Venting

[Magicalgirl101]

Wanted to vent out this for a long time... my mother doesnt like my bf due to him being an atheist and his age as well; she tells me to not spend the night with him etc. she doesnt want me to happy apparently.

I am 23 1/2 and hes 62

Any advice?

 

[egor]

Just speaking as a 62 yo parent,

62 makes alarms go off.

Be careful and think in mindfulness and not hormones

 

[theancientmariner]

Just speaking as a 62 yo parent,

62 makes alarms go off.

Be careful and think in mindfulness and not hormones

That’s a 40 year difference!

 

[mistykitty]

I'm with the others, that's a large age disparity. I'm not trying to be a downer but I'd be wary about that.

 

[Cottontail]

He's 62 and you're 23? Even if you weren't an AB, I'd say that he's "robbing the cradle" in a rather epic way. He's probably at least 10 years older than your mom. I'll be honest: I'm a parent, and I wouldn't be at all happy if my own child was dating somebody older than me. I mean... There are age gaps, and then there are 40-year age gaps! Religion stuff aside, I don't think your mom's wrong for worrying.

 

[mistykitty]

He's 62 and you're 23? Even if you weren't an AB, I'd say that he's "robbing the cradle" in a rather epic way. He must be at least 10 years older than your mom. I'll be honest: I'm a parent, and I wouldn't be at all happy if my own child was dating somebody older than me. I mean... There are age gaps, and then there are 40-year age gaps! Religion stuff aside, I don't think your mom's wrong for worrying.

Isn't the age gap rule normally 10yrs for either party? I don't know 4 sure but I could swear I heard that from somewhere at somepoint.

 

[LePew]

He’s old enough to be your grandfather….. why would you want this?

Your mother is trying to protect you and rightfully so.

If you’re listing your age as ____ and 1/2, you’re still just a slightly older kid. Don’t give this senior citizen your body. Seriously, wtf

 

[Cottontail]

Isn't the age gap rule normally 10yrs for either party?

This Wikipedia article on age differences in sexual relationships suggests that the minimum socially acceptable age for a partner, assuming you're the older, is half your age plus 7 years. I've never heard of that before, but maybe it's been a thing. Anyway, going by that, a 62-year-old can date a 38-year-old without it seeming weird, but to me that still seems like quite a gap. Maybe I'm just a prude.

 

[mistykitty]

This Wikipedia article on age differences in sexual relationships suggests that the minimum socially acceptable age for a partner, assuming you're the older, is half your age plus 7 years. I've never heard of that before, but maybe it's been a thing. Anyway, going by that, a 62-year-old can date a 38-year-old without it seeming weird, but to me that still seems like quite a gap. Maybe I'm just a prude.

I don't think your wrong at all. I agree with you that it's questionable.

 

[LePew]

This Wikipedia article on age differences in sexual relationships suggests that the minimum socially acceptable age for a partner, assuming you're the older, is half your age plus 7 years. I've never heard of that before, but maybe it's been a thing. Anyway, going by that, a 62-year-old can date a 38-year-old without it seeming weird, but to me that still seems like quite a gap. Maybe I'm just a prude.

That is actually a pretty cool algorithm and it works well for ages up to 45 I think.
15->15
16->18
17->20
18->22
20->25
22->30
25->35
27->40
30->45

I think it’s a pretty accurate representation on socially acceptable age gaps up to this point. But beyond 45, the age gaps get enormous and I’m not realty agreeing that it represents socially acceptable norms
42->70
47->80
52->90
^ for some extreme examples.

 

[TrashPanda01]

I'll be the odd ball for the age. My great grandfather was 62 when he had my grandfather. My grandfather's mother was the age of my great grand father's daughter (my grandfather's half sister). It can work age wise to some degree. Though, my great grandfather didn't live much longer and my great grandmother remarried.
My concern though is you mentioned he's atheist and ya'll are living together already. Faith is a big thing in life and having a significant other who does share those beliefs can be draining and cause many issues.

 

[stareegirl]

The two of you grew up in completely different times. Completed school and experienced career choices with completely different under lying social rules expectations . What could you possibly have in common.

I am not calling your boyfriend a creep. He may be a very nice upstanding man. But if I was talking to someone 40 years older than me. I’d think grandparent type relationship

 

[PTSDSurvivor413]

Proceed with caution, pray about it and remember, you always want to have a relationship with someone you can grow in faith together. Sending prayers while you continue to navigate this!

 

[littlemoosey]

Hey... that's awesome, that means I can bag a 39 year old hottie and no one would care! I like this rule!

 

[littlemoosey]

Wanted to vent out this for a long time... my mother doesnt like my bf due to him being an atheist and his age as well; she tells me to not spend the night with him etc. she doesnt want me to happy apparently.

I am 23 1/2 and hes 62

Any advice?

NO... your Mom is right. Although this guy might seem right for "you". He is not, not matter how sweet he may be... or rich?

Is he just looking for a trophy girlfriend? Or... are you being a gold digger? Does he know about the AB part of you?

 

[Magicalgirl101]

Just to clarify to everyone, we both met in IRL locally (didnt met on a dating app, we met a local movie club ) and we are both atheists. Besides that we have alot in common; hes a kinky guy himself as well. He does know about the DL side of me.

 

[littlemoosey]

Based on the rule, you can bag a 32 year old stud. Just look for a kinky one of those. There are lots out there.

I’m with your mom. I am 64, and although the thought of a 23 year old girl friend is exciting. It just would not be right. You are 2 generations removed from him in life experience.

I am 8 years older than my wife. That is more than enough.

 

[BBBen]

I knew some people with this age gap.
Ofcourse - you couldnt decide, where your love flows and we are not the ones who could declare what is good or bad.
But that high age gap leads to some problems you have to think about.
Being in mid 20s means your active life, you earn money, have a family and do some things you enjoy is before you. Being mid 60s means you are near to the point active life is more behind you, then you want. For sure, younger persons let you feel young again. But at some point, you couldnt neglect your functional disorders. And this gap could also mean, most of the time, you will be the caregiver for the older, till his end. After that you have a very long time, you are alone - and this can be very hurting - trust me: that is a real struggle for the younger part, who i know.
40 years is very much difference also in the experiences you made. He was born in a very diffrent time and some struggles he wouldnt understand. For myself i feel the generation gap much earlier. Sometimes less than 10 years could do a very big diffrence. Only imagine if someone is now born and didnt experience the last 4 pandemic years.
Sorry i do the wrong thing to say too much. But I had a very bad experience in my life with this age gap and iam happy, that i could grow with my wife at the same level.

 

[CrossfireHurricane]

Any advice?

Let me think...when you are 53 he will be...92? He might be dead or perhaps he will be incontinence. When you are 43 he'll be 82. You're not looking forward. The difference of ~43 years. Having a boyfriend is fine. Marry? Think about it.
(Michael Stone is almost 80. Catherine Zeta-Jones is 54. That's only ~25 year difference. Still, how's he doing?)

 

[littleph0enix]

Though I understand that what most people are saying is true the fact that most peoples best advice was that the age gap is to big is not really that helpful at all, in fact the only one I felt had really looked at this fairly from the stand point that both of you are at a age where you can pick to do whatever you want to do (as long as it is legal) was BBBen.

Again most points made are not wrong, most of the time a age gap that big has a very very high chance of not being true love or even leading to many bad paths in life. Be that as it is we were not ask to judge there relationship (I'm 100% sure Magicalgirl101 has already faced the same kind of comments/ advice from nearly everyone that knows of there relationship), I would like to think we were being asked if there was a way to explain that this is what both of them want to said mother.

Though having said all that I think the chances that your mother will ever accept this kind of relationship even if you both found each other locally and get on really well is really low, understandably she has a lot to worry about and its not like things will just get better since who knows where it will end.

You do have to think about it from your own future stand point really, in the end if both of you think you are have found the one then you just have to keep going and see where it takes you. (Just make sure you know what you are doing at all time so not to regret what could happen)

P.S how many people here have heard of gerontophilia before? I dont think there is really that many people that are true to it but you cant 100% just say that no one is like that.