Diapers as part of marriage/relationship.

[Notoday]

I’m sure it has been posted before. To this if you who are married/in a serious relationship, what steps have you taken to make your IC/DL side note a part of your bond? I have been married for almost 15 years and my wife has know about diapers since before we were married. She is still not into “it” and it had continued to be a challenge for me as I am a nighttime bedwetter (5-6x/week). I have desperately desired for diapers to be part of our relationship, but yet to no avail. Any tips/tricks on bringing diapers into the picture???

 

[messydiaper]

In my first marriage I began to wet the bed. I disclosed ten years earlier that I had a diaper fetish. That went no where. 19 years of marriage and it ended in divorce. I tried to save it. Sometimes divorce is a good way to end a marriage. She knew I wore diapers for pleasure. She knew I wet the bed. She wanted nothing to do with it.

Second relationship, I let her know I had nighttime issues. She understood. We got married. I wore diapers at night. It took six years for her to ask me why I got so excited when she diapered me. I admitted my diaper fetish. I am free. I don't hide anything from her. Don't give up.

 

[Forced]

I have had three long term relationships that knew about my nappy thing.

My current partner knew about my ABDL interest before we even spoke, we met through POF and I explained in my bio/intro on the site that I was an occasional AB/DL and any future partner would have to at least accept that side of me or even better join in as it weren’t going away.

The first weekend away we spent together was all about her putting me in a nappy to see whether she could do it and I would enjoy it.

We have been together a number of years now and whilst I would say the frequency and her enthusiasm to treat me as a AB has got less (also happened in my previous relationship) she still occasionally joins in as caretaker.

I know she’d like to get married and I think if she hadn’t have reduced the ABDL time we had I’d have wed her before now.
My one worry would be that if I did marry her is that she would then either stop joining in altogether or worse tell me to stop my solo activities.

 

[PetPuppyAlex]

In my first relationship, I didn't tell my ex until some months in, and she initially had a bad reaction. I don't really need to get into it other than saying I stayed 4 years too long and got back with her because I bought her "warming up to it" bullshit for that long. In fairness, she did go from absolutely abhorring the idea to being sorta alright with it. But I could have never gotten away with a 24/7 lifestyle. She wouldn't change me. The most I ever got her to do was lay a diaper out for me and she just wasn't ever comfortable with anything else.

Anyway, I was with her 5 years total. One breakup after the first year and a happy six months apart from her and ending up in my one experimental poly relationship where my diapers were again just tolerated but in a much more liberal like "yeah, wear wet diapers in the living room, we don't care! :3" kinda way. No one changed me or anything and actually, upon discovery of my stash, one of my roomies kinda was like "wtf?" but then chilled when I explained it. Neither of them were into ABDL but they were generally kink-aware/positive. Buuut I left for other reasons and ended up back with "warming up to it" girl. For another 4 years.

If you wanna skip all that and read the good part, here it is: here I am now with a fiancée who is wonderful and *loves* my diapers. She loves entertaining my little side and fills our house with toys and diapers. She treats me so unbelievably well. I told her very early on because, after my last lukewarm relationship, I decided that I was going to be upfront about my ABDL identity like, almost first thing once I sense it going somewhere. It worked. I had a few flings with some people who "thought it was cute" and let me ship diapers to their house and stuff... but, ultimately, I met her and she watched me writhe through an uncomfortable explanation just to tell me "Dude, I don't care that you wear diapers. Like at all." and then, disbelieving, I continued to divulge all the aspects of my littleness and puppiness in immense detail and she said, basically, she needed to think about it for a week and do her own research on ABDL etc.
She did exactly that, and then came back and was like, "Yeah, no, you're totally a puppy and I'm kinda down to be your Mommy in a huge way." and the rest is history. I'm diapered (mostly) 24/7 nowadays. I was 24/7 throughout the meat of the pandemic and the only reason I spend a *little* less time in diapers nowadays is because of family crisis reasons that we're both handling. We have an extra head (my brother) in our household temporarily who is underage, so our kink life has had to not be so obvious. I still wear collars and diapers and stuff, but not so obviously. I don't have my diapers and Little stuff just laid out anymore, I don't sit in my messes as much anymore or let my discarded and wrapped-up wet diapers surround the foot of my bed to keep my room smelling like pee and baby powder anymore (it was my fiancée's idea but we both ended up loving it).
I have sippy cups with my name on them, I have onesies and Little clothes, pacifiers (and a locking paci gag!) and hundreds of diapers. I have a growing collection of collars, some I wear in public -- others I wouldn't. All hidden right now due to these exigent circumstances, but we very much live the lifestyle 24/7 in times of peace, and intend to resume once the dust settles on our current situation.

ADVICE: I would say, tell people early. And don't be weird about it. It's all in the delivery. After my 5 year "warming up to it" ex, I resolved to be very open to rejection in my dating life and take the risk of being very upfront. It's all about *how* you tell people. If you frame it like this "weird thing I'm into that you'll probably think I'm crazy for," there's a much higher risk of a potential suitor seeing it as, well, a weird thing you're into that might mean you're a little crazy. A loootttt of people don't know what ABDL is and so their perception of it is *all* up to your delivery. I don't think that's a position a lot of ABDL's appreciate in their relationships and that's why so many people are in ten-year marriages where their wife/husband doesn't know the whole thing or hates it.

I personally wouldn't stay with someone who was disapproving. This is a part of me. If you don't love it, you don't love all of me. That's how I approach it: I wear diapers both because I have a need for them mentally, emotionally, and physically (OAB) but also because I love them and I'm super sensory and they make me feel safe and happy. I'm a puppy because I relate to the young innocence of a puppy more than I feel like a small child (and I'm a furry). It's a very innocent thing and has nothing to do with actual children and I've never been attracted to the actual thought of children in diapers, or diapers as they pertain to children in anyway. My attraction is to *diapers* as an object and *adults* in diapers and mostly the idea of *myself* in diapers. Nor do I see myself as an actual child during relations; I see myself as a submissive adult playing a puppy/child role, power-wise... I have had great luck using this above explanation and expounding on it calmly. I've had a majority successful hitrate trying to get potential s/o's to understand this way. Also, DON'T SETTLE. Don't get with someone, not tell them, or tell them and stay even if they hate it. DON'T. SETTLE. This is a thing people do that baffles me. But even I've done it when I thought that's more than what I deserved! Go into relationships confident about your little/ABDL side and show potential s/o's that this is you EARLY ON and that it is a non-negotiable. "No it can't happen in the background, no it can't happen when you're at work and be put away by the time you come home, no I won't hide my stuff cause the person who apparently loves me thinks this part of me is weird".. It will cost you a few relationships quickly, but you'll soon realize why. The one who says, "Yup, still love you and want all of this," and stays is your soulmate, 10/10 times.

A lot of people complain about ABDL being the bane of their existence and wishing they could extinguish it from their lives. I used to be one of those people until well into my twenties, frankly. I didn't realize until I left my ex that it was my relationship with her that was making me feel largely like I had to "hate" it or feel guilty about it. When she was gone, the guilt was gone. The shame was gone. The feeling like a weirdo was gone. And I radically changed how I approached relationships based on the lifestyle I wanted to live. I 100% believe my ABDL side helped me find true love. I think the more people embrace it and roll with the rejection to get to the good stuff, the more people will realize this side of you is like a filter for the Real Ones when applied correctly. DON'T. SETTLE.

 

[Forced]

In my first relationship, I didn't tell my ex until some months in, and she initially had a bad reaction. I don't really need to get into it other than saying I stayed 4 years too long and got back with her because I bought her "warming up to it" bullshit for that long. In fairness, she did go from absolutely abhorring the idea to being sorta alright with it. But I could have never gotten away with a 24/7 lifestyle. She wouldn't change me. The most I ever got her to do was lay a diaper out for me and she just wasn't ever comfortable with anything else.

Anyway, I was with her 5 years total. One breakup after the first year and a happy six months apart from her and ending up in my one experimental poly relationship where my diapers were again just tolerated but in a much more liberal like "yeah, wear wet diapers in the living room, we don't care! :3" kinda way. No one changed me or anything and actually, upon discovery of my stash, one of my roomies kinda was like "wtf?" but then chilled when I explained it. Neither of them were into ABDL but they were generally kink-aware/positive. Buuut I left for other reasons and ended up back with "warming up to it" girl. For another 4 years.

If you wanna skip all that and read the good part, here it is: here I am now with a fiancée who is wonderful and *loves* my diapers. She loves entertaining my little side and fills our house with toys and diapers. She treats me so unbelievably well. I told her very early on because, after my last lukewarm relationship, I decided that I was going to be upfront about my ABDL identity like, almost first thing once I sense it going somewhere. It worked. I had a few flings with some people who "thought it was cute" and let me ship diapers to their house and stuff... but, ultimately, I met her and she watched me writhe through an uncomfortable explanation just to tell me "Dude, I don't care that you wear diapers. Like at all." and then, disbelieving, I continued to divulge all the aspects of my littleness and puppiness in immense detail and she said, basically, she needed to think about it for a week and do her own research on ABDL etc.
She did exactly that, and then came back and was like, "Yeah, no, you're totally a puppy and I'm kinda down to be your Mommy in a huge way." and the rest is history. I'm diapered (mostly) 24/7 nowadays. I was 24/7 throughout the meat of the pandemic and the only reason I spend a *little* less time in diapers nowadays is because of family crisis reasons that we're both handling. We have an extra head (my brother) in our household temporarily who is underage, so our kink life has had to not be so obvious. I still wear collars and diapers and stuff, but not so obviously. I don't have my diapers and Little stuff just laid out anymore, I don't sit in my messes as much anymore or let my discarded and wrapped-up wet diapers surround the foot of my bed to keep my room smelling like pee and baby powder anymore (it was my fiancée's idea but we both ended up loving it).
I have sippy cups with my name on them, I have onesies and Little clothes, pacifiers (and a locking paci gag!) and hundreds of diapers. I have a growing collection of collars, some I wear in public -- others I wouldn't. All hidden right now due to these exigent circumstances, but we very much live the lifestyle 24/7 in times of peace, and intend to resume once the dust settles on our current situation.

ADVICE: I would say, tell people early. And don't be weird about it. It's all in the delivery. After my 5 year "warming up to it" ex, I resolved to be very open to rejection in my dating life and take the risk of being very upfront. It's all about *how* you tell people. If you frame it like this "weird thing I'm into that you'll probably think I'm crazy for," there's a much higher risk of a potential suitor seeing it as, well, a weird thing you're into that might mean you're a little crazy. A loootttt of people don't know what ABDL is and so their perception of it is *all* up to your delivery. I don't think that's a position a lot of ABDL's appreciate in their relationships and that's why so many people are in ten-year marriages where their wife/husband doesn't know the whole thing or hates it.

I personally wouldn't stay with someone who was disapproving. This is a part of me. If you don't love it, you don't love all of me. That's how I approach it: I wear diapers both because I have a need for them mentally, emotionally, and physically (OAB) but also because I love them and I'm super sensory and they make me feel safe and happy. I'm a puppy because I relate to the young innocence of a puppy more than I feel like a small child (and I'm a furry). It's a very innocent thing and has nothing to do with actual children and I've never been attracted to the actual thought of children in diapers, or diapers as they pertain to children in anyway. My attraction is to *diapers* as an object and *adults* in diapers and mostly the idea of *myself* in diapers. Nor do I see myself as an actual child during relations; I see myself as a submissive adult playing a puppy/child role, power-wise... I have had great luck using this above explanation and expounding on it calmly. I've had a majority successful hitrate trying to get potential s/o's to understand this way. Also, DON'T SETTLE. Don't get with someone, not tell them, or tell them and stay even if they hate it. DON'T. SETTLE. This is a thing people do that baffles me. But even I've done it when I thought that's more than what I deserved! Go into relationships confident about your little/ABDL side and show potential s/o's that this is you EARLY ON and that it is a non-negotiable. "No it can't happen in the background, no it can't happen when you're at work and be put away by the time you come home, no I won't hide my stuff cause the person who apparently loves me thinks this part of me is weird".. It will cost you a few relationships quickly, but you'll soon realize why. The one who says, "Yup, still love you and want all of this," and stays is your soulmate, 10/10 times.

A lot of people complain about ABDL being the bane of their existence and wishing they could extinguish it from their lives. I used to be one of those people until well into my twenties, frankly. I didn't realize until I left my ex that it was my relationship with her that was making me feel largely like I had to "hate" it or feel guilty about it. When she was gone, the guilt was gone. The shame was gone. The feeling like a weirdo was gone. And I radically changed how I approached relationships based on the lifestyle I wanted to live. I 100% believe my ABDL side helped me find true love. I think the more people embrace it and roll with the rejection to get to the good stuff, the more people will realize this side of you is like a filter for the Real Ones when applied correctly. DON'T. SETTLE.

I agree entirely with don’t settle, life is too short to be with someone new who doesn’t understand a ABDL side.
If my G/F and I were ever to split them I would not ever be happy in any future relationship that didn’t include my little side

 

[littlemoosey]

If you have to drag someone down the road to being, "into it" they never will be. Even if they come along a little bit, their heart will still not all be there, maybe begrudgingly.

I wish it were better for you.

LM

 

[jasonm03]

I know this may sound odd to some but we’ve slept in separate beds for nearly a whole marriage we have been married about 4 1/2 years when is Medical retired from the military with PTSD and two back surgeries. In March of 2018 I started bed wetting and it was I that was embarrassed to let her know she eventually found out when bed wetting progressed to daytime accidents and needing diapers all the time. She knew something was wrong when intimacy stopped and I became distant she was relieved that it wasn’t her but disappointed that I couldn’t be honest with her. The first time we were intimate I felt strange wearing a diaper lying next to her but with open communication and expressing our fears we were able to work through the issues. I still feel weird wearing a diaper during times of intimacy. In love making with incontinence timing is a big factor sometimes we feel incontinence has taken the excitement opus of sex but we have accepted this and it doesn’t bother us anymore

 

[Lyric]

I never told my first wife about my diaper fetish. I kept it to myself and wore diapers when I could which wasn't often and usually while traveling on business. The marriage ended after over 20 years for reasons that had nothing to do with my fetish although I might have tried harder to save the marriage if she knew and participate. After that, I swore to myself that I would never become involved with another girl without telling her early in the relationship about my love for wearing and wetting diapers and rubber pants. I told several girls I dated early on, some were cool with it, the majority wanted nothing to do with me after I told them. 10 years ago I met my now wife and told her after our third date about my diaper fetish. I was wearing my cloth diapers and rubber pants during our date, wet myself more than once, and told her near the end of the evening, at the point where I wanted to ask her to come home with me that she needed to know something about me before we went any further. She was very curious and I told her I was wearing diapers and rubber pants,and that was something I really enjoyed. Her reaction was more than I could have for. She wanted to know all about it, why I did it, how long had I had this fetish, and more and then suggested come with me to my home so we could talk more about it and she could see for herself. She ended up spending the night with me, saw me in all my glory, soggy diapers and all. For the most part we haven't been apart since.

 

[theb]

My girlfriend of a year knows I have to wear at night. She doesn’t like it and thinks I can handle my bed wetting another way but let’s me wear when we sleep together. If we have a lazy morning, or there’s no need to me to change out of the clothes I wore to bed I will stay in them, diaper included, and she doesn’t seem to mind.

 

[SDB2014]

I told my wife on the first night we slept together (our 4th of 5th date) that I had a secret to tell her. It was a bit emotional for me but I told her I was a bed wetter and needed diapers for sleeping, She asked a lot of questions (recently been to Dr. etc.) It was a huge relief to get this out. It wasn’t sexual, but was needed to protect the bed and not having wet sheets. She understood my issue and said she was fine with it. It was after we got married and she noticed occasional wet spots on my pants and yellow underwear that she suggested wearing them during the day. So I have been diapered 24/7 since. I am very lucky to find someone who understands my UIC.

 

[indiaperdl]

We are a couple for 10 years and I told her right upfront, that I am a DL. She accepted it, was curious and wears diaper now herself. Not as often as I do (every night at minimum), but she loves to see me in them and it became a regular type of underwear in our common household. Sometimes she wears, even when I do not that moment. It worked all out to my dreams of man, many years.

 

[Dinotopian2002]

My experience with relationships and diapers hasn't been that great either, even though I wear for medical reasons rather than for kinks.
My first girlfriend tolerated my diapers, and didn't mind me wearing them to bed, but it did mean we couldn't be as spontaneous.
However, when I started having bladder control issues in the daytime it freaked her out. But at the time, we didn't know it was linked to my other health issues. That relationship didn't work out for a number of reasons, as we wanted different things in life. But it ended as good as it could have done.

Unfortunately, my continence continued to slide downhill, and in 2016 my health issues continued to worsen, causing bouts of severe depression. Even now, after two rounds of in-depth CBT, and ongoing counselling, I am still incredibly anxious and very reluctant about being open with people, even my close friends.

I've tried dating a number of times since, but nothing has come of anything, despite multiple attempts. The most recent, and most successful, attempt was a relationship that lasted for a year, and my girlfriend accepted the diapers, and liked the fact that I wore different colours and designs. Unfortunately the entire relationship only existed on Facebook Messenger - we were unable to meet up because of our combined health conditions and Covid meant it was impossible. The pressure of not being able to be there, in any capacity, meant that I had to call it quits as it wasn't healthy for either of us, especially as we couldn't see each other after lockdown started to ease.

I'm now trying to work on myself and not be so self-critical and spending more time with my friends, while also focusing more on my self-employed career, which is beginning to get some traction. But I know, that even when things are going well, I can be a difficult person to be around, as it's not easy living with a fluctuating chronic illness when you're neurodivergent and also in severe pain and unable to walk. I know it's perfectly possible to have healthy, loving relationships when you're disabled. But so far, it hasn't happened to me.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002