Raven801
Est. Contributor
- Messages
- 669
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- Incontinent
I don't know what to say other than because of being in pain every and the lack of sleep and just a constant string of Dr visits and hospital stays dealing with all my medical issues incontinence, diapers, just .... everything really I'm struggling yet again...I just ... feel so overwhelmed.
I'm having serious suicidal thoughts and ideations but the best way I can it like 2 voices arguing in my head one is the part of me that's just over it all including the mobility issues and the pain and just wants to "rest" and be done with life.... The other part of me is like no never give in ...let's get some help..etc. I know this sounds stupid..go ahead say it ..I understand.
The thing is that I'm actually really worried because to be honest its like the side of me that wants to just end it is winning. I know that sounds insane...but it the best way I can explain it. And sometimes its just situations that push me to the utter edge the other day for instance my IBS was flaring and I swear the second I would change...bam like 7 or 8 time's and after a couple changes I was mentally exhausted and physically exhausted it was bad day pain wise with my hip and back and the simple act of changing and cleaning my self up seemed monumental. I made it through it and fell asleep for a hour or two just to wake up in a puddle and realize my diaper had leaked severely as I had slept on my side and to top it off I had managed to mess in my sleep. It was the breaking point... I had like a small break down I just lay there and cried with the dark thoughts of ending it circling in my mind. I'm a proud person and I don't cry often as I was raised with the whole men don't cry mentality. Go ahead judge me I understand. I just couldn't find the will to get up and deal with it...and eventually fell back asleep....woke several hours later with a hell of a rash. First off I do have some one I talk to that is supportive...we text often..I actually met her on here ...she is amazing. But I don't want to burden her with all my negative thoughts and such, I have been seeing a psychiatrist but for some reason I do the same thing I always do Infront of people and put on a fake smile and pretend everything is ok..like an idiot.
So here it goes ....what's it like in a psychiatric ward? Is it like jail ? Do they treat you with respect or like a idiot? What about dealing with Incontinence in there ? What if your diaper leaks on the bed do they get upset? Will they help you change if you're struggling...with back and hip pain ...my home care was awkward ASF when they first started coming. But they were there to help and it was akward but appreciated.
Will whatever clothes they make you wear hide a diaper? How long are you generally stuck there ? Are the Dr there decent, Do they drug you ? And most of all will it help? Any input would be appreciated I've watched too much TV over the years and I'm hoping that what is in TV isn't even close but I don't know.....thanks a bunch everyone
I'm having serious suicidal thoughts and ideations but the best way I can it like 2 voices arguing in my head one is the part of me that's just over it all including the mobility issues and the pain and just wants to "rest" and be done with life.... The other part of me is like no never give in ...let's get some help..etc. I know this sounds stupid..go ahead say it ..I understand.
The thing is that I'm actually really worried because to be honest its like the side of me that wants to just end it is winning. I know that sounds insane...but it the best way I can explain it. And sometimes its just situations that push me to the utter edge the other day for instance my IBS was flaring and I swear the second I would change...bam like 7 or 8 time's and after a couple changes I was mentally exhausted and physically exhausted it was bad day pain wise with my hip and back and the simple act of changing and cleaning my self up seemed monumental. I made it through it and fell asleep for a hour or two just to wake up in a puddle and realize my diaper had leaked severely as I had slept on my side and to top it off I had managed to mess in my sleep. It was the breaking point... I had like a small break down I just lay there and cried with the dark thoughts of ending it circling in my mind. I'm a proud person and I don't cry often as I was raised with the whole men don't cry mentality. Go ahead judge me I understand. I just couldn't find the will to get up and deal with it...and eventually fell back asleep....woke several hours later with a hell of a rash. First off I do have some one I talk to that is supportive...we text often..I actually met her on here ...she is amazing. But I don't want to burden her with all my negative thoughts and such, I have been seeing a psychiatrist but for some reason I do the same thing I always do Infront of people and put on a fake smile and pretend everything is ok..like an idiot.
So here it goes ....what's it like in a psychiatric ward? Is it like jail ? Do they treat you with respect or like a idiot? What about dealing with Incontinence in there ? What if your diaper leaks on the bed do they get upset? Will they help you change if you're struggling...with back and hip pain ...my home care was awkward ASF when they first started coming. But they were there to help and it was akward but appreciated.
Will whatever clothes they make you wear hide a diaper? How long are you generally stuck there ? Are the Dr there decent, Do they drug you ? And most of all will it help? Any input would be appreciated I've watched too much TV over the years and I'm hoping that what is in TV isn't even close but I don't know.....thanks a bunch everyone