Found my Boyfriends secret stash, do I bring it up or wait for him to be ready to tell?

LimeBloodedNoir

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No need to feel like having to avoid, I really mean it when I say I appreciate the advice. All people are so different, and even tho I know my SO, this is a pretty sensitive and delicate subject which needs to be approached the right way. Which also means that I need to be prepared and have some insight on all the different ways he might react and feel, when the time comes.

Don't worry about my feelings or me making rash decisions and running with just one advice and going for it.

I have respect and understanding for the fact that this is something really private, and I created a user to ask here, I want all sorts of input/advice that I can get, to weigh before I say anything to my hubby. And I also won't be confrontive, the best approach with my man will probably be sliding it slowly into conversations/life, like you mentioned.

I really wish the best for you and him! Truth be told I wish some of my ex's were as open and thorough as your being, and I am sure he will be incredibly happy when you and him work out a steady rhythm of play!
 

PaddedLittleParadise

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No need to feel like having to avoid, I really mean it when I say I appreciate the advice. All people are so different, and even tho I know my SO, this is a pretty sensitive and delicate subject which needs to be approached the right way. Which also means that I need to be prepared and have some insight on all the different ways he might react and feel, when the time comes.

Don't worry about my feelings or me making rash decisions and running with just one advice and going for it.

I have respect and understanding for the fact that this is something really private, and I created a user to ask here, I want all sorts of input/advice that I can get, to weigh before I say anything to my hubby. And I also won't be confrontive, the best approach with my man will probably be sliding it slowly into conversations/life, like you mentioned.
I've been watching this thread for a bit and I just want to second a lot of what's been said. Speaking as someone (male) who had to explain what this whole world of AB/DL kink was to the lovely woman who is now my wife, it was tough: honestly one of the scariest things I've ever done.

Of course everyone's experience will be different, including your SO, so just to be clear I may be making a few assumptions here. But judging by my own and a lot of similar accounts, it is pretty clear that whether we identify as adult babies or sissies or diaper lovers or anything related, most of us have been dealing with these desires in secret for most of our lives, wrongly convinced that we're the only ones to feel them or that there's something morally wrong with what we enjoy.

Of course, for you as a partner it does frankly suck that he was keeping this part of himself from you for so long. If it helps, though, do try to keep in mind that he might have never told a single other person in the world about this part of himself. He's probably been dealing with years of internalized shame, guilt, and all kinds of inner conflict over it, worrying that his SO will be completely repulsed when she finds this secret side of him that he never asked for. But once the two of you take the time to communicate and bond over this, and once he sees that you're being so incredibly supportive and understanding... well, let's be honest. Odds are that this is going to strengthen your connection and make your relationship truly unique and meaningful in a way that few other things can.

Anyway, that's just my two cents based on what little I've seen here. But know that you're handling this with extraordinary care and compassion, and that is wonderful to see. Wishing you two nothing but the best!

Oh, PS: You two might find Lo's podcast Dream A Little super helpful as you sort things out; she's a legend in the community. You can find her info and stuff at https://www.thelittlelounge.com.
 
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CheshireCat

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As you seem to be doing okay with the situation after processing for a few days, I think the worst is truly over and you just need to make this a positive experience for the two of you, rather than be concerned about it being a negative one for him.
He is really shy, and quickly shuts down in any kind of conversation that's not small talk. Like about our life, relationship etc.
You may want to start an ongoing positive "chat" about fetishes in general. Keep it light hearted, fun, and secretive (this conversation is only for the two of us). Be honest with him about your own desires and fantasies. You may even "arouse" his interest in fulfilling your desires. Being open with him may also lead him to being open and honest with you about his own desires and fantasies. And if he doesn't tell you, you've set the stage to let him know what you found, that you're fine with it, and when he's ready you want to know more about it (with your brightest eyes and smile).

After the bomb drops, don't dwell on it. Take him to bed and let him know just how much you love him. He will need time to process, but more importantly he will need an immediate dose of reassurance about your love towards him. Your relationship could end up a lot stronger once you've gotten through this situation.
 

RedPandaDL

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I am also an introvert and have a hard time opening up to my wife. It was hard to tell her, and she didn’t take it well.

I would venture to guess that your BF would have told you a long time ago, if he knew you would be supportive. You telling him that you know about his secret and are okay with it will probably be a huge relief to him.

I predict that this is going to bring the two of you even closer together and strengthen your relationship. I am so happy for your BF, as I think the day you tell him is going to be the best day of his life. Give him a big hug and tell him how much you love him.

It may take him some time to completely open up to you with all of the details. Wow, he is so lucky to have you!
 

KaleidoscopeKitty

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I would just tell him now. I don’t really see the point of holding off telling him considering you’re accepting of this. I think you’re being encouraged to make this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. Obviously there’s no knowing how he’ll take it but waiting a few extra days/ weeks etc isn’t likely to change how he reacts and I think biding your time and trying to drop hints etc is unfair because it’s likely to make him feel more anxious rather than feel better about it.

If you’ve been together 5 years you really should be at a point where you can have an open and honest discussion with him about this, communicating freely. Just tell him you found his stash accidentally, you’ve done some research on the ABDL community and you think you understand it and feel okay with it all, that you love him and accept him for who he is and are ready to talk about it more if and when he wants to, but no pressure. Then give him some time to process it and let him come to you when he’s ready to open up more. I don’t think you need to do any more than that but I also don’t think you need to pussyfoot around the subject or drop hints for days and weeks building up to your moment. Communication in a 5 year relationship really should be clear, open and without a need for game playing by that point if you’re going to succeed long term and if you are committed to stay together long term there will be bigger issues to talk about in the relationship than this so it’s sensible to try and deal with issues head on as they arise rather than hold onto them for days, weeks or however long you are thinking to hold onto this before you talk to him.
 

dogboy

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I eventually had to tell my wife when she discovered a diaper order I made on Amazon. I was mortified but she was very accepting. After I got over the initial shock and fear, I learned to accept myself as being AB/DL. I was then able to wear in front of her, with pants on, etc. but without fear. The acceptance was wonderful as was coming out to her. I hope your SO will feel the same because living with someone you love and being able to show that side of yourself can be a wonderful experience. It was for me.
 

littlemoosey

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So. We've been together for about 5 years.
He is really shy, and quickly shuts down in any kind of conversation that's not small talk. Like about our life, relationship etc.
I don't wanna approach it the wrong way, and was thinking about waiting for him to be ready to tell me. But then again, thinking about how it must be for him keeping this secret.. What if he's never told a soul? And, honestly, I don't think he will ever be ready to tell me.

I don't know if he is AB or DL or both, but from what I have read on this page and the content of the stash, he may be what has been called a sissy.
On the usual day-to-day a very handy and manly-man.
I also wanna make it clear, that stumbled across his stash while cleaning/vacum one day - I have not intentionally invaded his privacy in this matter.

I am honestly not sure how I really feel about it or how I will feel in the future, as it has only been about 7-10 days since I found out(and I have since then tried to puzzle together what it meant, also in secret so not to blindside him with me knowing w/out him getting to share his secret himself) - but I know I love him and that it can't be a good feeling to be hiding this everyday.

I would write longer/more informative post, and i'm sorry if this post is a bit messy - but I am on my phone and BF in the other room.
Just need/seeking some advice/opinions.
What would be your ideal situation?
What is the one thing you wish that you S/O would have said to you, when you told them?
This is what my wife did as I told her about this "thing" I had been dealing with for over 50 years, and after 30 years of marriage. She held my hand and listened to me pour my heart out for over 2 hours... she never recoiled, she never pulled away; when I was all finished she hugged me and said... "this is no reason not to love someone".

We didn't pick this... for whatever reasons it picked us. I did not tell my wife initially as I thought that loneliness was my trigger for needing diapers and there was no resources to understand it in myself. I thought that once I married I would never be lonely again. As I came to find out as I abstained from wearing diapers over the next 30 years, it was not that simple, and the compulsion went much deeper than just loneliness. So for 30 years I ABSTAINED totally... there was no stash to find. But my mind was always working... AB was there in the diaper aisle, watching my wife hold a baby there was no escape.

At the lowest point in my life, I finally told her. And that is how she responded, "This is no reason not to love someone".

It is not immoral, or illegal... for most of us it is a coping mechanism, albeit unusual.

If you feel the way my wife, "momma2moosey" does, that is, "this is no reason not to love someone" then say that... he will love you forever and you will create a bond that is beautiful and you will be welded at the heart.

If it is something that you just can not get past... move on as this will always be with him in some form. The question is can you help him navigate it.

Ill close with this, only one other person knows this about me. My niece, she is a counselor, she has heard it all. When she saw a sea change in my life, she had to know what happened, what was the catalyst. When I finally got the nerve to tell her every thing while we were on a walk. She stopped and turned and looked at me and said, "of all the things you could have turned to... drugs, pornography, sex... this is NOTHING".

If he wants to tell you, you have the power to help him navigate this...
 

quarktheory

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Ok so I wish I was in his place. Maybe after a long day at work I would come home to find dinner waiting,a hot bath and a fresh diaper being pulled between my legs as I got into bed.

we can’t all get so lucky though.

You seem to be very understanding of his needs. What we need as people can vary widely but a good clue in this case seems to be the stash in question. You can bury this or go with the opportunity that presented itself to you.

If I was in his place, after the initial embarrassment of the confrontation.

I think I would be extremely happy.

Good luck to both of you guys.
 

littlemoosey

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Ok so I wish I was in his place. Maybe after a long day at work I would come home to find dinner waiting,a hot bath and a fresh diaper being pulled between my legs as I got into bed.

we can’t all get so lucky though.

You seem to be very understanding of his needs. What we need as people can vary widely but a good clue in this case seems to be the stash in question. You can bury this or go with the opportunity that presented itself to you.

If I was in his place, after the initial embarrassment of the confrontation.

I think I would be extremely happy.

Good luck to both of you guys.
If she decides to initiate this conversation, I really think that it needs to be from a position of acceptance. Otherwise he will be mortified and ashamed and every other negative emotion we all have shouldered throughout our lives with this.

If it is something you just do not want and can not accept... just move on... your rejection over something he was not ready to divulge may crush him...
 

quarktheory

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If she decides to initiate this conversation, I really think that it needs to be from a position of acceptance. Otherwise he will be mortified and ashamed and every other negative emotion we all have shouldered throughout our lives with this.

If it is something you just do not want and can not accept... just move on... your rejection over something he was not ready to divulge may crush him...
My reply was/is my opinion.
im sure she has the ability to make a decision on her own.
I offered my personal position on a situation, I did not tell her what to decide.
 

skunk053

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In the end it's his decision to tell you. Some men can be so caught up in being masculine they define their entire being around a stereotype. Give him time, and if you ever do tell him what you found, be ready for a lot of emotions. I have a feeling he's been keeping way too much to himself for a long time.
 
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ORBaby

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My wife says to go ahead and tell him that you found his stash.
I suggest that you find a quiet time with no distractions and tell him how much you truly love him, and that you found his things, and you are okay with them and you are ready to talk about it whenever he is ready.
Best wishes to you both.
 

Kayleigh

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Bee:
At this point you have probably learned that DLs come in all sorts of variations and have had varying experiences in telling or hiding our interests from our partners.
Until you establish a way of communicating with your partner you can’t really make any definitive assumptions about what he enjoys related to diapers an/or panties.
However, chances are that uppermost in his mind is some notion of acceptance. And perhaps some element of embarrassment.
So first and foremost you need to figure out your level of acceptance. Based on your research here it would appear that you have some level of acceptance which is a good starting point.
Then bring up in a conversation that you found some of his diapers and that you have some understanding of how this is something that some people are into. Keep in mind that he may be embarrassed, particularly if he has his own issues in accepting his diaper interests. If you have any kinks or fantasies introducing them into the conversation will potentially make him feel that he is not alone in having fantasies.
Based on my own experiences, your general acceptance will be the first thing to communicate. Somehow you then will want to understand what kind of acceptance he would want from you. And of course what you can handle. It could be to just let him enjoy them by himself with the comfort of knowing that he does not have to hide. Or perhaps he would like to be free to wear in front of you or he may want you be more active and want you to change him. There are so many permutations. And if he has panties, there may be “sissy” permutations also.
Assuming that you get to the communication stage, you will both have to figure out what will work for both of you. This may take some experimentation.

Relating my experiences, my “stash” may be similar to your partners. My wife knows I wear and knows what is in my stash but generally does not want me to wear around her. I will sometimes wear a diaper under my clothes but she avoids me if I am wearing. I have on special occasions worn just my diaper and a tee shirt and she has trouble with seeing it.

Perhaps not the best situation for a DL but perhaps not the worst either. Just an example of the compromises that must be made if a couple is to continue their relationship. BTW we are married over 40 years.

Good luck to you and let us know how it goes.
 

anton

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Bee, I commend you on how you are loving him in this situation, which bodes well for your future together. So many of us would love to have an SO as understanding as you are about us as a whole person. I hope things work out well for you and this brings you two closer. Thank you for sharing this experience with us.
 

tenderbottoms47

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There is a reason your SO has kept this from you for 5 years as you stated. I can tell you with the up most certainty that if you blind side him and just come out with the fact that you inadvertently stumbled upon his little secret, he will be absolutely petrified and terrified when you spill this to him. He has no clue how you would feel about his diapers and any other items that you found but imagine if that was your things and he found them by accident and confronted you. How about this approach..."Honey You know I absolutely love you with all my heart and soul and if their is anything you want to ever share with me or talk to me about you know you can tell me anything right" ?? If your as openminded as you stated you could also reiterate that fact as well to him. Bottom line here is for him to understand that your completely accepting of him as a person no matter what he has going on which is very personal to him. Let him know that you will support him in anyway that you possibly can and are comfortable with. He at that point will open up to you.

I hope things go well for you two. Please keeps us posted!

Ps, I told my SO about 8 months into our relationship about my ABDL desires and she was completely open to it and accepting of my little side. I know that's not the case for everyone else's situation and that's really unfortunate. We all need to feel loved and to give that love in return.
 
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Terrorbear

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So. We've been together for about 5 years.
He is really shy, and quickly shuts down in any kind of conversation that's not small talk. Like about our life, relationship etc.
I don't wanna approach it the wrong way, and was thinking about waiting for him to be ready to tell me. But then again, thinking about how it must be for him keeping this secret.. What if he's never told a soul? And, honestly, I don't think he will ever be ready to tell me.

I don't know if he is AB or DL or both, but from what I have read on this page and the content of the stash, he may be what has been called a sissy.
On the usual day-to-day a very handy and manly-man.
I also wanna make it clear, that stumbled across his stash while cleaning/vacum one day - I have not intentionally invaded his privacy in this matter.

I am honestly not sure how I really feel about it or how I will feel in the future, as it has only been about 7-10 days since I found out(and I have since then tried to puzzle together what it meant, also in secret so not to blindside him with me knowing w/out him getting to share his secret himself) - but I know I love him and that it can't be a good feeling to be hiding this everyday.

I would write longer/more informative post, and i'm sorry if this post is a bit messy - but I am on my phone and BF in the other room.
Just need/seeking some advice/opinions.
What would be your ideal situation?
What is the one thing you wish that you S/O would have said to you, when you told them?
Hiya Bee. I thinks it's really awesome that you stumbled onto ADISC. Coincidental? Not a phreaking chance. Fate? For sure.
Anyhow, I probably can't give you any advise you haven't already read on here. However, speaking from not just personal experience, but also from the mouths of other ABDL's, I would hate to imagine going through life as an AB or DL (or both) without at least one person knowing. I'd bet the farm and the family jewels that your BF would consider himself the absolute luckiest guy on earth to have your love and support. There would most likely be at least a few minutes of awkwardness after you initially tell him you know. I think that's unavoidable, IMHO.

I really do wish you the best, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep us posted on how things go.

Tb
 

JOCKMAN

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So @Bee , you have heard the various opinions, and even the greater experiences of men / women in these circumstances. Noting the items you found should be brought up together and when you have a good 60+++++ minutes of "you two time" undisturbed. For me, being a DL for security reasons is not a big deal and why it was not a big deal to let others know when I had that "next level in the relationship" to move on to.

For my wife, my adult training underwear and plastic underpants at night are sooooooo little of my total time of a day that her and I spend together doing MANY other things, so it does not define me 100%. It is just part of me and she has some items that she likes that is part of her. I have had over 20+ years with her so it easy for me to write my situation.

You sound like a great partner and you look before you leap (asking for information & guidance suggestions) which is never a bad thing to do first. I say good luck but I think he already has all the luck he needs with you on this subject. I did note that @Kaich did write about asking him when you first talk to him about if he wants to have you "dress him". I hate to offer an opinion about contrary to @Kaich's suggestion but I think IMO it may be too quick to go that route so soon. Quite possibly he may be embarrassed enough with the undergarments that thinking you want him to "dress him" also in some clothing he is maybe too embarrassed to discuss in the first place, may bring some short term backlash of pulling away from the overall discussion at hand. There is a difference between Adult Baby (AB) desires / lifestyle and just being a DL.
 

Kymi

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So @Bee , you have heard the various opinions, and even the greater experiences of men / women in these circumstances. Noting the items you found should be brought up together and when you have a good 60+++++ minutes of "you two time" undisturbed. For me, being a DL for security reasons is not a big deal and why it was not a big deal to let others know when I had that "next level in the relationship" to move on to.

For my wife, my adult training underwear and plastic underpants at night are sooooooo little of my total time of a day that her and I spend together doing MANY other things, so it does not define me 100%. It is just part of me and she has some items that she likes that is part of her. I have had over 20+ years with her so it easy for me to write my situation.

You sound like a great partner and you look before you leap (asking for information & guidance suggestions) which is never a bad thing to do first. I say good luck but I think he already has all the luck he needs with you on this subject. I did note that @Kaich did write about asking him when you first talk to him about if he wants to have you "dress him". I hate to offer an opinion about contrary to @Kaich's suggestion but I think IMO it may be too quick to go that route so soon. Quite possibly he may be embarrassed enough with the undergarments that thinking you want him to "dress him" also in some clothing he is maybe too embarrassed to discuss in the first place, may bring some short term backlash of pulling away from the overall discussion at hand. There is a difference between Adult Baby (AB) desires / lifestyle and just being a DL.
Good Post!
 

PonderStibbons

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I would just tell him now. I don’t really see the point of holding off telling him considering you’re accepting...
Compounding. It’s not just a financial term.

I’m going to throw my lot in with @KaleidoscopeKitty on this. Your withholding invites Murphy to a closed party.

Waiting to speak up, unless as others have suggested is for:
  • a short time, and
  • in order that you may prepare a pleasant memorable coming-out surprise,
is not advisable.

Very excited for the two of you. 🥳
 
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