Mom opened my mail, now I have to explain.

[Metoo]

Sounds like she's pretty cool...

 

[SilentlySpeaking]

I'm glad things went well for you! Or as well as could be hoped

 

[KandiKit]

As far as your Mom opening your mail, I wouldn't have been surprised if the same thing happened to me. I made it a point to keep all my stuff hidden. Even then she found it. When it happened, she told me she moved my boxes down in the basement. I had my things hidden in some model boxes. When I got downstairs to check them, my stuff was gone. EEK! I could tell there were questions and concerns she wanted to ask me about, but I think she didn't know how to approach the whole topic. I was so freaked out that I sure as heck wasn't going to bring it up.She never said a word. Then or ever. The implication was that she wasn't too cool with it.

Just curious, does your Dad live with you also? If so is there a concern about that? I still wonder how much my Dad knew. Mom and Dad shared everything so I have to think he knew. Nothing was ever said by him either. He was somewhat of a tough guy and wasn't afraid to let you know that you stepped out of line as a budding "man".
In an odd sort of way, I still wonder if my parents resolved the whole thing and accepted this part of me. They never treated me differently after Mom found my stuff. So all I can do is wonder. I'd really like to know how much it bothered them or after all these years they came to accept it. if it bothered them I really don't want to open old wounds and don't think anything would be gained by it. Other than putting to rest the guilt that still eats at me sometimes 45 years later. Any thoughts out there?

This very situation has similarly happened to me except it wasn't with anything related to this community. However in your case i think the statute of limitations has far run its course. Resolving this long awaited closure with your parents could be extremely fruitful for the relationship.
As we accumulate years we always have these burning question of what if and i wonder about.. well just think of the satisfaction you would gain from knowing that they really have grown to accept you.
If she never expressed her concerns then maybe she suppressed those memories and "forgot about it" opting to pretend you were normal. If they thought that you never continued to be like that after the episode about her moving and removing your "stuff", then you can reveal that despite all her fear of that side of you, that it really was always there and she has already come to accept it. Also i think you could broach the topic very smoothly by simply asking her in private if she ever did mention to your dad about that "stuff"