New Direction

After meeting a lady via fetlife, she agreed to be my mummy and we first met up in Dec 2017. As she only lives an hour away we know see each other once a month for 4 or 5 days of little and adult time. I identify as a 2 year old non-sexual boy. We were having a conversation recently about my behaviour when I'm in little space and she said that as a two year old I should be more dependant on her than I am. I have bladder incontinence and have got used to her checking and changing me. So she has suggested that I go for a week at the end of August for a long period of little time. That's not a problem, but she wants me to start asking things like "potty mummy" when I need a bowel motion (I hate messy nappies) and she also wants me to know when I've finished so she can come and clean me up. Normally I'm fairly independant and I'm not sure about this, any suggestions on how to get over my nervousness and to make my little boy more "believable" would be appreciated.

First off, congrats, I'm glad you were able to find someone so accepting and willing to be your Mommy

Secondly, I think the best advice I could give in this instance would be to build rapport and trust with this person and to take things slow.

Having had a GF/Mommy in the past and a Mommy friend, starting out, it was always a little nerve-racking to regress in front of them, it wasn't until trust was built that I felt confident being a baby around them and my nerves abruptly ceased. It sounds as though a nice foundation of trust and rapport already exists between you two, as you've been getting together for some time now, so on this front, you should be good.

Taking things slow also helps because as new as this is for you, it is new for your Mommy as well. Introducing new things into an established dynamic is also going to take some getting use to for the both of you, the same with just approaching a Mommy and Baby dynamic for the first time. When my second GF wanted to Mommy me, we started off extremely slow, our first few Baby/Mommy times together consisted of nothing more than her putting me into a diaper and cuddling me, we built up from there. With my Mommy friend it was largely the same, our first few dates together revolved around diapering and cuddling. The diaper changes, feeding time, bath time, nap time, story time all of those things came later. When you take things slow, I find not only do both of you learn to trust one another more, but you come to understand one another more as well. As a baby you'll become more in tune to what your Mommy wants and vice versa. It was taking it slow with my Mommy friend that made it obvious to me that she was getting just as much out of our dynamic as I was and this realization allowed me to release my inhibitions more and enabled me to be completely vulnerable around her. So your little boy will become more believable as long as you two build rapport and take things slow.

Another thing that can curb nervousness is simply practicing this dynamic with greater regularity. The more you regress around her and the more you share time with one another as Mommy and Baby, the more comfortable the two of you will become, hence the nerves will eventually fade.

I hope this helps. It's always hard giving advice on these matters as my Mommy Friend and I recently parted and every dynamic a fellow AB has with their caregiver is always going to be personalized and thus very different from my own. I still think these basics apply; build trust/rapport, take things slow, practice makes perfect. Stick to those essentials and all will be good, the nerves will cease and your time together will become increasingly believable/real.

Best of luck

I feel happy you got yourself a mommy.

Best of luck!

I've always found it easier to 'ease' into the challenging intimate situations by doing things that aren't a threat to your ego or self-respect. For example, my current nanny doesn't seem to mind changing dirty diapers, but it's hard for me to relax and 'let go' when I'm being babysat. I've found that by focusing on other activities, like bath time, being cleaned and changed isn't particularly difficult.

As PB notes, trust and rapport are key elements. Once you trust someone enough to undress in front of them - or have them undress you - and sit in the bathtub while they take their time bathing you, the reluctance to have that person 'see' you as a messy toddler tends to disappear fairly quickly.

Thanks Poofybutt.
I do trust her, she has done more to help me with various issues than anyone else ever has and we did take it slow to start with as the only other people that have changed me have been nurses or my late wife. I think the nerves are about the potty side of things. But I know she will be totally supportive and will take things as quick or slow as I need.

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thanks Jayden and welcome to ADISC.

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Thanks sbmccue, it's not that she will make me mess my nappy, she knows how I feel about that, I guess it's just the change in intimacy, she already dresses and undresse me and also showers me, ( I can't use a bath because of spinal problems) and she obviously chnages me, feeds me either baby food or formula, and basically does all the things you would expect a loving and caring mummy to do.

Wow...that is an interesting problem. I'd guess that you have two choices. Either explain to her that you're not comfortable with messing your diaper, or try it once and see how you feel. I don't think there's any in between ground here.

With things you have said elsewhere on the forum, would you be comfortable with her touching your behind? That is the key question I guess. I am sorry I cannot be more help on this one, I honestly do not know what else to suggest.

NEVER EVER feel forced into doing something that you are uncomfortable with. Especially if it can affect your whole well-being and psyche.

Hi Dogboy,
it's been a while since I've heard from you. She is not expecting me to soil my nappy as she knows how it makes me feel. But she is asking that I act nearer my little age of 2 or 3 and become more dependent on her.

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Hi Nanny, she would never force me to do things I don't want to. And a couple of times she has had to clean up my backside due to other problems so being touched by a woman isn't a problem, it's more about how I go about being or becoming more dependant on her and yes I trust her completly.

I think maybe you could convince her to take this in very small steps. Yeah, I was going to say "baby steps".....sigh. Anyway, if you did just one or two "little" things, it would give you both a chance to get used to it. If you decide that you don't like doing that, then at least you've given it a try and you can honestly tell her you don't enjoy doing it.

Thanks all