mathew]

I gave up trying to make it to the bathroom to pee years ago. It's like you were saying I just got tired of trying to make it just to end up wetting myself anyway. I wasted a lot of time trying to constantly find a bathroom and it is uncomfortable to hold it and I realized that's what my diaper was for anyway. Truthfully I love wetting my diaper it feels so good, why not enjoy it instead of fighting to go in a toilet.

 

[inconsurferdude]

I gave up trying to make it to the bathroom to pee years ago. It's like you were saying I just got tired of trying to make it just to end up wetting myself anyway. I wasted a lot of time trying to constantly find a bathroom and it is uncomfortable to hold it and I realized that's what my diaper was for anyway. Truthfully I love wetting my diaper it feels so good, why not enjoy it instead of fighting to go in a toilet.

Wetting is constant for most of us, and using diapers to manage it eventually becomes not that big of a deal. But I'm not sure OP should give up entirely just yet. In my experience accepting messing changed everything, and probably not in a good way.

It's like my thought-process slowly went from "avoid messy changes at all costs" to "if i run to the toilet and take this off I'll have to change into a new one on after anyway, but if I let it happen it's just a few extra wipes later"

It makes sense in the moment. Over time I'm not sure it's worth it. I'm "openly" (to friends and family) incontinent, but just in the last few months I'm now dealing with at least one messy change on most days. And nobody knows, and it's really hard to think about how I'll feel when people I know find out, which I think is bound to happen eventually. It's just different. I'm nervous now anytime I'm not in plastic pants and a onesie with a complete changing bag, where as a year ago I was comfortable running quick errands in just an Attends and loose shorts and a t-shirt

 

[NappiedTruckDriver]

I have an OAB and pee a lot
I gave up on the toilet in January as I had 2 day time accidents and I’m a truck driver so it got very uncomfortable with a full bladder at times coupled with shy bladder as welll motorway rest rooms were hell
Now I just let go where ever and when ever 1 and 2s as most 2s come on when my nappy is soaked any way and needs a change
You’re not admiring defeat but realising you need diapers

 

[inconsurferdude]

Now I just let go where ever and when ever 1 and 2s as most 2s come on when my nappy is soaked any way and needs a change
You’re not admiring defeat but realising you need diapers

This is what I thought, and it makes sense until one day when you have an accident in public and can feel it seeping out of your leg gathers onto your onesie with every step and there's nowhere to change. Or when it's 100+ degrees outside but you still have to wear plastic pants "just in case". Or when you start messing at night and the smell wakes your partner up. It sucks, and I really think anyone who is already in diapers for bladder incontinence should hold onto their bowel control for as long as possible.

 

[Petya217]

I wouldn’t say a gave up, but don’t stress as much as I used to over it. And I definitely refuse to be in pain. If an IBS cramp hits me in the car, I don’t give a second thought. I have my diaper on, I rather deal with the cleanup than the pain. If I can make it to the toilet, fine. If not, that’s fine too.

 

[inconsurferdude]

I wouldn’t say a gave up, but don’t stress as much as I used to over it. And I definitely refuse to be in pain. If an IBS cramp hits me in the car, I don’t give a second thought. I have my diaper on, I rather deal with the cleanup than the pain. If I can make it to the toilet, fine. If not, that’s fine too.

How did your routine change once you stopped stressing as much over it? For me it was slow changes in my routine that stopped me stressing over it, but once I realized how much control I gave up I started to regret it

 

[Petya217]

How did your routine change once you stopped stressing as much over it? For me it was slow changes in my routine that stopped me stressing over it, but once I realized how much control I gave up I started to regret it

Honestly not much. I still wear diapers as I did before, I still have accidents etc. The only thing changed is I don’t go out of my way to hold back a bowel accident at the price of being in pain. I stopped stressing over it and beating up myself for failure. If it happens, well you know what they say: shot happens

 

[Raven801]

Honestly not much. I still wear diapers as I did before, I still have accidents etc. The only thing changed is I don’t go out of my way to hold back a bowel accident at the price of being in pain. I stopped stressing over it and beating up myself for failure. If it happens, well you know what they say: shot happens

That is exactly where it m trying to get I just keep letting it get to me. When you try so hard and fail so freaking much it gets in your head. Now I'm like if it is painful I'm not holding it, but then I some times feel guilt and shame and yet other times IDGAF and am perfectly fine with it and find the relief comforting and strangely pleasant. I'm so confused about why sometimes I get the guilt and shame and feel dirty and other times I'm not even in hurry to change I'll just keep trying to go and change when I feel like it. My ibs when triggered comes in waves about every 10 minutes for up to an hour. It can be quiet annoying. Diapers make it so much less annoying but I just need to get my mind to chill over it . As time goes on it happening slowly. Thank you for the kind words and responses

 

[caitianx]

With having mobility issues due to cerebral palsy, I never get to the toilet in time to pee or poop.
I just fill my diaper.
Then I deal with the mess afterwards.
Also with also being on the Autism Spectrum, I hyperfocus on tasks and never notice I have to pee or poop until after it happens.
My sensory perception is such that I get no warning regarding when pee or poop have to come out, until it just happens.
Zero holding back.
Yes, it hurts to try and hold it.
I just pee and poop totally naturally with no conscious control over the physiology of voiding my bodily waste fluid and solids.
If others have a problem with it, it is their problem, not mine.
My disabled body is what it is.

 

[Phoenix0]

I'm still at the point in dealing with my Incontinence where I still try and get to the bathroom for #2 gave up on wetting months ago just wasn't making it in time and it always seemed the closer to the toilet I'd get the more intense it would get and we'll after so many failed runs I said to hell with it. I don't even try to pee in the toilet anymore and now I'm at that point with #2 as well. I just wish I could get more comfortable with it. There are days I'm totally fine with it and days it gets to me LoL .... What would y'all do ?
Submit and accept it and just use you're diaper or would you cling to what little control you have left ?

I dont have any control left