First post. Looking for support to help cope with IC

[PadPhilosopher]

This afternoon/evening has been rough. Not just with the accident but I’ve been just very uncomfortable. I got home at 4 and put a tranquility on. I’ve had 20oz of water and I just checked and I’m still dry. I usually shower/nighttime diaper and onesie between 9-10. So if I’m not wet by then, I’m assuming I’m clinching. I’ll update you then!

Just been stretching and trying to relax

Was the failure you experienced with an Abena? I was guessing so, but you didn't say specifically. You may want to experiment closely with those over the weekend. It is possible that they leaked because your subconscious mind held on longer than usual, because of the unproven product, and released more at once than normal. You may be able to make them work by getting used to them and developing comfort with them. This is something you need to learn in privacy, where a leak is "oh well," rather than a mortifying event. But you may find that they don't leak in private, where you can be more relaxed, and then can become a proven product that can go places with you. You may find they're just not good for you. They may not be any good anymore; I'd heard that.

 

[PTSDSurvivor413]

It sounds like your subconscious mind is giving these new, unproven products a vote of no confidence by holding your urine as long as possible by clenching things. It can't tell how full you are, so at some point you just overflow anyway, but it sounds like it's trying to retain until you get to a product you trust. I'm guessing you'll probably void some into the Tranquility, given the time and hydration involved, but then put on a Tykables for the night, and almost immediately have a pelvic relaxation and wet it. And that's perfectly OK. Tykables hold a ridiculous amount, so just keep it on and go to bed.

You may need to just stick with things you know work for you for a few days, and then try other things over the weekend, or whenever you have some extended alone time. Please, do not wear unproven products outside of your home. You just don't need the anxiety.

Hey! Just got out of the shower and used those oils over everything before getting a diaper on. I mixed lavender, tea tree oil and frankincense. The diaper took off at 9pm was bone right. And as I was typing this while watching tv. Everything came out without warning.

I’m not going to get out of bed. I’m keeping it on like you said. Kidney pain is calming down and I’m sure the other pain will follow!

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Hey! Just got out of the shower and used those oils over everything before getting a diaper on. I mixed lavender, tea tree oil and frankincense. The diaper took off at 9pm was bone right. And as I was typing this while watching tv. Everything came out without warning.

I’m not going to get out of bed. I’m keeping it on like you said. Kidney pain is calming down and I’m sure the other pain will follow!

Lavender, tea tree, and frankincense! I like it! I have never mixed lavender and tea tree, though I have both, and I don't have frankincense, but I know how it smells. That sounds like a winning combination. Lavender and tea tree are both antibacterial, so that's a winning combination in that regard, too.

You may need to just stick with the diapers you know work for awhile while your emotions stabilize. If that means you can only use Tykables and MagaMax for now, at least you have options that keep you healing and your pants dry. They are kind of expensive, but your well-being is priceless.

Rest well in the loving arms of our Savior, and keep healing!

 

[PadPhilosopher]

@PTSDSurvivor413 I hope you slept well, and are having a day with lots of success and peace.

 

[PTSDSurvivor413]

Hey @PadPhilosopher

It’s been a trying/hard day. With the oils however, they felt amazing and enjoying the soothing feeling. Woke up early this morning and discovered a coworker was going to stop by. Went to change and grab a pair of underwear so they wouldn’t see or notice any potential bulging. Had a panic attack since I remembered I threw everything away. I finally got cleaned up, diapered and dressed. Visit was just fine. I had a very thick diaper on under khakis. Nothing was said. No reason to freak out.

Rest of the day I’ve just been really tired and sleepy. Feeling out of sorts. Hope you are having a great day!

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Hey @PadPhilosopher

It’s been a trying/hard day. With the oils however, they felt amazing and enjoying the soothing feeling. Woke up early this morning and discovered a coworker was going to stop by. Went to change and grab a pair of underwear so they wouldn’t see or notice any potential bulging. Had a panic attack since I remembered I threw everything away. I finally got cleaned up, diapered and dressed. Visit was just fine. I had a very thick diaper on under khakis. Nothing was said. No reason to freak out.

Rest of the day I’ve just been really tired and sleepy. Feeling out of sorts. Hope you are having a great day!

I'm glad you're enjoying the oil, and experiencing soothing relief. I hoped you would, based on my experiences. I'm glad that your prior planning is helping you to do what you need to do to be healthy and avoid accidents, even when your circumstances make that feel more difficult. You did what you needed to do, and the outcome was good. That helps you heal emotionally and physically.

This week has been a real roller coaster for your emotions, and I'm not at all surprised that you're weary. I hope you get the opportunity to rest this weekend. If you feel relaxed enough, and have some alone time, you could try some different products in the comfort of your own home; if not, keep doing what you know works, and either way, keep resting and healing.

I'm not sure if your work week is over or not, but I'll be cheering for you all the way!

 

[PTSDSurvivor413]

I'm glad you're enjoying the oil, and experiencing soothing relief. I hoped you would, based on my experiences. I'm glad that your prior planning is helping you to do what you need to do to be healthy and avoid accidents, even when your circumstances make that feel more difficult. You did what you needed to do, and the outcome was good. That helps you heal emotionally and physically.

This week has been a real roller coaster for your emotions, and I'm not at all surprised that you're weary. I hope you get the opportunity to rest this weekend. If you feel relaxed enough, and have some alone time, you could try some different products in the comfort of your own home; if not, keep doing what you know works, and either way, keep resting and healing.

I'm not sure if your work week is over or not, but I'll be cheering for you all the way!

Thanks! Yah throwing away the undies did exactly what was needed. When I was forced to put one on I had a flashback.

This might be TMI but I’m assuming with this statement people can just move past it if needed. When I was younger (about 10) I was hitting practice balls with my neighbor (golf) and we would try to land them on the trampoline. Remember, I have ADHD. I had to go but kept forgetting and continued playing. I was getting so caught up in the moment that all of the sudden, not only did I pee but also pooped my pants. My friend was a saint (she was 15). Made no big deal about it and walked me inside. A parent was home and saw immediately. Friend try to stick up for me. She was sent home. I was hosed down in the back yard. (Not the first time). But I was actually forced to wear and use the diaper until told otherwise. I honestly blocked this out of my head until today.

So that hit be pretty darn hard. I’m extremely exhausted, worn out and I keep tearing on and off. Should be done working by 7. Haven’t changed yet since this morning as I was avoiding the entire topic. I also had OCD therapy this morning. Went through multiple situations I’ve experienced. Which caused panic as well. I think I’m just beat

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Thanks! Yah throwing away the undies did exactly what was needed. When I was forced to put one on I had a flashback.

This might be TMI but I’m assuming with this statement people can just move past it if needed. When I was younger (about 10) I was hitting practice balls with my neighbor (golf) and we would try to land them on the trampoline. Remember, I have ADHD. I had to go but kept forgetting and continued playing. I was getting so caught up in the moment that all of the sudden, not only did I pee but also pooped my pants. My friend was a saint (she was 15). Made no big deal about it and walked me inside. A parent was home and saw immediately. Friend try to stick up for me. She was sent home. I was hosed down in the back yard. (Not the first time). But I was actually forced to wear and use the diaper until told otherwise. I honestly blocked this out of my head until today.

So that hit be pretty darn hard. I’m extremely exhausted, worn out and I keep tearing on and off. Should be done working by 7. Haven’t changed yet since this morning as I was avoiding the entire topic. I also had OCD therapy this morning. Went through multiple situations I’ve experienced. Which caused panic as well. I think I’m just beat

There is no TMI in this situation, as far as I'm concerned. You'd already relayed some of that incident, minus some details. What a cruel thing to do. He should be ashamed of himself. You did nothing to deserve being treated like that, nor could you have. No one deserves to be treated that way. I hope that memory stops being a torment to you.

Not having changed since this morning is probably not that big a deal, depending on what you're wearing, and what you're doing. I'm guessing it's a Tykables, and I'm guessing it will last until bedtime with no dramas if you don't mind the feeling and the bulge. Honestly, they're a great tool to have in your arsenal right now, specifically because they're so ignorable. If you forget about them for awhile, oh well.

Hang in there until your work is done, and then focus on relaxing and recovering from the emotional roller coaster you've had this week.

 

[PTSDSurvivor413]

There is no TMI in this situation, as far as I'm concerned. You'd already relayed some of that incident, minus some details. What a cruel thing to do. He should be ashamed of himself. You did nothing to deserve being treated like that, nor could you have. No one deserves to be treated that way. I hope that memory stops being a torment to you.

Not having changed since this morning is probably not that big a deal, depending on what you're wearing, and what you're doing. I'm guessing it's a Tykables, and I'm guessing it will last until bedtime with no dramas if you don't mind the feeling and the bulge. Honestly, they're a great tool to have in your arsenal right now, specifically because they're so ignorable. If you forget about them for awhile, oh well.

Hang in there until your work is done, and then focus on relaxing and recovering from the emotional roller coaster you've had this week.

Hey there! I ended up changing at 6. Just feeling really raw and tired. I just went to layin bed and noticed my indicator had partially changed. It is either I have no control and it voids whenever or there might be a faint notice and I just forget it happening

I should still continue on this path right? I kind of thought about taking a break tomorrow and trying underwear again. I found some when folding laundry. Not sure if that’s coming from the day I had, fear of wearing, scared I’m developing a weird fetish or feel guilty and body is doing whatever it wants. Thoughts?

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Hey there! I ended up changing at 6. Just feeling really raw and tired. I just went to layin bed and noticed my indicator had partially changed. It is either I have no control and it voids whenever or there might be a faint notice and I just forget it happening

I should still continue on this path right? I kind of thought about taking a break tomorrow and trying underwear again. I found some when folding laundry. Not sure if that’s coming from the day I had, fear of wearing, scared I’m developing a weird fetish or feel guilty and body is doing whatever it wants. Thoughts?

You definitely need to continue with this path. Please get rid of the remnant underwear before you hurt yourself. If you've been having kidney pain, that's serious, and an indication that you really, really need to be serious about this, and keep doing whatever it takes to keep yourself voiding in a healthy way. Your emotional trauma from cruel people is going to make you seek to get away from the diapers, but you really do need them. You're not saying anything that would indicate that you're developing a fetish; quite the opposite.

You're in a very unusual situation, and I can sense the frustration. You physically have the muscular ability to hold your urine, and, with a huge dose of reinforcement from rude people, your mind says that if you can hold it, you should. The huge problem with that thought process is that your ability to sense bladder fullness is functionally nonexistent, and you also have problems releasing your bladder on cue. This results in retention to extreme pressure levels, which definitely can damage your kidneys, and also causes you pain in other places, which could also be damaged by the strain and pressure. Kidneys are a lot harder to replace than diapers. Keep that thought in mind.

At this point, even though some of the muscles still work, there is enough nerve dysfunction and trauma response that, for practical purposes, you do have no bladder control. This may or may not change with time. Without being able to sense fullness and then release your urine on cue, which is not one, but two separate issues, you must wear a diaper that you can trust in order to protect your overall health. Since cruel people took away your ability to manage your bladder normally, you must allow your body to just do what it knows it needs to do to keep you healthy. Every time you try to do something else, you cause yourself injuries.

There is no shame in reclaiming what wellness you can after surviving an assault which damaged you on so many levels. The people who are rude to you have no understanding of what was done to you, and their opinions are of no value. You must protect what's left of your health. I fully agree with what you said on your profile: "If I can conquer the fear of diapers and shame, I’ll be thriving!" You will conquer it, and you will thrive.

 

[PTSDSurvivor413]

Thank you for all your explanation and kind words. I got caught in a thread that turned weird. I was interested in what the stuff meant and googled. Poor poor poor decision. I read these things about diaper punishment and it just got worse from there. You warned me, other people did too. I’m just curious and gullible.

I threw the pair of underwear I found and tossed them. And now I think I’m just crying from the emotional rollercoaster. And trying to feel grounded again. I personally don’t care about wearing bulky diapers. They are comfy. Just scared of people seeing. But like other posts have said, not a second thought about it. Visiting friends tomorrow, nervous to be wearing and wetting around them

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Thank you for all your explanation and kind words. I got caught in a thread that turned weird. I was interested in what the stuff meant and googled. Poor poor poor decision. I read these things about diaper punishment and it just got worse from there. You warned me, other people did too. I’m just curious and gullible.

I threw the pair of underwear I found and tossed them. And now I think I’m just crying from the emotional rollercoaster. And trying to feel grounded again. I personally don’t care about wearing bulky diapers. They are comfy. Just scared of people seeing. But like other posts have said, not a second thought about it. Visiting friends tomorrow, nervous to be wearing and wetting around them

I'm sorry about the weird thread. I've learned to recognize and ignore that stuff. If they like it, I won't criticize, but I don't need to know.

I know it's been an emotional roller coaster, but your life is headed in a much better direction. You will feel grounded again. You will find a sense of normalcy again.

Pad up, visit the friends, and don't give it a second thought. They probably won't notice, probably won't say anything if they do, and they definitely won't know when you're wetting. If they're true friends, what underwear you use doesn't matter to them, and if they knew, they would just be happy that you're doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.

You've got this, and God's got you!

 

[PTSDSurvivor413]

I'm sorry about the weird thread. I've learned to recognize and ignore that stuff. If they like it, I won't criticize, but I don't need to know.

I know it's been an emotional roller coaster, but your life is headed in a much better direction. You will feel grounded again. You will find a sense of normalcy again.

Pad up, visit the friends, and don't give it a second thought. They probably won't notice, probably won't say anything if they do, and they definitely won't know when you're wetting. If they're true friends, what underwear you use doesn't matter to them, and if they knew, they would just be happy that you're doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.

You've got this, and God's got you!

Thank you! I’m not kidding, I had gotten out of bed and was getting ready to run to Walmart to get some underwear. Saw your post getting ready to leave, turned around and went back into my room. Did a diaper check and I need to change before I get in bed. Thank you for everything. No questions or circumstances are worth trying to stay dry and trying to not bed diapered

 

[PadPhilosopher]

Thank you! I’m not kidding, I had gotten out of bed and was getting ready to run to Walmart to get some underwear. Saw your post getting ready to leave, turned around and went back into my room. Did a diaper check and I need to change before I get in bed. Thank you for everything. No questions or circumstances are worth trying to stay dry and trying to not bed diapered

My heart aches at your struggle. I'm glad I've been able to help you do what you need to do. We all need encouragement in our times of struggle, and I'm honored you've allowed me to do that for you.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

@PTSDSurvivor413 Sleep well. Rest in the loving arms of our Savior.

 

[PTSDSurvivor413]

@PTSDSurvivor413 Sleep well. Rest in the loving arms of our Savior.

I dozed off for a bit. Sleep well!