Mommy for hire opinions?

[Punku]

***this is not an ad***

Long story short, mommy’s sister is considering being a mommy for hire. She’s not into the lifestyle but understands the struggles we go through trying to find a caregiver.

I’ve personally never tried it and wanted to hear other’s experiences. If you wouldn’t mind sharing it would be appreciated.

If this is inappropriate I apologize and will delete the post.

 

[sbmccue]

I've been hiring caregivers for more than 30 years. Your mommy's sister is quite right; finding that special person to handle your AB needs can be a genuine struggle. I think the prospective mommy's expectations are the key consideration.

For example, I don't know how much she's accustomed to making per hour doing whatever sort of work she's been doing, but most ABs won't want to pay that much. I realize that's a ridiculous sentence, but it's the truth. The majority of ABs are ... well, parsimonious. Many don't make a lot of money and have little to spare, which is why they've never hired anyone to care for them.

For the healthcare professionals and nanny-types I've found, the going rate seems to be about $20-$30 per hour. Professional nannies with nursery furniture, equipment and supplies can charge several hundred dollars an hour, but getting the nursery together is not an investment for the faint of heart.

For the AB, caregiving is progressive rather than regressive ... once you have it, you want it again and again. This is a positive for your sister, if she can charge accordingly.

Assuming your mommy's sister doesn't intend to be a professional big babysitter, the other problem she will face is the selection of a venue. My current nanny bemoans the fact that there's no apartment or house nearby already set up as a big baby daycare. That means she has to come to me, or I have to go to her. Most of the time, she comes to me because I have a highchair and crib. I always meet any prospective caregiver at least twice in a public place before I ever give her my address, and I pay her for those meetings in addition to buying lunch, coffee, etc. If someone is going to provide intimate care for me, I want to make sure they're not a psychopath. The same is true for the sitter ... she'll want to carefully 'vet' prospective clients before she sees them.

I stay very busy and disruptions to my schedule are frequent. I pay my nanny for the time we would have spent together when I have to cancel. She wouldn't have thought of charging me when I call her two hours before a session and tell her my schedule has just been blown to hell; a good cancellation policy is something your mommy's sister will want to consider.

Advertising is crucial; many ABs are continually searching for a mommy. This requires more time and effort than money, but it's critical that the local AB community (such as it may be) knows she's available.

Finally, I'm not sure your mommy would be comfortable letting her sister 'practice' with you, but having some AB care experience before her sister starts charging for it will serve two purposes: It eliminates a learning curve and secondly, ensures that the prospective mommy is up for the job. I can't stress this point enough; nothing is more frustrating to both mommy and AB than for the mommy to have no clue what to do next. She'll need to have a mental 'care plan' and understand the roles she plays, and she'll need to be comfortable feeding and burping the AB (which often involves having the AB across her lap or over her shoulder), bathing an adult and changing diapers.

I'm not sure this is the sort of 'experience' you are looking for, but having had nearly 20 babysitters, I feel I'm something of an expert.

 

[dprpail]

Finally, I'm not sure your mommy would be comfortable letting her sister 'practice' with you, but having some AB care experience before her sister starts charging for it will serve two purposes: It eliminates a learning curve and secondly, ensures that the prospective mommy is up for the job. I can't stress this point enough; nothing is more frustrating to both mommy and AB than for the mommy to have no clue what to do next. She'll need to have a mental 'care plan' and understand the roles she plays, and she'll need to be comfortable feeding and burping the AB (which often involves having the AB across her lap or over her shoulder), bathing an adult and changing diapers.

That last point is so so crucial. Planning ahead between an AB and a caregiver is so important. You have to set those expectations early on so you both know what to expect. Not just “what kinds of diapers will you change” but going through the scene: is the baby independent and just needs supervision or do they need to be told what is going to happen? Are they going to color? What else do they want to do? Depending on the AB, a carefully curated scene could mean the difference between a wonderful time and a horribly awkward one

 

[Punku]

I've been hiring caregivers for more than 30 years. Your mommy's sister is quite right; finding that special person to handle your AB needs can be a genuine struggle. I think the prospective mommy's expectations are the key consideration.

For example, I don't know how much she's accustomed to making per hour doing whatever sort of work she's been doing, but most ABs won't want to pay that much. I realize that's a ridiculous sentence, but it's the truth. The majority of ABs are ... well, parsimonious. Many don't make a lot of money and have little to spare, which is why they've never hired anyone to care for them.

For the healthcare professionals and nanny-types I've found, the going rate seems to be about $20-$30 per hour. Professional nannies with nursery furniture, equipment and supplies can charge several hundred dollars an hour, but getting the nursery together is not an investment for the faint of heart.

For the AB, caregiving is progressive rather than regressive ... once you have it, you want it again and again. This is a positive for your sister, if she can charge accordingly.

Assuming your mommy's sister doesn't intend to be a professional big babysitter, the other problem she will face is the selection of a venue. My current nanny bemoans the fact that there's no apartment or house nearby already set up as a big baby daycare. That means she has to come to me, or I have to go to her. Most of the time, she comes to me because I have a highchair and crib. I always meet any prospective caregiver at least twice in a public place before I ever give her my address, and I pay her for those meetings in addition to buying lunch, coffee, etc. If someone is going to provide intimate care for me, I want to make sure they're not a psychopath. The same is true for the sitter ... she'll want to carefully 'vet' prospective clients before she sees them.

I stay very busy and disruptions to my schedule are frequent. I pay my nanny for the time we would have spent together when I have to cancel. She wouldn't have thought of charging me when I call her two hours before a session and tell her my schedule has just been blown to hell; a good cancellation policy is something your mommy's sister will want to consider.

Advertising is crucial; many ABs are continually searching for a mommy. This requires more time and effort than money, but it's critical that the local AB community (such as it may be) knows she's available.

Finally, I'm not sure your mommy would be comfortable letting her sister 'practice' with you, but having some AB care experience before her sister starts charging for it will serve two purposes: It eliminates a learning curve and secondly, ensures that the prospective mommy is up for the job. I can't stress this point enough; nothing is more frustrating to both mommy and AB than for the mommy to have no clue what to do next. She'll need to have a mental 'care plan' and understand the roles she plays, and she'll need to be comfortable feeding and burping the AB (which often involves having the AB across her lap or over her shoulder), bathing an adult and changing diapers.

I'm not sure this is the sort of 'experience' you are looking for, but having had nearly 20 babysitters, I feel I'm something of an expert.

Thank you for your input as it is appreciated and valued. It took some time to talk to mommy about you’re recommendation but it went over well. If you’re willing to share more about your adventures with caregivers we would interested in hearing them

 

[sbmccue]

Thank you for your input as it is appreciated and valued. It took some time to talk to mommy about you’re recommendation but it went over well. If you’re willing to share more about your adventures with caregivers we would interested in hearing them

I'm not sure I've had any 'adventures' to share!

My ex would diaper me, but I wanted babysitting role-play, which my ex couldn't handle. So I started developing a 'system' for finding a caregiver, but my pool of available females with childcare experience was rather limited. So I had 'the talk' with my secretary, and she surprised me by wanting to try. She wasn't great ... she enjoyed playing with my toys more than I did. But the experience with her helped me fine-tune my approach.

That was more than 30 years ago, and I've had more than a dozen other sitters since. Only a couple haven't enjoyed the experience enough to repeat it; one babysat me almost every weekend for a number of years. I've had sitters of every age, ethnicity and background. The best so far was my most recent nanny, who is a 28-year-old student. The worst was probably a young nursing student who couldn't get past the fact that the baby she was caring for was the size and shape of an adult. I learned from her to recruit nurses, nursing students and CNAs only when they have a lot of 'real' childcare experience, and to make sure they can treat an adult like a child. Most cannot.

The point I was trying to make with my original response is that the effort required to find sitters is nothing in comparison to the effort sitters must make to find ABs who are genuine prospects for babysitting sessions. As I've said, plenty of ABs would love to be cared for at no cost, but finding ABs who can host and are willing to pay is quite difficult. I know because several of the sitters I've had have wanted to care for another AB, and I was amazed at the hurdles many ABs created for themselves. Most women won't do this sort of work for free, and most ABs either cannot or will not pay for care. Your mommy's sister has her work cut out for her, and I wish her well.

 

[Punku]

I'm not sure I've had any 'adventures' to share!

My ex would diaper me, but I wanted babysitting role-play, which my ex couldn't handle. So I started developing a 'system' for finding a caregiver, but my pool of available females with childcare experience was rather limited. So I had 'the talk' with my secretary, and she surprised me by wanting to try. She wasn't great ... she enjoyed playing with my toys more than I did. But the experience with her helped me fine-tune my approach.

That was more than 30 years ago, and I've had more than a dozen other sitters since. Only a couple haven't enjoyed the experience enough to repeat it; one babysat me almost every weekend for a number of years. I've had sitters of every age, ethnicity and background. The best so far was my most recent nanny, who is a 28-year-old student. The worst was probably a young nursing student who couldn't get past the fact that the baby she was caring for was the size and shape of an adult. I learned from her to recruit nurses, nursing students and CNAs only when they have a lot of 'real' childcare experience, and to make sure they can treat an adult like a child. Most cannot.

The point I was trying to make with my original response is that the effort required to find sitters is nothing in comparison to the effort sitters must make to find ABs who are genuine prospects for babysitting sessions. As I've said, plenty of ABs would love to be cared for at no cost, but finding ABs who can host and are willing to pay is quite difficult. I know because several of the sitters I've had wanted to care for another AB, and I was amazed at the hurdles many ABs created for themselves. Most women won't do this sort of work for free, and most ABs either cannot or will not pay for care. Your mommy's sister has her work cut out for her, and I wish her well.

Meeting someone online that you don’t know at first and then partaking in abdl activities sounds like and adventure to me

We could potentially host, mommy even mentioned turning the detached garage into a nursery. We considered utilizing deposits so people stay committed to the appointment, have you ever had to do that before? I assume not because you seem quite committed but thought i’d ask.

I’d probably handle the advertising as this world is still somewhat new to her but thankfully we seem to have a semi-active community here.

Definitely aware of littles that don’t want to pay, that will be a delicate topic to overcome. In your experiences, did any of the caregivers offer you a plan with options to add/subtract activities with prices listed or was it always just you telling them what you want when you met for lunch and go from there? I figure if you let people decide exactly what and where there money is going to might make it easier to justify the cost and understanding boundaries for both parties.

 

[BabyPawz]

Its a touchy subject. As some one who has been searching for 15+ years the amoubt of times I have been caught by one of these Paid Services can be dishesrtening and can make you feel like actual dirt, Especially if you have financial difficulties. I speak for my self here but as a hopeless romantic I would never justify paying for a mommy / carer to care for me when its something I would expect mommy / carer to do for free. It should be something you WANT to do for said little and if i was a carer i couldnt justify charging money for the service, Ide want to do it for free if anything.

But this is just from a little side and most of my little friends tend to agree and cant afford it. How ever I am friendly one with nursey and it seems theres a market for middle aged cross dresser men mostly and some middle age women. Who work to afford these services. Im not saying little wont use your service but after 15-16 years of being a little this is my personnel conclusion on the payed service.

 

[sbmccue]

I think charging a deposit is the only way to go. Otherwise, you’ll be dedicating time and prep work to ABs who never show.

I would recommend an hourly rate instead of ala carte pricing. I’ve seen some ladies impose a surcharge for things like extra bottles or dirty diapers, but I imagine this can get unwieldy quite quickly.

Babysitting sessions don’t run according to a timetable; if you provide a list of services and associated fees, you face the very real problem of what to do with “in-between time” when an AB wants to pay for diaper changes but nothing else, for example.

 

[Punku]

Its a touchy subject. As some one who has been searching for 15+ years the amoubt of times I have been caught by one of these Paid Services can be dishesrtening and can make you feel like actual dirt, Especially if you have financial difficulties. I speak for my self here but as a hopeless romantic I would never justify paying for a mommy / carer to care for me when its something I would expect mommy / carer to do for free. It should be something you WANT to do for said little and if i was a carer i couldnt justify charging money for the service, Ide want to do it for free if anything.

But this is just from a little side and most of my little friends tend to agree and cant afford it. How ever I am friendly one with nursey and it seems theres a market for middle aged cross dresser men mostly and some middle age women. Who work to afford these services. Im not saying little wont use your service but after 15-16 years of being a little this is my personnel conclusion on the payed service.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. It’s nice to see you are friendly with a nursery so you can see both sides.

I’ve heard the stories of people being led on just to be asked to pay and I can relate to that pain as they got me once. This would be 100% honest and upfront to the AB/little from the beginning because anything else is a scam. Trust works both ways and No one deserves to be led on, it would suck if she drives 30min to met someone just for people to flake on her. That’s time and effort on her end too.

I hope you find a mommy that loves you for you because she’s out there. That may take time and some are not as patient as you. She’s helped me accept my inner little so I know she respects the role and also understands the struggle, money is tight for a lot of people. I’ll let her know your opinion and what you were nice enough to share

 

[sbmccue]

But this is just from a little side and most of my little friends tend to agree and cant afford it. How ever I am friendly one with nursey and it seems theres a market for middle aged cross dresser men mostly and some middle age women. Who work to afford these services. Im not saying little wont use your service but after 15-16 years of being a little this is my personnel conclusion on the payed service.

You might find women who'd be willing to babysit a 'real' kid for an hour or two just for the sheer novelty of it, but I cannot imagine you'd find many willing to provide infant-type care to an adult without compensation of some sort. Add in the cross-dressing aspect and the numbers shrink even further.

I'm not being judgmental, but for many of us, a paid carer is the only opportunity to experience the peace and tranquility that can be had from spending a few hours as a 'little.' My wife works as hard - perhaps even harder - than I do, and the expectation that she's going to spend her nights and weekends changing diapers is hugely unrealistic. I imagine most other SOs feel the same way, whether their partner has made caregiving an explicit expectation or not.

 

[BabyPawz]

Thank you for sharing your experiences. It’s nice to see you are friendly with a nursery so you can see both sides.

I’ve heard the stories of people being led on just to be asked to pay and I can relate to that pain as they got me once. This would be 100% honest and upfront to the AB/little from the beginning because anything else is a scam. Trust works both ways and No one deserves to be led on, it would suck if she drives 30min to met someone just for people to flake on her. That’s time and effort on her end too.

I hope you find a mommy that loves you for you because she’s out there. That may take time and some are not as patient as you. She’s helped me accept my inner little so I know she respects the role and also understands the struggle, money is tight for a lot of people. I’ll let her know your opinion and what you were nice enough to share

Hehe! Thank you but I do have a mommy now. Ide recommend using fetlife for the nursey as its very easy and clear to state its a paid service. Its where I am friendly with one. So long as its up front and theres no grey spots they can certainly work. I would not reccomend charging for any extras. Have the price up front and hourly. Perhaps have a overnight rate. Also if she finds the smell bad, you can have any of your clients take a drug that reduces the smell. Cant remeber the name.

 

[BabyPawz]

You might find women who'd be willing to babysit a 'real' kid for an hour or two just for the sheer novelty of it, but I cannot imagine you'd find many willing to provide infant-type care to an adult without compensation of some sort. Add in the cross-dressing aspect and the numbers shrink even further.

I'm not being judgmental, but for many of us, a paid carer is the only opportunity to experience the peace and tranquility that can be had from spending a few hours as a 'little.' My wife works as hard - perhaps even harder - than I do, and the expectation that she's going to spend her nights and weekends changing diapers is hugely unrealistic. I imagine most other SOs feel the same way, whether their partner has made caregiving an explicit expectation or not.

I completely understand, I dont see where you are being judgy. I can see that your AB/DL life style doesn't take priority, Where as me and mamma its basically a 24/7 outside of work. For everyone its diffrent and I can see such service being helpfull. But for a lot of littles under the age of 25 I dont see a huge market.

 

[sbmccue]

I completely understand, I dont see where you are being judgy. I can see that your AB/DL life style doesn't take priority, Where as me and mamma its basically a 24/7

My AB lifestyle is indeed very important to me, but I cannot indulge it with my wife. The relationship is more important to me than the lifestyle, and I sublimate the desire to wear as best I can when I must.

I think the drug to which you refer is Nullo, which also has a most unpleasant side effect - it turns bowel movements a vivid green and, in my case at least, made the BM sticky and difficult to remove from both my skin and the diaper. My ex said she'd rather deal with the odor than have me use Nullo, although the mileage others get may vary considerably.

 

[KawaiiBabyjenni]

Maybe I'm in the minority with my opinion but I don't believe anyone should have to pay to feel loved and nurtured. I feel pay to play caregivers for abdl are in the same league as the common street hooker. Both offer a service and both charge for said service.
How can any rational person feel anything from a temporary service? The pay to play caregiver I guarantee won't remember you in 3 weeks cause they only care when they are being payed.

 

[sbmccue]

Maybe I'm in the minority with my opinion but I don't believe anyone should have to pay to feel loved and nurtured. I feel pay to play caregivers for abdl are in the same league as the common street hooker. Both offer a service and both charge for said service.
How can any rational person feel anything from a temporary service? The pay to play caregiver I guarantee won't remember you in 3 weeks cause they only care when they are being payed.

Do you really liken changing a diaper to casual sex?

i think I can guarantee that every woman who has ever babysat me remembers me! I can think of at least one nurse who would still be working for minimum wage had I not been willing and able to put her through school.

I’m the first to admit that the “high” I get from being babysat is fleeting, but I’ve never come up any other way to create it.

 

[Punku]

Maybe I'm in the minority with my opinion but I don't believe anyone should have to pay to feel loved and nurtured. I feel pay to play caregivers for abdl are in the same league as the common street hooker. Both offer a service and both charge for said service.
How can any rational person feel anything from a temporary service? The pay to play caregiver I guarantee won't remember you in 3 weeks cause they only care when they are being payed.

Thank you for sharing your opinion. I don’t expect to change your mind, I only ask you to listen to the people who use these services and their reasonings why.

 

[KawaiiBabyjenni]

My opinion comes as a person who does not have the luxury of wasting their money on such temporary enjoyment. It's like paying someone to be your friend.

 

[PCBaby]

I have never paid for a care giver, nor did I accept payment when i was one to a "little" boy (he was 74). I believe that as a caregiver. daddy, mummy aunty, sister or whatever your first and only consideration is the happiness and well being of your little one and what they want provided you are able to meet their needs. should they wish to give yo a gift or present that is up to them and should neither be asked for or accepted. I know people go to "nurseries" or see "nannies" but these are purely financial transactions and I don't believe that they are as good as they are made out to be.

You also say your sister is not into the lifestyle. In which case how is she going to be able to understand and empathise with any littles she cares for?

It's just not a case of putting someone in a nappy, giving them a bottle and talking baby talk. Most AB's have their own wants, needs and desires and these will need to be met. Let's assume they are a sexual little who wants your sister to "play" with him while he sits in a wet and messy nappy and then wants changing? changing a messy nappy on a real baby is one thing, doing it on an adult is another thing completely. How is she going to manage someone who identifies as a 6 month old and expects his/her caregiver to do everything for them. Could she cope with a 64 year old incontinent wanting to be treated as a two year old and who will wet himself every 90 mins or so (that's me by the way).

Is she going to provide a wardrobe of suitable clothes and nappies for her littles, how is she going to dress, what are they going to be allowed to call her?

Then we get onto the really serious stuff. How and where is she going to advertise? Where will the first meetings take place? How is she going to vet her prospective clients? How is she going to protect herself? Not everyone that says they are an AB or DL is, there are some really nasty predators out there that will work there way in and then blackmail her, rape or kill her.

 

[sbmccue]

I know people go to "nurseries" or see "nannies" but these are purely financial transactions and I don't believe that they are as good as they are made out to be.

You also say your sister is not into the lifestyle. In which case how is she going to be able to understand and empathise with any littles she cares for?

It's just not a case of putting someone in a nappy, giving them a bottle and talking baby talk.

In the main, PCBaby is correct.

I still maintain that there are caregivers out there for individual ABs who are willing to compensate their sitter fairly, but not every AB has the luxury of a venue, clothes, etc.

I've only come across one 'professional' nanny who I thought was worth what she was charging. The rest are largely playacting, make no effort to understand their clients, and are only providing the service for money.

That said, I cannot imagine how I'd find someone to babysit me for several hours a week who would do so without compensation. However - and this is a key point - I don't know of many ABs who have been as determined as I to have their needs met. I've had a legion of 'amateur' caregivers; with experience, some have turned out to be quite good at the job. The alternative - doing without or spending a small fortune on a once- or twice-yearly visit to a 'pro' - never really appealed to me very much.

 

[Sweetbabykatie]

In the main, PCBaby is correct.

I still maintain that there are caregivers out there for individual ABs who are willing to compensate them fairly, but not every AB has the luxury of a venue, clothes, etc.

I've only come across one 'professional' nanny who I thought was worth what she was charging. The rest are largely playacting, make no effort to understand their clients, and are only providing the service for money.

That said, I cannot imagine how I'd find someone to babysit me for several hours a week who would do so without compensation. However, and this is a key point, I don't know of many ABs who have been as determined as I to have their needs met. I've had a legion of 'amateur' caregivers; with experience, some have turned out to be quite good at the job. The alternative - doing without or spending a small fortune on a once- or twice-yearly visit to a 'pro' - never really appealed to me very much.

sbmccue: Your thoughtful post is, I believe, a most accurate description of the reality of finding a satisfying caregiver, particularly when one’s SO is not comfortable in that role. While the ideal may be a caregiver who is also a life partner (with all of the accompanying advantages of mutual deep affection), alas that is very often not possible. Fair compensation to a caregiver with whom one develops a on-going “relationship”, does hold the possibility of the level of mutual caring and affection that can develop in any human relationship over time that is based on mutual respect and mutual giving.
I also appreciate your level of courage to “own“ who you are... I have not yet found that. Peace to you.