Binge/Purge Cycle

If anyone wants to try hypnotism for this, there is a free file over at my little lullaby dot com that is quite well done. Very comfortingly read with a motherly female voicing. The file is called forever young. Here is the description:

I know one of the big problems in little worlds is the urge to purge! So many struggle with negative emotions surrounding their little selves, resulting shame and anxiety, and in the end turn to throwing away all the toys, clothes, diapers, and other lovely baby things they have acquired.
It can be a really painful cycle, and a difficult one to break. Full of sweet, honest, comforting reassurance that everything about your little world and your little self is perfectly okay, this file is a hug in audio form. But it’s also more than that! Listening to this session will help ease those negative feelings, should they arise again, by channeling them elsewhere and allowing your to process them without going through a purge.
And that’s such a good thing… Because you don’t deserve to feel so negatively toward any aspect of yourself. Being little feels good and brings you pleasure, and doesn’t harm anyone else. That means you should never, ever feel bad about it! So listen lots and let’s work on that!
this is a very informative thread, thank you!
Done that many times in the past.

If I ever feel wanting rid of them,I'll stick them all up the loft instead of throwing away perfectly decent clean diapers.

I have had destructive purges as well, where I'll put a sharp knife through the diapers I got left so I can't change my mind and retrieve them later.
Sometimes I regretted that hugely, other times I didn't care for weeks.

Nowadays I rarelly purge UNLESS something really disgusts me within the ABDL community and majes me feel ashamed to wear.

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Things that has made me purge in the past:

Bad apple sicko small percentage of ABDL's who are also into illegal and sick stuff involving minors.

Being found out by so called "friends", having pics spread around and being laughed at,called nasty stuff and blackmailed.

When my mum found out and said I was sick in the head and had to see a psychlogist and that she might consider calling social services to take me away.
Nice threats but she never acted on it.

Me thinking I need a tough image in certain jobs I been in or looking for and wearing diapers would make me into a wuss/pussy/wimp.

What made me binge:

Seeing certain ABDL diapers on online tumblr blogs and wishing so badly to wear.
Seeing packs of pampers,drynites,tena etc in tesco etc.
I use to do that too but it has been occurring less frequently now hehe. it has definitely got to do with the shame and the feeling that i am not 'normal'
I have done that so many times over the years before finally acceoting it as a part of myself now I am more at peace with that part of me
Like other people have posted I've went through that but tyhe more and more I wear the less I care. Now I pretty much wear diapers all the time. It seems like they're not as fascinating as they were before but I still wouldn't know what i'd do without them
I would purge every 4-6 months or so. Recently accepted that its never going to go away so i'm hoping I will be able to resist purging again. I still dont feel like I have 100% accepted the fact that im an ABDL.
The only true purge I had was a year ago, started my life over. The details of it all, most people can't comprehend. With the rest my wife has diapered me for the first time and has agreed to do so in the future. Now to control my binges and I'm going to make it work.
OK, I understand that thing about shame and disgust, but what if the reason for these cycles with me is different?

For me it's 1) Strong desire to go 24/7 and untrain; 2) Understanding, that this will prevent me from leading the active lifestyle I have now.
Before anyone starts saying anything about being able to lead an active life and all that: I've tried doing parkour in diapers and it's totally NOT fun.
What then, what can be done in this situation?..
GeraldRoss said:
OK, I understand that thing about shame and disgust, but what if the reason for these cycles with me is different?

For me it's 1) Strong desire to go 24/7 and untrain; 2) Understanding, that this will prevent me from leading the active lifestyle I have now.
Before anyone starts saying anything about being able to lead an active life and all that: I've tried doing parkour in diapers and it's totally NOT fun.
What then, what can be done in this situation?..

Isn't it the same kind of thing as not eating ice cream for dinner all the time? It tastes good but it's not good for you. Most of us can reconcile that following our immediate desires is unlikely to lead to happiness long term. I can wear 24/7 with minimal impact on my day to day life. Untraining (as opposed to diaper training, where you're just comfortable using them) doesn't appeal to me and would have a much more substantial impact on my day to day life. If I really thought it was going to make me feel good enough most of the time to overcome that impact, I guess I'd have to consider it but I can easily skip it. In your case, you should work out your priorities and recognize what you can be happiest with overall.
Trevor said:
you should work out your priorities and recognize what you can be happiest with overall.

Yeah, you're right (again), but... *sigh* Easier said, then done.

I'll just give an example of my indecisiveness from another field: in a computer game, a slasher, I originally chose a melee fighter using light weapons. After passing several quests, I feel strong need to switch to heavy melee weapons (which means changing all the acquired skills), do it, after some time decide to switch back to light and so on forever.

It's just about the same here, only decisions are much more important and a lot depends on choices...
Nihlus said:
Coming to terms with being an AB/DL can be a long road for many people. Those who have AB/DL desires but have not fully accepted them are particularly prone to going through what is known as the binge/purge cycle.

The Cycle


The binge phase is often preceded by a period wherein one's AB/DL desires become stronger and stronger. One might find himself thinking about diapers more often and having much stronger desires to indulge. Eventually, these feelings result in the binge phase where one has a desire to overindulge in ABDL activities.

During the binge phase, a person often overindulges in AB/DL activities and feels a much greater connection to them. This may take the form of buying a considerable amount of diapers, wearing diapers at every possible opportunity, or extensively using other AB/DL items such as pacifiers, bottles, onesies, sleepers, etc.


After going through the binge phase, a person will typically look back on what they've done and will begin to have feelings of shame or disgust. People tend to take a step back and out of some combination of diminished interest from indulging so much and shame over doing something perceived as very abnormal, they decide that they want to be completely rid of their AB/DL urges. At this point, the person going through the cycle often swears that he/she will stop being an AB/DL and will never wear diapers again. This is where the purge phase begins.

The purge phase is when a person rejects their AB/DL desires and tries to do whatever they think they can do to get rid of them. For some people, the feelings brought on by a purge drive them to throw away of all their AB/DL related items in an attempt to permanently eradicate the desires. The length of a purge can greatly vary between individuals. Many report it lasting as little as a week, and few report it lasting for multiple years.

Why it Happens

Natural Ebb and Flow of Desires

People often go through periods of heightened and reduced interest in AB/DL activities. Members tend to report that with time and increased acceptance, the extremes tend to smooth out, such that their desires vary without creating such massive changes in behavior. It is perfectly natural to gain and lose interest in desires, and the problem is when those otherwise natural swings are destructively large. The cycle is problematic when people binge to an extreme extent wherein they spend large amounts of time and money on AB/DL desires, and then purge in extreme ways, attempting to suppress or completely eliminate all AB/DL desires.

Lesser Acceptance Leads to More Extreme Cycles

The binge/purge cycle tends to result from the conflict between one's AB/DL desires and one's own self-image. There's a negative stigma attached to wearing diapers and for many people, it can be difficult to accept one's desires in light of it. When a person enters the purge phase, they typically think that this behavior is not normal and that they would be better off without it so they attempt to completely rid themselves of their AB/DL interests in an attempt to be a "normal" person who isn't into something that would generally be viewed as bizarre. After purging, the desires, which have previously been rejected/suppressed, build up until they reach a point where the person enters the binge phase, restarting the cycle.

Dealing with the Cycle

During both binges and purges, people are generally faced with extreme feelings regarding AB/DL behavior: during binges, they typically want to indulge as much as possible and during purges, they want to completely rid themselves of these feelings by any means necessary. The key element to dealing with the cycle is moderation. If a person can strike a balance between the two extremes, they can prevent the feelings of binging or purging from becoming too strong. If overdoing things can be avoided, the cycle can be managed.

Moderation While Binging

When going through the binge phase, a person will be very tempted to indulge in AB/DL activities and one should do so to an extent. The feelings towards AB/DL behavior are typically quite strong during this phase and the ideal thing to do is to try and keep the feelings in check by indulging in AB/DL activities in moderation. Wear a diaper, suck on a pacifier, or do some other AB/DL-related thing but don't do it excessively. If you start to suspect that you're overdoing it, put the diapers away for a while and allow for some time to pass before indulging again. Pushing things too far by overindulging is a large part of what triggers a purge.

Moderation While Purging

When faced with the feelings of shame and the resulting desires to rid AB/DL feelings from one's life, it's important to remember that this phase will be temporary and that the desires will later resurface.

No matter how strong the temptation may be, one should refrain from throwing away any diapers or other AB/DL items since these items will have to be repurchased when the desires return. This only creates additional stress one will end up going through the process of buying all the items again which can be considerably expensive, depending on how much is being replaced. When faced with the desire to throw away or destroy any AB/DL items, the ideal thing to do is to put them somewhere out of the way (such as a basement or garage). Throwing things away never helps anything so the best thing to do is to simply put everything out of sight and just try to forget about them until the purge phase ends.

Rising Above Binge/Purge

To ultimately defeat the binge/purge cycle, you must fully come to terms with the AB/DL desires in your life and eliminate all the feelings of shame that you may have associated with them. You need to realize that being an AB/DL is a part of who you are and that the desires will not go away, no matter how much you want them to do so. Self-acceptance of being an AB/DL doesn't usually come easily but it can be achieved. To do this, you need to stop worrying about what other people might think of infantilism and realize that:
  1. It's something that you enjoy.
  2. It's no one's business but your own and whoever you decide to tell about it.
  3. It does not cause any harm to you or anyone else and as such, it cannot be objectively viewed as wrong.
It often takes time to recognize these points but once you're able to do so, you'll find yourself closer to accepting your AB/DL desires and ridding yourself of the binge/purge cycle. Once you've fully accepted the AB/DL desires, you'll find that it's much easier to balance your AB/DL side with your own self-image. You may still go through periods of increased interest or apathy but, as mentioned previously, this is normal behavior.

More information on self-acceptance can be found in this article.
i started Nevis but i know from other things its do or do not change or not i chose so that is it i Ame stile working on were i fit and what i Ame dl or more. :)
Interestingly enough, one therapist touched upon that subject--not specifically involving ABDL and diapers but anything in life--and told us it was an example of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Not sure if that is wholly accurate of them to say that or not, still confused about the application of that label to this day.
BobbiSueEllen said:
Interestingly enough, one therapist touched upon that subject--not specifically involving ABDL and diapers but anything in life--and told us it was an example of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Not sure if that is wholly accurate of them to say that or not, still confused about the application of that label to this day.
i don't think its ocd fetish yes iame not doing things 10 -20 times in arow me add/adhd yes but not diagnosed ocd so chack ocd on line and ask a psyck doctor not josmows
Oddly enough, I was having that same thing happening to me between '88-'97...then I found the cure: just accept it. It was much easier after I discovered AB/DL and some groups, part of the "OCD" I was experiencing was due to the inner belief that I was alone in loving diapers and weird because of it. That's when I went Adult Baby with it. And then, last year, I was diagnosed with autism/Asperger. It all falls into place. Now the story is just about complete.
i mean my friend has ocd she dos things 10-13-25 times or she freaks out. I don't i was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid but not ever ocd so only a perfishashanil wood know but i belie its a chaise not metal problem you choose un like me with ADHD i was born with it. dint get a choice.
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The article on Binge/Purge by Nihlus is reassuring, especially for those who thought they suffered alone.

I respectfully differ on the conventional wisdom that the solution is purely cognitive - just learn to better accept yourself as an ABDL. I think that the binge/purge cycle can be a pointer to something deeper about being ABDL than just a cognitive issue. plasticsounds in post #16 was on the right track when he speculated that the binge/cycle might be chemical/hormonal. I believe that binge/purge is a deeper psychological issue.

The binge/purge cycle is an example of what psychs term 'severe changes in affect'. By that they mean dysfunctional shifts in emotional states. Define dysfunctional: abrupt, disruptive and sometimes unpredictable. When we binge it produces euphoria, and sometimes mania. That is followed by the opposite emotional state. When we purge we feel a deep self loathing. That drives a compulsive, sometimes manic purge where we get rid of much or all of our ABDL stuff. There is an initial euphoria at being ‘cleansed’ of something bad. The fluctuations in affect (emotional states) are abrupt, violently contradictory and disruptive, and compulsive.

Severe changes in affect are a feature of mental disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Affect Disorder or Dissociative Disorders. The term binge and purge is borrowed from the mental disorder bulimia. Some ABDLs may be uncomfortable with that parallel and want to restate the mantra that its all just about self acceptance. But I believe to ignore the pointer to psychological issues in being ABDL is a disservice to those who genuinely struggle with those issues.

The binge and purge cycle is uncomfortable territory for many ABDLs because it is a pointer to the situation that there can be intrinsic harm in being ABDL. I distinguish between intrinsic and extrinsic harm. Extrinsic harm is where we suffer or fear harm from the prejudice of others. Being LGBTQ+ can involve extrinsic harm. But there is no intrinsic harm in being LGBTQ+. I think there can be intrinsic harm in being ABDL, in the form of the partitioning in our psyche between our Little and our Adult. That partitioning can have insidious and adverse effects. For some that intrinsic harm requires more than the mantra of self acceptance.
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hitch22 said:
I agree with @DylanLewis that the best approach to dealing with the binge/purge cycle is acceptance.
I thought @DylanLewis was actuallly writing against acceptance being the solution to the binge/purge cycle.
But maybe this not even necessarily a strict contradiction, but a matter of what's meant by "acceptance" and how it's achieved.

@DylanLewis critizied that ABDLs "just" should magically learn to accept themselves and everything will be fine, but things aren't as simple. You can't just decide to accept yourself by willpower. Doubt, shame and guilt root deeper in your mind than logic. And I support the concept of general psychological, emotional and/or hormonal cycles. From my experience, a lot of circumstances in our lives wax and wane in their own rhythm and keep doing so even if we accept them.

However, @hitch22 is also right about peace of mind coming together with acceptance. Only if you accept yourself, you can be content with your quirks. That sounds almost tautologic. In @hitch22's case, there was additionally his wife's acceptance that reassured him.

So, to sum up my understanding, "just accept yourself and period." isn't a panacea, but recognizing others accept you and over time becoming accustomed to accepting yourself helps a lot to attenuate the lows and enjoy the highs of your ABDL excitement cycle.
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I was forced into diapers medically after a life physically altering auto accident . There was No ABDL anything then on line nothing . After years of being in medical grade diapers which suck I found my first ABDL diapers . Yes I hid them for a little while ,threw out some but always had the plain white boring diapers . That was 27 years ago as a very young boy . Now I’m wayyyyyy beyond all that lol . Don’t care anymore being so physically disabled so what if I enjoy being a toddler in my clothing as well . Sure there are the times one must dress adulting but for me that’s rare .
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