What do you do when another person shows an interest to you (when you're IC)?

[CrossfireHurricane]

both driving yourself there then stop rest room changes yourself

She will be driving her car together. Trying to change would mean you have to carry my "diaper bag." That's a give-away.By the time we finish diner and drive home, there's no way for hiding a thicker bulge. Typically I use Tranquility topliner contour booster (super-plus / 32" x 14") for sleeping. I also use them during the day when I'm unable to change. With my Abena L4 (plastic backed) and the topliner booster, the total capacity is around ~ 150 oz. Of course nobody goes with the full capacity. I think they can be comfortably used up to 96 oz. Still, with my diaper and booster, that's a pretty heavy weight. Even with plastic pants and compression shorts, that would be difficult to hide my diaper.

I'm just not ready to tell her. If only we were going out for a 5 hour date, I could probably deal with it. But a 10+ hour date? Can't do it.

 

[Lethdale]

She will be driving her car together. Trying to change would mean you have to carry my "diaper bag." That's a give-away.By the time we finish diner and drive home, there's no way for hiding a thicker bulge. Typically I use Tranquility topliner contour booster (super-plus / 32" x 14") for sleeping. I also use them during the day when I'm unable to change. With my Abena L4 (plastic backed) and the topliner booster, the total capacity is around ~ 150 oz. Of course nobody goes with the full capacity. I think they can be comfortably used up to 96 oz. Still, with my diaper and booster, that's a pretty heavy weight. Even with plastic pants and compression shorts, that would be difficult to hide my diaper.

I'm just not ready to tell her. If only we were going out for a 5 hour date, I could probably deal with it. But a 10+ hour date? Can't do it.

You have to do what you are comfortable with.

 

[Lethdale]

She will be driving her car together. Trying to change would mean you have to carry my "diaper bag." That's a give-away.By the time we finish diner and drive home, there's no way for hiding a thicker bulge. Typically I use Tranquility topliner contour booster (super-plus / 32" x 14") for sleeping. I also use them during the day when I'm unable to change. With my Abena L4 (plastic backed) and the topliner booster, the total capacity is around ~ 150 oz. Of course nobody goes with the full capacity. I think they can be comfortably used up to 96 oz. Still, with my diaper and booster, that's a pretty heavy weight. Even with plastic pants and compression shorts, that would be difficult to hide my diaper.

I'm just not ready to tell her. If only we were going out for a 5 hour date, I could probably deal with it. But a 10+ hour date? Can't do it.

On cancelling, maybe you could hold out the offer of a future definite date where you would feel more comfortable....else she may think you're not interested.

 

[Edgewater]

She will be driving her car together. Trying to change would mean you have to carry my "diaper bag." That's a give-away.By the time we finish diner and drive home, there's no way for hiding a thicker bulge. Typically I use Tranquility topliner contour booster (super-plus / 32" x 14") for sleeping. I also use them during the day when I'm unable to change. With my Abena L4 (plastic backed) and the topliner booster, the total capacity is around ~ 150 oz. Of course nobody goes with the full capacity. I think they can be comfortably used up to 96 oz. Still, with my diaper and booster, that's a pretty heavy weight. Even with plastic pants and compression shorts, that would be difficult to hide my diaper.

I'm just not ready to tell her. If only we were going out for a 5 hour date, I could probably deal with it. But a 10+ hour date? Can't do it.

Well, ask for a short 'date' at a local location that you feel comfortable in talking in detail prior to a major road trip. This maybe your place or her place, but some place that has the privacy for a dissuasion. Yes, it maybe faster and more detailed that you may want or are comfortable with! But, someone that is asking you on an extended drive, concert, dinner and an extended drive back, has a fairly comfortable feeling for you! Yes, this could all go to Hell in a Hand Basket. But, she has made a major positive move in your direction. Time to 'man-up' and take a like step in her direction. What is the worst that could happen; another human learns that you are IC!! There are much worst things in life, far worst!!

Life is far too short, not to take this chance!!

I am a very lucky man, as I have a truly wonderful wife who loves me!! And, I am no where worthy!

 

[Dinotopian2002]

She will be driving her car together. Trying to change would mean you have to carry my "diaper bag." That's a give-away.By the time we finish diner and drive home, there's no way for hiding a thicker bulge. Typically I use Tranquility topliner contour booster (super-plus / 32" x 14") for sleeping. I also use them during the day when I'm unable to change. With my Abena L4 (plastic backed) and the topliner booster, the total capacity is around ~ 150 oz. Of course nobody goes with the full capacity. I think they can be comfortably used up to 96 oz. Still, with my diaper and booster, that's a pretty heavy weight. Even with plastic pants and compression shorts, that would be difficult to hide my diaper.

I'm just not ready to tell her. If only we were going out for a 5 hour date, I could probably deal with it. But a 10+ hour date? Can't do it.

As someone who is IC and padded 24/7, I feel your worries. But at the same time, it’s not as insurmountable as you may think.

Firstly, it’s more common than you think for men to carry bags these days - especially if it looks like a discreet messenger back or rucksack. And if she asks, just say you’ve got stuff in there for medical reasons.

Secondly, if this continues, at some point she’s going to find out that you wear diapers. It’s up to you, when, how and where you disclose that information to her. Perhaps this is sooner than you’d like, but the sooner you explain this, the easier it is. As I’ve said before, don’t feel ashamed about something you can’t control.

Thirdly, as much as you can, wear what you normally wear, and act like you normally act. This is what made her show interest in you. If you’re worried about your diaper all day, that’s going to draw focus, and she won’t see you at your best. And it’ll make her more alert to the fact that you’re diapered. By contrast, if you play it calm as you can, then it won’t be as obvious.

Fourthly, don’t worry about the bulge, especially with the onesie and compression shorts. If need be, wear a belt and some pants a size up. And if there’s a slight bulge, well, she may think it’s not a diaper, but something - else.

Finally, if this is stressing you out, it may be best to straight out tell her you’re struggling with this. Because if the anxiety is this bad, it may be better off being honest with her about your diaper needs now, than cancelling on her without giving a reason. Because that won’t go down well at all.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002

 

[YesImFunny]

I've been IC since I was a young kid. I've accepted this even though wearing a diaper is certainly a challenge. I went through college and now I'm a teacher/ guidance counselor. I enjoy selected friends. Some know I'm IC though most don't know. I have several relationships with girls but never had them as serious. Obviously I have little experience.

What do you do when a girl starts to show an interest? I've thought about this but it's too scary. I've never really discussed my medical issues with others except a few close friends. I prefer to stay on the down-low. It's so personal. I have a good friend (woman) who has started to show an interest (romantically). Not sure how I should respond.

I agree. If you have feelings for her, then tell her. If she likes you, for who you are, this should not cause problems in your relationship. You cannot help that you have a medical condition like this.

 

[ltaluv]

Put changing supplies into a plain backpack, and when you go use the restroom just take it with you. If she asks what's in it (which most people won't even ask), tell her it's medical supplies and leave it at that. She'll likely assume you're diabetic and having to run off and check glucose levels, rather than thinking that you're incontinent.

If she pries, you can tell her that it's not something you're comfortable discussing right now. If she can't respect your privacy, that's a red flag in the relationship.

 

[SoggyGolfer]

What do you do when a girl starts to show an interest? I've thought about this but it's too scary. I've never really discussed my medical issues with others except a few close friends. I prefer to stay on the down-low. It's so personal. I have a good friend (woman) who has started to show an interest (romantically). Not sure how I should respond.

You might consider, as she is a “good friend” she may already know or at least strongly suspects you wear diapers. When girls get interested they become very observant.
Put yourself in her shoes. How do you ask a person you’re interested in if they wear a diaper. Invite her to a coffee date, tell her you are looking forward to the long trip but it forces a conversation about your incontinence and diapers. She is already your friend! I think she already knows and is waiting for you to break the ice. Good Luck!!!

 

[Lethdale]

As someone who is IC and padded 24/7, I feel your worries. But at the same time, it’s not as insurmountable as you may think.

Firstly, it’s more common than you think for men to carry bags these days - especially if it looks like a discreet messenger back or rucksack. And if she asks, just say you’ve got stuff in there for medical reasons.

Secondly, if this continues, at some point she’s going to find out that you wear diapers. It’s up to you, when, how and where you disclose that information to her. Perhaps this is sooner than you’d like, but the sooner you explain this, the easier it is. As I’ve said before, don’t feel ashamed about something you can’t control.

Thirdly, as much as you can, wear what you normally wear, and act like you normally act. This is what made her show interest in you. If you’re worried about your diaper all day, that’s going to draw focus, and she won’t see you at your best. And it’ll make her more alert to the fact that you’re diapered. By contrast, if you play it calm as you can, then it won’t be as obvious.

Fourthly, don’t worry about the bulge, especially with the onesie and compression shorts. If need be, wear a belt and some pants a size up. And if there’s a slight bulge, well, she may think it’s not a diaper, but something - else.

Finally, if this is stressing you out, it may be best to straight out tell her you’re struggling with this. Because if the anxiety is this bad, it may be better off being honest with her about your diaper needs now, than cancelling on her without giving a reason. Because that won’t go down well at all.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002

 

[Lethdale]

Yes,
Please don't cancel on her without a good reason to offer....and an alternative..
We all have insecurities....even she.
She must really like you to have made such an offer.
Be gentle.

 

[Soggy247]

@CrossfireHurricane . . . I do hope your going tonight mate. . . Whats the worst thay can happen???. You might be supprised and she either already knows, or suspects. . . Pls, pls dont let incontinence stop you. Yes its awkward and embarrassing, but this girl might be super nice and understanding. . Go get em tiger. . . And above all, enjoy yourself.

 

[elaleman]

I was invited to see the Mahler 4th symphony at the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. I've never visited the CSO before. It sounds like a date to me. She said she would drive (~2 & 1/12 hours) and we could have have diner after the show. I agreed. Now I'm nervous. Driving there (and the show, diner) and drive back home. About 10+ hours total. How do you change your diaper when she doesn't know that I wear? I might have to cancel.

A woman will notice if you sneak away to the toilets with a backpack or a bag or something, that’s exactly what she does when she is on her period and what men don't do.

Honestly, I would directly tell her before: „I would love to go to… with you for the day. There's just a practical issue that will come up and you should know …“ If she's a grown up woman, she will understand.

I wish you all the best and a great day with your friend!

 

[Dry247]

Try and put a diaper in a coat pocket or something , or a booster pad, just change that

 

[greatlake5]

I'm just not ready to tell her. Can't do it.

This is a difficult situation. I remember when I wasn't ready to tell anyone about me wearing a diaper. It's a so personal. In my case my now partner was asking me first ("Are you wearing a diaper?). If she had never asked me I'd probably still be single. Some of the other posters aren't IC. They think it's just easier to either tell her or simply carry a diaper bad. Other IC members understand how hard it is to tell someone that we wear diapers.

I would suggest to think rationally and logically. Eventually, if you do have the same interest she has, at some point she will know. Women aren't stupid. They will figure it out. The best way to address IC, it's probably to be simple, honest and directly. It all comes down to how she reacts. Remember not everyone is as understanding. Some will reject the idea just because they don't like someone wearing a diaper. Fair enough. You'll never know unless you tell her. My friend ("Edgewater") says life is short. I agree. It's about you being solo or being together. Your choice.

 

[Soggy247]

@CrossfireHurricane . . . What happened mate?? Did you go???. . Were dying to hear how it went or didnt go. . .. either way. . .

 

[CrossfireHurricane]

What happened mate??

The symphony will happen on Saturday March 23 so I still have time (about a week and a half). Haven't decided yet but we are going out this weekend. If I have enough balls to tell her I'll probably talk to her about my IC. I was told (by a good friend) that I don't have to give her all of the details.
Just enough to let her decide if it's worth her time.

 

[Lethdale]

The symphony will happen on Saturday March 23 so I still have time (about a week and a half). Haven't decided yet but we are going out this weekend. If I have enough balls to tell her I'll probably talk to her about my IC. I was told (by a good friend) that I don't have to give her all of the details.
Just enough to let her decide if it's worth her time.

All the best

 

[Edgewater]

You have a wall of friends standing behind you good friend. Many of us have been in like positions. Know that we care!!

 

[RestrainU4Me]

The symphony will happen on Saturday March 23 so I still have time (about a week and a half). Haven't decided yet but we are going out this weekend. If I have enough balls to tell her I'll probably talk to her about my IC. I was told (by a good friend) that I don't have to give her all of the details.
Just enough to let her decide if it's worth her time.

That’s tough. First see how this weekend goes and if she texts/talks to you afterwards.

Options are pretty limited.

A. Tell her you your IC and wear protection so you can go with her to the symphony and bring a diaper bag.

B. Say you can’t go to the symphony and plan another shorter date another day.

I mean for her to offer to be in a car for 2+ hours with you means she already feels comfortable with you and trusts you.

If you were to turn her down it could make her think you don’t like her that much. So coming clean and telling her maybe, “hey, I think the symphony will be amazing and I would love to go with you. I just have a personal medical issue and would need to bring a little bag, if that is ok?” See how she handles that…

Ultimately, it’s what you feel more comfortable with doing obviously. I would just hate seeing you miss an opportunity for a great date because of something that isn’t your fault…telling people you wear diapers isn’t easy though either.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

 

[ChrisChris]

i recently came into nighttime u-ic, dont know if it counts. if i had a girl giving me sings she was interested in a relationship i would keep going. if they like you they are more than able to look past some wet pants or diapers. who nows they might find it interesting. what would you do?