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Hello from a newbie

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newbie23

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  2. Carer
Hi,

Well, I'm a tech writer from the southern states of America. I'm a Christian and I love to read, write, and I've been studying Tarot since 2011 and I absolutely love that (the cards are beautiful!). At 26 years old, I just embarked on my first relationship with someone. After about a month, when things started to get serious, he told me about ABDL.

That's why I'm here. I had never heard of this before. And I'm very nervous. My boyfriend wants - actually, in his words, "needs" - me to be a caretaker for him. To the point where it's a deal-breaker if I don't. I've been doing some research to help me understand what he and others get out of this kind of role play (is that what you call it? Role play? Fetish? Lifestyle? I don't want to offend anyone). On the other side of things, I've been trying to figure out what I can get out of this. Or, how to navigate the waters of giving my boyfriend what he needs while I can still feel comfortable in the situation (if I indeed can't "get" anything out of it. And I hate using that utilitarian, selfish mentality - what can I get out of it - but I'm scared that if I can't find some sort of personal satisfaction, outside of being happy at making my boyfriend happy, I'll end up resenting him for introducing me to this.)

I'm crazy about this man. I care about him so much. That's why I'm here.

So, I'm here to learn. I'm here to ask questions, and understand. I hope in the process I don't offend anyone. I'd love to hear from others who have been in this situation before. I'd love to hear from others who are more well-versed in ABDL than I am.

Right now, I'm reading a thread "Infantilism vs. Pedophelia" which is something that I've been struggling with in terms of my role in this situation. As his caretaker, my boyfriend wants me to diaper him, change him, treat him like a baby and tie this to sexual teasing / denial.

I don't mean to be explicit - PG-13, I know - but, diapering is very erotic for him. From my outside perspective, it doesn't seem right. If he's pretending to be a baby, and I'm pretending to be his caretaker, and I start touching him sexually, it kinda feels like theoretically I may as well be touching a baby. If that's what he's pretending to be.

Of course, he's not a baby. He's a full-fledged, card-carrying member of the adult club ;). But, if he wants to be a baby, and is pretending to be a baby, how is it theoretically any different from him actually being a baby?

Although, it is his choice. A baby can't decide that. Is that the difference?

As you can tell, my head is still swimming from all this, and I am a little scared. I'm not just scared of embarking on ABDL role-play, but also of losing my boyfriend because I can't provide him with what he needs.
 
Hi newbie23. Welcome. You ask some serious questions and before I answer, I want to take a second to say thank you. Thank you for trying to figure this out, for expressing your thoughts and looking to see if you can make this work. Whatever conclusion you and your boyfriend ultimately reach, the world would be a better place if everyone approached these questions the way that you have.

Now, let's start with your last question. The difference with an adult compared to a child is INFORMED CONSENT. No matter how either of you act, you start out as two adults choosing to engage in sexual activities. The fact that your boyfriend might get aroused from acting like a child does not make him a real child. If you are aroused with him, you're still aroused at the adult you're playing with, not a real child.

Now, let's back up and talk about what you might get out of this because there are several ways to look at it.

One, you might find some caretaker activities you enjoy. Even if the diaper changes don't excite you, cuddling together while you read to him, as one example, could be very intimate. You may also enjoy the power relationship because being a caretaker means you get to be in control: you can decide what he wears, eats, and plays with during those role play scenarios. You might enjoy that.

Two, even if you don't enjoy it, you might get really good sex. You can essentially treat it as unusual foreplay if you want and your boyfriend could easily perform quite well coming out of a role play scenario.

Three, even if you don't like this and you're doing it just to please your boyfriend, remember that relationships are a give and take. I guarantee you that he'll be incredibly greatful for any care taking that you do. So, is there something you like that you wish your boyfriend would do? It doesn't have to be sexual. It could be taking you out to certain shows or movies you like but he may not like that much, or simply putting in an extra share helping with chores and errands.
 
Hi, bottom line is.... This is all about nurture. What do you get out of it... the satisfaction of giving a precious gift to your partner. Love.

The RP side of it you can learn to find it as a fun filled activity.

Just make sure this doesn't become a one sided selfish affair.. Babies can be greedy.

Make sure the man is also meeting your emotional and physical needs.

Have fun with your baby :)
 
I'm also a tech writer, a student of the Tarot, and a Christian from the South. I think your boyfriend is a very lucky guy!

The only difference between your boyfriend and a 'real' baby is that everything is bigger. As 3Rooks has already mentioned, hoping that he will somehow 'outgrow' the desire to be babied is forlorn. While I don't believe any of us are actually born with AB/DL instincts hard-wired, it's nearly impossible for ABs to walk away from the fascination altogether.

As for what you'll get out of it, is it too much to hope that you might enjoy being in control now and then? My infantilism is equally about being cared for and letting someone else handle everything, if only for brief periods. The notion of being somewhat domineering will take some time to become accustomed to, but if you can find enjoyment in being in charge, you may capture the missing element for both yourself and your boyfriend. You have to take away his power of choice, if that makes sense.

I know I speak for the entire community when I say we're here when you need help.
 
So, I'm who she's talking about. Long time lurker, first time poster.

I sent her here thinking she might find some help, and don't intend to post much, but if strangers on the Internet are being supportive, I definitely should be here, too.

Cheers.
 
ImWithNewbie23 said:
So, I'm who she's talking about. Long time lurker, first time poster.

I sent her here thinking she might find some help, and don't intend to post much, but if strangers on the Internet are being supportive, I definitely should be here, too.

Cheers.
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Welcome. We have several other SO pairs on here (some married and some just going together). I think you both will help make ADISC better.
 
ImWithNewbie23 said:
So, I'm who she's talking about. Long time lurker, first time poster.

I sent her here thinking she might find some help, and don't intend to post much, but if strangers on the Internet are being supportive, I definitely should be here, too.

Cheers.
Click to expand...

Hey welcome. One thing you may be able to do to help the relationship is use this space to ask questions that you have or to help collect your own thoughts with advice from others. If you're not sure exactly what you want, it will be harder for newbie23 to understand what she can get out of the relationship. Also make sure you're being there for her and paying attention to her wants and needs. Best of luck.
 
I appreciate it.
 
Hi and welcome to both of you two newbies!!!!! for know I am a stranger on the internet!! I came here to identify and meet others who shared the same interests as i do, at first i thought i was the only one, after time on ADISC I found that strangers turned into friends understanding me for who i am, listening, giving awesome advice, etc I see great posts before me and hope they are helpful too you both and look forward to you both meeting friends here!!!!
 
ImWithNewbie23 said:
I sent her here thinking she might find some help, and don't intend to post much, but if strangers on the Internet are being supportive, I definitely should be here, too.
Click to expand...

We have a lot of fun here but the bottom line is, we are a support group for everyone. As mentioned above, communicate with each other and if either of you have questions, we're here for you!
 
Newbie22 and imwithnewbie23, welcome! I am sure you will find us very pleasant group to be around. Participate in any topic and thread at any time, and don't be afraid to post!
 
newbie23 said:
Hi,

Well, I'm a tech writer from the southern states of America. I'm a Christian and I love to read, write, and I've been studying Tarot since 2011 and I absolutely love that (the cards are beautiful!). At 26 years old, I just embarked on my first relationship with someone. After about a month, when things started to get serious, he told me about ABDL.

That's why I'm here. I had never heard of this before. And I'm very nervous. My boyfriend wants - actually, in his words, "needs" - me to be a caretaker for him. To the point where it's a deal-breaker if I don't. I've been doing some research to help me understand what he and others get out of this kind of role play (is that what you call it? Role play? Fetish? Lifestyle? I don't want to offend anyone). On the other side of things, I've been trying to figure out what I can get out of this. Or, how to navigate the waters of giving my boyfriend what he needs while I can still feel comfortable in the situation (if I indeed can't "get" anything out of it. And I hate using that utilitarian, selfish mentality - what can I get out of it - but I'm scared that if I can't find some sort of personal satisfaction, outside of being happy at making my boyfriend happy, I'll end up resenting him for introducing me to this.)

I'm crazy about this man. I care about him so much. That's why I'm here.

So, I'm here to learn. I'm here to ask questions, and understand. I hope in the process I don't offend anyone. I'd love to hear from others who have been in this situation before. I'd love to hear from others who are more well-versed in ABDL than I am.

Right now, I'm reading a thread "Infantilism vs. Pedophelia" which is something that I've been struggling with in terms of my role in this situation. As his caretaker, my boyfriend wants me to diaper him, change him, treat him like a baby and tie this to sexual teasing / denial.

I don't mean to be explicit - PG-13, I know - but, diapering is very erotic for him. From my outside perspective, it doesn't seem right. If he's pretending to be a baby, and I'm pretending to be his caretaker, and I start touching him sexually, it kinda feels like theoretically I may as well be touching a baby. If that's what he's pretending to be.

Of course, he's not a baby. He's a full-fledged, card-carrying member of the adult club ;). But, if he wants to be a baby, and is pretending to be a baby, how is it theoretically any different from him actually being a baby?

Although, it is his choice. A baby can't decide that. Is that the difference?

As you can tell, my head is still swimming from all this, and I am a little scared. I'm not just scared of embarking on ABDL role-play, but also of losing my boyfriend because I can't provide him with what he needs.
Click to expand...

Welcome to adisc, I'm a Christian too, although I'm more from the Midwest, I have an interest in the supernatural too although, personally I don't really know what your situation is like, and I can't add on to what everyone else says but I can say this, I will prey for you in the future. 😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺
 
ArchieRoni said:
Three, even if you don't like this and you're doing it just to please your boyfriend, remember that relationships are a give and take. I guarantee you that he'll be incredibly greatful for any care taking that you do. So, is there something you like that you wish your boyfriend would do? It doesn't have to be sexual. It could be taking you out to certain shows or movies you like but he may not like that much, or simply putting in an extra share helping with chores and errands.
Click to expand...

I totally agree with ArchieRoni on all of those points. But I especially agree with this particular one as it seems to be the most relevant of the three points ArchieRoni has made. Remember you are a human being as well and you have needs as well anyone else when it comes to maintaining a relationship. If those needs don't get satisfied then any relationship will most likely not become worth it in the long run. But here is a point that also needs to be discussed with your boyfriend. You see being a AB/DL is a part of who and what that person is. It's never really going to stop and it's never going to go away even if he wants it to go away. Trying to do that is unhealthy for him at least ultimately if not immediately. However there is a point where those desires need to be moderated as well. Chances are good you may very well be in the perfect situation to prevent him from spiraling out of control with this (for all I know about the boyfriend fyi. This is just a theory fyi). It's not pedophilia to like someone who likes to pretend to be a child. I think you should sit down and compromise with each other on what is and is not acceptable for both of you. You have a right to have your needs met as well as his so go ahead and talk about them in a mature manner and I think that will help you have a wonderful relationship with him! :smile:
 
newbie23 said:
Hi,

Well, I'm a tech writer from the southern states of America. I'm a Christian and I love to read, write, and I've been studying Tarot since 2011 and I absolutely love that (the cards are beautiful!). At 26 years old, I just embarked on my first relationship with someone. After about a month, when things started to get serious, he told me about ABDL.

That's why I'm here. I had never heard of this before. And I'm very nervous. My boyfriend wants - actually, in his words, "needs" - me to be a caretaker for him. To the point where it's a deal-breaker if I don't. I've been doing some research to help me understand what he and others get out of this kind of role play (is that what you call it? Role play? Fetish? Lifestyle? I don't want to offend anyone). On the other side of things, I've been trying to figure out what I can get out of this. Or, how to navigate the waters of giving my boyfriend what he needs while I can still feel comfortable in the situation (if I indeed can't "get" anything out of it. And I hate using that utilitarian, selfish mentality - what can I get out of it - but I'm scared that if I can't find some sort of personal satisfaction, outside of being happy at making my boyfriend happy, I'll end up resenting him for introducing me to this.)

I'm crazy about this man. I care about him so much. That's why I'm here.

So, I'm here to learn. I'm here to ask questions, and understand. I hope in the process I don't offend anyone. I'd love to hear from others who have been in this situation before. I'd love to hear from others who are more well-versed in ABDL than I am.

Right now, I'm reading a thread "Infantilism vs. Pedophelia" which is something that I've been struggling with in terms of my role in this situation. As his caretaker, my boyfriend wants me to diaper him, change him, treat him like a baby and tie this to sexual teasing / denial.

I don't mean to be explicit - PG-13, I know - but, diapering is very erotic for him. From my outside perspective, it doesn't seem right. If he's pretending to be a baby, and I'm pretending to be his caretaker, and I start touching him sexually, it kinda feels like theoretically I may as well be touching a baby. If that's what he's pretending to be.

Of course, he's not a baby. He's a full-fledged, card-carrying member of the adult club ;). But, if he wants to be a baby, and is pretending to be a baby, how is it theoretically any different from him actually being a baby?

Although, it is his choice. A baby can't decide that. Is that the difference?

As you can tell, my head is still swimming from all this, and I am a little scared. I'm not just scared of embarking on ABDL role-play, but also of losing my boyfriend because I can't provide him with what he needs.
Click to expand...

Hi there and welcome. First of all, let me tell that it takes a lot of courage, trust and honesty to talk about this with somebody. I really have a lot of respect for you and your boyfriend. I wish I could have talked with my wife about this. Regarding your questions and concerns, I agree with most of the people, you should talk with him about what he wants, and what are you comfortable with. In my case (but this is me), I would love the feeling of not having the choice if I am going to be diapered, changed, fed, and so on since this is the decision of the caretaker. However, I also have to say that this is something that I would like to happen may be once or twice a week. I am also an adult and like to make my own decisions, like watching movies, eating what I like, playing sports, etc.
I do not know about sex, this is something you have to figure it out, sometimes it might be fun and other times not.
Hope you can have a great time
 
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