Aby
Est. Contributor
- Messages
- 1,334
- Role
- Adult Baby
- Diaper Lover
- Little
- Carer
I have mixed feeling on this, I think accepting myself and my love of diapers and being little, has greatly improved my life, my rejection of this part of my identity has been very harmful at times, and often destroyed my self image. This has also made me more alone, and I already more isolated than I think is healthy for people. I do find service and solace in helping homeless dogs in a dog rescue, I prefer dogs to people, but I do miss people. I have told many of my friends and they are all accepting but none really understand this part of me, my sister kinda does. I have family that I met only through a DNA test and I would rather they never know about this part of me, so I still carry some shame, I really work hard to reject all the shame that riddled my life and still hurts.
I have shame for my impact on the environment with my selfish desire to be pampered, I reject the waste that I produce and the impact of diaper production on the environment. I pray for some automated solution to our landfills, and some way of repurposing our waste. I take solace in knowing that my impact is only a very small part of much greater problem. I think this is a minor shame, and it should be something to be ashamed of, but accepting that this is something that is a tolerable shame, maybe using less diapers as possible, maybe cloth when possible, cloth doesn't do it for me sensory wise unfortunately. I take solace in knowing at least I am aware of my failures in this small matter, and I do care about the planet and my fellow inhabitants.
Nothing quite gives me the feeling of a good thick disposable diaper, its like a hug that I can buy, and I can even screw it if I get it nice and wet, its the ultimate security blanket and it makes me feel little, safe, and pure. Its the promise of love and care from a caregiver, even if I am alone, and that promise is not fulfilled by another person. It's a way for me to love my inner most vulnerable self, to work on healing years of repressed childhood trauma.
Its a part of who I am, and it would suck if I had to completely give it up, I have tried and it was ok, but life felt a little more empty, and I got a little colder and older.
I have shame for my impact on the environment with my selfish desire to be pampered, I reject the waste that I produce and the impact of diaper production on the environment. I pray for some automated solution to our landfills, and some way of repurposing our waste. I take solace in knowing that my impact is only a very small part of much greater problem. I think this is a minor shame, and it should be something to be ashamed of, but accepting that this is something that is a tolerable shame, maybe using less diapers as possible, maybe cloth when possible, cloth doesn't do it for me sensory wise unfortunately. I take solace in knowing at least I am aware of my failures in this small matter, and I do care about the planet and my fellow inhabitants.
Nothing quite gives me the feeling of a good thick disposable diaper, its like a hug that I can buy, and I can even screw it if I get it nice and wet, its the ultimate security blanket and it makes me feel little, safe, and pure. Its the promise of love and care from a caregiver, even if I am alone, and that promise is not fulfilled by another person. It's a way for me to love my inner most vulnerable self, to work on healing years of repressed childhood trauma.
Its a part of who I am, and it would suck if I had to completely give it up, I have tried and it was ok, but life felt a little more empty, and I got a little colder and older.
