ABDL Spouse

[Chrissie]

To answer your question yes I do feel I’ll never be able to live up to his diaper needs. I’m worried it will always be just slightly weird. But I’m working through it. We are talking openly about what he is comfortable wearing. Our main boundary right now is simply I just don’t want to know when he is wearing. I also prefer he covers up when wearing and he is perfectly content with that.

Thats what he should be satisfied with then. You know he wears nappies, he knows you know, and he can do it while you’re at work or at least keep covered up when you’re at home. It’s called give and take.
I still don’t understand why he’s not here to talk about what he expects from this situation. He might then realise this has an effect on you too, plus he’ll get some very good advice from people who have been in his position and many more who have not had the privilege of a partner like you.

 

[safaridaze]

I wish my partner was on here doing what you are doing!!! I would erase my entire account and all my posts, if she would get an account and the support you all show. Abdlwife2003 - you are so awesome for seeking to understand. In my case, my partner was just simply grossed out by the look, smell, sound... of a diaper. she could not get her head around it. She does seem to like when I give up control and she likes to coddle me. I am trying to figure out if I can grow up from my 4 year old diapered place to maybe just a pottytrainied 7 year old. but I would miss my diaper.... I do all that in private now.

 

[MakABDL]

As someone who tries to open up about it in relationships so they know out of the gate: Support is the key

sometimes the other doesn't even have to get involved but just being able to be comfortable with that special person with such things is a relief like no other. That kind of support means the whole world believe me.

 

[geka]

abdlwife2003 You’ve gotten some great feedback I think you guys will be fine, good luck and welcome to adisc

 

[broadband76]

Just wanted to chime into this thread to give kudos to @abdlwife2003 for trying to understand and get support and info. I know it can be a real shock for a spouse/significant other to realize things the other is into, especially when it didn't come out clearly during the dating/engagement phase. It sounds like you are doing a magnificent job of trying to understand and immerse yourself into his world, so to speak, even if that world was a secret to you until very recently.

I would just caution you to not rush anything too fast as far as learning and trying. Go slow and don't go beyond what you are comfortable with. Most of all, don't panic and feel like you have to go in deep, all or nothing, in order to "keep" him or remain desirable to him. Looking over your recent posts, it sounds like it was quite a shock for you when he revealed this to you, and now you're dealing with a lot of feelings and maybe insecurities as far as if he's still interested in you the same way, will still want to be intimate with you if you don't ultimately "endorse" his desires when it comes to diapers and using them, will be able to relate to you as before, etc. While valid feelings and insecurities, I would emphasize trying to keep things as "normal" as you are able to, especially with regard to what the two of you liked doing together before his big revelation to you. If I recall correctly, he reassured you that you were still the same couple but you didn't feel like it after hearing this and trying to process it. Do your best to still be the same couple. Don't let this become such a redefining moment that you start changing who you are, just to try to accommodate your perception of who he wants you to be. You are probably dealing with a lot just as far as how you feel about how he kept this hidden and you may be wondering just how well you know him. But I'd advise doing your best to trust him. If he says that to him you are still the same couple, then I would advise really trying to take comfort in that. Don't reinvent who you are just to try to meet what you think his expectation is after not much over one week.

I can relate because while I told my wife in passing about my interests around the time we got engaged, we didn't stay on it long, I probably downplayed it out of embarrassment, and it didn't come up again for quite a few years (roughly 3 years ago now). When it did, it caught her off guard and she went through a wide range of emotions and feelings, ranging from going "all in" to feeling disgusted and wanting nothing to do with it. (Even now there is some tension in this regard and I just wholeheartedly wish I'd been more open up front so as to not have to navigate the whole area of there having been a kept secret and now it's out there and now she has to decide each step of the way what she does with it.) So would just say that even as much as this rocked your world, stability and a slow and steady pace -- not trying out everything in a super short amount of time -- will serve you both the best in the long run.

 

[Subtlerustle]

Sage advice

 

[SissyFaroe]

I just want the arguing and the awkwardness to go away. He feels I’m not accepting of him because I’m having a hard time processing.

You should show him this threat, and my response.

He just sprung a lot on you, and you have been amazingly accepting of him. You haven't had much of a chance to even figure out what your boundaries really are, so he needs to SIT DOWN AND CHILL OUT because you have been doing all the heavy lifting here.

You need to figure out your boundaries, because you need to respect yourself. You also need to figure out how this will change how you feel about him, and communicate that to him. Doesn't mean its a bad thing. Just means things changed, like his diapers. He needs to listen to you when you tell him your boundaries, and then he needs to RESPECT THOSE BOUNDARIES or risk changing how you feel about him and the dynamic between the two of you.