Confused

[xangelx]

Hi, I don't know how to go about this but okay. Here it goes. My partner is deeply into ABDL and loves his diapers. When he first told me I was slightly shocked but I accepted him for it especially when he explained it gave him a form of comfort which I understood. Then it finally came to him being comfortable n feeling safe enough to slowly wear them around me which I was proud of him and happy to see i even find them rather cute on him. However... he let me see his Twitter of it and it had everything I was expecting at first tbh pics of him in his diapers, liking other content like that and a fully supportive community which love to see it. However the more I got in the twitter I noticed he was liking others getting themselves off for pleasure in the diapers which he never told me about. And as soon as I seen that part of it my stomach dropped and I felt like I could be sick. So now I'm just confused because I don't know if I feel repulsed by the fact I just watched a adult get them selves off in a diaper??? And he's into that or by the fact he's just watching others get off while he's in a relationship bc I know I'm fine with him wearing them and using them and liking others wearing them. But the sexual part is just a fine line I don't know which side I am on. I hope this makes sense ?? I'm just genuinely stuck and confused

 

[Luvshugs]

Maybe you are still in a state of shock over finding this out. It might be a good idea, to take some time, and process this more. That’s part one, the other part, is to then discuss it with your partner. You partner might not know how to bring it to you, and hasn’t yet touched on it. It could be, your partner is confused on how to approach you on this part of themselves. If so far, this is the only thing that you think you want to pump the brakes on, but everything else seems ok, you definitely need to discuss it.

 

[IcyBlue]

The biggest fear in the back of your mind is what you relate diapers to probably. Who is he as a person and what is your attraction to him to begin with?
Try to ask what age he felt that they started to be an interest? It sounds like they’re both comforting and kinky to him which is very normal in this community.
It’s difficult to understand without knowing his background to what caused the comfort. Is it childhood trauma or missing out on childhood? Is it just a kink? Is it a part of his lifestyle or does he want it to be? Was there a medical condition that is now cured? Is it a therapeutic thing for his mental state to relax? Does he just want to be cared for in a different way?
It can be either embraced as a lifestyle or just between you and him. It’s a new and probably unique thing you may not have heard about before or even considered. Medical reason can also be mental health reasons but it’s a self prescribed treatment.
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained” some people say, which may mean you’ll understand more by trying it out yourself possibly.
He had the courage and confidence to be himself in front of you so he’s doing his best to keep no secrets because he must feel he doesn’t need to hide his comfort even though it’s awkward.

 

[squishiestlittleboy]

It's completely understandable to feel this way.

Is it the diaper element of what he is watching that is making you feel uncomfortable? or that fact he is watching pornographic material in his own time?

Taking diapers out of the equation. I've had relationships in the past where I know my partner wouldn't be comfortable with me watching porn and vice versa.

It's definitely best to have an honest conversation with him and explain how it makes you feel.

 

[xangelx]

See, me and him discussed the pornographic material in general early on in the relationship with me not being comfortable with it and he agreed for that to be stopped. HHowever the pics of others in the diapers he had liked I have 0 issue with but I think when it comes to the diapers and something sexual put together in one that's the thing my brain can't wrap itself around ?







I've always known about this community and always been accepting but the sexual kinks to it I never knew about. I was quite sheltered as a kid traditional family so I got brought up "with kid things are for children only and only them. And if there's adults finding something sexual with those things then that's not right, " "as soon as u hit a certain age those childish things need to be rid of" etc that's what's been impeded in my head growing up. However slowly learning about this community when I was in my teens I learned that's not always the case, and even started realising I might be in the little community. And i understood why many many adults find comfort in this one for many many diff reasons that don't mean it's something "bad" and now I'm a adult in a good relationship with someone who is apart of this community, I ofc accepted it but now I'm finding out I didn't have total knowledge of everything mostly the kink part, so I think my mind is like back to thinking what I got told. And when I see the diaper part being involved with the sexual part into one then that could be the issue. That my brain associates diapers with children and watching a sexual thing happen with that even tho I know nothing wrong is meant or happening by it , I can't help but that old mindset pop up and feel physically sick.

Once I've processed everything I do plan on trying to talk to my partner about it. I do know he has childhood problems plus mental health issues so I do know half of the reason he is in this is because it's stress relieve and comforting and likes to have a certain care for him that he couldn't get as a kid , and I also know he wants to possibly turn it into a lifestyle which is fine with me, however the sexual side to it I think I'll have to have a talk about with him and get more info. I want to be as supportive as I can to this man so I'm really trying my best

 

[lilbabyjooce]

I think your perspective (diapers = children) is understandable as someone who’s not in the community. But that is not how we view it at all.
It may be shocking to you that he finds diapers to be sexually exciting, but keep in mind he is looking at sexual material of other adults in diapers. I think if you don’t feel it yourself, it’s hard to understand, but it is about the diaper itself, the feelings associated with it, and the implications of an adult in diapers—it has nothing to do with children. It is that misconception that makes us have to hide this side of ourselves from everyone even when we know this is essentially a harmless kink.
Again, I do understand the shock. I wish you and your partner luck. I think it will be a lot more understandable when you speak to him and he expresses what it is to you himself—and it will have nothing to do with children, I am almost entirely certain.

 

[buridan]

See, me and him discussed the pornographic material in general early on in the relationship with me not being comfortable with it and he agreed for that to be stopped.

It's worth investigating where your attitudes toward pornography are coming from and whether these attitudes are open to revision.

The reality in the 21st century is that the vast majority of men at least occasionally look at pornographic material of some kind. Men who say they never look at porn are almost always either asexual, physically unwell, mentally unwell, incarcerated, or lying.

(To anyone tempted to reply, "I'm a man, and I don't look at porn!"...I am not going to call you out personally, but I stand by what I said.)

 

[heymanbaby59]

I have never found wearing nappies a sexual thing .. for me its the intimacy of it all ... the closeness and affection ... being cared for and looked after .. for me this is what being an AB is ...

Its the mummy and adult baby connection that I find gratifying >>> I like being the helpless baby with my mummy caring for me in every way ....

I don't know .. maybe for some this feeling make light up their sexual desires ... though I do not think being an AB is a sexual thing ..

 

[heymanbaby59]

See, me and him discussed the pornographic material in general early on in the relationship with me not being comfortable with it and he agreed for that to be stopped. HHowever the pics of others in the diapers he had liked I have 0 issue with but I think when it comes to the diapers and something sexual put together in one that's the thing my brain can't wrap itself around ?







I've always known about this community and always been accepting but the sexual kinks to it I never knew about. I was quite sheltered as a kid traditional family so I got brought up "with kid things are for children only and only them. And if there's adults finding something sexual with those things then that's not right, " "as soon as u hit a certain age those childish things need to be rid of" etc that's what's been impeded in my head growing up. However slowly learning about this community when I was in my teens I learned that's not always the case, and even started realising I might be in the little community. And i understood why many many adults find comfort in this one for many many diff reasons that don't mean it's something "bad" and now I'm a adult in a good relationship with someone who is apart of this community, I ofc accepted it but now I'm finding out I didn't have total knowledge of everything mostly the kink part, so I think my mind is like back to thinking what I got told. And when I see the diaper part being involved with the sexual part into one then that could be the issue. That my brain associates diapers with children and watching a sexual thing happen with that even tho I know nothing wrong is meant or happening by it , I can't help but that old mindset pop up and feel physically sick.

Once I've processed everything I do plan on trying to talk to my partner about it. I do know he has childhood problems plus mental health issues so I do know half of the reason he is in this is because it's stress relieve and comforting and likes to have a certain care for him that he couldn't get as a kid , and I also know he wants to possibly turn it into a lifestyle which is fine with me, however the sexual side to it I think I'll have to have a talk about with him and get more info. I want to be as supportive as I can to this man so I'm really trying my best

you come across as a very fair and loyal person >>> Good on you >>> the world could do with more like you

I hope it all sorts out for you

 

[LittleAndAlone]

Porn is usually problematic for partners because it's seen as being disloyal in a monogamous relationship, or body image issues that your partner is turning to porn because you're not good enough.

In the case of ABDLs though it might be helpful to understand that the method of arousal has nothing to do with the actual people in the material or how hot they are. It's completely asexual to most ABDLs. Instead it is the activity being portrayed and the projection that it's them that the activity is happening to and fulfilling a fantasy that is arousing. One angle to address a need for porn might be to to discuss these unfulfilled fantasies that exist and explore them between yourselves.

 

[Drifter]

None of us gets to choose what things will be sexually arousing to us once we reach sexual maturity. Nature takes care of that for us years before we reach puberty. The attraction usually involves a combination of things which are mainly male or female characteristics. Inanimate objects can also play a role in 'normal' sexual arousal if they are somehow gender related, such as clothing, etc. But nature is very flexible and has no problem occasionally including sexual desires and activities that our limited, human minds consider 'abnormal'. It's human nature to feel some level of discomfort with sexual attractions we deem 'abnormal'. You have to get details from your partner in order to decide if your acceptable level of discomfort has been exceeded.

 

[Tomtomthedl]

You will find there are a lot of comments on this very site regarding people having issues with getting aroused while being diapered. For a lot of us it is a kink and a comfort thing, all rolled up in one. Call it what you like but this is a kink and a sexual Kink for a lot of folks.
Good luck to the both of you.

 

[Therin]

There's already a lot of good advice in the comments above, so I can only relate my personal perspective on this. For me, diapers are a fun alternative to underwear. They're comfortable, cozy, and give me a secure feeling. Other than the initial excitement of doing something different from the norm, they don't directly arouse me, which I think is atypical for diaper lovers. Using them doesn't really arouse me either, but it's enjoyable to do. I very much like how the plastic shell feels, which tickles certain tactile interests of mine which wouldn't be too dissimilar from someone liking satin, silk, and lace like most lingerie, or even leather. When you consider that diapers are just another form of underwear, it's no different than getting off in a pair of comfy boxers or even panties. Maybe thinking of it like that will help wrap your mind around it better?

 

[LittleAndAlone]

Keep in mind people are fluid and a la carte. Ill do my best to describe but there is no one size fits all here. So different ABDLs may agree or disagree with certain things. These are only my experiences, observations, and logical deduction.

The diaper part is multifaceted. To start with, physically its tight, warm, wet, slimy, and squishy and surrounding the genitals. Not unlike a vagina, boobs, butt, mouth or whatever traditional methods you're familiar with. The physical feelings alone can be intense without any mental or psychological stimulus. This is more the DL side and is usually physically sexual. There are also embarrassment, humiliation, and submissiveness triggers for wearing diapers that overlap with BDSM that enhance it in the brain too.

Combine that with a strong desire to be a child and/or being treated like a child. The sight, sounds, smells, and feel of being in a diaper lend powerful triggers to actualizing a fantasy of being a child and it generates a tremendous amount of euphoria. This is the AB side and is often not even sexual at all. Its relaxing, nurturing, and innocent a majority of the time.

It's when you combine the two, and try to understand the intersection of AB and DL that things get complicated. The euphoria of the AB fantasy of innocent care free time of childhood, invokes diapers, linking it to the physical stimulation of a diaper on the DL side. Its all extremely intoxicating for the ABDL.

For an outside observer it may seem like it's sexualizing children. But it's clearly not. The same concerns that outsiders and vanilla people have here are often the same exact concerns the ABDL themselves experience belive it or not. It is actually a major contributing source to the shame, disgust, isolation, turmoil, and life long self acceptance issues ABDLs typically live with.

To try to address these, concerns firstly is the recognition that it has nothing to do with being attracted to children, its wanting to be a child. But how and why is being a child sexual stimulating? That's what people have the most difficulty comprehending. The simplified answer: It's not really. It's just the human nervous system is both complex and dummy simple at the same time. Natural instincts, hormones, and biological needs just get irreparably cross wired. Even non sexual euphoria can trigger or enhance a sexual experience. A fantasy of being a child and being treated and comforted and disciplined and belittled like a child invokes a link to diapers, and diapers as mentioned are already physically stimulating. Combine that physical stimulation with euphoria and its a powerful experience for ABDLs.

As for why someone gets into diapers to begin with nobody really knows. What we do know is that if there was already an interest in diapers as a child, it often sticks around through puberty. When it becomes a ABDLs first sexual experience because a partner isn't available, or lack of interest in a partner, or just accidentally exploring, it becomes permanently imprinted as part of their sexual identity and is life long and inescapable.

 

[PeterPPeevy]

It’s important to keep in mind that your husband’s wearing and using diapers is inextricably linked to sex, at both conscious and subconscious levels. The physically intimate connection between the organs that eliminate waste and the sex organs and the overpowering biological imperative for men to impregnate females are facts of life that our society swept under the rug centuries ago.

I suspect that your husband failed in fully disclosing all aspect of his diaper fetish to you because he was afraid of your reaction. My wife has said that if I had told her about my fetishes before we married, she probably would not have married me. As it was, when I finally decided to tell her about my fetishes, although not in their messier details but including masturbation, I was afraid she would leave me. She didn’t, and has been understanding, taking the realistic view that while my fetishes are uncommon, they harm no-one, allow me some sexual independence and pleasures that aren’t part of our occasional love making, and fill needs which I myself will never understand. It is extremely important to understand that your husband, at some early in his childhood, developed not a desire to wear diapers, but an obsessive compulsion which no amount of desire on his part or psychotherapy will remove. In other words, we don’t choose our fetishes, our fetishes choose us.

When I told my wife that I enjoy pooping in my pants and panties, she said, “I can certainly see that babies might well learn to like having a warm, soft mess against their bottom? And what woman would end a relationship because her male partner wanted to wear panties? Are a few square inches of cloth worth divorcing someone over?” She also reminded me our own son taught her very early that even toddlers are sexual. When he was perhap two years old, she “caught” him playing with his erect but very small penis. She smiled and said, “I bet that feels good, doesn’t it?“ “Yes,” he said, and she left him alone to continue.

This isn’t to say that my wife turned out to have hidden kinks. She‘s a card-carrying member of the Vanilla Part. But she does kinda like me in panties, some of which are prettier than hers. and will, now, even use her vibrator on my anus (through my panty gusset).

 

[IcyBlue]

Just thinking if I was vanilla, how overly detailed the thread got would’ve baffled me.
Sometimes it’s better not to overthink what other’s experiences are specifically as it’s probably even more confusing and overwhelming to you.

Take a step back and check the facts of your experience to find the answers and then come back if it’s still unclear or requires reassurance.

 

[LittleAndAlone]

Supplemental explanations to help alleviate OPs concern and association between sexualization of diapers and the role of diapers as being distinctively a children's thing.

First off, side note. I chuckled writing above, because I recognized that it's once again the same stereotype and stigma we were all taught as toddlers that "diapers are for babies". The fact the the anything sexual involving a diaper immediately invokes children. That's how deep the "diapers are only for babies and babies only" stigma exists in society. Interesting.

Now the biological mechism I wanted to touch on.

It's commonly known that biologically and instinctually, animals including humans can be physically aroused by babies and children. The sights, sounds, feels, smells, it invokes a maternal need to have babies of their own. It's just a natural instinct to encourage reproduction and survival as a species.

For humans we refer to this as our biological clocks. Like or not, we already have a natural instinctive biological connection between sex and children. It is sex that creates children, and hormones and instinctual urges that cause us to desire and want to have offspring with a suitable adult mate capable of bearing strong children.

It's not preposterous then to believe that these signals can then get cross wired in the brain for any number of reasons or experiences. This site is full of ABDLs describing the importance of the senses. How the smell of baby power can drive them crazy, or how walking down the baby diaper isle at the grocery store is highly arousing, and makes them want to put on a diaper to relieve their tension.

The idea of a grown adult acting like a baby and getting off in diapers is no different from a woman who gets aroused by her biological clock when holding a real baby for the first time. It's all the same primitive hormones and animal instincts and needs playing out.

In ABDL the biological need to have a child is just substituted with wanting to be the child, while still having an adult body that has the tools necessary to make a child with an adult partner and it all comes full circle on how this can possibly even be a thing.

In closure:

The underlying theme to understand here is all the things I described are due to either wanting to have a child or to be a child, either with another adult or as the adult. A in ABDL is also coincidentally for adult. Nothing here says anything about being attracted to a child or wanting to manipulate, abuse, betray, subjugate, or have improper relations with an actual child. ABDL actually tend to respect and revere and covet childhood innocence for themselves so much that they are extremely protective of real children more than vanilla people.

 

[LittleAndAlone]

I very much like how the plastic shell feels, which tickles certain tactile interests of mine which wouldn't be too dissimilar from someone liking satin, silk, and lace like most lingerie, or even leather. When you consider that diapers are just another form of underwear, it's no different than getting off in a pair of comfy boxers or even panties. Maybe thinking of it like that will help wrap your mind around it better?

This exactly. The only difference is that society wasn't collectively scolded and taught as potty training toddlers that women's panties are for babies and babies only. There is no association with panties and children in their mind.

This thing with diapers being for babies is a very powerful stigma. It's the single biggest reason mainstream people are accusatory, apprehensive, and misunderstand ABDL.

 

[xangelx]

Honestly all of these has helped alot, and is helping me understand more I appreciate the many diff advice from u all , thank you

 

[Sissyboy2807]

For me it's a sexual aspect of it. It has brought me to question more about me. I don't consider myself gay but if a guy was wearing a diaper right next to me it may excite me.

The porn thing can be very difficult thing to get rid of. Not saying it's not possible. I'm just saying I remember telling my wife that same conversation about stopping with porn and stuff. It didn't last long. It's an obsession that is very difficult to stop.
There is very different aspects of play that can be weird to people not familiar with this role. Like if we're in the mood my wife basically knows I can't get attracted without thinking about diapers. So she plays along. She may call me baby boy. It's not in that way though. I can see how it can be weird.

I am not telling you what to do with your relationship but your allowed to express your own concern. If you need some space to digest it then that is fair too. He expressed his side and you are allowed yours. You can't force people to accept everything that he does. He may push the boundaries more and more. That happens a lot in this community. We push how far our boundaries are.