Mom opened my mail, now I have to explain.

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SuperRaiUniverse

SuperRaiUniverse

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  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
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So, this morning I was woken up by the voice of my mother, asking me questions about adult-sized baby clothes. Apparantly she had opened my mail and found a baby-tee and some baby-styled pants, and then found more in my room after a quick search through my drawers. (She's never so invasive, so I haven't been too careful in my hiding places.)

This morning I just told her to "leave it alone", that it was something she didn't want to talk about. And so she left, but now I have no idea what to say. :/ I feel like I owe her an explanation, especially if she's now going to be opening my mail.
 
I would say she's the one who owes an expalantion opening your mail. If she's willing to leave it be, I'd let her. She will likely think twice before opening your mail again but you might want to test first.

If she does want to talk further, that's your call. To me, it's private outside of those who are into it or will participate and I have no desire to discuss it.
 
I agree with Trevor, she does owe you an explanation. Even though opening other people's mail is a federal offence, the real offence is the problem of trust.

I'd say that you might have been better off with "I don't want to talk about it," rather than, "she wouldn't want to about it," simply because it makes it sound like you are telling her that she should be frightened or ashamed.

I can understand the feeling of worry when you are starting to question if you should talk to her about it, namely because you don't want her dreaming up scenarios that are way out of proportion.

Id say that if you really feel concerned about talking to her about this, probably the best start, and most that you will want to go to, is to say, "Mom, I said you wouldn't want to talk about it, namely because I don't want to talk about it. The subject that you brought up is very personal to me, it is hard for others to understand, and I don't want to be hurt by your misunderstanding. I can promise you that there is nothing that you have to be concerned with, and that my mail is actually a very normal thing to have ordered. I think the real issue that we have here is a problem of trust. I am a bit sad that you would open my mail and look at what I ordered, but i'm willing to look past it if you are willing to trust me when i say, there is nothing that you need to worry about."

If you can leave it at that, you might be able to get away without much more conversation or thought.
 
I agree with Trevor to leave it be if she accepted not discussing it. Is there a reason she opened your mail in the first place? That's normally an invasion of privacy.
 
Well, after a very stressful afternoon I had some time to think while she was out, and we did finally sit down and talk. She had a few questions. (Was I sick? Am I a sicko?) I think for the most part I've assured her;

1) I don't hate this part of myself.
2) It's not a phase.
3) It's not new.
4) It has nothing to do with her, or with kids.

I asked her to please not open my mail again. She agreed to that. (She swears she thought it was her mail and that it was a mistake) I asked her not to talk to other people about this. She agreed as well. I think she still thinks if I talked to a shrink I would be "fixed" and that some inner problem is causing this, but I assured her that I was perfectly happy and I have support groups to talk with about my problems.

Things are a little awkward but at least now things have been dealt with. I referred her to Understanding Infantilism if she wanted to look into it, and let her know if she had any more concerns I would address them.
 
Trevor said:
I would say she's the one who owes an expalantion opening your mail. If she's willing to leave it be, I'd let her. She will likely think twice before opening your mail again but you might want to test first.

If she does want to talk further, that's your call. To me, it's private outside of those who are into it or will participate and I have no desire to discuss it.
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I-I might as well agree with Trevor if everyone else is going to agree with him ^^ Because ya know, Cary Grant and all :p

As for the OP, glad things went well for you.
 
I'll take my mom's word for it that it was simply a mistake that she opened my mail. She recieves similarly-shaped packages from time to time, I can see her just opening it without thinking.

Either way, She will think twice - I don't think she's interested in seeing any more of my personal things.
 
Rai004 said:
I'll take my mom's word for it that it was simply a mistake that she opened my mail. She recieves similarly-shaped packages from time to time, I can see her just opening it without thinking.

Either way, She will think twice - I don't think she's interested in seeing any more of my personal things.
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Glad to hear it was an honest mistake that way. Back shortly after I moved out, I'd still get mail at home and my mom wouldn't open it even when I asked her to with specific items. It could be a bit troublesome but I appreciated her concern for my privacy.
 
Snivy said:
I-I might as well agree with Trevor if everyone else is going to agree with him ^^ Because ya know, Cary Grant and all :p
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I know right? Cary Grant is awesome, and i'm pretty sure that the picture comes from Arsenic and Old lace, which is one of my favorite movies, it is hilarious.

As for the op, it sounds like it went the best that it could. Too bad that she thinks that therapy would help, but at least she isn't pressing it and spreading the info. A lot of people would think that AB/DL'sm warrants therapy except for therapists who are actually good at what they do. Your mom's suggestion isn't uncommon, but her reaction was really quite good when compared to others.
 
Rai004 said:
I'll take my mom's word for it that it was simply a mistake that she opened my mail. She recieves similarly-shaped packages from time to time, I can see her just opening it without thinking.

Either way, She will think twice - I don't think she's interested in seeing any more of my personal things.
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If you had a solid enough relationship, you could always screw around with her by going WAAAAY off into the distance about things coming in the mail...

"Well, Mom, it's good it was just the Adult Baby clothes, you probably would have been seriously weirded out by the homosexual dwarf porn mags and blow-up sheep doll..."
 
I feel some are to fast to push the its a federal offence throw the book at her.
Lighten up guys ok .
He like his mom so she opened some thing by mistake ok cats out of the bag.
They will work things out in the end .
 
Well, your mom just committed a federal offense, she's the one who owes you the apology.
 
Glad things turned out well.
 
These kinds of discussions are always difficult. My mom found both my diapers and gay porn when I was in college and she did send me to a shrink, so I think you did well indeed. Parents are going to naturally be concerned when they discover that their kid is into something that is way outside the social norm. This should blow over quickly and not become a discussion point. I think you did well in putting it to rest.
 
Hope all is well. When I was ( very young. ) I found a coupon for a free 'new' condom. Very awkward when your parents open it at the age of around 11 ! It's too long ago to remember exactly what was said - embarrassed is not the word - especially when you own penis size is no broader than a pencil. ! Lol
 
As far as your Mom opening your mail, I wouldn't have been surprised if the same thing happened to me. I made it a point to keep all my stuff hidden. Even then she found it. When it happened, she told me she moved my boxes down in the basement. I had my things hidden in some model boxes. When I got downstairs to check them, my stuff was gone. EEK! I could tell there were questions and concerns she wanted to ask me about, but I think she didn't know how to approach the whole topic. I was so freaked out that I sure as heck wasn't going to bring it up.She never said a word. Then or ever. The implication was that she wasn't too cool with it.

Just curious, does your Dad live with you also? If so is there a concern about that? I still wonder how much my Dad knew. Mom and Dad shared everything so I have to think he knew. Nothing was ever said by him either. He was somewhat of a tough guy and wasn't afraid to let you know that you stepped out of line as a budding "man".
In an odd sort of way, I still wonder if my parents resolved the whole thing and accepted this part of me. They never treated me differently after Mom found my stuff. So all I can do is wonder. I'd really like to know how much it bothered them or after all these years they came to accept it. if it bothered them I really don't want to open old wounds and don't think anything would be gained by it. Other than putting to rest the guilt that still eats at me sometimes 45 years later. Any thoughts out there?
 
Mt mom was actually fine with it, because she wished her children would never grow up, and stay at home with her always. My dad, on the other hand, held the opposite view. While he never approached the subject of my childish ways, he apparently was pushing her to push me to grow up and quit the diapers. The result was a sort of "pushmepullya" routine that left me all screwed up.
 
Metoo said:
As far as your Mom opening your mail, I wouldn't have been surprised if the same thing happened to me. I made it a point to keep all my stuff hidden. Even then she found it. When it happened, she told me she moved my boxes down in the basement. I had my things hidden in some model boxes. When I got downstairs to check them, my stuff was gone. EEK! I could tell there were questions and concerns she wanted to ask me about, but I think she didn't know how to approach the whole topic. I was so freaked out that I sure as heck wasn't going to bring it up.She never said a word. Then or ever. The implication was that she wasn't too cool with it.

Just curious, does your Dad live with you also? If so is there a concern about that? I still wonder how much my Dad knew. Mom and Dad shared everything so I have to think he knew. Nothing was ever said by him either. He was somewhat of a tough guy and wasn't afraid to let you know that you stepped out of line as a budding "man".
In an odd sort of way, I still wonder if my parents resolved the whole thing and accepted this part of me. They never treated me differently after Mom found my stuff. So all I can do is wonder. I'd really like to know how much it bothered them or after all these years they came to accept it. if it bothered them I really don't want to open old wounds and don't think anything would be gained by it. Other than putting to rest the guilt that still eats at me sometimes 45 years later. Any thoughts out there?
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Dad does not live with me, and mom isn't telling anyone AFAIK. Everything seems to have gone back to normal in the house.
 
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