First Time Traveling Dilemma

[berrt]

I am taking my wife and kids cross country to stay with my family next week for the first time since I've started having issues. I'm not sure how I'll handle my situation. They know I have been having heart and hydration problems for the last year + due to POTS, but they know nothing about the more private matters - I'd like to keep it this way, too.

Typically I can get by with little to no diapers, but there are a couple of days a week that I get pretty bad cramping and urges and resort to using them instead of interrupting my day / life going to the bathroom every 30-60 minutes or be in pain. I also usually wear one when going out for dinner, shopping, social events, etc as to not be a slave of finding the bathroom all the time.

Now, I'm not sure what I should do for this whole trip. Here are my options:

1) intentionally try to stay slightly dehydrated and avoid most of the bladder problems with frequency and volume

2) maintain hydration and just suffer the frequency / cramps / urgency without any worries of maintaining supplies and hiding disposal somehow

3) maintain hydration and just deal with maintaining supplies and disposal take the risk of them finding out. After all, there is A LOT of waste and noticable trash with adult diapers


To add: this will be a long drive, 13+ hours, with 3 kids and one of them being a newborn. I'm sure we will have plenty of stops every 3 or so hours to let them out to stretch and use the bathroom themselves. I'm sure the drive I could manage without any protection based on this alone (I also HATE changing in public restrooms)

 

[daylight]

If you practice being discreet during the day, your trip should be no different. Seems from your earlier descriptions, you are not dealing with incontinence all the time. Driving long distances w young kids requires frequent stops, 1-2 hrs, prefect time for you to take care of your needs.

Second, stay hydrated but, not overly so.

Lastly, the memories of young children are not that precise. So, I would say there is no need to tell them.

 

[Edgewater]

Well, the information provided above is excellent, but you are just fooling yourself because life tends to turn the best plans on there heads, every time. Everything works well tell it does not! Add a bit of stress and the joy of a long drive with kids and your best designed plan will fail! Your choice whether you want to try while not wearing. But, I would recommend that you at least take your diapers!

Best of Luck!!

 

[sledder23]

I do quite a bit of traveling and have very little bladder control. I kinda use a combination of your options depending on the days activities and can usually get by with one or two diapers a day. When driving, I’ll limit my fluids and try to go when a stop is made. If I’m lucky I can usually get by on one diaper when driving.

At the destination, I’ll drink fluids and keep normal hydration levels. I’ll go through a normal 4-5 diapers a day. I just take my own trash bag(s) and throw out wet diapers that are discreetly bagged when company is occupied. Family has never noticed or mentioned it…and I no longer have kids in diapers that would even more so create trash that my used ones would blend in with.

Wish you the best in travel.

 

[Jinks]

Hey Bertt, if I were you, I would just sit down and have a family talk with your loved ones...They already know that you're having health issues you might as well just go a little more into more detail. Why make things harder then they are? Just remember they are your family and they will love you no mater what. They better! Diapers are just a piece of protection to keep you and your surroundings dry..

 

[UrgentWees]

I would definitely wear whatever protection makes you feel safe from leaks onto your clothes for the trip. I’ve been managing my incontinence around family without disclosing to them for a few years now. They know I carry a medical bag everywhere with me, but I have a complex medical history so it could be for a number of conditions. Used products get swapped out for fresh product with every bathroom visit and I make regular bin trips to dispose of my nappies. I hope whatever decision you end up making brings you peace of mind.

 

[Dinotopian2002]

Hi @berrt

I appreciate this isn’t easy for you to adjust to, but my advice is you’re going to have to admit your diaper needs to your family. I appreciate you want to keep this on a need-to-know basis, but this is a situation where they need to know - if not the whole story, then at least the basics.

Think of it this way, if you can trust your family enough to tell them you have POTS, and it’s affecting your heart and hydration issues - and they were okay with that, then why is this different?

Please don’t dehydrate yourself - not only will this worsen your incontinence and general health, if you’re driving, this will affect your concentration and make you feel irritable. Not to mention you could be at greater risk of crashing.

This is a personal choice, but when I’m traveling, I tend to wear protection which is a bit thicker - as I’m not within reach of a bathroom, it means fewer changes on the go, and if anyone sees it, it’s not going to be anyone I know. While I’m not an exhibitionist, I really don’t care now if people see my diaper - it’s more discreet than a catheter - or an accident.

As for your kids, if they’re old enough to ask questions, it’s best to give them an answer which is age appropriate. If you explain to them that you’re sick and you need some padding to stay dry, they’re more likely to support you rather than make fun of you.

If it makes you feel better, I’m spending this New Year’s Eve at my girlfriend’s home, and I’m meeting her parents properly for the first time. My girlfriend still lives with them and I’ve only been down to see her at home once before when her parents were on holiday. The other times we’ve met she’s either come up to mine, or we met up somewhere else for a mini-break. (When you’re disabled, need a wheelchair to get around, and you have a long-distance relationship, it’s the best way to do it.)

TLDR, This is not a drill. I want to make a good first impression and that’s a lot harder when you’re visibly disabled.

But..

I trusted them enough to be open about my incontinence and my diaper needs, but that I can change myself. And they’re going to take delivery of some diapers for me, so I don’t have to carry all my supplies.

That wasn’t easy to ask, as I can be pretty shy sometimes. But this way I can stay padded, and dry, and I don’t have to worry about whatever my bladder does or when it happens. I can relax and not have to be on edge around having an accident in front of her family.

I appreciate that this is new to you, and I think your bladder control is better than mine, but you’d be surprised at how much the people you trust will go to help you if you need it.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002

 

[Jeff Rictus]

I was just in a similar situation. It was embarrassing but I informed the family of my issues. IC doesn't have to be worsened by hiding. Being family I hope they understand.
I just got my aunt aside, told her about my issues, and asked her to be discrete. She was glad we talked.
The rest or our visit went great.
Sometimes we IC folks are insecure and secretive. It can be refreshing and helpful to open up once and awhile.

 

[Pino]

I am in a very similar situation at the moment, i am not able to drive myself longer than 60 minutes (cognitive issues), so my wife will drive all longer trips most of the time. I am wearing a diaper, but i will only use it as a last resort, i do use ISC with a bag on the second front seat with my kid in the back.
He never realized.

 

[CheshireCat]

My incontinence began as part of a major health crisis. There was no hiding being in diapers from my 7 & 10 year old children. Their mother (my wife) discussed all my health issues with them in a way that they would understand, as we could not make light of my spending weeks at a time in hospital or having nurses constantly in the house when home. Both kids were resilient and understood not to discuss it outside our purview. Both were very supportive.

Speaking from 30 years of incontinence experience...

Stay hydrated for your health and to minimize urine oder.

As convenient as a diaper is, changing is not. Maintain a voiding schedule while traveling to minimize discomfort and changes.

Wear a diaper while traveling in the car, but behave as though wearing underwear. The diaper is not for convenience. Make a point of maintaining a voiding schedule (I use a urinal/toilet every 1.5 hours) to minimize the chances of a heavy void, a leak, or changes. You will need a break at least every 2 hours because of the kids, so use the toilet every break. Pack a small changing bag with what you need for a single change (diaper, wipes?, disposal bag, extra trousers?). I carry a sport sackpack that has a front zip pocket for keys, wallet, glasses, phone, etc. No one will think twice about you carrying a sackpack or smaller backpack around with you during stops with your valuables inside. If disposing of a used diaper is not convenient in the restroom, put the used diaper (in a disposal bag) in your pack and bin it with all the other trash from the car before driving off (deal with trash at the end of a stop, not the beginning). Have a separate duffle readily available with whatever supplies you need to refill your small pack after a change. Other than the possibility of a son(?) hearing tape being removed while in a stall, nothing said above would even cause your kids to suspect, if you want to keep your need for diapers private.

While staying with your family in a hotel or with family at your destination, just wear appropriate clothes--looser trousers, untucked shirts, heavier bedclothes--which is easy in the winter. It's a bit late in the game to be looking for a suitable daytime diaper versus bedtime diaper. Wear what you know works for you. Maintain a voiding schedule to minimize diaper changes. Take excellent disposal bags and dispose of used diapers in outside trash bins at appropriate times. If a family member asks, own it. Let them know your health issues are more extensive than you would like to discuss now, but you are working with doctors to deal with the issues.

As humiliating as it might seem to be found out, what I find uncomfortable is the pity and awkwardness that people display if they do find out. Owning it and joking about it is the best way to move past, so have a few incontinence jokes at the ready in case... Incontinence Hot Line, Please hold.

Best disposal bags I have found...
These hold 1 overnight adult diaper or 2 daytime adult diapers

https://www.amazon.com/BOS-Disposable-Sanitary-Disposal-Unscented/dp/B06Y2XMS1K/

These hold up to 3 overnight adult diapers

https://www.amazon.com/BOS-Disposable-Sanitary-Disposal-Unscented/dp/B075WR3Z63/

 

[JustMe]

<…snip…>

As humiliating as it might seem to be found out, what I find uncomfortable is the pity and awkwardness that people display if they do find out. Owning it and joking about it is the best way to move past, so have a few incontinence jokes at the ready in case... Incontinence Hot Line, Please hold.

…

Agreed. Better to disclose than to be ”found out” and then have to cover the awkwardness. Think of it like taking off a bandaid on hairy skin. You can pull slowly and gingerly or just “go for the wax job“ and rip it off. After many trials/errors, when traveling for any length with others I just disclose, they understand/accept, and we move on.

As for keeping some Incon jokes in your repertoire, that’s an excellent suggestion! I didn’t realize that I did that, but in reflecting back, that’s what I do to defuse an awkward situation when the observer doesn’t know how to react to “finding me out”.

 

[ElPulpo]

they know nothing about the more private matters - I'd like to keep it this way, too.
Options:
1) intentionally try to stay slightly dehydrated and avoid most of the bladder problems with frequency and volume
2) maintain hydration and just suffer the frequency / cramps / urgency without any worries of maintaining supplies and hiding disposal somehow
3) maintain hydration and just deal with maintaining supplies and disposal take the risk of them finding out.

1) and 2) seem unhealthy to me. In my opinion, hydration and diapers (or maybe even public restrooms) would be a reasonable way to handle this.

While I understand that you want to keep your issues private, what would you honestly advise someone else, like for example your wife if she had these problems? Would you rather accept her wearing diapers or expect her to endure dehydration and/or cramps? I don't know your marriage, but I have met couples who would tell each other about their medical needs. Personally, I guess that's a good idea.

(Incidental fun fact: At first I read the title "First time traveling dilemma" as your "first dilemma while time traveling")

 

[berrt]

1) and 2) seem unhealthy to me. In my opinion, hydration and diapers (or maybe even public restrooms) would be a reasonable way to handle this.

While I understand that you want to keep your issues private, what would you honestly advise someone else, like for example your wife if she had these problems? Would you rather accept her wearing diapers or expect her to endure dehydration and/or cramps? I don't know your marriage, but I have met couples who would tell each other about their medical needs. Personally, I guess that's a good idea.

(Incidental fun fact: At first I read the title "First time traveling dilemma" as your "first dilemma while time traveling")

I should state that my wife is fully aware of all my medical issues and ways of management - not a problem there. My kids don't know, but they are all young - 6 and under. They just know that I take medicine every morning while we all take our vitamins.

The people who don't know are the family members we will be crashing with for a week. We will spend time at my parents, uncle's, and grandmother's houses while we make our way around and introduce them to our new baby and celebrate the holidays.

 

[Bigbabybret]

well, i have been in the position as you are long ago.

Yes, you dont need to advertise your having ic issues, but there is also noone in your family that will also degrade you over it, especially as they know you have been having health issues.

My advice, wear protection, it will be a lot worse to have an accident that to have someone in your family/friends know about your health issues.

There i nothing wrong in wearing protection to protect from a ny accidents, that is just how it works, and to be honest sooner or later most people willhave some sorta issues with IC if you live long enough.

Now, it's never easy to be openabout diapers, most think it's something to hide. It's not something to hide any more than your underwear or if your constipated or having the runs. Yes it's not a thing you meet somone and first thing you say is "Hello I'm incontinent and wear diapers, whats your name"

But also, it should not be a huge deal that if someone asks you say yeah, been having issues as of late, and stess/not my routine can make things worse, so i have some protection just incase.

I'd say noone that care about you at all will think/do anything but try to help, as if there is anything they can do.

Now, if your trying to limit liquids and changing your routine to avaid wearing at least a pad, then that is not going to be anyhting but stressful and will take any fun away.

You kids will always understand if you explain it to them, and your adult family members wont need much explaination. Id bet that most your family even if they notice wont even say anything at all, this is not that unheard of in the world, and most people have or know of someone that has had ic issues, it's just not a topic most talk about, like talking about poop at dinner

You will be less steessed with just wearing something, and that is the best route. Dont be dehydrated, that is really bad for your body, you dont want to get kidney stones later from being dehydrated (a big cause of them).

Even before i wa sin a wheelchair most the time, i was wearing most the time, and i dont thing too many ever noticed and the ones that did, didnt worry about it.

Most men will have IC issues with/when they have prostrate issues, like after surgery and alike, but it can easily go away over time. And womes have issues with IC during pregnancy often. You are having health issues and IC is just one of them, there is no more to be embaressed over than if you need to eat low salt or low carbs, its just how your body is at this time.

 

[Rob110]

When my Ic issue got to the point of me needing to wear taped diapers I decided to let all my family know it has made dealing with bladder and now unfortunately bowel issues a non issue, no need to hide my diapers and trying to explain why I need to carry a sling bag with me every time I head to the bathroom when we are out and about.

Traveling is a challenge but manageable I now over pack my needed supplies as one of our latest trips to Disney I ran out of diapers nesr the end of the trip and I had to buy walmarts and CVS’s idea of a premium thick diaper

Make sure your protected (Premium diaper like Betterdry) and let your family know it will take a lot of stress away and remember to take a bed protection to keep their mattress clean and dry

Theres no shame in needing to be padded and there are millions of Adults in north America that wear 24/7 so you are not alone

 

[CheshireCat]

At 6 and under, your kids will not even know about dad's special underwear, unless you are indiscreet. They will not ask about a disposal bag left in a hotel waste bin. If you need to go to a rest stop restroom alone, your kids will think nothing of them being left with their mother for a few minutes.

Take a robe, so you can wear in PJs or loungewear before bed or in the morning while visiting family.

Discuss your concerns with your wife. She's your biggest fan and will help you through them. You will be amazed at how easily she can distract people. And if anyone were to slight you, they just might meet mama bear, if you know what I mean. With her help, this can be a great family holiday, not a stressful obligation.

 

[Bigbabybret]

At 6 and under, your kids will not even know about dad's special underwear, unless you are indiscreet. They will not ask about a disposal bag left in a hotel waste bin. If you need to go to a rest stop restroom alone, your kids will think nothing of them being left with their mother for a few minutes.

Take a robe, so you can wear in PJs or loungewear before bed or in the morning while visiting family.

Discuss your concerns with your wife. She's your biggest fan and will help you through them. You will be amazed at how easily she can distract people. And if anyone were to slight you, they just might meet mama bear, if you know what I mean. With her help, this can be a great family holiday, not a stressful obligation.

Totally correct, the kids are a non issue, real young they couldnt care, older they wil understand.

As for the family stay overs and alike, it makes it easier if they know, if your uncomfortable bringing that subject up, then just let it come up someday naturally.

As they are family will actually defend you all the time, wether that is a SO or even the kids, my ex's kids did at even like 8yo, i know one friend they had over was exposed to a bag of diapers, they were playing hide and seek and well, the master suite in my place has never been off limits, and well a walk in close is a great place to hide. He thought they were kids at first, no just white diapers...But i heard my ex's kid tell him that i need thoes for "doctor" issues, close enough. But it's not a hidden fact, and not much can be done about it, kids are curious. But later in the theater the friend said sorry that i needed diapers, and was a non issue. But i'm sure getting the movie theater going and letting them run the controller and pick what they want is a great distraction...Yes kids always have fun here...

But back to topic, with it out in the open, it's way easier, no need to hide bag of diapers, yeah you still dont leave on the kitchen table, but no need to worry about them, and really noone should feel bad over something like this. The proper thiungs is to wear protection and that is what you should do.

 

[sport1]

I am taking my wife and kids cross country to stay with my family next week for the first time since I've started having issues. I'm not sure how I'll handle my situation. They know I have been having heart and hydration problems for the last year + due to POTS, but they know nothing about the more private matters - I'd like to keep it this way, too.

Typically I can get by with little to no diapers, but there are a couple of days a week that I get pretty bad cramping and urges and resort to using them instead of interrupting my day / life going to the bathroom every 30-60 minutes or be in pain. I also usually wear one when going out for dinner, shopping, social events, etc as to not be a slave of finding the bathroom all the time.

Now, I'm not sure what I should do for this whole trip. Here are my options:

1) intentionally try to stay slightly dehydrated and avoid most of the bladder problems with frequency and volume

2) maintain hydration and just suffer the frequency / cramps / urgency without any worries of maintaining supplies and hiding disposal somehow

3) maintain hydration and just deal with maintaining supplies and disposal take the risk of them finding out. After all, there is A LOT of waste and noticable trash with adult diapers


To add: this will be a long drive, 13+ hours, with 3 kids and one of them being a newborn. I'm sure we will have plenty of stops every 3 or so hours to let them out to stretch and use the bathroom themselves. I'm sure the drive I could manage without any protection based on this alone (I also HATE changing in public restrooms)

I am taking my wife and kids cross country to stay with my family next week for the first time since I've started having issues. I'm not sure how I'll handle my situation. They know I have been having heart and hydration problems for the last year + due to POTS, but they know nothing about the more private matters - I'd like to keep it this way, too.

Typically I can get by with little to no diapers, but there are a couple of days a week that I get pretty bad cramping and urges and resort to using them instead of interrupting my day / life going to the bathroom every 30-60 minutes or be in pain. I also usually wear one when going out for dinner, shopping, social events, etc as to not be a slave of finding the bathroom all the time.

Now, I'm not sure what I should do for this whole trip. Here are my options:

1) intentionally try to stay slightly dehydrated and avoid most of the bladder problems with frequency and volume

2) maintain hydration and just suffer the frequency / cramps / urgency without any worries of maintaining supplies and hiding disposal somehow

3) maintain hydration and just deal with maintaining supplies and disposal take the risk of them finding out. After all, there is A LOT of waste and noticable trash with adult diapers


To add: this will be a long drive, 13+ hours, with 3 kids and one of them being a newborn. I'm sure we will have plenty of stops every 3 or so hours to let them out to stretch and use the bathroom themselves. I'm sure the drive I could manage without any protection based on this alone (I also HATE changing in public restrooms)

I would advise and diaper up and keep hydrated.

 

[Zeke]

Well, the information provided above is excellent, but you are just fooling yourself because life tends to turn the best plans on there heads, every time. Everything works well tell it does not! Add a bit of stress and the joy of a long drive with kids and your best designed plan will fail!

Steinbeck had something to say about this in his book Of Mice and Men. I’ve certainly found that my best laid plans of this mouse or man oft went awry. But your newborn should sleep well when traveling in a car if they’re anything like our babies used to be. Especially on the trip home and they would be sleeping soundly when we got home and it was time for them to go into the house. I’d never make it without wearing a diaper no matter how short the trip was!