Need Some Advice 😢

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SallyJayy

SallyJayy

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  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Carer
So a couple of days ago I was helping my boyfriend reset his phone and helping him move things to his SD card.I was setting up his email and got to the main screen and a a couple of emails popped up about and abdl dating website.my boyfriend was right next to me and he knew I saw them and I clicked and the emails were just of girls messaging him and stuff.I was really upsetting because he made an account on that website when we were arguing about me coming to terms with his abdl side.I stared to cry because it really hurt my feeling like yes we were arguing but was it that bad that you signed up with a dating website to meet another abdl (cause im not) he told me that he never spoke to anyone that he was lonely and wanted someone to talk to that shared the same interests.But like a dating website I just cried and he apologized but I cant get it off my mind.Like is he going to run to someone else when the going gets tuff again if it ever does.The sadness was triggered again because he was showing me a video of a girl diapering her boyfriend and i thought like what if I never would have accepted him would he have been having someone else diaper and baby him.I don't know what I should do I'm lost.
(on the dating site he put looking of ABDL Girlfriend or Mommy)
 
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Aside from ADISC, I think you can probably only find ABDL dating sites so it is quite likely he only made the account to talk to people. I used to have accounts on a few of those sites as well, but I never intended to meet someone on there. It was the only way to just chat to people of similar a mind to me.
 
I asked him why did he do it he said because he honestly thought we were gonna break up so he signed up and he knows of different sites were he could of just wrote a forum.He said sorry and that it was a dumb decision but I don't know what to do.
 
Heres what you do:


Believe it or not, your very lucky.

you found out about this in a situation where its not too late to do anything, and was in the warning sign stage rather then crisis stage. some good may yet come of this.

before I go to far, lets take the ABDL and the needing someone else to talk to as a friend out of the equation.

Finding the emails, means that you pre-empted a situation that could have led to real time meeting and real time cheating, its true. but as that never happened you're forced to confront the strong likely hood that your boyfriend wants to involve this in his life, no matter what.

you can either hold it against him, and lose your trust in his online actions completely OR you can use this as a means to embrace this side of him, knowing what you know about the lengths he will go to keep this in his life, embracing this side of him, is most likely the best way to keep him in line so to speak. if hes willing to go behind your back for this, imagine what he would do to keep a relationship going that was more abdl friendly.

Its completely understandable to take romance into account, and some may argue that a relationship that needs abdl to enhance it or to keep a partner for looking for affection other places is NOT a relationship that one might want to continue.


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this is a little side section, feel free to skip over it.
I'm in an open relationship, and almsot all of my previous relationships have resulted in flings with other people in an on going relationship, aka cheating. and the thing that I'm able to really empathize with is that, we're all human, and we're all young once, may as well take advantage of it and enjoy the urges we have before they are gone. Essentially what i'm saying is, sexual or even non sexual kinks (oxy moronic?) scream to be catered too, and its human to crave that. going behind your back is not an unforgiveable offence, but its somthing that needs to be adressed in its entirity, the CAUSE, more so then the hurt you feel at it happening..guilt tripping him about his mistake WILL NOT HELP.
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you have done nothing wrong to cause this to happen, your not in the wrong for feeling reluctant to immerse yourself into his abdl interests at his speed. go at YOUR OWN speed.
but if you are unable to take control of the situation as is, then I would write the situation off as a lost cause. If you want to stay with him, forgive him, and adress the cause, if you no longer trust him, I would advocate you give him one more chance after having adressed the cause of his searching for that connection somewhere else, find out exactly what it is that hes too embaressed or too reluctant to share with you.


HOWEVER, if you begin to accomodate his interests more, and btw he should also be stepping up his game as far as accomodating yours goes, and you find evidence that he is continuing to approach other females or males in a hooking up or dating manner online, you have a situation of someone having their cake and eating it too. if thats the case, I would kick him to the curb.


adressing the ABDL side of things, and his need to communicate with like minded individuals, its a bit flimsy but not unheard of. the best thing to do in this case is to approach him and without any guilting on anyones side, try to find out, if its his insecurity about opening up to you, that caused him to not come to you about some of these issues, or if you have said somthing to bring up a wall on the subject with him.

becareful, when bringing up past wrong doings in a relationship, its VERY VERY VERY easy for things to snow ball and turn into the following.

A: well YOU did this this and this and I never said anything about it

B: yea but at least i did not DO that that and that, like you did when you did this and that and that

A: last winter you that and this and that and it really upset me!

These sort of situations can devolve very quickly.


I honestly believe that once you become the focule participator in his abdl interests, he will not wnat any other mommy or babysitter, when the going gets tuff as you put it, his thoughts naturally will turn to you and the comfort and security you bring him.

You mentioned before that you cant help thinknig about the "what if", as in what if he HAD gotten togather with someone else and they were in a mommy babysitter role for him right now, if you had not caught him, how far would it have progressed? well..the what ifs dont help, avoid them, all they will do are hinder you. play with the cards your delt, your lucky to have had this happen at the stage it did.

Forgive
hope my round about advice helps. i have my doubts.





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P.S. this is a very disorganized response. I'm sorry i did not make it more comprehensive, i hope its still of some value to you.
 
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I sincerely hope this was just a poor judgement call from him misunderstanding the resilience of your relationship.

I think it's dangerous to trust cheaters.
 
One question i have is did your b.f ask you for help with the phone?

As i read this i thought to myself this is something i would do (not in a dodgy cheating way) what i mean is
for example, putting someting on my phone to be "discovered" as an icebreaker of sorts.
(For example years ago an old partner of mine was really weirded out by me being a furry and try as i might i just couldnt explain it or my partial (tail ears paws etc) to her in a way that made her feel comfortable.
So every now and then i would "accidently on purpose"
leave my furaffinity account or my facebook logged in on my laptop and leave the room.
To which i would come back to comments like "oh its so cute how you all talk and play with each other in your messages like you are puppys and stuff" and " aww those drawings are just soo cute" , this in my case was a perfect icebreaker of sorts, made it seem less daunting to her and saved me akwardness of bringing it up.
That way i knew she would see it was all harmless, and when she ever did talk about it or have a question or comment it started in a positive viewpoint.
This makes me think that provided he is being truthfull if he asked you for help with the phone he may of left those there "to be discovered"
All the best, and i hope this all works out well for you :)
 
SallyJayy said:
So a couple of days ago I was helping my boyfriend reset his phone and helping him move things to his SD card.I was setting up his email and got to the main screen and a a couple of emails popped up about and abdl dating website.my boyfriend was right next to me and he knew I saw them and I clicked and the emails were just of girls messaging him and stuff.I was really upsetting because he made an account on that website when we were arguing about me coming to terms with his abdl side.I stared to cry because it really hurt my feeling like yes we were arguing but was it that bad that you signed up with a dating website to meet another abdl (cause im not) he told me that he never spoke to anyone that he was lonely and wanted someone to talk to that shared the same interests.But like a dating website I just cried and he apologized but I cant get it off my mind.Like is he going to run to someone else when the going gets tuff again if it ever does.The sadness was triggered again because he was showing me a video of a girl diapering her boyfriend and i thought like what if I never would have accepted him would he have been having someone else diaper and baby him.I don't know what I should do I'm lost.
(on the dating site he put looking of ABDL Girlfriend or Mommy)
Click to expand...

I can echo some of what MommyAndMatling said. I don't think its a black-and-white issue, though. How long had this been going on? From your intro post here on ADISC, you made it seem like the turnaround from you finding out to action was reasonably fast; maybe too fast for a "oh shit she found out, better start looking for a new partner". That being said, as you probably know from poking around here, "coming out" to your significant other is an extremely hard thing to do, and generates a lot of anxiety.

I had a girlfriend once who indulged in my diapering/etc. After a year and a half together, I thought she would be the one, that I would propose to her and we would get married and all of that (I was 18 at the time). But, the thing is, at 18, you're still discovering who you are. As our lives and our relationship evolved, we started to realize we didn't quite click the way we once did. It all culminated with her at a party (I wasn't there). There was a lot of underage drinking going on,not so much by her, but this guy (who we both knew had a crush on her) summoned up enough drunk courage to kiss her on the lips. She pulled away, and told him it wasn't ok, and a lot of her friends came to her side and rebuked him.

She was super nervous to tell me about it, and, when she finally did, I was ok with it. I mean, she didn't kiss him back... right? ...right? Well, anyway, enough doubt had been sown in, and she ended up dumping me and now she's married to that guy and they have two kids together.

So why am I telling you this? Well, it turned out to be for the best. Sure, it sucked like hell right away, and for a few months after. I constantly questioned myself. But there were a lot of things that came out afterwards that made me glad it happened the way it did. Turned out she was a habitual liar -- had lied about a lot of things to try and mold herself into what she perceived as a "good girlfriend" for me.

Looking back now, the relationship wasn't very strong. I thought it was, but I was a little too close. I had friends later tell me "yeah, you know, I never really cared much for her. I thought you could do better." In hindsight, there were a lot of warning flags that I overlooked just because I really wanted it to work.

--
Of course, with any advice on here, Take everything with a grain of salt
I don't really know you or your boyfriend. Your relationship is absolutely guaranteed to be different than mine with my ex. All I know is that everyone deserves to be loved and respected. You shouldn't discount your feelings. If you love him, and he loves you, you will get through it together. Just remember to have an adult life supplementing your mommy/baby time.
 
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