Found my Boyfriends secret stash, do I bring it up or wait for him to be ready to tell?

[Bee]

So. We've been together for about 5 years.
He is really shy, and quickly shuts down in any kind of conversation that's not small talk. Like about our life, relationship etc.
I don't wanna approach it the wrong way, and was thinking about waiting for him to be ready to tell me. But then again, thinking about how it must be for him keeping this secret.. What if he's never told a soul? And, honestly, I don't think he will ever be ready to tell me.

I don't know if he is AB or DL or both, but from what I have read on this page and the content of the stash, he may be what has been called a sissy.
On the usual day-to-day a very handy and manly-man.
I also wanna make it clear, that stumbled across his stash while cleaning/vacum one day - I have not intentionally invaded his privacy in this matter.

I am honestly not sure how I really feel about it or how I will feel in the future, as it has only been about 7-10 days since I found out(and I have since then tried to puzzle together what it meant, also in secret so not to blindside him with me knowing w/out him getting to share his secret himself) - but I know I love him and that it can't be a good feeling to be hiding this everyday.

I would write longer/more informative post, and i'm sorry if this post is a bit messy - but I am on my phone and BF in the other room.
Just need/seeking some advice/opinions.
What would be your ideal situation?
What is the one thing you wish that you S/O would have said to you, when you told them?

 

[Aby]

Just tell him the truth, you found all this stuff and you want to know more.
You need to ask yourself many things.
Are you open to being in a relationship that might require you to play caregiver at times and deal with diaper changes and all that?
Will seeing him in a diapered or sissified state make you change your feelings about him?

Tell him the truth if you think this is workable, that it won't change things for the worse, or if you plan on staying around through the messier moments in life.
For some this is a great obstacle or something they suffer through, for others it turns them on, and it makes the relationship more intimate and balanced. Many of us do this baby/diaper/sissy thing as an erotic act, and some of us just find it comforting, there is also some amount of dominance and submission.

I wish you both luck, remember to be honest and loving. Remember the longer we keep secret from each other in partnerships, the more that secret becomes toxic. Letting him know you found his hidden truth, and it doesn't phase you or change your love for him, may help him greatly to open up and learn to trust.

 

[Aby]

Now the one thing I would never do, is tell someone, this is all cool and fine, but I dont want any part of it, and your not allowed to wear in front of me or ever express this part of yourself. I had someone that loved me and I loved dearly say that to me, and it was poisonous, a black cancer of self hatred slowly ate at our relationship. It was bad for me and bad for her.

 

[Aby]

Fantasy ideal situation if it was me who was caught....

You confront me and dominate me.

I am hesitant to suggest this, while it is my truth, it also might scare the hell out of your manly man, or he might have had other ideas, or maybe he's just holding onto this stuff for a friend from work...

 

[Bee]

Thanks for your reply, it was helpful.
As his secret from me, has become my secret from him - You are right about me having to ask myself many questions.
But also the more I do that, the closer I'm coming to the conclusion I kinda need to talk to him about it. I can't answer all the questions myself.
I need to know the extent of it.
Like you say, is it for the comforting or the erotic part/both? Does he wish to be a 24/7 AB? If so, what would it mean when we have kids?
But also, what if he doesnt want anyone to know ever, like not even me?
What if I do the one thing I should not, by thinking I am lifting a burden from his shoulders?

 

[Lyric]

Given the two of have been together 5 years, I expect you hope the relationship continues. If that’s the case, you should let him know what you discovered in a supportive, understanding manner and encourage him to discuss this openly, letting him know how much love him.

 

[HunterGreen2]

Do not assume anything! ABs don't need to be as helpless.
Be enthusiastic and unashamed about learning how to sooth your diapered little boy.

 

[Bee]

Thanks, as I barely knew of the subject 10 days ago, I'm still not fully educated on the matter.
But from what I have read from others, I would most likely expect it to be more of a desire, that I knew and was okay with it/participating - rather than him being ashamed that I knew.
Like many other things, it just crossed my mind, and I know many people have written that they would like their families and others involved, while others absolutely wouldn't want their families to know, so I started to wonder if this would sometimes maybe also apply to the S/O.

And yeah, no I have no plans of ending anything over this - I am 99,99% sure this is the man I wanna spend the rest of my life with(As there are very few things in life that are 100% sure).

I just really wanna handle this right, for both of us.
I kinda almost feel guilty about knowing, without him knowing or telling me.
It wasn't like he was full on careless with it either, in that case I kinda would've thought this was his way of telling me and not hesitated as much on his behalf - but I'm allergic to dust, so I vaccum in the most unexpected places when I get stuffy over several days...

Note to anyone with an unknowing spouse, with dust-allergies.

 

[iPad]

Hi Bee,

I wouldn't be surprised if your boyfriend really wants you to know but he is too shy to tell you. If you living together, it seems like only a matter of time until you found out anyway. But if he is that shy that he is unlikely to raise the subject himself, it may have to fall to you... and now you know about it anyway, you're now both in the situation where you are keeping things from each other, albeit with the best of intentions.

But look at it this way - he is probably terrified that you will disapprove or not be supportive if you were to find out, but the fact is you do know, and you also are very supportive and not disapproving... the hard part is done, yet your boyfriend won't know this. As such, I would guess that it is safe to raise the topic with him, given that your reaction has been so positive. Yes, it may be awkward - his initial reaction may be to withdraw or be embarrassed, but ultimately he will likely be relieved that a) he doesn't have to keep it secret any more and b) you are supportive of him.

As your posts suggest, the present situation will likely not be tenable for very long, and you don't know how long he may hold off telling you, so the fact that you know already puts a subtle pressure on your relationship that he will be unaware of.

Anyway, best of luck, and best wishes to you and your bf!

 

[Forced]

First of all, it’s good that you came here asking for advice and well done, as a ‘vanilla’ finding this site.

Looking back now, with the information you have, can you pin point when your B/F would have been participating? Does he spend a lot of time at home alone to wear the clothing you found?

Perhaps, an idea, would be to ‘accidentally’ catch him in the act. And when you do, be very calm and kind rather than confrontational.
You have the benefit of knowing and that’s obviously much better than how some G/Fs discover their partners secrets.

You know your SO better than anyone here so I’m sure you’ll work out the best way to get the best results.

 

[Fiammaverde]

I would think about this as a matter that requires de-escalation.
When you will approach the matter, he will likely become emotional and panic is a possible outcome.
Choose the confrontation moment so to control the environment (limit as much as possible the interferences from outside) and so to have enough time to make significant steps forward.

Be assertive. First tell him that the foundation of what keeps you together has not changed. Reassure and praise him for the reasons why he’s “the right one” for you.

Since this is much more emotional than rational, make sure to switch on your empathy: eye contact and physical contact are essential.

Then, ask him to trust you. Make sure you have the full control and limit his options. For instance, tell him that he is allowed to speak only when asked direct questions, and then only with yes/no answers.

Then, get out stuff from his stash and have fun with him.

 

[Aby]

If you've met one abdl person you've met only one abdl person, the spectrum is immense and your ole man could have all kinds of different reasons or desires in this, so like I said it best to just be honest and supporting and talk.

 

[Frungie]

Fantasy solution: Put on a diaper, wet and mess the diaper, go up to your boyfriend and ask him if he notices anything.
Realistic solution: Honesty from you. He hasn't been honest with you by withholding his diapers for 5 years. Don't chastise him but tell him you have been with him for 5 years because.....(fill in your reasons) and you want to be able to talk and process everything with him. Emotional intimacy involves sharing our successes, dreams, strengths--that's easy--but intimacy also involves sharing our faults, weaknesses, idiosyncrasies, and fears. Intimacy has a benefit: risk ratio. The benefit is the greatest gift we can give to another person: ACCEPTANCE of their faults, weaknesses, idiosyncrasies, and fears. The risk is REJECTION- the most painful human emotional experience. That is his fear, the loss of attachment to you. Begin the journey.

 

[Kymi]

So. We've been together for about 5 years.
He is really shy, and quickly shuts down in any kind of conversation that's not small talk. Like about our life, relationship etc.
I don't wanna approach it the wrong way, and was thinking about waiting for him to be ready to tell me. But then again, thinking about how it must be for him keeping this secret.. What if he's never told a soul? And, honestly, I don't think he will ever be ready to tell me.

I don't know if he is AB or DL or both, but from what I have read on this page and the content of the stash, he may be what has been called a sissy.
On the usual day-to-day a very handy and manly-man.
I also wanna make it clear, that stumbled across his stash while cleaning/vacum one day - I have not intentionally invaded his privacy in this matter.

I am honestly not sure how I really feel about it or how I will feel in the future, as it has only been about 7-10 days since I found out(and I have since then tried to puzzle together what it meant, also in secret so not to blindside him with me knowing w/out him getting to share his secret himself) - but I know I love him and that it can't be a good feeling to be hiding this everyday.

I would write longer/more informative post, and i'm sorry if this post is a bit messy - but I am on my phone and BF in the other room.
Just need/seeking some advice/opinions.
What would be your ideal situation?
What is the one thing you wish that you S/O would have said to you, when you told them?

Tell him very gently and kindly how you came across his stash and ask him if he'd like you to dress him.
I think he will be very overjoyed once he realises that you are OK with it

 

[COincon]

What did u find exactly?

 

[Ellelovetights]

My thought was the same as thab...what did you find? My thoughts on this are going to be prompted by what you have found, how much of it its, and what is used for ? Plenty of people have a lot of different things for a lot of different reasons. Some of it may be sexual, age related or regressive. Either way, its unlikely to the dangerous.

 

[chamberpot]

So. We've been together for about 5 years.
He is really shy, and quickly shuts down in any kind of conversation that's not small talk. Like about our life, relationship etc.
I don't wanna approach it the wrong way, and was thinking about waiting for him to be ready to tell me. But then again, thinking about how it must be for him keeping this secret.. What if he's never told a soul? And, honestly, I don't think he will ever be ready to tell me.

I don't know if he is AB or DL or both, but from what I have read on this page and the content of the stash, he may be what has been called a sissy.
On the usual day-to-day a very handy and manly-man.
I also wanna make it clear, that stumbled across his stash while cleaning/vacum one day - I have not intentionally invaded his privacy in this matter.

I am honestly not sure how I really feel about it or how I will feel in the future, as it has only been about 7-10 days since I found out(and I have since then tried to puzzle together what it meant, also in secret so not to blindside him with me knowing w/out him getting to share his secret himself) - but I know I love him and that it can't be a good feeling to be hiding this everyday.

I would write longer/more informative post, and i'm sorry if this post is a bit messy - but I am on my phone and BF in the other room.
Just need/seeking some advice/opinions.
What would be your ideal situation?
What is the one thing you wish that you S/O would have said to you, when you told them?

First I think it is awesome that your seeking information and maybe education by coming to this site ADISC is a mish mash of people who all in one way or another have some interest in either Diapers , incontinence or little's,
One thing you might have to be aware of is that when ( not if ) you to have "the discussion" it could (will) open a floodgate of emotions , something bottled up perhaps for you SO's entire life my come rushing out, There are so many ways this could go he could withdrawer into a deeper space about it , or he could explode into a openness that could end up scary for the both of you. I wish I had the best answer for you ,,, but I do not and nobody else will have it either, this is something that must be addressed between you two and you two alone.
Pick the time that you know best and gently let him know you know and are not put off by it , gauge his reaction , either let it rest or if he choose let the discussions begin , but for sure do not push or judge, it may take weeks before he wants to talk about it. This has to be done in Baby steps no pun intended (well maybe)
One thing for sure he has a special partner

 

[Bee]

Thank you all for your kind, helpful and insightful words!

I'm gonna wait for the right moment and grab it when it presents itself.
How I know him to be, he would be the type to withdraw - he has a huge problem with expressing himself, that is also partly why I'm thinking I need approach this kinda cautiously.
I will be sure to give him time and space after reassuring him that it doesn't change my perception of him or our plans for life together.

My thought was the same as thab...what did you find? My thoughts on this are going to be prompted by what you have found, how much of it its, and what is used for ? Plenty of people have a lot of different things for a lot of different reasons. Some of it may be sexual, age related or regressive. Either way, its unlikely to the dangerous.

What did u find exactly?

Baby-diapers, adult diaper, pacifiers and thongs/g-strings.

 

[Bee]

First of all, it’s good that you came here asking for advice and well done, as a ‘vanilla’ finding this site.

Looking back now, with the information you have, can you pin point when your B/F would have been participating? Does he spend a lot of time at home alone to wear the clothing you found?

Perhaps, an idea, would be to ‘accidentally’ catch him in the act. And when you do, be very calm and kind rather than confrontational.
You have the benefit of knowing and that’s obviously much better than how some G/Fs discover their partners secrets.

You know your SO better than anyone here so I’m sure you’ll work out the best way to get the best results.

Yes, looking back I can pin point when. It's been this weird thing where I knew he was hiding something from me, and all my 'vanilla'-mind would go to was stuff like talking to other girl/s, cheating, paying live-cam-girls to do stuff or something like that - but I knew that I was projecting alot of that, and that my SO was not like this.
So I kinda just trusted him again eventually(despite the situation reocurring as a problem) and I've always given him some space, as I am also a person that needs some space myself once-in-a-while.
Looking back, I am really glad that I have been giving him this space, although it did put alot of strain on our relationship at times over the years - as it was obvious he was hiding something and lying about it to my face.
And with him having trouble talking about feelings in general, he just shut down and denied hiding anything at all. This I could at some times just brush off, as I told myself that it was nothing/way to personal or something(which it kinda turned out to be, but I didn't have the imagination to picture anything in this category) - other times I went almost went crazy seeing the lies in his eyes/face, and not knowing or understanding why and what it would be, for him to deny and be so frantic about whatever it was.
I even finished packing once..

Not quite sure what my point is with this, other than the fact that I have a sense of relief for finally understanding the root of so many of our 'trivial' problems, that over time has become poison to our relationship.

 

[Lumos]

My wife also found out about my DL kink (from a link on my phone). She knew I had something to tell her but I was really nervous about opening up about it. Anyways, her finding out and asking me about it turned out to be the best scenario as I really didn’t know how to bring it up.
she wasn’t mad or anything and asked a lot of questions as to what exactly I was into. The conversation went 1000 times better than I ever expected!
She’s not interested in participating or sees the appeal but is very accepting and that alone has been such a HUGE weight off my shoulders. In order to be respectful I so far only sometimes wear training pants under clothes and I feel much happier in my day to day life .
I suggest you find a way to bring it up with him in a calm, accepting way and to let him explain what it’s all about for him. Ask questions.
He’ll probably be very happy that he no longer needs to hide this from you.

all the best