First time Caregiver experience with longterm Partner: Some Questions and Sharing Experience

[flickpuppy]

Just kinda wanna gush a bit, but also have some questions!

Shortly before Christmas this last year my partner tried CG/littles play with me for the first time!

When we first got together, my partner told me he never wanted to interact with my diaper at all sexually or otherwise. I took that to mean Caregiver /littles roleplay would also be completely off limits. Buttttt, recently learned that wasn't the case at all and that he actually would consider taking a caretaker role and doing CG/littles roleplay. Turns out they were more refering to the DL aspects of ABDL, and interacting with diapers sexually.

So fastword, and we decided to try having them take a caretaker role while we built lego sets together. We settled on my roleplay age being 5 cause my partner felt they would want to be able to talk to me and get feedback for a first time.

We talked about expectations and set aside 2 hrs to hangout and roleplay. Funnily enough our usual Stoplight system (Red=stop, Yellow=check in, Greeb=go ahead) for safe words didn't work, because turns out building a Lego set requires using lots of color words, haha.

We had some hiccups here and there (mostly due to me being shy, embarrassed, or ashamed), but we got through it, and he even agreed to try it again sometime!

My partner didn't feel comfy using the word Daddy or Dad to refer to him, cause it felt weird to him. Though he wonders if he'd be more open to it later. Anybody else have any other terms for their caretaker in a Dad role using other terms besides: papa, dad, or daddy?

Other interesting takeaway was what to do if "grown up topics" come in the course of play or conversation. We kinda rolled with it and my partner played dumb, and I played the "Why Game" when more adult subjects came up, which actually led to some weirdly fascinating questions and discussion after we finished roleplaying together. Would be intrigued to hear how others handle "grown up" topics in their CG/littles play.

Also, my partner was an only child and hasn't really ever been around kids much, so they don't have much context for how to roleplay a caretaker very well. Any advice on how to educate them more on how to be more authentic in a caretaker role? Moreover, my ideal littles age is around 10 months to 2 years old, obviously much younger than 5 years old like I ended up roleplaying. What's a good way to get your caretaker more ready or accustomed to roleplaying a younger age range?

Overall, was super surprised to have my partner actually go through with being my caregiver! Excited for future times with them ^^ and don't give up on your own long term partner being a caretaker for you like I did just cause you think they wouldn't like it! Turns out asking may be all it takes!

 

[safaridaze]

I like ma'am as opposed to mommy - may Sir??

 

[BobaFettish]

Mommy and Daddy can be very heavy words for some. I have had Bigs that preferred "Ms (their first name)". Maybe "Mr (his first name)" would work.

 

[Polarbear]

Sounds like you guys are on the right track, and time will show were it leads you to.

Best way to prep him to be a CG for you, at any age, is communicating to him how you would like the sessions to be and different situations handled. This will be a prosess over time. Communication about the sessions will be easier for both of you in time, as long as you lean into it (talking about it before and after) and you both get more comfortable. Also, the line between what he is okay doing, and all of what you would love to have happen, might also change over time.

When it comes to grown up topics, best to avoid them. Me and my wife has this as a general rule when I am in little mode. If I for some reason have to get involved or handle it, there is no other option than to take a pause, handle it/talk about it, and work our ways back in it. As we have been doing this both as play and relationship dynamic over time, she has learned a few tricks to easily get me back in littlemode again when need be. Also I might help her «feed the fire» by giving lots of cuddles and askin for my binky after the grown-up stuff is dealt with. This may or may not require some courage to do on your part because maybe there is a 10% subconsious part of you scared of CG not picking up the play were you left it/dismissing your initiative, but those are things that come with time.

A good advice is to agree on the way of communication and stuff beforehand, not only safeword system, but also time and frequency. At least the latter was important for us. We discussed upon and made agreements upon when and how often we talk about the CG/little dynamic. Both to make sure we check in regurarly, but frequency also is important to safeguard that talking about or doing ADBL stuff doesnt take up more space in our relationship than we both want it to (obviously it is a risk of me beeing the abdl pushing it to much). These chats can contain anything from detailed scene negotiations (you visualizing how you want to be threated to your CG and then you both talk about it) to a debrief on something we tried for the first time or a general talk about the dynamic and playtime and so forth.

Also, we always plan ahead time together to deal with the boring grown up stuff on a regular basis and time for just beeing grown up partners having fun together. This means that if something comes up when Im in little mode, very often my wife can make note of it and she will bring it up to talk about or plan with grown up me at a later time. And if little me suddenly remember something or discovers something that we need to deal with, I do the same, note it down for later (or ask her to).

All this also means that we have gotten better at «beeing ahead» and the chance of something coming up during playtime is much smaller.

There are probably many ways to answer your questions depending on who you are, but maybe it gives you some ideas anyway.
Best of luck!

 

[flickpuppy]

I like ma'am as opposed to mommy - may Sir??

Hmmm, for some reason i like the idea of ma'am (tho not relevant to my current partner), but really dislike the idea of sir, haha.

I think cause my actual dad was really dictatorial, and I was often forced to call him sir because of that.

 

[flickpuppy]

Mommy and Daddy can be very heavy words for some. I have had Bigs that preferred "Ms (their first name)". Maybe "Mr (his first name)" would work.

Interesting! That's a good idea might have to try it on for size and see how it feels to actually use it in practice.

 

[flickpuppy]

Sounds like you guys are on the right track, and time will show were it leads you to.

Best way to prep him to be a CG for you, at any age, is communicating to him how you would like the sessions to be and different situations handled. This will be a prosess over time. Communication about the sessions will be easier for both of you in time, as long as you lean into it (talking about it before and after) and you both get more comfortable. Also, the line between what he is okay doing, and all of what you would love to have happen, might also change over time.

When it comes to grown up topics, best to avoid them. Me and my wife has this as a general rule when I am in little mode. If I for some reason have to get involved or handle it, there is no other option than to take a pause, handle it/talk about it, and work our ways back in it. As we have been doing this both as play and relationship dynamic over time, she has learned a few tricks to easily get me back in littlemode again when need be. Also I might help her «feed the fire» by giving lots of cuddles and askin for my binky after the grown-up stuff is dealt with. This may or may not require some courage to do on your part because maybe there is a 10% subconsious part of you scared of CG not picking up the play were you left it/dismissing your initiative, but those are things that come with time.

A good advice is to agree on the way of communication and stuff beforehand, not only safeword system, but also time and frequency. At least the latter was important for us. We discussed upon and made agreements upon when and how often we talk about the CG/little dynamic. Both to make sure we check in regurarly, but frequency also is important to safeguard that talking about or doing ADBL stuff doesnt take up more space in our relationship than we both want it to (obviously it is a risk of me beeing the abdl pushing it to much). These chats can contain anything from detailed scene negotiations (you visualizing how you want to be threated to your CG and then you both talk about it) to a debrief on something we tried for the first time or a general talk about the dynamic and playtime and so forth.

Also, we always plan ahead time together to deal with the boring grown up stuff on a regular basis and time for just beeing grown up partners having fun together. This means that if something comes up when Im in little mode, very often my wife can make note of it and she will bring it up to talk about or plan with grown up me at a later time. And if little me suddenly remember something or discovers something that we need to deal with, I do the same, note it down for later (or ask her to).

All this also means that we have gotten better at «beeing ahead» and the chance of something coming up during playtime is much smaller.

There are probably many ways to answer your questions depending on who you are, but maybe it gives you some ideas anyway.
Best of luck!

Thanks! I feel like we're on the right track too!

Good point, I actually made a little lust for him before our roleplay session of things i thought i might like to hear or have them do for me. I imagine we'll iron out more kinks in the sessions with more of them like you suggested. We actually did do a little pre-play discussion and post-play discussion. We've both been struggling with finding time lately to actually sit down and hash out what we want out of life, sex, roleplay and anything, so definitely something we need to work on.

Yeah, we ended up avoiding them this time around and will probably follow your example and keep doing that later down the line. Definitely we'll need to agree on something to help me get back into it if an interruption takes place.

Scheduling regular check in's like that is a good idea, we've struggled having regular check-in's outside of roleplay discussions at times, but perhaps something we should pick up again. Talking about ABDL roleplaying too much or being pushy would definitely be my biggest worry too.


Keeping the grown up hangouts, chores, etcs seperate and saving the space for the roleplay aspect is definitely something we need to try, cause we did have random life stuff interrupt play. So something to work on for sure. I'll have to brain storm some fun kiddo ways of taking notes for later too, so i can stay in headspace.

Thanks so much for the detailed reply as well! Lots of good suggestions and ideas ^^

 

[BobaFettish]

Interesting! That's a good idea might have to try it on for size and see how it feels to actually use it in practice.

You gotta say it extra cute tho

 

[Polarbear]

Thanks! I feel like we're on the right track too!

Good point, I actually made a little lust for him before our roleplay session of things i thought i might like to hear or have them do for me. I imagine we'll iron out more kinks in the sessions with more of them like you suggested. We actually did do a little pre-play discussion and post-play discussion. We've both been struggling with finding time lately to actually sit down and hash out what we want out of life, sex, roleplay and anything, so definitely something we need to work on.

Yeah, we ended up avoiding them this time around and will probably follow your example and keep doing that later down the line. Definitely we'll need to agree on something to help me get back into it if an interruption takes place.

Scheduling regular check in's like that is a good idea, we've struggled having regular check-in's outside of roleplay discussions at times, but perhaps something we should pick up again. Talking about ABDL roleplaying too much or being pushy would definitely be my biggest worry too.


Keeping the grown up hangouts, chores, etcs seperate and saving the space for the roleplay aspect is definitely something we need to try, cause we did have random life stuff interrupt play. So something to work on for sure. I'll have to brain storm some fun kiddo ways of taking notes for later too, so i can stay in headspace.

Thanks so much for the detailed reply as well! Lots of good suggestions and ideas ^^

Sounds like you guys have a very good approach to it, and Im happy to help with sharing from our excperiences going into this!

 

[mammalun]

Hi, I avoided colours for our safe words too because I found we kept doing activities that involved colours - colouring books, lego etc. Not very helpful really

I don't mind being called mummy but then, I am a parent IRL so it's a word that feels natural to me. But when it comes to adult stuff interrupting, like needing to get chores done, I just treat my Little like I would a normal little. So if I have to do the dishes, he sits on the kitchen floor with a bucket of water and plays. If I have to cook, well he plays with the play food items on the kitchen floor. But I try to avoid talking about adult topics - those have to wait unless an emergency and then we use the safe words to stop. And that's why sessions need to be planned and given a time limit. And when planning a session, plan in a before and after talk time. So say you have 2 hours available. You start with a 10 minute talk, do the session (say 1.5 hours) and then a 20 minute after talk. By planning it in you avoid feeling rushed at the end.

 

[Babytomneeds]

Love to have a mommy and also being partner I wear nappies in the day and my bedtime after my baby shower I have a baby bottle for bedtime and a pacifier at nap time.used to be married and I did chores for mummy when it was us but when kid was round it was being parents I would love to have a loving woman that will treat me as a baby and partner