A new year a new dilemma

Biglittledip

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So I wear for comfort, it reduces stress and gives a sense of escape from reality. I enjoy this part of my life however I’ve never shared this with anyone.

But my issue is I currently am in a relationship which is moving towards living together. I know that I’d never be able to hide it and wear when living together, which would be hard to cope with.

Now my partner is pretty accepting and we talk about lots of things, I some times try to gauge how accepting she is but, she deals with nappies already.

I know once I say something I can never take it back and I worry about having a negative response. I don’t want to wear all the time I just want to have the choice and acceptance, maybe once in a while her saying why don’t you put on a nappy today.

So I turn to the community that would only understand for advice, thanks in advance.
 
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DLinEx

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Not everyone will agree on here but I think it’s best not to mention if. (I know this isn’t the answer you want btw)

Especially if she works in child care.

I’m really sorry to be the bearer of bad news but the ‘you can wear once in a while’ dream is having your cake and eating it.

You are right to see that once you’ve said it you can’t take it back. Tread carefully!

I have assumed you’re in your 20’s. if I could do things again I would build as many (chilled out) friends (abdl friends) as possible. Then discreetly hang out with them time to time. Totally de-connect any sexual element if there is one and be glad for what you have in your RL.

Life is all compromises, if you’re moving in together that sounds serious, don’t jeopardise that for one small aspect of your multi-faceted life.

The internet will convince you that everything is acceptable. Sadly, even though it’s innocent and 18+ etc etc there will be lots of people who can’t get past the nappies element. You also never know who they might tell.

Be very very sure before you confide in anyone.

Good luck
 
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SoakedinTexas

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If the relationship moves to the area where you are moving in together, it is time to have the talk. You have to be honest in any relationship if you want it to work. Only you know the best way to open up the conversation with her, but a conversation must be had if you are getting to the part of your life where you will start sharing life in the same home with each other.
 
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bnet

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I disagree a bit. In my mind, it’s almost selfish to hold on to this information; if you are working toward a long-term relationship. It’s almost like starting off on a huge lie ( if only by omission)…. Imagine them finding out 5 years from now. Emotions could run much deeper if things go south and who knows what else might be at stake? Kids? House? …. While it is a risk to tell them, I’d just have to assume at some point they will find out. Honesty has always been my policy.
 
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chamberpot

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It is much better to come forward with this information now rather then have to explain it when she finds out by accident later on whether in a week a year or a decade if you keep it from her you will be living a lie and she will know that you were living a lie the day she discovers it by accident or on that day you decide to fess up.. better to face the issue now then later when you have much more invested and much more to lose, have a sit down and open up it is your only hope. Just my 2 cents and that is from having been married almost 50 years.
 
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TinyBunny

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The Fluffy Bunnies all think that you should declare these preferences. Then if your partner does anything malicious with that information you'll know that they would be an unsuitable soul mate.
 

geka

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You should have a talk with her, if she finds out later she’s going to see it as lie by Omission, and by Confident when you have the talk so she’s more likely to see it as something that’s ok vs something shameful
 
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NappyCouple1980

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It is definitely better to discuss it, 100%.

She’ll find out anyway, if not straight away then at some point. But then you’ve broken her trust.

Relationships are about compromise. If she’s not into it and never gets into it, that’s fine if you can both compromise. She’s doesn’t have to be involved, but can you wear around the house at weekends or when stressed or some agreement like that.

You never know, she may soften to it over time. Or she might want to support you from the moment you tell her.

But not telling her, I’m my opinion, is a mistake.

But that’s all this is, my opinion.
 
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PupSpaz

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It's not really acceptable to saddle yourself with restrictions that'll ultimately leave you unfulfilled. Your partner doesn't have to partake or relate, but they should know the whole you and accept you as you are, not just what you want them to see. Hiding part of yourself will most likely lead to resentment and eventually boil over to no one's benifit.

It's not your partners place to tell you what you are or what you like (nor do you get to do that to them!) Rather, growing and leaning and enjoying life together, supporting each other, even the parts where you don't overlap. Being true to yourself and getting comfortable in your own skin is something that we all deal with as we continue to grow and change - sharing the journey can be very rewarding, but not with secrets to suppress.

The existing relationship COULD go south, or it could just be a big nothing burger. That's ok, it's better to move on sooner than be suppressed by someone that isn't truly compatible.
 
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Lyric

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My advice is the same as others, tell her before the two of you decide to move in. You owe it to her and yourself to be honest in your relationship from the start. As hard as it may seem, openness and honesty is much the better choice.
 
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Jrodabdl

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Biglittledip said:
So I wear for comfort, it reduces stress and gives a sense of escape from reality. I enjoy this part of my life however I’ve never shared this with anyone.

But my issue is I currently am in a relationship which is moving towards living together. I know that I’d never be able to hide it and wear when living together, which would be hard to cope with.

Now my partner is pretty accepting and we talk about lots of things, I some times try to gauge how accepting she is but, she deals with nappies already.

I know once I say something I can never take it back and I worry about having a negative response. I don’t want to wear all the time I just want to have the choice and acceptance, maybe once in a while her saying why don’t you put on a nappy today.

So I turn to the community that would only understand for advice, thanks in advance.
I personally would open up before moving in together and going any further. Honesty is the only platform to build a good relationship on and you owe it to yourself to have what you want in life. If she doesn't want to be with you because of it then you'd rather find out now than later. Best of luck my friend
 
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SparkyDog

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If you are moving in together it's time to drop the bomb.
Sit her down
explain your whole story from when & why you started to why & when you wear now. Don't just blurt out I wear diapers
that's a big shock to hear
explain your anxiety and how you manage everything

is there a risk she will not understand? absolutely
hopefully that won't be the case and she will have some level of acceptance
don't hide it
her finding out later will be harder.
 

Pampersmademe

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I also agree with those that suggest you discuss your true self with your significant other. The reason is two-fold: (1) it is part of who you are and you should share that with someone you love and may spend a life with and (2) it’s not fair to you to deny yourself something that brings you comfort, happiness, and (perhaps) arousal.

I am very happily married and have been for many years. I sleep in diapers almost every night and my wife knows it is important to me and brings me comfort and arousal. I am still her husband and a father to our children. I am a professional and a have a whole host of interests separate and apart from the fact I also like my diapers, pajama sets, and pacis. You’ve got to embrace who you are and what makes you happy. Not to the exclusion of others or other things but all these things have a place in our lives and are not mutually exclusive.
 
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Kittyinpink

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I would personally start dropping hints about any kinks , fetish, fantasy etc that she may have . And from that try and gauge my situation.. slowly 🐌 getting to know a bit more about her kink side (no one is truly vanilla !) Then I would feel I must disclose the truth . An honest relationship is the only relationship. But I wouldn't tell her if my discussions bought up red flags . If I felt she wouldn't accept , then I unfortunately would gently move on to someone else . This would avoid pain further down the road ..
Sorry its not a easy thing .
 

Pampersmademe

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Kittyinpink said:
I would personally start dropping hints about any kinks , fetish, fantasy etc that she may have . And from that try and gauge my situation.. slowly 🐌 getting to know a bit more about her kink side (no one is truly vanilla !) Then I would feel I must disclose the truth . An honest relationship is the only relationship. But I wouldn't tell her if my discussions bought up red flags . If I felt she wouldn't accept , then I unfortunately would gently move on to someone else . This would avoid pain further down the road ..
Sorry its not an easy thing .
I think this is excellent advice.
 
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VanHelsing

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Holding it in, then letting it out later when you are found out can be disastrous to a realaationshipwhen you've got to the point of serious being committed. Been there done that badge fortunately my longterm relationship survived, just. My SO just about tolerates it, I think more honesty in my relationship on my part, earlirer would have been better for both of us.
 
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DLinEx

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@Biglittledip
Ok! I stand corrected!
It looks like talking to her is the way forward. I recognise these are slightly different to my view, that’s fine, of course.

You should still tread carefully. Ultimately it’s your decision.

It WOULD be amazing if they accepted it on some level.

Think about what you’re going to say, leave her room to exit the conversation ‘for now’ if she needs.

Good luck!!!!! 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞
 
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Khaymen

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All I can offer is my experience. I know that there are horror stories about partners reacting badly and the other extreme of finding that closeted DL that reacts with explosive joy over finding someone to act out their diapered fantasies.

I've been in the middle my entire life. I've brought up wearing diapers early on in every serious relationship. All of their reactions were similar. It wasn't a big deal to them.

Oddly enough, my ex-wife was more involved with things like bedtime stories and diaper changes but we had a bad marriage that didn't end well.

My current wife of over seven years accepts that I wear diapers around the house every day and has participated only when requested. She doesn't understand the nature of a paraphilic attachment and is set on thinking that it must be due to childhood trauma, beyond that she simply accepts it as a part of who I am.
 
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GaruDL

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I told my current wife about me being DL when were dating and things started to get serious. If for some reason my at that time girlfriend wouldn't accepted this part of me I'm pretty sure I would just no continue with the relationship and I understand diapers is just an small part of me but is a very important part.

Fortunately everything went well, she understood and now after 7 years of marriage she's very comfortable seeing me in diapers. My advice is, if this part of your life is very important talk to your partner as soon as you can cause it can be a miserable relationship for both.
 
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Zeke

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GaruDL said:
I told my current wife about me being DL when were dating and things started to get serious. If for some reason my at that time girlfriend wouldn't accepted this part of me I'm pretty sure I would just no continue with the relationship and I understand diapers is just an small part of me but is a very important part.

Fortunately everything went well, she understood and now after 7 years of marriage she's very comfortable seeing me in diapers. My advice is, if this part of your life is very important talk to your partner as soon as you can cause it can be a miserable relationship for both.
Wow, as a single, senior DL that wears 24/7 due to dual incontinence I can’t even get used to seeing myself in the mirror when I’m walking around my house wearing diapers, plastic pants, and maybe a t-shirt. Of course at 67 I can’t get used to seeing that old duffer’s face in the mirror either. You do give me hope that there might be a woman out there who will accept me as I am someday.
 
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