Having a daddy or another male change a straight male

[newAB43]

I met up with my first AB, irl, 2 days ago. We are both straight males, but he’s been changed by both mommies and daddies. He says that there is not much difference, but my hang up is a guy touching my private parts during a change, it makes me uncomfortable to think about. I’m looking for y’all to shed some light on this: I’m trying to stay open if my mind was put more at ease!

 

[Anemone]

Do you care what flavour your doctor is?

 

[CptKirk]

I've only ever ben changed by my wife and countless nurses, both male and female, but honestly, unless you're so sexually charged by this, it makes absolutely ZERO difference WHO is changing your diaper.

Then there's also the fact that IF you become sexually excited by a man changing you, might you not be Bi? I do not mean this as an insult so please don't take it the wrong way. I've had diapersex with my wife countless times before my marriage was destroyed and believe me, I understand the attraction to having sex in diapers...but I can guarantee that I wouldn't possibly have an erection if I was being changed by a man.

I honestly would not care which sex was changing me. UNLESS there was sex planned beforehand, I wouldn't even possibly be "excited". I would not be afraid of going forth on this front if I were you.

 

[newAB43]

I've only ever ben changed by my wife and countless nurses, both male and female, but honestly, unless you're so sexually charged by this, it makes absolutely ZERO difference WHO is changing your diaper.

Then there's also the fact that IF you become sexually excited by a man changing you, might you not be Bi? I do not mean this as an insult so please don't take it the wrong way. I've had diapersex with my wife countless times before my marriage was destroyed and believe me, I understand the attraction to having sex in diapers...but I can guarantee that I wouldn't possibly have an erection if I was being changed by a man.

I honestly would not care which sex was changing me. UNLESS there was sex planned beforehand, I wouldn't even possibly be "excited". I would not be afraid of going forth on this front if I were you.

Thank joy for the reassurance @CptKirk, for me it’s purely non-sexual. I consider myself, asexual, so like you said there would probably no sexual feelings, so that would not matter at all.

 

[newAB43]

Do you care what flavour your doctor is?

Not really, I get what you’re saying, but my doctor is not changing me, but they do the hernia test. No sexual feelings at all.

 

[Cottontail]

Do you care what flavour your doctor is?

I can see how the two might be related. I've had doctor's hands in both of my ends and in other private places, and I've never thought much about the doctor's gender, although I feel a sort of resignation when I'm having a medical procedure performed on me. I try to zone out and think about other things. A diaper change in an AB context would probably be different. I'd want to be fully present and engaged. I'm straight, and while I would't automatically reject a diaper change from a male/daddy figure, I can imagine it feeling somehow less "little" than a change from a mommy. And I'm sure that is my sexuality tangling with my little side. Nothing really to be done about that, I don't think.

 

[newAB43]

I can see how the two might be related. I've had doctor's hands in both of my ends and in other private places, and I've never thought much about the doctor's gender, although I feel a sort of resignation when I'm having a medical procedure performed on me. I try to zone out and think about other things. A diaper change in an AB context would probably be different. I'd want to be fully present and engaged. I'm straight, and while I would't automatically reject a diaper change from a male/daddy figure, I can imagine it feeling somehow less "little" than a change from a mommy. And I'm sure that is my sexuality tangling with my little side. Nothing really to be done about that, I don't think.

Exactly @Cottontail, my hang up is the sexual aversion to guys in my head that grosses me out with them touching my private parts. I don’t get skeeved out by my doctor, but I don’t think about it, in that instance, but during a diaper change I want to be present and enjoy the experience, not being creeped out or anxious because of the gender of whose changing me - it kills the whole joy of the bonding that a diaper change creates.

 

[Belarin]

I consider myself straight but open minded enough to consider it if the right guy came along and it doesn't faze me either way. Though I've only ever been changed by a woman so far I wouldn't have a problem with a guy changing me, a change is a change regardless who's doing it.

On the reverse side I have changed a couple guys but no girls so far, though I have met several women into ABDL it's been at events where they either had someone with them to do it or it would probably have come across as creepy if I offered, but again I'm happy doing it either way.

I can see how some people might see it differently and feel uncomfortable but for me unless I'm with someone I have know for a while and whom we are both in agreement that we want things to go further then changing time is purely non sexual and simply a job that needs to be done.

Sure it is a very intimate job and is a very important part of any AB interaction between a little and a caregiver but that doesn't make it weird, in a family generally the mother and father will both change their child as needed so why would that be any different for an AB relationship whether it's a romantic partnership or a long/short term "play date" with someone else from the community.

 

[newAB43]

I consider myself straight but open minded enough to consider it if the right guy came along and it doesn't faze me either way. Though I've only ever been changed by a woman so far I wouldn't have a problem with a guy changing me, a change is a change regardless who's doing it.

On the reverse side I have changed a couple guys but no girls so far, though I have met several women into ABDL it's been at events where they either had someone with them to do it or it would probably have come across as creepy if I offered, but again I'm happy doing it either way.

I can see how some people might see it differently and feel uncomfortable but for me unless I'm with someone I have know for a while and whom we are both in agreement that we want things to go further then changing time is purely non sexual and simply a job that needs to be done.

Sure it is a very intimate job and is a very important part of any AB interaction between a little and a caregiver but that doesn't make it weird, in a family generally the mother and father will both change their child as needed so why would that be any different for an AB relationship whether it's a romantic partnership or a long/short term "play date" with someone else from the community.

What you say makes all the sense in the world coming from a parenting perspective, a baby doesn’t discriminate who changes them, it’s a basic health care need that has to be done.

 

[Belarin]

What you say makes all the sense in the world coming from a parenting perspective, a baby doesn’t discriminate who changes them, it’s a basic health care need that has to be done.

Exactly, Though as we grow older and learn about certain adult desires/practices, a persons perspectives change and it is totally understandable why a straight male wouldn't want another guy touching them down there even just for a change.

Now I don't take a little role much any more but it seems to me that if you were truly trying to get into the headspace of a young child then the gender of the person changing you wouldn't even enter your mind, children under a certain age have pretty much no inhibitions about who sees them naked and while some kids may not be happy with someone they don't know well changing them they certainly wouldn't think it weird.

It's all about trust. Whether as a child or an adult, when you trust another person to change you and clean down there it creates a very intimate bond, the trouble is that when we are children the bonds we make are just that, connections to people, they basically all mean the same thing.

But as adults we begin to differentiate the types of connections we make to other people... Colleagues, family, close friends, distant friends, superiors, subordinates, acquaintances, lovers etc. Therefore the "nurturing" intimate nature of letting another person change you whether M/M, M/F or F/F, becomes difficult to separate from the "sexualy" intimate, this gets even harder if nappies have any level of sexual arousal for you.

 

[KaleidoscopeKitty]

If you don’t feel 100% comfortable with somebody, male or female, then I don’t think you should let them change you. If something is telling you that you don’t like the thought of this person touching your private parts then that is completely reasonable, the why doesn’t really matter. Being changed is a very intimate act regardless of whether it is sexual for you, don’t let yourself be pressured or talked into it by this person (or anybody here); just because he doesn’t care whether he’s being changed by a male or female doesn’t mean you have to feel the same.

It’s okay to have boundaries around this and everybody’s boundaries and feelings around being changed, and who they would be comfortable changing them, will be different. Some people may only be comfortable with a partner changing them, some might be happy for friends to do it, some are happy to pay strangers, some people may be happy with any sex/ gender, some may only want the same or opposite sex, some might not like the idea of being changed by anyone else in any circumstance. All of these are okay, the main thing is to only consider being changed by someone you feel comfortable with. Please don’t push yourself to enter into a situation where you feel like you have to let this person change you because he says it doesn’t make a difference whether it’s a mommy or daddy, just because that’s the case for him doesn’t mean it has to be the same to you. Listen to what your own feelings are telling you about what does and doesn’t feel okay to you and don’t worry about what anybody else thinks as it’s really not worth putting yourself into a situation where you let someone change you and it feels wrong during or after the change. That kind of thing and the feelings of guilt/ shame/ disgust etc that can come about after letting someone do something intimate that crossed a boundary for you can be really hard to deal with and often the feelings of confusion that you feel that way when it was something you consented to can make it feel even worse, so if you don’t feel comfortable it is okay to say no and to voice and respect your own boundaries. You don’t need to find ways to convince yourself to feel comfortable with anything you’re not sure about, it is okay to listen to yourself and draw the line where it feels right for you.

Obviously that’s not to say you shouldn’t or couldn’t let a man change you, it might be something which you become comfortable with the thought of over time and as you build trust with the potential daddy in which case go for it, but if there is a part of yourself that feels uncomfortable don’t push yourself to go for it just because you feel like you should and especially not because anyone else has made you feel like you should.

 

[messydiaper]

Speaking only for me because you asked:

I have memories of cloth diaper changes with the majority of those changes being done by my mom. I can only remember my dad doing that ONCE because Mom wasn't home. As an 18 month old I distinctly remember that I was thinking "this ain't right." Nothing against Dad. But Mom took care of that--not Dad.

Then as a three year old Mom put Pampers on me at night and that was pleasurable. She also took me out of the wet Pampers in the mornings until I stopped wetting the bed during age four.

So MY imprint as a straight, cis male is that I want a cis female changing me, although, a very feminine trans-woman could also get by with changing me too, I think. So maybe my preference isn't male or female as much as it is my preference to prefer feminine vs. masculine?

This is a great question you've asked.

 

[star]

Thank joy for the reassurance @CptKirk, for me it’s purely non-sexual. I consider myself, asexual, so like you said there would probably no sexual feelings, so that would not matter at all.

And if there are unexpected sexual feelings you have learned something about yourself you didn't know. That's cool too.


I'm all for trying anything (well most things) once.

 

[enigmatic]

Do you care what flavour your doctor is?

Personally, I do. I always want a female in any sort of caretaking role in the broadest sense. Hypothetically if that is a nurse, doctor, therapist, parental figure, etc.

 

[newAB43]

Speaking only for me because you asked:

I have memories of cloth diaper changes with the majority of those changes being done by my mom. I can only remember my dad doing that ONCE because Mom wasn't home. As an 18 month old I distinctly remember that I was thinking "this ain't right." Nothing against Dad. But Mom took care of that--not Dad.

Then as a three year old Mom put Pampers on me at night and that was pleasurable. She also took me out of the wet Pampers in the mornings until I stopped wetting the bed during age four.

So MY imprint as a straight, cis male is that I want a cis female changing me, although, a very feminine trans-woman could also get by with changing me too, I think. So maybe my preference isn't male or female as much as it is my preference to prefer feminine vs. masculine?

This is a great question you've asked.

That’s how I feel, a straight female is what I prefer, but when you get a change, and no sexual feelings are present. Gender should not matter.

 

[newAB43]

Personally, I do. I always want a female in any sort of caretaking role in the broadest sense. Hypothetically if that is a nurse, doctor, therapist, parental figure, etc.

I prefer females in all instances too

 

[newAB43]

And if there are unexpected sexual feelings you have learned something about yourself you didn't know. That's cool too.


I'm all for trying anything (well most things) once.

Very low chance of any sexual feelings coming up during a male on male diaper change.

 

[DiapAuthor]

I’m sure since I mentioned across the forums, I have a judgmental father. Does that turn me off of having a man change my diaper? Even if the man in question is altruistic in the endeavor and does not harbor any ill will?

Right now, at this time? I think it does. I have nothing against men who change diapers on an adult but I wouldn’t be comfortable in that scenario. That might change as time goes on. Right now, only females or mommies can change my diapers.

Sorry daddies, I just can’t right now. This was a great question by the way.

 

[newAB43]

If you don’t feel 100% comfortable with somebody, male or female, then I don’t think you should let them change you. If something is telling you that you don’t like the thought of this person touching your private parts then that is completely reasonable, the why doesn’t really matter. Being changed is a very intimate act regardless of whether it is sexual for you, don’t let yourself be pressured or talked into it by this person (or anybody here); just because he doesn’t care whether he’s being changed by a male or female doesn’t mean you have to feel the same.

It’s okay to have boundaries around this and everybody’s boundaries and feelings around being changed, and who they would be comfortable changing them, will be different. Some people may only be comfortable with a partner changing them, some might be happy for friends to do it, some are happy to pay strangers, some people may be happy with any sex/ gender, some may only want the same or opposite sex, some might not like the idea of being changed by anyone else in any circumstance. All of these are okay, the main thing is to only consider being changed by someone you feel comfortable with. Please don’t push yourself to enter into a situation where you feel like you have to let this person change you because he says it doesn’t make a difference whether it’s a mommy or daddy, just because that’s the case for him doesn’t mean it has to be the same to you. Listen to what your own feelings are telling you about what does and doesn’t feel okay to you and don’t worry about what anybody else thinks as it’s really not worth putting yourself into a situation where you let someone change you and it feels wrong during or after the change. That kind of thing and the feelings of guilt/ shame/ disgust etc that can come about after letting someone do something intimate that crossed a boundary for you can be really hard to deal with and often the feelings of confusion that you feel that way when it was something you consented to can make it feel even worse, so if you don’t feel comfortable it is okay to say no and to voice and respect your own boundaries. You don’t need to find ways to convince yourself to feel comfortable with anything you’re not sure about, it is okay to listen to yourself and draw the line where it feels right for you.

Obviously that’s not to say you shouldn’t or couldn’t let a man change you, it might be something which you become comfortable with the thought of over time and as you build trust with the potential daddy in which case go for it, but if there is a part of yourself that feels uncomfortable don’t push yourself to go for it just because you feel like you should and especially not because anyone else has made you feel like you should.

Great advice @KaleidoscopeKitty, I have great respect for myself and my boundaries, and I won’t give in to anybody. This is such a help, it’s awesome to have such support and friendship. We are all looking out for each others best interests.

 

[DiapAuthor]

Yes @KaleidoscopeKitty has a wonderful point here. You must be 100% comfortable because you are most vulnerable when you’re in that position