For what´s it´s worth, here is my take on the matter.
I feel you. The whole embarrassment situation is something completely understandable. Espacially taking your traumatic backstory into account.
When I had to face the fact that incontinence will accompany me probably until the day I die(I was in my mid/late 20th then) I wished I could just stop existing.
But since I always had a grim resolve and practical take on life I finally managed to accept and even be thankful for diapers. Who knows, maybe you can get something positive out of it.
After I finally visited a doc and opened up to him in order to start some form treatment the ice was cracked. So I decided to make one more step and open up to my parents. It was gut-wrenching hard but ultimately very rewarding as they where as compassionate as you would hope of the very people that brought you into existence.
That calmed me a lot. I began to think about this fear and panic of wearing diapers(even if it would be, hopefully, not for ever - spoiler alert: that hope was shattered). Why is that so? I encountered so much more people sharing this fear. Incontinend or ABDL, it was the same fear. So I digged relentlessly into this matters and found a very convincing and relatable, logical explanation from a psychologist for the general fear/disdain for diapers. It was a revelation unfolding before my eyes.
We have all been unintentionally been brainwashed by our parents(and they have been by their parents and so on).
Like I said - unintentionally. The motivation was a good one. It´s one of the stories from the box "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
More directly or not the overwhelming number of us was potty-trained with a metaphorical gun to our head. "Big boys/girls don´t use diapers."
While it is logical and highly beneficial to learn the control of bladder and bowel, the path of tying it to adulthood and starting becoming a respected person of human society have horribly backfired.
Because the conclusion is: "If I don´t learn to use a toilett I´m worthless." That is a harsh way to tell it, but it ultimately comes down to it. You never articulate and even realize it fully as an infant - but it happens in your subconsciousness. You want to please your parents, you want to be like them. It is only natural - but the way it is communicated has let to a world where diapers are frowned upon.
That is, if we are aware of it or not, why we see the need of diapers as a social failrue. That is the one and only true source of the embarrassment that comes with wearing diapers as an adult. A voice in your head says: "You failed!"
That voice is almost as old as you. It helped you on your road to grow out of diapers but now it pulls you down. You learned a wrong take on incontinence from the beginning of your aware life.
"The most dangerous enemy is the one you do not see because you don´t know/see him."
"You are your worst enemy"
As I realized all this, I was able to identify and work against it. Revert the mental conditioning that caused this confusion. My view became clear and rational again.
Diapers are not my enemy, nothing to hate on. They A L L O W me to take part in social life, NOT prevent it. As I can walk outside and do what I´ve done before without the fear of messing my clothes and sorroundings. Diapers make this possible. Otherwise I would succumb in my home. They are a blessing, a redemption - nothing less.
It is a long way to embrace this truth. A way you can only walk by yourself. But it will make you whole again in this matter. You can be at peace with it.
True, some treatments and/or medicine can give you back you continence. And it is worth the hassle of grinding through doctors and hospitals. But what happens if not or you still need a diaper because it can´t be perfect again? What if there are side-effects much worse or dangerous than a soiled diaper?
Sure, there are people who can´t deal with it. But noone forces you to tell anyone. I go to work and noone knows about my problem. There is no need for them. But if the situation would arise, so what? I tell them the whole, sad story.
As I climbed my way back to "normal" and opened up to my friends I only made positive experiences. And if someone makes fun of you or anything like that - you know their true colors and can dispose of them like a full diaper. I can act as a filter to get rid of scum-people in your life. Not to mention that is possible to apply legal treatment to folks who make fun of impaired people - especially at work.
Be confident of yourself, a diaper do not make you less!
Think about what I wrote. It might take some time for it to fully sink in. As others suggested, it might be a good idea to talk about the issue with a professional to overcome this.
If the side effects outweight the gain - diapers might be the solution.
Cheers