Should I move in with my new mommy? What about marry her?

[Anemone]

I agree I don't need to bottle feed in front of them. But how do I explained the age gap?

You owe no one an explanation for whoever you love. I'm guessing that you're reluctant to do so in anticipation of poor reactions from others, which also is nothing for you to answer to.

 

[googlyeyes467]

I think this is really tricky. If she moves in then you need to accept her and the dynamic you have. However at that point either you both show up at family holidays and gatherings or you cut her off from your family, which could be done but might end up creating a family dynamic you don't desire. I feel like if your family knows about it but then you never speak about it and act like everything is normal that might be the best of both worlds. But I don't know what your family is like.

 

[Consul]

My dream came true a little over a year ago. I met a woman who lives 2 hours away. A widow 53 years old. Her husband passed away 8 years ago. She never had children and both her parents have passed away. Her only family is her sister. She is very loving, kind and caring.

I am a 28-year-old male with a good job. For the past year she has come to My apartment once a week and I have visited her house every other weekend.

Very few people know of the true dynamic of our relationship. Not even my parents. It's hard to explain our relationship. What do I do? Go up to people and say this is my mommy? Financially speaking, it makes sense to marry her. Is it common for adult babies to marry their mommies?

Recently her job has changed and she has the opportunity to sell her house and move in with me. I love this idea! I want to be with her as much as I can. A few of my concerns are what if my parents come to my new house and they see our true relationship. How do I explain to them she is my new mommy without breaking my mother's heart?

With the age gap, I worry what will happen when she is gone. If she passes away at 80 years old. I will be 55 and lonely without kids. Logically it would be a good idea to find a wife around my age and have kids with her because I believe children bring joy to your life. I won't be able to have children with my mommy.

Are any of you in a similar situation? Should I move in with her? Should I tell my parents? I would love some advice!

There are a few things to unpack here.
First, regarding the age difference. While somewhat taboo, age difference between adults is legal and you are not harming anyone by being with someone of a different age; you're both consenting adults. There are many examples of people being in relationships with big age differences and making them work. Not all age-gap relationships will fail, and some are quite successful.

That being said, these relationships' success depend on the interests and priorities of the people in these relationships. The biggest one is probably if you want kids or not. Many years ago, I dated someone who accepted my ABDL side. While our age difference wasn't as big as yours, it was still pretty major. The relationship didn't work out for several reasons, and one of the main reasons was the effects the age difference had on my wanting to have kids in the long run.

If you are wanting to have children one day, you definitely need to think about how you will handle that age difference and how they will handle that age difference. I concluded that I could not handle that.

The fact you have already brought up having kids in your post suggests that this is something you are aware could be an issue down the road.

Another issue age gaps often create is the perpetual placement of partners in different stages of their life. The younger partner often is still figuring themselves out, building a career, etc. The older partner has already gone through all of this, and is going through their own challenges. This also means that the younger partner is lacking years of life experience the older partner has, which can create friction. Do you find it easy to engage with her beyond ABDL? Are your own life circumstances difficult to talk about with her?

The other issue, as has been touched on by others, is financial. Your financial lives are quite different and moving in is a major deal if one person is selling a house to do so. Have you tried living together for a period of time prior to this? How did that go? Major financial commitments being made also have strings attached for expectations between partners, so you want to make sure everyone's expectations are clear and your daily lifestyle habits are actually compatible. COVID-19 was a stark wake-up call for many partners discovering they hated actually having to live in the same place as their partner when forced to live together.

Finally, regarding disclosing your relationship: it is always your choice what you want to disclose, whether to friends or family, or anyone. That is your right. Your family may or may not accept that disclosure - it depends on your family. We don't know your family, so obviously can't speak too much to that.

The decision is your own to make. There is no "right" decision. Only you know your own true feelings on this. If you are still struggling with this decision, you can reach out to a counsellor or therapist to talk things through.

 

[BobaFettish]

Didn't read everyone's posts, but my biggest question is how are y'all outside of CG/L dynamic. I had a Mommy where we only had this in common. It takes more than this.
Just because you have a Mommy doesn't mean your Mother stops being your Mother.
When introducing your Mommy to people, if it's outside of this, introduce her as you significant other, partner, wife, gf, whatever the relationship is.

 

[sbmccue]

As others have noted, the age difference is quite substantial. That doesn't mean the relationship cannot work, but that you should carefully consider how you will fare if you suddenly find yourself on your own. This isn't morbid thinking, but a matter-of-fact consideration.

I'm unsure how far your Mommy/Baby relationship has evolved, but I gather you share some sort of physical intimacy beyond diaper changes. If that's the case, great ... but be forewarned that the two dynamics are not always compatible. Changing dirty diapers takes a toll on romance, and romance often takes a toll on baby desires.

Finally, be aware that there will come a time - likely, in the next decade or so - where the physical requirements of caring for you will take a toll on your friend. For example, I adore bath times, and I've had a couple of babysitters who could no longer handle the physical requirements of bathing me.

Whatever you do, I'd take it step by step. Having her sell her house and move in with you is somewhat foolish, in my view, given that if she wants to move out, she'll have to brave the real estate market. At her age, that can be quite a challenge. As another poster has suggested, ask her to rent out her house and move in with you. That way, nothing is irrevocable.

Best wishes!

 

[Youneeddiapers]

So just to get things right:
there is you 28 and works (do you fully own you own place? If so do you have a mortgage or loan?) You spend a good amount of time round your care giver place and she spends time round yours, (are you only being cared by her or do you enjoy just spending time with her doing anything and everything?) The care giver a 53 year old widow that owns her own house that works (I take it she has no mortgage on said house? Or any loans to pay off?), she gets to care for and enjoys having you when you come round or when she goes round yours. (And Again does she do any more then just care for you?) Lastly there is your parents, how often do they pop in with out telling you? Or if they do tell you how often do they come round par mouth? Are you super close or do you give each other space to do your own things?


If I have got that all right:
the first thing I want to ask you is how much do you love you carer? Are you a full on couple when your are not in little space? (I don't mean to question you relationship with your carer too much it's just very important to know how much you both love each other when talking but 1* full on living together and 2* marriage)


So let's work with a yes and a no to are you a full on couple:
If you are then thinking about moving in and getting married is pretty normal if you are a full on couple (year there is a age gap, what what? Anyone can love anyone they want as long as both people are happy and think about each other), I take it you both think you can live to together perfectly fine since you already spend a good amount of time round theres but it's never truly the same as fully livening in the same home so you have that to think about for one. As for kids if that is something you want and you want to be be your carer too but you dont want to have kids with her down to her age (which is smart since they say both of you should only really have kids from the age of 20 to 45max, if you go past this rule the kids will have problems and that is 100% unfair on them) I think that is down to your carer if she would be happy to share you with a girlfriend that same age as you since this kind of thing would only be unfair on her.

If you are not a full on couple but still get on super well as little/AB and as adults moving in together is not common but not uncommon since liveing on you own is not easy and is always made easier when going all in with another person or people, as for getting married if your not a fully on we live together we die together or religious one or both of you then is it really needed?. I know both side in saying that being married is a visual sigh that you both have accepted each other for all that you are or ever will be for the rest of your lives the other side being that being married is something to be feared financially since you have both tied your self in to something that could go down very badly if for whatever reason you were to break up. (And yes I know its wrong to be fearful of something that has not happened or wont happen at all but being married is one of the biggest financially risks of your life) same thing as before you might go round hers alot but that is not 100% the same as living together. As for kids if you are not a full on couple and you just enjoy being together in your spare time there should not be any problems with you getting a girlfriend your own age, though it might be a bit odd to whoever you end up dating. (If they dont like what you enjoy then they are most likely not for you as they say)


As for if she sells up and moves in with you:
I think I need to know more about where you both are financially (no real number lol I don't need to know that, just if you own your own place out right or not and do both you have a mortgage and or a loan) if you both have mortgages or a loan then it could be a good and a bad thing for her to sell up. Good since you might be able to full pay off any debts you both have and have a bit more money to play with, bad since selling a home is 90% of the time not a good thing (unless you need to upgrade or down grade thanks to life stuff) if you can just rent it out like most other people have said and if you do have a mortgage and or a loan if you both pay off your debts it might be easy for you to get another loan or mortgage because you are young but she will have a harder time thanks to her age.


As for do other Abdl tend to try and move in together and or get married:
I cant say since I am 26 years old and pretty new to accepting who I am/ trying to found out what I am fully. On the other hand if I meet a girlfriend that is a abdl or a carer or even someone that just loves me for who I am do I intend to move in with them? In short yes...... in long I am pretty shy and do things slowly down to a lack of trust in everything so yes but I will need time to learn and trust her to a point where I want to live together. As for would I marry her? Down to my lack of trust and me not feeling like we need a reason not to trust each other I'm not super down for it but if she really wants to and I know we can work it out yes I would 100% marry her for dealing with my shit up to this point haha.


And lastly if you do go all the way (or some of the way) in with her @Youneeddiapers and you want to be open with it all to not give yourself even more stress just tell your parents how you feel in a way that does not make things confusing, until they hear you out you wont know what they think. At the end of the day your 28 work and live on your own so your parents should (hopefully) just accept that you are doing what you like and trust everyone involved and that at the end of it all you are still there son that they (hopefully) have loved a lot up to this point.

All I can say is good luck and plan everything ahead!

Side note, Lol I have sadly missed 2 full work breaks saying all of this so I hope it helps haha

Answering your questions

i rent a duplex and she has a house and has started a 30 year mortgage about 5 years ago.

We do everything together. Shop, see movies, go to events, go to her church.

Relationship with my parents. I see them every other weekend. They live 2 hours away. They helped me move in and once they saw my place they havent been back. I would say im close with my parents, However i dont call or text them often. I just wait until i see them again. which isnt very long.

I love her like family. I love her as much as a 4 year old loves his mommy. I have never had a long term relationship so i cant say if i love her as i would a girlfriend or something. I feel it would be the same.

I have been saving money for a while and have enough to but down about a 50% down payment on a house.

I am debt free and she has about 80% left of principal to pay off her house. Again 30 year mortgage.

Thank you for your advice! I am reading very carefully. Hope i answered your question!

 

[littleph0enix]

Answering your questions

i rent a duplex and she has a house and has started a 30 year mortgage about 5 years ago.

We do everything together. Shop, see movies, go to events, go to her church.

Relationship with my parents. I see them every other weekend. They live 2 hours away. They helped me move in and once they saw my place they havent been back. I would say im close with my parents, However i dont call or text them often. I just wait until i see them again. which isnt very long.

I love her like family. I love her as much as a 4 year old loves his mommy. I have never had a long term relationship so i cant say if i love her as i would a girlfriend or something. I feel it would be the same.

I have been saving money for a while and have enough to but down about a 50% down payment on a house.

I am debt free and she has about 80% left of principal to pay off her house. Again 30 year mortgage.

Thank you for your advice! I am reading very carefully. Hope i answered your question!

I see thanks for giving me something to work off and I am happy that you think liked my advice (as in yeah I know thats the point of this site but its nice to know I was helpful)

So other then the other points I made before I think we are down to just 3 point, your relationship, your parents and lastly the place of living.

I think it would be better to start of with your relationship since you kind of have to talk about this in a order to make any sense:
from a mature stand point it sounds like you two have started very well for a couple that has not been going on for 2 years, you have both adapted to each others general lives which can be 1 of many hard points for a young couple the only think at this point I have to think about is that I say couple and that might be right or it could be wrong depending on what your relationship involves.
is your relationship a platonic one or is it sexual one? this can be very important as a platonic relationship can be 100% what you have right now, a relationship that is very deep and has love but it is more like a level up from a best mate than a lover. A sexual or Intimate relationship is what most people seek (note though I say a sexual relationship this does not mean you need to have sex or even want sex), a sexual/ Intimate relationship is one where both people have feelings for each other that no other person can fill and are generally very romantic (so other then just spending time together going out its all about the small things you do for each other to make each other more happy)

The best thing I can say to you is that that be it a platonic or sexual relationship there is no need to rush in to things like marriage when there is still so much left for you two learn about each other. (side note if you do have a platonic relationship that means as long as your carer is happy with it you can go for a sexual/ Intimate relationship with a girl your age, if you already have a sexual/ Intimate relationship with your carer then you will have to pick to 1) one day leave your carer for a girl more your age or 2) ask your carer if she would be happy if you had another sexual/ Intimate relationship with a girl more your age)


next up is your parents:
for now I think holding off telling your parents is the right thing since there is a lot that can happen to fast and mixing them up in it wont help things, if you both dont end up living together you would have just wanted there time by telling them something that they dont need to know about just yet.
if you do move in together there is a trial run point of at least 2 weeks where you first of all find out if you can really live together in the same home, if you both end up still have happy at that point and wish to stay together long term then at that point I feel you need to tell your parents about what is going on in short points. (no need to get in to the nitty gritty of what is fully going on) just to cover stuff if you do mover in together and find that you just cant live together (could be down to many points that both of you dont think about) then you can just go back to your old system and again no need to tell your parents until any big changes happen again.


right lastly place of living:
First off I know we talked about her moving in with you but thats not your end plan is it? or is it since that is a breaking off point as well.
if you dont plan on moving anywhere and she moves in and you both get on well then she could 1) sell up and pay off her mortgage (I dont know what terms her mortgage has but she needs to look to make sure the bank wont hit her badly) if she does this the end all be all is that both of you will have money but will still be renting which for most places is like burning the money away, then there is 2) she rents her place out and uses her rent money to help you off set both of your duplex rent which most of the time is the smarter thing to do since if anything were to go wrong she could always move back or you both could pay off the mortgage and one day sell up and move in to a new place all together.

going back a bit, lets say if she sold her home and you both put your money together to buy a new place for both of you to live in. I am pretty sure you could move her mortgage on to the new place and cut the remaining 25 years down by 50% if you put your name on her mortgage and pay half of the payments, this would work out better then just her renting out her old home since that only works out best of you dont move out of you duplex but the cost of not moving out of the duplex is no where near as risky as both of you putting you money together and buying a new place down to the fact anything could happen. it does not take much for a relationship of any kind to break down and for one to break down when both of you are trapped paying off a house together is the worst thing to happen to both of you.

so yeah thats what I think about the last 3 point since seeing your answers, again hope this helps and that you can both come to some kind of agreement that is good for you, her and your parents.

 

[littleph0enix]

lol 11000 words later....

 

[dogboy]

The other thing to consider where there is a large age difference is shared histories. One of the things that attracted me to my wife and she to me was we were both children of the '60s. We shared the same political views, we were both wild childs, especially in college. We both loved the arts, especially music and literature. We grew up in the '50s and '60s so we had those shared experiences like early TV, movies etc. We also lived at one time or another, on the ocean. We both loved the outdoors and fishing.

Living 24/7 with another person can reveal much about ourselves and whether we are compatible in all the other things that make life interesting. Just something to think about.

 

[alfenton]

As someone who can never have kids think long and hard about that aspect. My suggestion is: if you want kids at all, do it sooner than later, even if it is not with your current Mommy/Caregiver.

 

[alfenton]

Also I think you better be careful if my mommy found out I asked a group like this and did not just talk to her about it. Well let's say I would be a tender rear little baby.

 

[Frungie]

I am comfortable giving some advice on diapers, but not on relationships and decisions in relationships. Just several advisory comments: HONESTY AND RESPECT.

 

[Deleted member 49306]

Lots of good advice here, you are soooo lucky to have found someone that shares your interest’s.
you need to be honest with yourself if you love her then go for it and the rest of the world can get stuffed.
you need to sit down with her and have that conversation about your futures first to make sure she is onboard as well.

 

[Tinkerbell07]

Your parents don't need to know your baby side, so what you met someone older you've clicked with, is all they or anyone needs to know, yes it'd be wonderful if society accepted us big babies, I'd love to be 24/7 completely babied in front of friends, family and out in public, but its not possible, so why do your parents need to know?
Do you plan on having a nursery if mummy moves in?
Just keep that door closed, no-one needs to go thro your house,
I have a cot, change table, pram and car seat in our room,
no-one knows about it, that door is kept shut, its our bedroom !
Plenty of people hide stuff from family and friends,
life is too short to worry about others, I say if it's mummy you need and want, and mummy wants her bubby, go for it!
She may or may not want to marry, take each day as it comes, I think she's better off renting her place out atm, just until you both know if together full time is what you both want, that way of it doesn't work, she has her own home to go back to.
I hope one of us has helped you a bit.

 

[puddlefeet]

With the age gap, I worry what will happen when she is gone. If she passes away at 80 years old. I will be 55 and lonely without kids. Logically it would be a good idea to find a wife around my age and have kids with her because I believe children bring joy to your life. I won't be able to have children with my mommy.


Based on this, I think you already know the answer to your questions... but don't want to accept it because of how hard it is to find a companion to even put up with our lifestyle.

My advice. Tell her your confusion about life and what has been troubling you. If she is older, then she should be wiser to help you on troubling times. The number 1 key to any relationship is communication.

But... if you truthfully want the abdl lifestyle with this woman, over having kids, then you could always adopt a child to raise later on. How often have you thought about having kids in the future... before meeting this woman?