A new year a new dilemma

[CoryCoyote]

Yeah, you should definitely tell her yourself before she finds out on her own. No matter how careful and discreet you are, you're only human, and you're going to screw up at some point. She's going to find out if she doesn't know already -- it really is just a matter of time. Best to know whether or not she accepts it so that you can figure out your next steps from there. When I started seriously dating my husband, it was one of the things that I brought up when we were discussing our kinks and other sorts of boundaries. For me, it was/is a make-or-break thing -- I've tried to quit, but it never worked out and I always ended up going back. If I ever ended up getting serious with someone else, I'd do the same thing.

Fortunately, it worked out really well. He's neutral about the whole thing, but he loves watching me enjoy it and I get a lot more engagement from him with DL stuff than I'd ever thought possible. Short of him being ABDL himself, it's better than I could have hoped for. But if he had turned out to be absolutely disgusted by it, I don't think I would have continued the relationship. There's just too much stress involved.

 

[sbmccue]

You say your partner "deals with nappies already." In what sense? Is she the mother of young children? A child carer? An adult caregiver?

As others have noted, once the genie is out of the bottle, it cannot be put back in. You'd be helping us help you if you give us some idea of her current disposition toward nappies.

Thanks!

 

[blaincorrous]

Not everyone will agree on here but I think it’s best not to mention if. (I know this isn’t the answer you want btw)

Especially if she works in child care.

I’m really sorry to be the bearer of bad news but the ‘you can wear once in a while’ dream is having your cake and eating it.

You are right to see that once you’ve said it you can’t take it back. Tread carefully!

I have assumed you’re in your 20’s. if I could do things again I would build as many (chilled out) friends (abdl friends) as possible. Then discreetly hang out with them time to time. Totally de-connect any sexual element if there is one and be glad for what you have in your RL.

Life is all compromises, if you’re moving in together that sounds serious, don’t jeopardise that for one small aspect of your multi-faceted life.

The internet will convince you that everything is acceptable. Sadly, even though it’s innocent and 18+ etc etc there will be lots of people who can’t get past the nappies element. You also never know who they might tell.

Be very very sure before you confide in anyone.

Good luck

I tend to agree with the sentiment that you can find acceptance for just about anything on the Internet, for better or worse, but if you are going to have a serious relationship with this person, you need to be open. You need to tell her the truth of who you are and what living with you involves. I do tend to dissuade people from using that blind Internet acceptance to make permanent personal decisions on a temporary impulse, like becoming dependent on diapers or attempting to live as a completely dependent AB on a 24/7 basis. But being open and honest with your partner is always going to be key. Everything else can be worked out.

I think it's most important that you explain how you want her to relate to your nappies. If she deals with them all day and doesn’t want to deal with them at home, you may just need to make it clear to her she doesn’t need to engage with that part of you unless she wants to.

Some common lines of thought include how they relate to this side of you, and you have that thought process for all sorts of mundane things in a relationship. What you eat, what you do for fun, what your long term plans are. These are important things to think about. You should expect your partner to be supportive…

Which leads to the other line of thought that’s more precarious: how learning certain things can change their image of you. Revealing ABDL to a partner is you showing vulnerability. Vulnerability with your partner is GOOD and I’d even argue it’s necessary, but it tests the maturity of your chosen partner and the quality of your relationship. In actuality, telling her about you is going to tell you a lot about her.

And to address the underlying implication, you probably can’t suppress this side of you forever. In all likelihood, it will eat at you and make you irritable. She will probably feel something is wrong but would never guess, of all possible things, it’s nappies.

Ultimately, your partner needs to be comfortable with a vulnerable you. In the same way, you probably want to know about her more intimately. You want to know what makes her tick so you can support her.

 

[Biglittledip]

Well I can only thank you all for your responses, after time away from the site it’s great to come back and get so much support.

It seems that the general consensus is honesty is the best policy and I guess that makes sense. It is a relationship I can see going far and for that to happen we should know each other fully. I think showing a vulnerable side of me may actually help going forward as well as this is something she would like.

In terms of her dealing with nappies as it is this is as she is a mother. This brings in its self brings its own concerns on saying anything.

But from what others have said I may look to ease in slowly first and tread carefully just giving small pieces before the reveal. I would never want my partner to participate in something she does not want to or be exposed to something that makes her uncomfortable, however it would be nice to be able to indulge without the fear of being caught and have some level of acceptance. On the flip side if it is something that she accepts little comments like why don’t you wear a nappy today and pats to the bum (which she always does anyway) when padded would be nice

 

[blaincorrous]

Well I can only thank you all for your responses, after time away from the site it’s great to come back and get so much support.

It seems that the general consensus is honesty is the best policy and I guess that makes sense. It is a relationship I can see going far and for that to happen we should know each other fully. I think showing a vulnerable side of me may actually help going forward as well as this is something she would like.

In terms of her dealing with nappies as it is this is as she is a mother. This brings in its self brings its own concerns on saying anything.

But from what others have said I may look to ease in slowly first and tread carefully just giving small pieces before the reveal. I would never want my partner to participate in something she does not want to or be exposed to something that makes her uncomfortable, however it would be nice to be able to indulge without the fear of being caught and have some level of acceptance. On the flip side if it is something that she accepts little comments like why don’t you wear a nappy today and pats to the bum (which she always does anyway) when padded would be nice

Showing that you’re distressed by this is a good way to get her to open up to the possibilities. If you can get her to ask what’s wrong and to allow your distress to show, you can get her empathy engaged before it gets overridden by any other reaction she has. It’s a sort of pre-vulnerability, and it worked well for me when I came out to my partner.

Honesty IS good, but you should be prepared.

 

[sbmccue]

Just don't expect too much in the way of acceptance if she's still changing nappies every day. Most women have a very pragmatic view of things like diapers and wetting, and that often becomes more pronounced if they're dealing with little ones on a daily basis.

Anyway, we're interested in how you fare and the outcome of your conversation. Please let us know what happens, and here's wishing you the best of luck and open-armed acceptance.

 

[Kittyinpink]

Well I can only thank you all for your responses, after time away from the site it’s great to come back and get so much support.

It seems that the general consensus is honesty is the best policy and I guess that makes sense. It is a relationship I can see going far and for that to happen we should know each other fully. I think showing a vulnerable side of me may actually help going forward as well as this is something she would like.

In terms of her dealing with nappies as it is this is as she is a mother. This brings in its self brings its own concerns on saying anything.

But from what others have said I may look to ease in slowly first and tread carefully just giving small pieces before the reveal. I would never want my partner to participate in something she does not want to or be exposed to something that makes her uncomfortable, however it would be nice to be able to indulge without the fear of being caught and have some level of acceptance. On the flip side if it is something that she accepts little comments like why don’t you wear a nappy today and pats to the bum (which she always does anyway) when padded would be nice

Slowly ..
Gently..
Take your time..
And good luck !
(I expect a virtual invite to your wedding! )