I've been interested in little stuff since.. forever? I've always just sort of assumed it was normal, I guess. I've always been happy to say I'm the youngest in my friend group or have people treat/talk to me like I'm a kid. I also just like the thought of "children's things". Like, seeing a toddler drinking out of a sippy cup and wanting to drink out of one, too (just as an example). But as I got older, I realized that not everyone acts like this and people were confused when I was talking about those feelings at 12 and so on. One day when I was 14, an ABDL Instagram account started following me and I showed it to my friends and was "disgusted", but in all honesty, I was more intrigued than anything because there /were/ other people out there that felt like I did. It's still a continuous joke to say "ABDL" in between some of my friends, even though it's 4 years later.
The only problem is, is that I don't want to be little. I hate myself so much for it. I've slipped in front of my friends which leads to awkward explanations, it lead to my last girlfriend breaking up with me and has lead to multiple break downs with me just crying because of how much I hate myself.
No one knows what all of my triggers are, it just happens. One of my friends is a trigger on her own (like, I will slip randomly around her without warning) and she's the only one that doesn't really care. She lets me call her Mommy when I slip and talks with me when it happens to try and help me figure out why it happened... and always tries to cheer me up when I start crying because I have to force myself out of headspace because I feel disgusting.
I don't hate littles/ABs/DLs!!! Please don't get me wrong. I just, I hate myself so much and I don't know how to accept this side of myself. If anyone has any tips to help me get rid of this side of myself or accept it, that'd be really cool...
also sorry this is kinda a book..
The only problem is, is that I don't want to be little. I hate myself so much for it. I've slipped in front of my friends which leads to awkward explanations, it lead to my last girlfriend breaking up with me and has lead to multiple break downs with me just crying because of how much I hate myself.
No one knows what all of my triggers are, it just happens. One of my friends is a trigger on her own (like, I will slip randomly around her without warning) and she's the only one that doesn't really care. She lets me call her Mommy when I slip and talks with me when it happens to try and help me figure out why it happened... and always tries to cheer me up when I start crying because I have to force myself out of headspace because I feel disgusting.
I don't hate littles/ABs/DLs!!! Please don't get me wrong. I just, I hate myself so much and I don't know how to accept this side of myself. If anyone has any tips to help me get rid of this side of myself or accept it, that'd be really cool...
also sorry this is kinda a book..