Binge/Purge Cycle

Nihlus

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Coming to terms with being an AB/DL can be a long road for many people. Those who have AB/DL desires but have not fully accepted them are particularly prone to going through what is known as the binge/purge cycle.



The Cycle


Binge

The binge phase is often preceded by a period wherein one's AB/DL desires become stronger and stronger. One might find himself thinking about diapers more often and having much stronger desires to indulge. Eventually, these feelings result in the binge phase where one has a desire to overindulge in ABDL activities.

During the binge phase, a person often overindulges in AB/DL activities and feels a much greater connection to them. This may take the form of buying a considerable amount of diapers, wearing diapers at every possible opportunity, or extensively using other AB/DL items such as pacifiers, bottles, onesies, sleepers, etc.


Purge

After going through the binge phase, a person will typically look back on what they've done and will begin to have feelings of shame or disgust. People tend to take a step back and out of some combination of diminished interest from indulging so much and shame over doing something perceived as very abnormal, they decide that they want to be completely rid of their AB/DL urges. At this point, the person going through the cycle often swears that he/she will stop being an AB/DL and will never wear diapers again. This is where the purge phase begins.

The purge phase is when a person rejects their AB/DL desires and tries to do whatever they think they can do to get rid of them. For some people, the feelings brought on by a purge drive them to throw away of all their AB/DL related items in an attempt to permanently eradicate the desires. The length of a purge can greatly vary between individuals. Many report it lasting as little as a week, and few report it lasting for multiple years.



Why it Happens


Natural Ebb and Flow of Desires

People often go through periods of heightened and reduced interest in AB/DL activities. Members tend to report that with time and increased acceptance, the extremes tend to smooth out, such that their desires vary without creating such massive changes in behavior. It is perfectly natural to gain and lose interest in desires, and the problem is when those otherwise natural swings are destructively large. The cycle is problematic when people binge to an extreme extent wherein they spend large amounts of time and money on AB/DL desires, and then purge in extreme ways, attempting to suppress or completely eliminate all AB/DL desires.


Lesser Acceptance Leads to More Extreme Cycles

The binge/purge cycle tends to result from the conflict between one's AB/DL desires and one's own self-image. There's a negative stigma attached to wearing diapers and for many people, it can be difficult to accept one's desires in light of it. When a person enters the purge phase, they typically think that this behavior is not normal and that they would be better off without it so they attempt to completely rid themselves of their AB/DL interests in an attempt to be a "normal" person who isn't into something that would generally be viewed as bizarre. After purging, the desires, which have previously been rejected/suppressed, build up until they reach a point where the person enters the binge phase, restarting the cycle.


Dealing with the Cycle

During both binges and purges, people are generally faced with extreme feelings regarding AB/DL behavior: during binges, they typically want to indulge as much as possible and during purges, they want to completely rid themselves of these feelings by any means necessary. The key element to dealing with the cycle is moderation. If a person can strike a balance between the two extremes, they can prevent the feelings of binging or purging from becoming too strong. If overdoing things can be avoided, the cycle can be managed.


Moderation While Binging

When going through the binge phase, a person will be very tempted to indulge in AB/DL activities and one should do so to an extent. The feelings towards AB/DL behavior are typically quite strong during this phase and the ideal thing to do is to try and keep the feelings in check by indulging in AB/DL activities in moderation. Wear a diaper, suck on a pacifier, or do some other AB/DL-related thing but don't do it excessively. If you start to suspect that you're overdoing it, put the diapers away for a while and allow for some time to pass before indulging again. Pushing things too far by overindulging is a large part of what triggers a purge.


Moderation While Purging

When faced with the feelings of shame and the resulting desires to rid AB/DL feelings from one's life, it's important to remember that this phase will be temporary and that the desires will later resurface.

No matter how strong the temptation may be, one should refrain from throwing away any diapers or other AB/DL items since these items will have to be repurchased when the desires return. This only creates additional stress one will end up going through the process of buying all the items again which can be considerably expensive, depending on how much is being replaced. When faced with the desire to throw away or destroy any AB/DL items, the ideal thing to do is to put them somewhere out of the way (such as a basement or garage). Throwing things away never helps anything so the best thing to do is to simply put everything out of sight and just try to forget about them until the purge phase ends.



Rising Above Binge/Purge


To ultimately defeat the binge/purge cycle, you must fully come to terms with the AB/DL desires in your life and eliminate all the feelings of shame that you may have associated with them. You need to realize that being an AB/DL is a part of who you are and that the desires will not go away, no matter how much you want them to do so. Self-acceptance of being an AB/DL doesn't usually come easily but it can be achieved. To do this, you need to stop worrying about what other people might think of infantilism and realize that:
  1. It's something that you enjoy.
  2. It's no one's business but your own and whoever you decide to tell about it.
  3. It does not cause any harm to you or anyone else and as such, it cannot be objectively viewed as wrong.
It often takes time to recognize these points but once you're able to do so, you'll find yourself closer to accepting your AB/DL desires and ridding yourself of the binge/purge cycle. Once you've fully accepted the AB/DL desires, you'll find that it's much easier to balance your AB/DL side with your own self-image. You may still go through periods of increased interest or apathy but, as mentioned previously, this is normal behavior.

More information on self-acceptance can be found in this article.
 
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Taysidepampers

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I used to do this, know exactly what you mean. I think it comes from the shame factor. I have grown to accept Im hurting no one and at the end of the day its very harmless. Stop throwing it away or it becomes an expensive fetish :p
 

Paddedwolf

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Yup, your writings bring back my high school memories. I would go through extreme binge/purge cycles. I would absolutely hate myself! I stopped doing diapery things then my diaper fantasies just got stronger and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Once I graduated and went to college I finally started excepting myself. I joined here when I was 18 and that really helped. Since then I have been stating to be active in my local Ab/DL scene and met some great individuals locally and online and I haven't been better! I even told my mother which I live with and she was excepting so I got a some jobs so I have money I was able to get diapers and now wearing them made almost all of my "invasive" fantasies go away now that I can actually act on my desires that I always had.
 
S

Speck

Guest
In the case of AB/DL being nothing more than a hobby/kink/fetish, it ends up being something that is easier to dismiss. In the case where its a step beyond, you come to the realization that its something that wont necessarily go away anytime soon and becomes something that is a lot easier to live with.

My experience...
 

Milko

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I never throw anything out but sometimes I get really upset and depressed and go into a sort of "what the hell am I doing?" and "why the hell do I feel like this?" sort of mindset. Going on sites like this and listening to my favourite music usually helps.:)
 

Sheik

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In the case of AB/DL being nothing more than a hobby/kink/fetish, it ends up being something that is easier to dismiss.
This is my experience. Being ABDL isn't integral to who I am as a person, yes it's a part of who I am but the entirety of my character and my personhood(manhood) is not negated by my diaper fetish. This has been a lesson that has been difficult for me to process and I need to remind myself daily that this is the truth. It's actually made me much happier as a result.
 

fox2000

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I have repeated this cycle countless times. I am DONE with both extremes. Moderation is definitely key for me. I just ordered a few ab/dl items and I intend to keep them this time. I have a box to put them into when I'm not feeling like expressing this side of myself. So tired of feeling ashamed, asking myself "what are you doing, what's wrong with you" when nothing is the matter. My actions aren't affecting others and my dog doesn't judge me so why should I judge myself?
 

disneygeek

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I have never gone so far as to throw anything out (although I have thought about throwing away a bottle) because I think I just realize that for me it comes in waves. I won't have a need to wear for weeks or even months and then seemingly out of the blue (last night) I have the need to wear and sleep with my paci all night. I'm not sure why this is or what causes it, but for now I'm content in giving in to the urge whenever it strikes.
 

417PlacesToGo

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The binge/purge cycle has honestly always confused me. I've never felt either extreme honestly, and that may be why. I only wear to bed, but going to bed is when I do all my little stuff. I've never had the urge to get rid of stuff, especially not now that my parents know about me. It's too much of a waste of money for me not to get full enjoyment out of it.
 

Penny

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I literally just came off of a purge cycle. I met a boy for the first time sine I began to indulge and while it didn't work out I was still afraid that he wouldn't accept me if\when he found out and I threw away a bunch of things.

I'm starting back on a binge but this time I'm choosing to look at this differently and realize or at least try to realize that this isn't something I plan on giving up so if\when I do find someone I can choose to tell them whenever I wish but the right person for me would be open minded enough to be at least accepting of me.

Hopefully that will keep me from purging again.
 

Chrisxab

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Thank you for posting this! I'm still trying to accept it though at the moment. I have gone on off with purge cycle for the past few years and hoping soon that I can come to terms with it.
 
B

BordercollieTrigger

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It's a controllable cycle. For me wearing a few times a week controls desires.
 

Resplasboy

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I've done it twice now, as you say it gets expensive. The last time I just hid everything in the loft, out of sight, out of mind, and it all still there when you get the urge again
 

allcy

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I had this happen a few times over the last year as I've grown to accept my ABDL side more, telling a few people I knew and trusted helped me greatly with removing the purge cycle from my life and what used to be a few week cycle hasn't happened in several months now and part of the reason is because I didn't fully accept this part of my personality and tried to ignore it for over a decade. Telling people resulted in me permanently accepting this into my life as I am now labeled an ABDL by the people I have told who have been very supportive and have only asked questions out of curiosity.
 

BayB8

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You pretty much described 80% of my life up until a few weeks ago when I started to look into ABDL more and started accepting who I am. I'm still in that process, but this post really has shed some light for me!
 

plasticsounds

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After 30 years of dealing with the ebb and flow of these desires, I have recently come to the conclusion that what we are dealing with here is chemical or hormonal.

I, too go through binge/purge cycles. As an intelligent being, you would think that I could think my way through these feelings. Not happening. I have noticed a couple of things recently.

When I have had a few drinks, my feelings are very strong, even when I am in 'purge' mode. Also when I am in purge mode, I can break myself out of it by withholding any sexual release for at least a week. Since no matter what my logical mind thinks, the feelings are there. To me, this has to be a chemical thing. The proof is that when I finally give in to desires and have an orgasm, everything changes almost instantly. We have all experienced this, and the only explanation for this instant change is the flood of hormones that the brain receives after release. I think this is more pronounced in men. We tend to have a period after orgasm that nothing can get us back in the mood. Only time passing, and the clearing out of the chemicals in our brain, can explain this.

Now all we need to do is figure out what hormone this is and put it in the municipal water, so everyone will feel what we feel and we can all wear whatever we want with no judgement.
 
B

BordercollieTrigger

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I had to accept this also to gain a good balance without ill have felt ashamed forever.
 

WhiteRabbit

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I'm pretty new here, but I want to throw in my two cents. This is one of the threads that encouraged me to register.

I always wondered if the binge/purge cycle was common among us ABDLs. It was something that I struggled with for a long time, especially during my teenage years. Living with my parents, with the constant fear of being discovered, didn't help, and there was always the shame of doing something so "dirty". It was hard to feel "normal" while doing something so "abnormal", so it felt alienating knowing that there would always be this thing dividing me from everyone else. The worst part was that I knew I couldn't get away from it, that it was so deeply ingrained that it became a compulsion, a necessity.

I spent so much time fighting it, burying it deep, denying it, and convincing myself that I could "cure" myself of it. But, like I said, it had become a compulsion. I'd manage to fight off the desire for weeks, sometimes even months, but the compulsion would become stronger and stronger the longer I went without wearing. I had tricks that I used to briefly quell it, but they were always temporary and short-lived, and would stop working after I hit a certain point. I'd find myself thinking about them constantly until the compulsion overwhelmed me and I bought a pack, and at that point the binge began.

The binge was always the best part, satisfying that deep-seated craving, and pulling me out of the world for a short time. I'd wear as often as possible, and sometimes in risky situations (in public or around parents), as the risk of being caught only added to the thrill. Surrounding myself by the fetish, spending all of my time on ABDL websites, reading stories, immersing myself in my fantasies and indulging these desires... it was just so exhilarating and freeing. But then itch would be finally scratched, and I felt "cleansed" of it, losing all interest in the fetish and replacing it with the shame. So I'd purge.

It'd start with removing everything diaper-related from my life. I wanted to distance myself from it as much as possible, so I'd throw away all of my diapers and anything ABDL-related that I had. I'd completely clear out anything I'd participated in online, and sometimes even go so far as to delete all of my diaper-related porn. Anything at all that tied me to this fetish, I removed it from my life. Having satisfied the compulsion, I felt like I had finally rid myself of this perversion (even though some part of me knew that the desires would eventually return).

It took me a long time before I realized that I'd have to come to terms with this, as it was part of me and it wasn't going away. Graduating from high school and moving out of my parent's house helped, since I no longer had to worry about them finding my stash and being outed, but I eventually ended up with roommates, so I wasn't completely free of it.

Beating the cycle started with small steps. After I satisfied the compulsion, I forced myself to keep all of my diapers and anything else ABDL I had gotten. I had to remind myself that eventually the desires would return, and having to buy a whole new stock would be terribly convenient. Knowing that I'd be wasting the money I'd spent on them definitely helped. Then I started working on maintaining the compulsion and not letting it get to the point where it consumed me. When I had the opportunity to wear, I would. Though still infrequent, it helped keep it under control. The final step was truly accepting that I liked to wear diapers, and that it was a part of me. That took a long time, but I've finally gotten to the point where I'm comfortable with who I am. But I know that some part of me still wants to feel "normal" and, were it possible, I'd likely give up the fetish entirely. It's not possible, though. It won't be going away.
 

Craver

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I wish I had all the expensive things I purged out back. I also was afraid family would see them if I died or had a disabling health problem right away like a stroke. Now I am sure this is what's what with me, I have all my baby things locked up in a gym bag and have a note to my family that I needed the diapers for when I get vertigo and can't make it to the bathroom which is true. When I start up with my cravings I spend too much time on line at first looking at photos and I spent hours at DailyDiaper one time and YouTube this time. Then I see something disgusting and stop. And here it is boring to come all the time as most people lurk and don't contribute anything.
 

tillylenn

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I wish I had all the expensive things I purged out back. I also was afraid family would see them if I died or had a disabling health problem right away like a stroke. Now I am sure this is what's what with me, I have all my baby things locked up in a gym bag and have a note to my family that I needed the diapers for when I get vertigo and can't make it to the bathroom which is true. When I start up with my cravings I spend too much time on line at first looking at photos and I spent hours at DailyDiaper one time and YouTube this time. Then I see something disgusting and stop. And here it is boring to come all the time as most people lurk and don't contribute anything.
I had the same problem...there were like 3 main problems:
1. what if I had accident and someone find my hidden stash...like my family
2. I used to be religious person and that was just too much to take...so I had to quit being serious about that...
3. when I meet my future girlfriend, how will I tell her about being AB ... that is the question that makes me really nervous
What I can give as advice is: take it slowly (it is a process) and try to accept yourself... you will not fully understand but accepting is first step, and if you don't accept yourself as you are, you will have big problems...
also, have a person to talk to - in your hard times a good friend will help you a lot and last advice is: don't be to hard on yourself when feeling guilt...
 
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