Wow. This is an interesting thread. The level of angst on display in many different ways here is very interesting to me. I am disappointed, even displeased, that some people were sufficiently rude to openly say that the OP's question was stupid. That's the same intolerant attitude that drives a lot of people outside this community, and I hope that those people learn to be compassionate toward their fellow man. Sooner or later they'll need compassion, too, and what goes around comes around.
Some of you already know I'm neither AB/DL (the slash is important as the two are not the same!) nor incontinent, but someone who uses diapers for practical reasons. (My profile says DL but that's because there really is no option that fits me.) In that I share some experiences with both communities; DL because I'm using without a medical necessity, but also IC because I use them as a tool to solve problems; I'm just solving different problems. As such I have great sympathy with both groups, and it bothers me to see spats arise between them. Doubtless some of that is aggravated by the occasional excesses of the AB/DL community, such as exhibitionism, but both communities have benefited from the other, such as the ICs being able to benefit from the diaper technologies developed by/for the AB/DL community. Peaceful, mutually respectful coexistence can only yield benefits to both. Be nice.
As for the "never accept, always fight" attitude of a particular other community, or perhaps just its admin, I'm going to break my own "be nice" rule just this once and say emphatically, that's stupid. I will give two important reasons why it's stupid. First, we only have so much emotional energy, and we will always have things in our lives which must be fought: unavoidable interpersonal conflicts thrust upon us by others, the various economic and logistical challenges we all face, and for many, dangerous or debilitating medical challenges as well. To say "peace is never an option" to something manageable like incontinence is, in my opinion, a complete waste of one of our most limited and valuable resources, emotional energy. We have to choose our battles wisely. This seems like one of the dumbest places possible to waste it; make peace, make accommodation, and fight the unavoidable battles.
There's another reason I think it's stupid to "avoid diapers at all costs." Surgery and medication are risky, often very risky, as are indwelling catheters, which incidentally have the other attribute of often being downright painful. Add to the risk and discomfort the sometimes staggering financial toll pursuing treatment for uncomplicated urinary IC can take, and acceptance becomes a very sensible-looking option. At the very least, those who choose to fight rather than accept should be gracious toward those who choose to accept it and spend their resources on other fights.
And there we've come full circle. Mutual respect and understanding, both between those who choose to wear for pleasure and those who choose to wear to mitigate a challenge, and between those who choose to fight the challenge and those who choose to accept it and adapt, will go such a long way toward making everyone happier, and all our lives more enjoyable. We only get one life; let's focus on making it the best it can be, and not attack one another for the ways in which we choose to do that.
