According to Google, for bowel, it's about 5% Doesn't seem quite high enough.
Belarin said:
True it is a tricky thing to deal with and pushing too hard can cause further problems, however I do think that a certain level of support and encouragement needs to be maintained otherwise it get's a whole lot harder and more emotionally damaging later on when the child really needs to be trained but has already decided they are not going to be.
I knew a child recently who really fought against it, not by tantrum or arguments but simple refusal. mum tried training at around 2 years, she and the nursery kept trying to no avail they just weren't interested. Mum's opinion was "Oh well maybe he's not ready".
They moved on to preschool who continued trying and still no effort made by the child, mum tried putting them in pants and throwing out nappies 6 times, the shortest period of this was for 2 weeks and probably averaging 5-6 weeks each time, Every time she ended up going back to pullups/nappies because it wasn't working, they would just go in their pants. Still her opinion was "I don't want to push them too hard and upset them"
It reached a point where the preschool would regularly take them to the potty, and they would sit there and not go, after the staff decide they weren't going to go and pulled their pull ups up they would go within minutes in the nappy. It reached a point where by the end of preschool they were still in nappies, able to hold it for a short time when sat on a potty but still going in their nappy rather than a toilet/potty.
At their first school the child was teased so hard about still being in pull ups they began after just about 5 months really fighting going to school and this just in a reception class. Mum moved schools, Still in a pull up and still not wanting to "pressure them" and the bullying continued there.
Mum then finally put her foot down and told them that she wouldn't keep changing schools, if they wanted the bullying to stop they had to potty train, the child finally agreed to it and began trying to potty train, They were just past their 5th birthday before they were completely day trained and still wearing at night, so a whole year to train rather than a few weeks to a couple of months because his body had gotten used to nappies, his bladder hadn't been stretched enough and muscles exercised.
That child was traumatised the whole of reception and the first year of school (a very important time) and missed so much educational opportunity and probably now still lives with the stigma of being in nappies that late from the other children, Last I heard when they were 7 they were still wearing to bed but were getting better and having more dry nights, all because mum "backed off" and didn't want to pressure the child too much.
I would say that messed the kid up more than if the nursery had been able to convince mum to put her foot down sooner and push training a bit harder.
In America, that kid would have had a whole extra year. The AAP doesn't worry 'til 5. Here's the thing. Parents who wait, are waiting for something. What?
The ability to understand, "years from now," have the language for the conversation, and the memory to retain the conversation.
The problem isn't stupid kids, or lazy parents. The problem is, kids are smart, and new to being alive.
The moment you teach them to hold it, they will. They don't know there's such a thing as too long, and they can damage things inside. They can't think that far ahead. They only know if they hold it, they can play longer, and mom and dad do things that hurt, if they don't hold it.
Dr. Hodges, pediatric urologist, wrote about a boy, trained with Booty Camp method, eeeeeeew!
Trained by 2, hellishly constipated, and leaking poop and pee, by 3. They didn't know he was constipated, until they did imaging, because he'd poop every day. He wasn't completing them. Parents assume, once a child is trained, they'll listen to their bodies. Will not! They'll try not to piss off the angry giants, and they'll play as long as possible. Trained your kid? Congrats? Now you have to watch them like a hawk.
Doctor Hodges says: Teach any child who is ready, understanding that means 4 for some perfectly normal kids.
Send kids to school in training pants, if necessary, because some teachers are dumb about how long a small child should wait.
If we want toilet use, it must be safe, available without having to ask, and clean. In early childhood education, ideally, this means a restroom attached to the classroom.
