Should I move in with my new mommy? What about marry her?

Youneeddiapers

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My dream came true a little over a year ago. I met a woman who lives 2 hours away. A widow 53 years old. Her husband passed away 8 years ago. She never had children and both her parents have passed away. Her only family is her sister. She is very loving, kind and caring.

I am a 28-year-old male with a good job. For the past year she has come to My apartment once a week and I have visited her house every other weekend.

Very few people know of the true dynamic of our relationship. Not even my parents. It's hard to explain our relationship. What do I do? Go up to people and say this is my mommy? Financially speaking, it makes sense to marry her. Is it common for adult babies to marry their mommies?

Recently her job has changed and she has the opportunity to sell her house and move in with me. I love this idea! I want to be with her as much as I can. A few of my concerns are what if my parents come to my new house and they see our true relationship. How do I explain to them she is my new mommy without breaking my mother's heart?

With the age gap, I worry what will happen when she is gone. If she passes away at 80 years old. I will be 55 and lonely without kids. Logically it would be a good idea to find a wife around my age and have kids with her because I believe children bring joy to your life. I won't be able to have children with my mommy.

Are any of you in a similar situation? Should I move in with her? Should I tell my parents? I would love some advice!
 

littlemoosey

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This is truly the most unique problem I have read on this board in 5 years. I wish I had an answer for you but I am stumped. Hopefully someone will come along that has been down this road.
 
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Poohbearboy

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You have to ask yourself, do you plan on having children in your future, and like you said you would not be able to have some with this lady? Another does she make you happy in life, no matter what other think age, or anything about you two. I mean life is too short to worry about others' feelings about stuff like this but your own.

28 years old still young could end up meeting another women love and have children if you like but that is your choice look for the future.
 
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IMNdiapers

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Wow this is a different level of unique complexity. First off congratulations on finding someone that shares your interests and accepts this part of your life many on here know this is not always an easy thing to find. I do not know your specific dynamics or expectations within your current relationship or what your viewpoints are on open/shared relationships (Throuple) or your partners (mommy) but I have meet 2 groups of people over the years where this dynamic has worked. It is definitely not the cultural norm to be involved with more then one person at the same time and living together yet who are we to judge, if it works for you and everyone in that relationship then great.

The first one was a man and a wife, the man found a girlfriend as his wife worked a lot and traveled because of it so he found someone to spend time with. She ended up moving in with them (yes his wife was totally aware of the context of his relationship) and now his wife and girlfriend are best friends and the 3 of them do everything together now including having a family together (both women have kids)

The other group was a coworker of my wife who was married, she had a child then shortly after giving birth she discovered that she was bisexual and found a girlfriend who moved in with her and her husband/child where they live together as one family unit and all co-parent and take part in all aspects of each other’s lives.

I’m not saying your goals in life are completely out of the realm of being possible but it might look different then how you first pictured it. This is definitely is a interesting situation you’ve found yourself in, Good luck with your decision.
 

GoodboyN

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Youneeddiapers said:
My dream came true a little over a year ago. I met a woman who lives 2 hours away. A widow 53 years old. Her husband passed away 8 years ago. She never had children and both her parents have passed away. Her only family is her sister. She is very loving, kind and caring.

I am a 28-year-old male with a good job. For the past year she has come to My apartment once a week and I have visited her house every other weekend.

Very few people know of the true dynamic of our relationship. Not even my parents. It's hard to explain our relationship. What do I do? Go up to people and say this is my mommy? Financially speaking, it makes sense to marry her. Is it common for adult babies to marry their mommies?

Recently her job has changed and she has the opportunity to sell her house and move in with me. I love this idea! I want to be with her as much as I can. A few of my concerns are what if my parents come to my new house and they see our true relationship. How do I explain to them she is my new mommy without breaking my mother's heart?

With the age gap, I worry what will happen when she is gone. If she passes away at 80 years old. I will be 55 and lonely without kids. Logically it would be a good idea to find a wife around my age and have kids with her because I believe children bring joy to your life. I won't be able to have children with my mommy.

Are any of you in a similar situation? Should I move in with her? Should I tell my parents? I would love some advice!
Hiya You needdiapers, the responses to your post are pretty good, and I'm sure they'll be some others too. Here are my two cents, rather than selling her house can she rent it out? If she has passive income that would be nice. Thanks for your posting, I enjoyed reading it.
 

BobbiSueEllen

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Is she on board with this? Haven't seen much about her opinion so far. Y'know what they say, "Love hurts when only one's in love". Time will tell... 🤔
 
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SoakedinTexas

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Before you take any large leap into any long-term relationship that changes one or the other's life dynamically, I would suggest you talk to a relationship therapist. Lay it all out to them, the good, the bad, the diapers, everything, and go from there.
 
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Forced

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My two cents,

Like has been suggested above, she could rent her house out, rather than sell, and at that point move in with you and see how you cohabitate.
That leaves her with the safety net should things between you not work out and you both have the time to see if you can work.
I wouldn’t suggest marriage straight away, you’ll know when the time is right after spending time together.

As regards to your parents reaction, do they need to know about the dynamics of your partnership? I’m sure you can resist a bottle feed whilst in the company of your Mum and Dad

I wish you both well
 
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pampers4U

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This is something the 2 of you need to sit down and talk through, you may be in the moment of thinking it’s just you and her forever, but she may be thinking that this might satisfy her needs for a while but not rob you of your youth and having children later in life.
 

dogboy

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From reading your post, I think you need to think deeply about what you want out of life, not just now but 20 years from now. I lived an exclusively gay life while in college. I was very committed to my boyfriend as he was to me, but deep inside, I wanted to be a father, living a much more normal lifestyle. This was back in 1970. So boyfriend and I went in different directions, in part because of job and other commitments. I met a woman who shared all of my interests and the rest became history. We had a great life and I'm very close to my children. Unfortunately she died 5 years ago, so yes, you should think about your future because time changes so many things.
 
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Youneeddiapers

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BobbiSueEllen said:
Is she on board with this? Haven't seen much about her opinion so far. Y'know what they say, "Love hurts when only one's in love". Time will tell... 🤔
Yes she wants to move in together. She loves me very much and she thinks of me as the child she never had.
 
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BobbiSueEllen

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Youneeddiapers said:
Yes she wants to move in together. She loves me very much and she thinks of me as the child she never had.
Well, that's fine and all...but does she feel the same way about marriage as you do? 🤔 Or perhaps neither of you want to marry but just live together? If I'm talking out of turn, please tell me...whatever you both can be happy with together, that's the most important. 🥳
 
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Youneeddiapers

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BobbiSueEllen said:
Well, that's fine and all...but does she feel the same way about marriage as you do? 🤔 Or perhaps neither of you want to marry but just live together? If I'm talking out of turn, please tell me...whatever you both can be happy with together, that's the most important. 🥳
 

Youneeddiapers

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Oh okay. I see what you're saying. I know she wants me to be in her life for the rest of her life. She loves being in an intimate relationship with me. I don't know if she wants to be married though. I would have to ask her.
 
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RoseofThorns

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I say, if it works for you and you both want it, go for it! If you want to marry her ask. If you want to disclose your relationship to people you can but you don't have to
 
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Youneeddiapers

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Forced said:
My two cents,

Like has been suggested above, she could rent her house out, rather than sell, and at that point move in with you and see how you cohabitate.
That leaves her with the safety net should things between you not work out and you both have the time to see if you can work.
I wouldn’t suggest marriage straight away, you’ll know when the time is right after spending time together.

As regards to your parents reaction, do they need to know about the dynamics of your partnership? I’m sure you can resist a bottle feed whilst in the company of your Mum and Dad

I wish you both well
I agree I don't need to bottle feed in front of them. But how do I explained the age gap?
 

angelpup

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dogboy said:
From reading your post, I think you need to think deeply about what you want out of life, not just now but 20 years from now. I lived an exclusively gay life while in college. I was very committed to my boyfriend as he was to me, but deep inside, I wanted to be a father, living a much more normal lifestyle. This was back in 1970. So boyfriend and I went in different directions, in part because of job and other commitments. I met a woman who shared all of my interests and the rest became history. We had a great life and I'm very close to my children. Unfortunately she died 5 years ago, so yes, you should think about your future because time changes so many things.
awww, this comment really touched me. it's really sweet, you seem like such a loving person ☺️
 
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BobbiSueEllen

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Youneeddiapers said:
I agree I don't need to bottle feed in front of them. But how do I explain the age gap?
You don't have to. Older guys marry younger gals, what's it to others if you two are together? If they don't like it...welp, that's their problem. There's no law against it. 🥳
 
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Noodle

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Youneeddiapers said:
Recently her job has changed and she has the opportunity to sell her house and move in with me. I love this idea! I want to be with her as much as I can. A few of my concerns are what if my parents come to my new house and they see our true relationship. How do I explain to them she is my new mommy without breaking my mother's heart?

With the age gap, I worry what will happen when she is gone. If she passes away at 80 years old. I will be 55 and lonely without kids. Logically it would be a good idea to find a wife around my age and have kids with her because I believe children bring joy to your life. I won't be able to have children with my mommy.

Are any of you in a similar situation? Should I move in with her? Should I tell my parents? I would love some advice!
At the end the choice is yours but I would say while I'm sure it's fun to be in a Mommy/Little dynamic you would have to consider what other things both parties will get out of it.

There has to be more beyond Diaper Play involve. The question really falls upon do you think you will be happy with a marriage based on your current situation? If you truly love her then I would normally say it could be worth whatever time you have left but if one of your concerns is the potential of kids then maybe reconsider the pros/cons and talk to her about it.

As for what people think that's really something that shouldn't matter if you're in love. Barring the odd age gap you're both consenting adults.
 
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littleph0enix

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So just to get things right:
there is you 28 and works (do you fully own you own place? If so do you have a mortgage or loan?) You spend a good amount of time round your care giver place and she spends time round yours, (are you only being cared by her or do you enjoy just spending time with her doing anything and everything?) The care giver a 53 year old widow that owns her own house that works (I take it she has no mortgage on said house? Or any loans to pay off?), she gets to care for and enjoys having you when you come round or when she goes round yours. (And Again does she do any more then just care for you?) Lastly there is your parents, how often do they pop in with out telling you? Or if they do tell you how often do they come round par mouth? Are you super close or do you give each other space to do your own things?


If I have got that all right:
the first thing I want to ask you is how much do you love you carer? Are you a full on couple when your are not in little space? (I don't mean to question you relationship with your carer too much it's just very important to know how much you both love each other when talking but 1* full on living together and 2* marriage)


So let's work with a yes and a no to are you a full on couple:
If you are then thinking about moving in and getting married is pretty normal if you are a full on couple (year there is a age gap, what what? Anyone can love anyone they want as long as both people are happy and think about each other), I take it you both think you can live to together perfectly fine since you already spend a good amount of time round theres but it's never truly the same as fully livening in the same home so you have that to think about for one. As for kids if that is something you want and you want to be be your carer too but you dont want to have kids with her down to her age (which is smart since they say both of you should only really have kids from the age of 20 to 45max, if you go past this rule the kids will have problems and that is 100% unfair on them) I think that is down to your carer if she would be happy to share you with a girlfriend that same age as you since this kind of thing would only be unfair on her.

If you are not a full on couple but still get on super well as little/AB and as adults moving in together is not common but not uncommon since liveing on you own is not easy and is always made easier when going all in with another person or people, as for getting married if your not a fully on we live together we die together or religious one or both of you then is it really needed?. I know both side in saying that being married is a visual sigh that you both have accepted each other for all that you are or ever will be for the rest of your lives the other side being that being married is something to be feared financially since you have both tied your self in to something that could go down very badly if for whatever reason you were to break up. (And yes I know its wrong to be fearful of something that has not happened or wont happen at all but being married is one of the biggest financially risks of your life) same thing as before you might go round hers alot but that is not 100% the same as living together. As for kids if you are not a full on couple and you just enjoy being together in your spare time there should not be any problems with you getting a girlfriend your own age, though it might be a bit odd to whoever you end up dating. (If they dont like what you enjoy then they are most likely not for you as they say)


As for if she sells up and moves in with you:
I think I need to know more about where you both are financially (no real number lol I don't need to know that, just if you own your own place out right or not and do both you have a mortgage and or a loan) if you both have mortgages or a loan then it could be a good and a bad thing for her to sell up. Good since you might be able to full pay off any debts you both have and have a bit more money to play with, bad since selling a home is 90% of the time not a good thing (unless you need to upgrade or down grade thanks to life stuff) if you can just rent it out like most other people have said and if you do have a mortgage and or a loan if you both pay off your debts it might be easy for you to get another loan or mortgage because you are young but she will have a harder time thanks to her age.


As for do other Abdl tend to try and move in together and or get married:
I cant say since I am 26 years old and pretty new to accepting who I am/ trying to found out what I am fully. On the other hand if I meet a girlfriend that is a abdl or a carer or even someone that just loves me for who I am do I intend to move in with them? In short yes...... in long I am pretty shy and do things slowly down to a lack of trust in everything so yes but I will need time to learn and trust her to a point where I want to live together. As for would I marry her? Down to my lack of trust and me not feeling like we need a reason not to trust each other I'm not super down for it but if she really wants to and I know we can work it out yes I would 100% marry her for dealing with my shit up to this point haha.


And lastly if you do go all the way (or some of the way) in with her @Youneeddiapers and you want to be open with it all to not give yourself even more stress just tell your parents how you feel in a way that does not make things confusing, until they hear you out you wont know what they think. At the end of the day your 28 work and live on your own so your parents should (hopefully) just accept that you are doing what you like and trust everyone involved and that at the end of it all you are still there son that they (hopefully) have loved a lot up to this point.

All I can say is good luck and plan everything ahead!

Side note, Lol I have sadly missed 2 full work breaks saying all of this so I hope it helps haha
 
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