How in the world should i deal with this?

[CptMartins]

So.. I feel that it is about time, to get some external input on my current situation, cause i cant really figure out what the hell is going on, and what i should do.

Just to start from the beginning..

Im 21 years old, and around two years ago i met a girl that would be the first i would get in a serious relationship with. If serious means cheating and lying tho.. But ill get to that!

The past two years have been amazing, and she proved me wrong in thinking that im not a relationship kind of guy. Im the adventureous, partying, coming home from the club at 09am in the morning kind of guy, and she sort of changed that.

I have a big familiy, that are very supportive of me, but for some reason i've never really "leaned up" against them or depended too much on them. Ive really just taken care of myself.

So the problems i have encountered, and stuff i just needed to share, i usually just dealt with myself, or in some cases i might have talked to a couple of friends.

Thats what really suprised me of being in a relationship.. You always have someone to share your heart with, and if you are feeling down, usually you dont have to mention it yourself, cause she will almost certainly notice it herself and support you and guide you through whatever hard times you might be having.

So... Here is the tricky part.. She has, and have always had alot of boy friends. Nothing bad about that, im not judgemental, and atleast WERE not suspicious/jealous of her doing anything more than talking to these guys.. She always thought herself of being the victim whenever certain guys would flirt with her or come on to her. And i geniunely believed, that was the case.

Along the way i got more and more jealous, until i finally one day, about 8 months ago, got enough and checked her phone. I guess most people would have done this way before me, cause it was getting really weird her hiding her phone away, not wanting me to look at her texting etc..

And ofc, i was right and she had been "cheating" on me with several guys.

Full blown with one guy, tho she really hasnt confessed on having cheated full blown with anyone, and i guess 4-5 other guys, "only" emotional cheating, like "u stabbed me in the back and poured salt in the wound" cheating. Well, you get the point..

She came, well, almost clean, and apologized and genuinely thought herself of being a complete ass, and understood if i wanted to strangle her and throw her in the river (joke).. No really.. I felt completely left behind and alone. The one person i truly trusted and thought would never hurt me, fucked me.


This is the point where i tell you that i love her so much, that i forgave her for cheating on me with 5 different guys.. I have tried to come up with an explaination on why she did it, and why she didnt thought of me being enough.. With no conclusion so far.. The only conclusion i've come up with, is that she for some reason love me like hell, and really have showed that she wanted us to be together.. So i told her in cold blood, that if i catched her talking or writing to any guys, in a way that would hurt me, i wouldn't even say goodbye.. I would just vapourize and dissappear.

Thats 8 months ago, aprox. and just about a month ago, she was back to her old self.. Writing guys, flirting, loving the attention, writing about wanting to have sex with some dudes.. And me kicking her god damn ass out..

These past months i've really convinced myself, that im waaay to good for her (thats alright to say right?"), and that i would find a girl that can truly appreciate me and love me just the way i am..

Here comes the interesting part.. We got into a little arguement about a week ago.. And in just pure madness, i told her that i like wearing diapers.. I dont really know why.. I guess it was because i wanted her to know what she was going to miss out on.. Haha... No, but really.. The first couple days, she just thought i was joking, but the more we talked about it, she realised that i spoke the thruth. Wasn't quite the way i imagined i would tell her..

So here's the deal.. She has been staying at my flat for a couple of days because we were going to a concert last night, and the days before she came here, she has really been forward coming towards the whole diaper thing.. She has been telling me that she really wanted to see me in one, and told me that she wouldn't mind me sleeping with her wearing one.. What the fucking fuck.. Sorry my language..

So yea.. She came, and we had a casual 'like in the ol' days' day, me cooking dinner, us drinking wine and being all in love again.

And then yesterday, she came to me telling me all of a sudden, that she really thinks the whole diaper thing is "kinda really weird", but that she always will love me even if i start to wear panties on my head (i wont). So thats good..

So she asked me if she could see my diapers, and if i could put one on so she could see "how cute i look wearing one", quote. I hesitated for a while, then i thought what the hell, and i put one on. I didnt imagine for a hundred years that she would be that positive and supportive of this thing. Basically she told me that she have no problem at all with me wearing anytime, anywhere and around her, she thinks its cute, and told me that i could snuggle in bed with her wearing a diaper, once in a while if i wanted to.

It ended up with me laying in bed only wearing my diaper and a shirt, all snuggled up around her, and her being all caring and sweet.. F*** me.. Really..

I guess i dont have to explain my dilemma.. I really dont have a clue what i should be doing or telling her.

I really love this girl with all of my heart, and im starting to think that i can forgive her for being an ass, shitty at relationships, having no empathy, being a huge liar and a cheating backstabber, only because im afraid that i wont meet another girl who can support this diaper thing as much as she can.

I mean.. Is cheating forgiveable? Under which circumstances? How will i know if she learned?

The "only" real issue i have is, that i dont know what she would have to do to gain my trust again.. Her being supportive is a start, but i mean.. She would have to take me to another galaxy or something, cause i really dont trust her at all..

What do you all think? Am i being ignorant? Sorry for this long post, but i really needed to share it.. Or i would've gone crazy :laugh:


Cheers! :worshippy:

 

[AnalogRTO]

CptMartins, I understand how much you enjoy having her there in your life. It's a great feeling to have someone you can be with, open up with, and just spend that time together. It's your choice as to what you do, but I will say this--she's showed she's not one for being monogamous with you not once, but multiple times.

There's already one girl you've found who supports your diaper stuff, and this is out of how many you've dated? Just look at those odds, then decide if putting up with the BS is worth going through a few more girlfriends to find another one who will accept this. As I said, it's your choice as to what you do, but my advice would be to find someone else.

 

[LittleICme]

You are young. So is she.
Ultimately, she has proved you cannot trust her.
Not eligible for marriage.
Enjoy her friendship and benefits, but do not fall too deep emotionally.
Keep looking.

 

[Themanswifesman]

If she is not attached enough emotionally with you to have you be her 'one and only', than she is not worth taking to the aisle.
Keep close attention to her actions, and let it be known to her that you should be here sole attention attraction, emotionally, that is.

 

[CptMartins]

Thank you so much guys for your comments. You are all absolutely right. I have thought of every scenario, and i know that no matter what, the trust issue is the thing that ultimately kills our relationship.

How do you "un-love" someone you love that much? I guess it was stupid of me telling her about the diapers.. This makes it alot harder letting her go..

I mean.. Even tho she's cheated on me, i dont love her any less.. Well maybe abit..

 

[Trevor]

Thank you so much guys for your comments. You are all absolutely right. I have thought of every scenario, and i know that no matter what, the trust issue is the thing that ultimately kills our relationship.

How do you "un-love" someone you love that much? I guess it was stupid of me telling her about the diapers.. This makes it alot harder letting her go..

I mean.. Even tho she's cheated on me, i dont love her any less.. Well maybe abit..

I can't really say whether you should continue trying to work on this or not. My only observation is that I've learned that you don't necessarily stop loving someone just because they're bad to you or do things you can't support or even deal with. Those are separate issues and you must decide how much you're willing to tolerate from that person that you may continue to have feelings for.

 

[Paul_L]

I think the time has come to have a rubber meets the road conversation with her and define what the relationship you two are going to have in the future. It may just be good friends and it may just be time to part ways. She just may not be mature enough for a committed relationship.

 

[Cloud]

My biggest piece of advice I can offer is to not let your vision be clouded by her 'acceptance' of your diaper lover side. For most of us, there is nothing more inviting than a partner willing to participate with our fetish and lifestyle, but you need to take a good look at your partner right now.

From her past, I can gather that she doesn't seem mature, or ready to be a trustworthy, equal part of your relationship. Yes, people can learn from their mistakes and grow up, but both of you are very young and have a lot more life to live. For now, she is probably intrigued by what she may view as a strange 'kink'. This 'kink' will be something she'll recall a past boyfriend having later in life to her friends. I highly doubt you are uncovering her own appreciation for diapers, neither is she considering this being a part of her life. In short, unfortunately I doubt this is as real for her as it is for you.

Excluding the diaper event from this equation, I see the more concrete issue of you being in love with the wrong person. Your girlfriend doesn't seem ready to be serious, but you may be - which isn't fair to you. With your trust repeatedly shattered, I don't think there is a possibility for respect between the two of you. Without trust and respect, there can't be a future. The fact that she hasn't ended things with you already, and continues to seek out other men, means she doesn't truly care about you or how you feel. You said it yourself, she has no empathy. So, I'd say have some respect for yourself, and although it will be painful, end things and move on.

You said on and on in your post that you 'usually just take care of yourself'.. Time to start up again, my friend. You never know, this could wake her up, but either way, a lot of growing up has to take place.

From friend's experiences, my own experiences, and from reading about other's experiences, I can see that there are a lot of people out there that may not know how to truly love or care about someone else, but rather they are just trying to find something that looks good online in instagram posts or in the bank statement. These people follow suite and/or tradition and try to just find a good 'fit'. This disconnect can happen from deep rooted issues, or just kind of.. happen. But I digress.

Any way, to the OP, we are all rooting for you, friend. I hope you make whichever decision works out best. Keep us updated.

 

[Moicano]

How do you "un-love" someone you love that much?

If you figure that out, let me know! Trying to do that with my last ex, and I've had 5 other significant breakups before this to "practice". The only real cure I know, is time.

I have never met her, but just a little warning, her acceptance of diapers and the really nice attention she is giving you is probably to manipulate you into getting back together with her. I only say this because I've dated someone that would do that, and of course I fell for it more than once too. If you get back together, nothing will be different.

Oh yea! I meant to add, spend some time getting to know yourself again. You have been half of a team for a little while now, and if you are like me, you may have forgotten that you are pretty awesome on your own too! Reconnect with your friends, have more guys nights. when you remember what an awesome guy you are (and how much all the ladies like you) it won't be hard to find someone new, that might accept diapers without constantly cheating on you!

 

[Argent]

Once a cheater always a cheater.

You would be insane to think she would change.

If you love her and can accept her with others (and don't be crazy enough to believe what she says about those relationships) then go for it there are no rules to relationships afterall.

If you can't accept her with others yeah you need to move on for your own sake. Just do the dumping firmly with no recriminations.

Btw I would be wary about her having ammo to manipulate you with. Last thing you want is photos of you in diapers on her friendface account.

 

[Crinklebuttt]

Can't help you too much advice-wise on a lot of your post, it just seems that there's been a lot that's happened in a short time and it's overwhelming. The both of you need to remember to "chew before you swallow"... Take time to fully think things out before moving forward(if moving
forward is something you even want). My rule with cheaters is they are forgiven once and never again, they cheat again and clearly they aren't for me, at that point it's like hey were just friends now, sorry if you don't like that. Infidelity is the best way to end a relationship with me. As far as diapers go I bring it up as soon as I can without it being awkward. I once saw a post that was like "being Abdl is like being a car with a sunroof, it's nearly impossible to get rid of it. If your gal isn't into your sunroof then maybe they should look for another car." hehe sunroofs leak from time to time as well as us abdl's.

 

[dogboy]

I won't attempt to tell you what to do, but just this. When I was your age and in college, there was someone I was absolutely crazy about. He was the most amazing person I have ever known. The only problem was he was straight which I knew. That didn't matter as the heart yearns for what it is attracted too. But after a couple of years, I was in so much pain that I knew I couldn't be around him any more.

He always treated me with love and kindness. We had so much fun together, but I was so depressed when I wasn't with him. I was destroying myself, so I made myself make the break. The relationship couldn't go any where and it took time for me to realize that. Once I did, the decision was obvious.

 

[ilostthesheriff]

Have a little fun!

Sure it's most likely temporary. She will most likely break your heart or you will find someone else. It's the constant predictability of youth.

The reality is that you are your age only once. Some day you may be a cantankerous, crotchety curmudgeon looking back with fondness of the exploits of your own youth.

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. -Alfred Lord Tennyson

 

[Angusmac]

Dude I've been in your situation and, if I could go back and heed the advice that other's had given me at the time (which of course was...end it, get away from her as soon as you can and move on with your life) I would! Trust me, rip the Band-Aid off, and get over her, there will be another!

Good Luck.

-Gus

 

[CptMartins]

Thank you all for taking time to write! Really means alot to me. Great hearing your different inputs on this!

Im still trying to process all of this mess, and i am no way near a decision yet.. I know that most of you, and also my own common sense, thinks that i should try and get over her before it gets too hard. Frankly thats too late, cause i cant really love her more than i already do.. Haha.. I know thats weird.

So for now i'll just take one day at a time, and see what plans she has, and find out what plans im going to make myself.
At the moment i dont really give a poop how this turns out. So i might as well get the best of it, and try to focus on the things about her that i really appreciate and love. Her not being truthful i can overlook for now. I mean.. We are not in a relationship right now, so who cares. She would never exploit me or use my diapers as ammo. She is just not that kind of type. She really doesnt mean me any harm. She loves me incredibly much.. I am in no doubt of that. I know that doesnt walk hand i hand with her cheating side, but i guess it might have something to do with her not being very mature and not being good at feeling empathy.

I will keep you all updated along the way!

Have a little fun!

Sure it's most likely temporary. She will most likely break your heart or you will find someone else. It's the constant predictability of youth.

The reality is that you are your age only once. Some day you may be a cantankerous, crotchety curmudgeon looking back with fondness of the exploits of your own youth.

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. -Alfred Lord Tennyson

This is exactly what i was thinking. She already broke my heart a couple of times, so i can handle it a couple times more Why not just get the best of it, and have fun. If it means i can chill in my diapers around her, i dont give that many f****.. Thanks buddy!

I once saw a post that was like "being Abdl is like being a car with a sunroof, it's nearly impossible to get rid of it. If your gal isn't into your sunroof then maybe they should look for another car." hehe sunroofs leak from time to time as well as us abdl's.

This had me laughing! You are absolutely right mate. Thanks

- - - Updated - - -

If you figure that out, let me know! Trying to do that with my last ex, and I've had 5 other significant breakups before this to "practice". The only real cure I know, is time.

I have never met her, but just a little warning, her acceptance of diapers and the really nice attention she is giving you is probably to manipulate you into getting back together with her. I only say this because I've dated someone that would do that, and of course I fell for it more than once too. If you get back together, nothing will be different.

Oh yea! I meant to add, spend some time getting to know yourself again. You have been half of a team for a little while now, and if you are like me, you may have forgotten that you are pretty awesome on your own too! Reconnect with your friends, have more guys nights. when you remember what an awesome guy you are (and how much all the ladies like you) it won't be hard to find someone new, that might accept diapers without constantly cheating on you!

That really cheered me up buddy! You are absolutely right. And at some point that is exactly what i am going to do. There are times where i miss being 100% spontaneous, adventureous and comepletely on my own ;-) I'll let you know when i find the cure for un-loving.. Hehe.. Thank you so much for reminding me mate!