AVictoryPointe
Est. Contributor
- Messages
- 30
- Role
- Adult Baby
- Diaper Lover
- Little
The last few months, I’ve gone through a really trying period. For my own sake, I’m not going to go into details, but I needed to get out of a problem.
Every day, for 6 months, I’ve lived in paranoia with this problem, trying to solve it. And for most of that time, my internal dialogue was hostile & kept saying, “You need to solve this problem. You don’t deserve happiness. Not yet. That’s for solving the problem.”
And, I did finally solve it—shortly after, I bought a few ABDL things and began interacting here and elsewhere in the community again after several years away. I talked to my therapist about this hostile thinking, and she said, “It’s interesting: your brain doesn’t think happiness and the problem solving can happen together. Or that one couldn’t even help the other.”
She was right. I got to spend this weekend away with my SO/CG. We rekindled our private ABDL fantasy life, and looking back at the last year, I don’t know why I kept my happiness away. They kept encouraging it, but I pushed it away because I didn’t think I deserved it.
This next year will be a new chapter in my life. Many years ago, I thought I was over the shame, the binge/purge cycles, and I fell back into some old sandpits of depression. I have a better mental health support system, an exciting adventure ahead, and my partner is closer to me than ever.
I can’t share this happiness with many people. I’ve gone through super dark times. I hope everyone has happy days ahead. I know there were times when I felt they wouldn’t come, but a lot of hard work paid off.
-AVP
Every day, for 6 months, I’ve lived in paranoia with this problem, trying to solve it. And for most of that time, my internal dialogue was hostile & kept saying, “You need to solve this problem. You don’t deserve happiness. Not yet. That’s for solving the problem.”
And, I did finally solve it—shortly after, I bought a few ABDL things and began interacting here and elsewhere in the community again after several years away. I talked to my therapist about this hostile thinking, and she said, “It’s interesting: your brain doesn’t think happiness and the problem solving can happen together. Or that one couldn’t even help the other.”
She was right. I got to spend this weekend away with my SO/CG. We rekindled our private ABDL fantasy life, and looking back at the last year, I don’t know why I kept my happiness away. They kept encouraging it, but I pushed it away because I didn’t think I deserved it.
This next year will be a new chapter in my life. Many years ago, I thought I was over the shame, the binge/purge cycles, and I fell back into some old sandpits of depression. I have a better mental health support system, an exciting adventure ahead, and my partner is closer to me than ever.
I can’t share this happiness with many people. I’ve gone through super dark times. I hope everyone has happy days ahead. I know there were times when I felt they wouldn’t come, but a lot of hard work paid off.
-AVP
