Too “Young” for Diapers

[Freddie07601]

I can understand the frustration at this but I personally would take it a different way.

It kinda depends on how they say things like that (inflection, expression etc.) But I would take it that they are basically saying "hey you're young enough that some of the other solutions/fixes are more likely to take hold and be effective now rather than later in life". Basically they are assuming that wearing a diaper is much more of an issue/inconvenience for you than you actually find it to be and that you would be happier without them.

In a way they are sort of suggesting that there could be a corrective procedure or alternative that you might want to consider or they could look in to, and saying that if you took it now while you are young enough for it to work well might provide you with more freedom and a better quality of life now while you are still young enough to enjoy it. It is after all their job to consider ways to enhance the quality of life for their patients where possible and they are concerned that having to wear a diaper is more of a detriment to your quality of life.

Also...

OMG, don't get me started! I had to put up with that show for years as a kid, my mum LOVED it she has all of Laura Ingall's books too.

Michael Landon, who played Charles Ingalls on "Little House," was a bedwetter until he was 12 years old. He had a very stressed childhood

 

[stareegirl]

Well nursing homes have no shortage of diapers. But that's because an elderly body can get pretty run down . Everything gets slow and nonfunctional.
It's an 'embarrassing' inevitable.

Maybe those doctors were trying to spare you the 'indignation' and 'shame' of having to use diapers with more 'dignified' options such as catheters, double voiding, incontinence pads or medication.

The wording offends me too. I'd ask for more open communication. Because it'd be hard not to take that as dubious, rude or possibly offensive.

 

[greatlake5]

I don't know why some people try to avoid telling a doctor exactly what they think. I love my doctor. Mainly because he listen. He has known me since I was a kid. I always talk to him strait just like he does. I would think that it's about time to tell him it irritates you and why. Be respectful but let him/her understand.

 

[Freddie07601]

I don't know why some people try to avoid telling a doctor exactly what they think. I love my doctor. Mainly because he listen. He has known me since I was a kid. I always talk to him strait just like he does. I would think that it's about time to tell him it irritates you and why. Be respectful but let him/her understand.

Many of us have lived a lifetime of seeking approval from others, including our medical professionals. This is often exhausting and unsuccessful. It's almost like a new birthday when we decide that our own approval will be enough.

My big "aha" moment came when a nurse practitioner who specialized in diabetes care started being inappropriately parental. I found the courage to address the issue with her an also with my PC.

 

[newt]

I don't know why some people try to avoid telling a doctor exactly what they think. I love my doctor. Mainly because he listen. He has known me since I was a kid. I always talk to him strait just like he does. I would think that it's about time to tell him it irritates you and why. Be respectful but let him/her understand.

I have no problems doing that for work. I actually enjoy it.

But in the moment it’s not really worth it especially when they’re just random doctors I have no past or future relationship with. Whether I explain it or not I’m not going back to them. So why waste my time?

 

[sledder23]

I’ve read a few medical journals dealing with the approaches recommended for incontinence. In many cases, when a patient doesn’t want to go through behavioral modification, pharmacotherapy, or lastly surgery, diapers/pads/collection systems are recommended for management.

I’ve worked hard on behavioral modification to slow the progression of diabetes and was hoping the urge incontinence would respond, but it didn’t. I’m otherwise healthy now with normal to pre-diabetic numbers, but my incontinence persists. I’m not going the prescription route, and I’m not going to consider surgery for a “bladder pacemaker”. Diapers work great for my incontinence and my busy lifestyle. I’m in my mid-forties and my doctor said he’d always help with the next approach if I reconsidered. For now, I’m just going to live life and keep careful tabs on my health. I’m not too young to be in diapers. They’re just the most practical solution to my incontinence after having been checked out for co-morbidities associated with diabetes. If anything changes, my doc will be the first to know.

 

[newt]

I’m with you @sledder23 . I’ve tried oxybutynin, myrbetric, and Gemtesa. None really helped but oxybutynin actively made me feel like my brain was in a fog. So I’m never gonna try an anticholingeric again, especially with the dementia risk. And I still go to my pelvic floor therapist once a month and do the exercises. that’s about what I’m willing to do right now.

But this med student today kept saying medication is the best option. And if oxybutynin didn’t work another anticholingeric would even after telling her the side effects for me. Finally had to tell her I’d rather be in diapers than have dementia. She wanted to help and was nice but wasn’t what I needed.

I don’t go to my PCP for IC management. I go for general wellness checks and for a referral to a specialist if necessary.

 

[greatlake5]

I have no problems doing that for work. I actually enjoy it.

But in the moment it’s not really worth it especially when they’re just random doctors I have no past or future relationship with. Whether I explain it or not I’m not going back to them. So why waste my time?

Your right. Probably a waste of time. But sometimes when you get enough irritation you just have to let them know. I'd first tell her, then smile and wink as you leave the office.

 

[newt]

Your right. Probably a waste of time. But sometimes when you get enough irritation you just have to let them know. I'd first tell her, then smile and wink as you leave the office.

You’re right about letting them know. I got the vibe the med student was genuinely trying to help, but probably wasn’t experienced enough with dealing with patients to say things the right way so I didn’t want to make her feel bad.

Absolutely should have said something to the dermatologist I mentioned. That one was way out of line. Regret not saying anything. And I almost certainly would say something if a urologist said something like that because that’s horrible to say in a field where this is common.

 

[Deleted member 76979]

I get it. I do. I think doctors have a stigma about wearing diapers. But for me personally it’s better than medication which has adverse side effects for me and catheters. But every person is different and I recognize that.

 

[spastkchild]

My mom loved Little House on the Prairie growing up. Hadn’t thought of Charles Ingalls in a LONG time but couldn’t help but laugh at the reference!

Yeah, fun fact -- "Charles Ingalls" (Played by the great Michael Landon BTW) had bedwetting issues when he was young. So, if the doc was like him, they would have more compassion!

 

[NotTheAverageMan]

For the second time in about a year I had a doctor tell me I was “too young” for diapers. I don’t know why these comments frustrate me so much but you’d think doctors would have better bedside manners.

And I know it’s not a generational thing. The first time was an older dermatologist who was looking at a mole on my lower back, saw the diaper, and then said that. But the one I saw today for my annual physical was a medical resident filling in for my normal PCP who was out sick.

She referred me to a new urologist and nephrologist because I was “too young to be in diapers and they could help if the others couldn’t.” It’s weird because she was actually very nice, very helpful, and sounded like she will be a good and caring doctor but still made that comment.

Anyone else deal with these types of comments? Maybe not the “too young for for diapers” but other comments from doctors that irk you. And how did you respond? Because I know I failed the test both times if I should have made a comment back after hearing it.

I had the same comments coming from my continence nurse, when we discussed the application for diapers filled by my hospital. “You are too young to suffer from this, and needing diapers” she said it multiple times during our discussions about which products I would need.
it really pissed me off getting these comments, she should know better than this.

 

[Pino]

I’ve read a few medical journals dealing with the approaches recommended for incontinence. In many cases, when a patient doesn’t want to go through behavioral modification, pharmacotherapy, or lastly surgery, diapers/pads/collection systems are recommended for management.

I’ve worked hard on behavioral modification to slow the progression of diabetes and was hoping the urge incontinence would respond, but it didn’t. I’m otherwise healthy now with normal to pre-diabetic numbers, but my incontinence persists. I’m not going the prescription route, and I’m not going to consider surgery for a “bladder pacemaker”. Diapers work great for my incontinence and my busy lifestyle. I’m in my mid-forties and my doctor said he’d always help with the next approach if I reconsidered. For now, I’m just going to live life and keep careful tabs on my health. I’m not too young to be in diapers. They’re just the most practical solution to my incontinence after having been checked out for co-morbidities associated with diabetes. If anything changes, my doc will be the first to know.

I am very close to that statement, 48 now, incontinent for about five years now. In the very first beginning my family doctor told me something like "there are ways to prevent diapers", but since i have done all usual treatments, incl. Botox, there is not discussing left over. All doctors accept as soon as they the diagnosis from the "Continence Clinic" and the three UDMs i did. The pacemaker is an option for when i am older and less active for me.

 

[surprise35]

My urologist made a comment close to this once, I was only wearing a thin, discreet cloth-back one from a pharmacy (can usually wear these in the day) but still he was not supportive in the least. I have had prostate issues in the past so I still see him once a year or so (to check PSA levels) but find his incontinence knowledge useless, he pressures me to try self-catheter myself but that is always a nightmare.
This leads me to not really trust him which isn't good either, trying to find a new family doctor that I can trust more and be more honest about my incontinence issues.

 

[newt]

My urologist made a comment close to this once, I was only wearing a thin, discreet cloth-back one from a pharmacy (can usually wear these in the day) but still he was not supportive in the least. I have had prostate issues in the past so I still see him once a year or so (to check PSA levels) but find his incontinence knowledge useless, he pressures me to try self-catheter myself but that is always a nightmare.
This leads me to not really trust him which isn't good either, trying to find a new family doctor that I can trust more and be more honest about my incontinence issues.

I have been astounded by urologists lack of practical understanding of IC management. I do understand, a lot of their job is to identify and, if possible, resolve any issues that cause the IC to begin with. But I get the feeling that a lot of IC issues, if not most, are not easily fixed with a procedure or two.

So they offer meds which may lessen, but not necessarily resolve the issues. Or botox/interstim with treats and manages, but never cures the problem. Or recommend catheters as an alternative to diapers. None of these things really reduce the need for diapers, especially at the beginning of treatments. Meds/botox might stop the need eventually, but not right away. So you'd still need diapers until they kick in.

Which is why you'd think urologists would as least be sympathetic to, and have a good, basic knowledge of brands and types of diapers to recommend in the interim while they look for effective treatments. But none of the urologists, at least that I've spoken to, knew any brands other than depends. I asked a urologist about what is good for rash prevention, as I was new to diapers and didn't have the routine down, and he had to google it. I know he's not a dermatologist, but when I assume a good number of patients come for IC issues, you'd at least have some experience and knowledge.

If I am giving them the benefit of the doubt, I'd say that because most people come in, probably extremely nervous and worried about the IC and diaper issues. And so they see the raw fear of diapers in their patients eyes. And from that, they probably assume nobody would ever choose diapers as a main option. But on the flip side, I'd say that diapers are the treatment option that provide the least financial gain for them, as in-house treatments like botox and interstim make them money, as do payments from pharma corps to push their meds.

 

[DarkWolf]

I guess with young(er) people, Doctors and specialists prefer to find a cure for what causes the IC, because of the stigma that rests on diapers (sadly).
They should listen to you if you prefer diapers over an invasive, and possibly risky procedure in my opinion. You're the one who should decide what's being done to your body, not them.

 

[CheshireCat]

The majority of doctors are mediocre diagnosticians at best within their field of expertise.
The majority of doctors have no bedside manners, which is another way of saying they lack social skills.
The majority of doctors believe everything the pharmaceutical companies publish.
The majority of doctors do not hesitate to comment on health issues outside their field of expertise.
The majority of doctors either do not know or will not state the side effects of treatment to a patient.

The majority of patients believe everything their doctor tells them.

When one is given a diagnosis for something serious, one generally asks for a second opinion... just in case. Doctors often present their opinion based on "expertise and/or experience", but it's really based on their diagnostic skills or lack thereof. That's why misdiagnoses occur.

Incontinence is not an age problem. If a doctor makes a comment about about your incontinence and it's not within their purview, you should give a curt reply stating that as your chart shows, you are under the care of an excellent urological team.

 

[Calico]

I had a experience when a doctor saw a diaper on me after I had been trying to hide it but she saw the top of it. She asked me about it and I said I like wearing them. She said "okay then" and moved on.

So I had the opposite experience. I was just honest about it.

 

[JDCH]

It's a poor choice of wording that puts the patient on the defensive, particularly if the doctor is not well versed in the history of a particular patient. Assume the best intentions here but also maybe take a moment to educate. The person in this case is a resident. A baby doctor. Not to be confused with a doctor for babies. This is a teachable moment where you can give them a brief rundown on how you got here, what has been tried, what has failed, etc... It is also an opportunity to educate him or her that about 50 per cent of people who have some form of incontinence are not senior citizens and a good chunk are in their 20s and 30s. Finally, remind the doctor that retailers have made a lot of shelf space available for incontinence products, something they would not do unless there was sales figures to show that people are buying them.

 

[newt]

I had a experience when a doctor saw a diaper on me after I had been trying to hide it but she saw the top of it. She asked me about it and I said I like wearing them. She said "okay then" and moved on.

So I had the opposite experience. I was just honest about it.

I’m not sure if I’d call that the opposite experience but I’m glad it went well for you!